See Me

by Higgins, Wendy

  He wanted to push the buttons and know what they each did, so I gave him a brief tutorial before pushing play. My nearly fourteen-year-old face filled the screen.

  He laughed and pointed. “Blazes, ‘tis you Robyn!”

  I laughed, too, mostly out of embarrassment about my badly chopped bangs in the video. And, oh geez, was that a pimple on my chin? Would it have killed me to wear some make-up?

  “Almost four years ago,” I said.

  We watched for several hours, cracking up laughing about some of the silliness, especially things that Cassidy said whenever she’d video bomb. I’d forgotten about a lot of it. But the best part about the video was watching McKale’s reaction. He stared, riveted, leaning toward the screen. Sometimes he would nod in response to the on-screen me, or say something under his breath. He was oblivious to anything else.

  In retrospect I can say it was during those hours of video-watching under the tree that I fell in love with McKale. As he watched me transform from an awkward new teen to a young woman on the screen, I watched him change from a jaded young man to a man who realized he’d been wanted all along.

  I watched him heal, and I knew he finally saw the truth—finally saw me.

  It was dusk when the video ended. He sat with his knees up, looking around at the gifts, understandably overwhelmed. He shook his head and ruffled his hair.

  “I don’ know what to say, Robyn. I…”

  “It’s okay. You don’t have to say anything.”

  “But I do.” He spread his arms at the display of things around us. “I never thought… If I’d had any notion…”

  “I know. I just wish I could have written you or something. And I didn’t expect you to do anything like this.” I motioned toward the gifts. “I know bindings are for the bloodlines, but it’s hard to spend every day growing up with parents like mine and not hope for that kind of happiness.”

  He turned to face me where we sat, placing us closer with our legs touching.

  His voice was quiet and hesitant. “Do ye think ye could find that happiness with me, Robyn?”

  I held his hazel eyes. My feelings for him had grown exponentially in the past few days. I cared for him now. We still had a long way to go, and obvious obstacles to overcome, but I was filled with hope.

  “I think I could,” I whispered. “But it’ll only work if we both want it.”

  He didn’t answer, and his face was so serious. In the next breath McKale bridged the space between us, his warm mouth on mine. His hands held each side of my face. I reached up and held his forearms until he pulled away just enough to see my eyes. We sat there, reading each other and savoring our prospects.

  “I’ve found more happiness since ye came along than e’er before in my life. For the first time I look forward to the future. I still can’t believe me own luck.”

  Luck of the Irish. I let out a rattled laugh of emotion, but McKale frowned at me.

  “Are ye sad?” He swiped the back of his fingers up my cheeks.

  “No. I’m happy.” My chin trembled as I said it and I realized I was crying. I’d never cried happy tears in all my life. I never understood how joy could make someone cry. It was unnatural, like the way the sun sometimes shone through the clouds while it rained. Apparently I required profound, blissful relief in order to trigger a tearful response. And clover kisses.

  A light pattering of rain began to tinker around us. We hurriedly packed up my laptop and returned all of the gifts to the bin. Instead of leaving right away, we opened the umbrella and sat under it together, eating. And kissing.

  Now I knew why romantics listened to love songs and gushed about stories with happy endings. There was exhilaration in such sweetness. Feeling like this made me see the world differently.

  It was after sundown as we jogged the long way around the portal back to the village. We slowed our pace once we heard music playing in the distance and saw light from bonfires in the clearing.

  “Will you dance with me tonight?” I asked him.

  He answered with a shy grin. “Aye.”

  I was eager to get to the party. A twinge of magic zapped me in the torso. McKale and I stopped mid-step. My eyes scanned the darkened field with dread as mist wet our faces and hair. My heart pounded so hard I was certain McKale could hear it next to me. I couldn’t see anything out there. The portal was still invisible.

  “Nothing there,” he whispered, still staring out into the blackness. “Perhaps someone shifted.” But he sounded unsure and his Adam’s apple dipped and rose when he swallowed. I stepped a little closer to him, wishing he didn’t have to carry the bin so we could hold hands.

