“I don’t have any feelings for Jackson. I haven’t since the day you and I met. For you to doubt that is just…well, it’s horrifying.”
I placed my other hand on her cheek—it was ice cold. “I’m an asshole. Please forgive me.”
I kissed her cheek and could feel her smile ever so slightly. I kissed the other cheek and then went back to the first. She let out a laugh.
“C’mon, let’s go somewhere warm. I have more groveling to do.”
“My place is only a few blocks away,” she said, squeezing my hand. We walked in silence back to her apartment. I didn’t stay the night or say a thing about Tokyo. I’d already put my foot in my mouth so many times. I was too afraid to discuss something so important. I didn’t trust myself not to say something stupid. And so I put it off, figuring there had to be a better day to discuss it.
But I was wrong. So very wrong.
Chapter 19
MAREN
I hadn’t spoken to Peter in two days. Even though he’d apologized over and over and sent flowers to my apartment, I told him I just needed some time to cool off. Hypocrisy was more than just a pet peeve of mine; it was something I had no tolerance for, and I wouldn’t allow it in my life. After our fight, I explained why.
I was raised by a hypocrite. Her words were always doused with a heavy dose of profanity, yet she spanked our adolescent butts if we followed her lead. She smoked two packs a day but locked Melody in a closet when she found a pack of cigarettes in her purse. And then she took the cigarettes for herself. She drank every night but expected my sisters and me not to drink a drop until we turned twenty-one. When you’re raised by someone who subscribes to the parenting philosophy of “do as I say, not as I do,” it’s incredibly confusing. And it was the main reason I no longer allowed her to play an active role in my life. Things just never made sense when my mother was a part of it, and when I finally made the decision to keep her at arm’s length, a sense of peace washed over every facet of my life. My sisters soon followed suit, and our family was better for it.
Did that make me heartless? I sure hoped not. And it wasn’t like she was beating down any of our doors, asking to spend quality time with her daughters or grandchildren. Quite the opposite. If I didn’t call her, we didn’t speak. So it was just easier not to have any contact. And my life was more harmonious with the absence of her constant hypocrisy.
I told Peter all this and more, shared dozens of stories from my childhood and young adulthood. He stared at me, looking bewildered that a mother could actually behave that way. He was raised by Valerie McTavish, after all; he didn’t know what it was like to be raised by someone who didn’t share his own moral code. But I did.
If he had been more understanding about my concerns and reactions to Cara, I would never have gotten so angry about his reaction to Jackson. But the reality was that he acted like I was making a mountain out of a molehill. If he had validated my fears about her aggressive behavior, I would be more sympathetic. But he didn’t. And I needed him to understand that.
When a bouquet of stargazer lilies arrived at the shop, Lyra placed them on the counter, and a shadow of annoyance crossed her face. “How long are you gonna punish the poor bastard?”
I hesitated, torn by conflicting emotions. “Am I overreacting?”
“You want the truth?”
“Of course.” I paused. “At least, I think I do.”
“Give the guy a break. I mean, you did blush when Jackson gave you that present. I saw it myself, and I was a little surprised. Quite frankly, if Peter hadn’t confronted you about it, I was going to.”
“I’m not hung up on Jackson.”
“I know that, but it was…unexpected, peculiar. Seeing as I was so caught off guard by it, I can’t even imagine how Peter must have felt.”
“I didn’t mean to do it.” I shrugged, struggling to make sense of such an unintentional thing.
Lyra exhaled. “He’s a good guy, Maren, and now you’ve had your first fight. Don’t let it ruin everything you guys have built together.” Her voice was firm.
“You’re right. I’ll text him.”
Lyra shook her head. “No, he deserves to hear your voice after two days of nothing.”
“You’re right again.”
“You’re welcome.”
“Don’t gloat.” I called Peter, sticking my tongue out at Lyra as it rang.
“Hey,” he said, sounding cheerful. “I didn’t think you’d call.”
“Yeah, well,” I paused, looking at the bouquet, “thanks for the lilies. They’re beautiful.”
“You’re welcome.”
“And I’m sorry.”
“Come again?” I could hear genuine confusion in his voice.