  “Let’s get out of here,” I whispered.

  The twinge of magic had been an unwelcome reminder of the girl from another realm, lying in wait. I didn’t fool myself into believing she’d be a gracious loser when she found out about McKale and me. But the question was, what would she do about it? I stared in the general direction of where the portal was as we passed it, feeling with each step that we were dodging bullets and jumping land mines.

  Maybe it was time to search for a four-leaf clover. Or a whole field of them. I was going to need all the luck I could get.

  IT WAS STRANGE TO part ways with McKale and watch him carry the bin away. The blue container had been a constant part of my life for so long, and now it was going home where it belonged.

  I went back to my room and was surprised to see Cassidy in bed. She stirred when I came in, rolling over and shoving something under the covers.

  “Still tired?” I asked her.

  She nodded and rubbed her eyes. “What time is it?”

  “As if I know.” I laughed. “What were you looking at?”

  She sat up and shrugged.

  “Show me.”

  “It’s nothing,” she insisted, pulling out a small item I recognized as her pocket calendar. “I’ve been keeping track of the date. Do you know your birthday’s only six days away?”

  “Yeah, I know.” My insides leapt with nervous energy at the reminder. I plopped myself down next to her and we both laid back.

  “You okay, Cass?”

  “I don’t know.”

  I took her hand and we continued to stare up at the low thatched rafters.

  “What are you thinking about?” I asked.

  “A lot of things.”

  “Please don’t be sad. Especially about me. I think everything’s going to be okay.”

  She waved it off and cleared her throat. “How did it go when you gave him the gifts?”

  I rolled toward her, curling up and smiling into her shoulder.

  “It was amazing,” I whispered.

  “Really?” I could hear the happiness in her voice. “Finally.”

  “Everyone outside is dancing and stuff. Will you come with me?”

  She shrugged and said, “I guess.”

  “I wish Rock could come,” I whispered.

  “You do?”

  “Yes. He’s fun, and he makes you happy.” I touched the tip of her nose. “I do want you to be happy, even if I worry. Now, come on.”

  We struggled out of her bed and got ready, pulling our hair back in ponytails. We walked out to the open area where a light rain still fell, finding McKale sitting with our parents. He stood when he saw me, and his face lit up.

  “Whoa,” Cassidy whispered as we approached them. “Must have been a really good date.”

  When we got to the table I stretched up to kiss McKale on the cheek before taking his hand. My family appeared ready to burst into a round of applause. Instead, Dad stood and announced he would get us all a round of mead. Cassidy made a face, sticking out her tongue.

  “I’m sick of that stuff. I’d kill for a soda.”

  “Sorry, chickadee. I’ll get you some water.” Dad walked off with a grin.

  “Ready to dance?” I asked McKale.

  He kicked a small tuft of grass. “I’m no’ the best o’ line-dancers.”

  “We’ll get th
rough it together. Come on.”

  I tugged his hand toward the dance formation. It was the middle of a song and the dancers were holding hands in a circle, moving back as they lowered their arms, and moving in as they lifted joined hands to the sky. When we stepped into the circle of dancers, a few people started clapping, and soon the entire clearing of Chaun broke into cheers. McKale’s grip tightened on my hand. They were cheering for us.

  It was mine and McKale’s first time dancing in front of the Chaun as a couple. Our first true appearance together. Seeing their expressions of relief and joy made me realize they’d been worried that McKale and I weren’t hitting it off. So much was riding on our union. Seeing us hand-in-hand brought the clan’s hopes to the surface.

  Emotion swelled inside me as McKale and I took our places among them. Every person who wasn’t dancing circled around us, clapping in sync.

  Brogan stood with my family, and even from a distance I could see firelight reflecting the moisture in his eyes. This was the confirmation they’d all been waiting for, and I was glad to give it. Maybe I was biased, but as I linked hands with my betrothed and we stepped in tune to the music, I was certain it was the happiest dance ever performed. Despite his worries, he moved lithely, full of grace. And the way he captured my eyes… there was no way anyone watching could doubt what had grown between us. Especially as the dance ended and he tilted his head down for a kiss, which was met with a round of hooting from the clan.

  Leilah and Rachelle came running over afterward, and I embraced them.

  “By glory!” Leilah whispered in my ear. “I’ve never seen our McKale so sure of himself! A lucky lad, he is.”

  Brogan climbed atop a table and belted out, “Well, Leprechauns! It looks as though we’re going to have ourselves a binding!”

  Raucous cheers bellowed and I smiled up at McKale as that roller-coaster sensation wooshed through my body.

  “Leon Mason!” Brogan shouted. “As the father of the binding female, you shall name the date.”

  Daddy looked at me. I nodded, though nervous energy ratcheted under my skin.

  “Six days from now!” Dad announced in a loud, clear voice.

  “Six days it is!” Brogan lifted his glass and the clan raised theirs with him. “Here, here!”

  “Here, here!” the clan chanted.

  Oh, wow. Oh, gosh. Oh, shitballs. Six days.

  One by one, Chaun members and village women approached us, kissing our hands and hugging us. In that moment, I admitted to myself I’d been harboring mild negative feelings toward the majority of McKale’s people. It bothered me how McKale was treated, and how they seemed to think women were lesser in many ways. But with each well-wish received, hurtful emotions shed away into forgiveness, leaving behind fresh, new sentiments.

  My family was the last to embrace us. Dad held me close and kissed my head.

  “You’ll always be my baby girl,” he whispered. I swallowed hard and squeezed him in return.

  Mom and Cassidy cried. Shocking, I know. But I understood their happy tears now. I knew love was bursting inside their hearts for McKale and I, and it made me adore them more than ever.

  Heavy, celebratory drinking ensued that night. Even after I headed off to the bungalows with Cassidy, we could still hear slurred singing drifting up the path.

  “Somebody’s in love,” Cass teased. “Two somebodies, actually.”

  I wanted to respond that there’d been no L-word action, but something in her voice was off. Her smile felt forced, and none of her usual amusement filled her words. She seemed fragile. We entered our room and closed the door, lighting the gas lamp. I needed to be gentle with her.

  “What’s going on, Cass? Talk to me.”

  She swallowed hard and blinked. Her hair was matted to her head from the rain earlier in the night. I’m sure I looked just as pleasant.

  “I’m just tired.” She concentrated on changing out of her damp clothes.

  “It’s something more than that.”

  She didn’t answer me, choosing instead to climb into bed.

  “No, I’m seriously so tired. I’m just going to sleep, and when I wake up, everything is going to be okay.”

  Before I could attempt to get to the bottom of the issue, a weird buzzing and flapping noise came from outside our door.

  “What the hell is that?” Cassidy sat up in bed with wide eyes. We stared at the door.

  It continued, and we both jumped to our feet.

  “Sounds like… a bird or something,” I said. A really large bird. Cracking the door, I peeked out into the darkness with Cassidy looking over my shoulder. I reeled when I heard the flapping again, but it was further away now. We opened the door enough to step out and look around. A small, hazy green form disappeared into the dark trees. Faint, high-pitched cackling sounded from within the nearby forest. I stared out, frozen, but Cassidy grabbed my wrist and tugged me back into the room, slamming the door behind us. We both leaned against it, breathing hard.

  “That was one of those creepy little pixie things, wasn’t it?” Cassidy asked.

  “No way.” I had no idea why I was denying it when we both knew that’s exactly what it had been.

  “Freaky Fae Girl has a spy,” she said.

  My stomach churned, threatening to send up all the mead inside.

  “I hate her,” I whispered.

  “I do, too. Let’s kick her ass. Two against one.”

  “Don’t even joke,” I said, feeling queasy.

  “You’re scared of her.” The realization seemed to shock Cassidy, and she grabbed my hand.

  I’d never admitted fear, but I couldn’t deny it. We both knew that the FFG could take away everything I loved and royally screw up our lives if she had the notion. I was glad Cass didn’t say anything trite about how it would all be okay and there was nothing to fear.

  “McKale loves you.”

  Those cozy words made me close my eyes. I wanted him to love me. My heart was definitely headed in that direction, and I didn’t want to go alone. “Maybe,” I whispered.

  “He hasn’t said it?”

  “No.”

  “Well, it was all over his face tonight. I’m happy for you, Robyn. So happy.”

  Again with the sad voice, despite her sweet words. Something was off, but I was afraid to push her anymore tonight. She would likely clam up and get mad.

  I lay my head on her shoulder and she leaned her head against mine. We stayed like that until it was clear the pixie wasn’t coming back, and then we climbed into our beds. Cassidy hadn’t been lying about being tired. She fell right to sleep.

  She didn’t even wake when a gust of wind blew our door open. We must not have shut it all the way. I leapt from the bed with my heart in my throat, groping in the dark for the swinging door. I closed it hard and pushed my heavy suitcase in front of it. While I tossed and turned all night, afraid of monsters outside, Cassidy slept hard, even snoring at times.

  I hoped she was okay. My world felt off kilter when Cass wasn’t well.

  At some point that night my body’s exhaustion overrode my mind’s fears. I woke in the morning to the sound of Cassidy whispered cussing in our bathroom. She shuffled out and sat on her bed, leafing through her mini-calendar again.

  “Hey, chickadee.”

  She jumped at the sound of my sleepy voice.

  “What are you doing?” I asked.

  Cass let out a derisive laugh and rubbed her temples. “I don’t know. I think… maybe… ugh! Never mind.”

  “You think what? Tell me.” I sat up and took out my hairband, smoothing my hair back into another ponytail. She dropped her hands and looked right at me.

  “The Clourichaun can’t, like, reproduce or whatever, right?”

  A sickening dread filled me and the world seemed to stop.

  “No. Why? Is your period late?”

  “Yeah,” she whispered. “Four days.”

  We stared at each other. Cassidy and I were never late. We were like the clo
ckwork sisters.

  “I’ll be right back,” I said, jumping up.

  “Where are you going? Don’t tell Mom and Dad!”

  “I’m not. I’m getting McKale.”

  I ran from the room in my pajamas and bare feet with my heart threatening to beat out of my chest. I only saw one other person, so it must have been super early. Crap, I had to feed the animals! I sprinted and almost tackled Leilah and Rachelle as they came around the corner. I panted, leaning down with my hands on my knees.

  “I’m going to be a little late on my chores.” I felt light headed. They eyed me like I was a scary sight.

  “Don’ worry, miss Robyn. We’ll take care of the lot this mornin’. Ye just relax now.” Leilah patted my arm and they ambled off to work.

  “Thank you,” I called.

  I made it to McKale’s room and knocked on his door. He answered after a minute, shirtless with half his hair sticking up. He attempted to flatten out the mess of red when he saw that I was his visitor.

  “Wha’ happened?”

  “Can you come with me?” I whispered, wishing I didn’t sound so frantic. “I can’t talk about it out here.” He nodded and left the door open while he flew around his room, throwing on a shirt and scooping a handful of water to tame his hair. I waited outside the door with my arms crossed.

  Cassidy couldn’t be pregnant. She was under a lot of stress with this trip: being in a strange place, knowing she’d soon be without her sister, getting involved in a serious whirlwind romance with someone she’d met a month ago. That stuff could have thrown off her body. I did the dates in my head. She would have conceived during one of their first times, if not the very first. What were the chances?

  McKale came out, closing the door, and we rushed to my room where Cassidy waited. Once we were in with the door closed, the three of us stood close so we could keep our voices low. We each crossed our arms over our chests, which might have been comical under different circumstances.

  “The Clour cannot have children, right?” I asked.

  “Tha’s correct.” He looked back and forth between the two of us with a crease in his brow, then his gaze stopped on Cassidy and his forehead smoothed. “Ah.”