“I, uh… I may have overreacted. A little bit….like a minuscule amount,” I said, pinching the bridge of my nose, my eyes closed tightly. It wasn’t that I was unable to apologize; it just made me feel incredibly uncomfortable. My stomach was in knots, and my lungs felt tight. Even though I knew Peter was happy to hear from me, I still felt terribly uneasy.
“Okaaaayyy,” Peter responded, sounding hesitant to say anything more. And I couldn’t really blame him.
“I mean, I told you all about my mom… I think that’s why I got so angry. Why I flipped out.”
“You had every right to flip out, Mare. I was an ass.”
“Can we just put this behind us? And I promise that if Jackson reaches out to me again, you’ll be the first to know.”
“And if Cara pulls any shit, I’ll do the same.”
“Deal.”
Peter paused for a beat. “Hey, so I was thinking…tonight is yoga, right?”
“Yeah, Bikram. Why?”
“A while back you said you’d like me to try a class.”
“That’s right, I did.”
“So, how about tonight?”
“Are you sure about this?”
“Why not?”
“Bikram’s intense. Maybe you want to try a normal class first?”
“Nah, it’s fine. I’m sure I can handle it.”
I smiled to myself as I spoke. “Okay, then make sure you drink a lot of water. More than you normally drink, okay?”
“Consider it done.” I could hear his smile through his voice.
“See you there?”
“Yeah, just text me the address, and I’ll see you after work.”
I ended the call and my smile broadened at the idea of taking a yoga class with Peter. Lyra joined me at the register, studying me.
“Did I hear that right? Is Peter coming to Bikram?”
I bounced on the balls of my feet. “Yep.”
Lyra laughed, shaking her head. “Poor bastard.”
Peter looked ridiculously hot when he walked into the yoga studio, wearing a Dave Matthews Band T-shirt and loose cotton basketball shorts. His muscular quads and calves were on full display and I couldn’t wait to watch him flex them in various yoga positions. If I had any lingering feelings of anger from our fight, the sight of him today would have erased them completely. It amazed me that he was able to look so ridiculously sexy in such a simple outfit. When he removed his shoes, I was a goner.
Lyra rolled her eyes and handed me a towel. “For the drool.”
“Shut it,” I said, tossing it back in her face. “I mean, look at him.”
“He’s a good-looking guy, I won’t deny it.”
Once he’d taken off his shoes and grabbed a mat, he joined us in the middle of the room, giving me a gentle kiss on the lips.
“So good to see you,” he whispered.
“You too.” I smiled, leaning in for a second kiss. I felt a bottomless peace and satisfaction knowing that we were back to just being us.
He kissed me again and whispered, “I missed you.”
“Me too. The last two days have been awful.”
“I know.” He took my hands in his and squeezed. “Also, it’s hot as balls in here.”
I laughed and accidentally sno
rted. I covered my mouth, mortified.
“Did you just snort?”
I wanted to run out of the room, but instead, I closed my eyes tightly and nodded.
“Happens every once in a while. Don’t be alarmed,” Lyra said. I opened my eyes to catch her winking at Peter.
“No, I loved it,” Peter said, pulling me in for a hug. “Okay, that’s all the contact I can handle. It is way too hot in here.”
“One hundred and five degrees to be exact,” I said with a smile, shifting my weight back and forth slowly to get my muscles ready. “You brought water, right?”
He held up a large army-green metal bottle and grinned. “Where should I put my mat?”
“Next to me,” I said, tipping my head to the side. Peter set up his mat just like Lyra’s and mine. And before we could say another word, Luna turned on the volume of her headset and started to teach. I winked at Peter. “Good luck.”
He gave me a cocky smirk in return, “I think I can handle it.”
And handle it he did. I was proud watching my first-time yoga-practicing boyfriend stretch himself into every position Luna threw at us in the sweltering studio. I especially enjoyed the parts when we turned so I was watching him in his poses. It didn’t happen often, but I certainly enjoyed it.
That all changed, though, with about ten minutes left in the class. Peter’s skin was beet red and his breathing labored. I knew he was struggling but didn’t want to embarrass him. I knew he wanted to get through the class without a problem.
“Everything okay?” I whispered so no one else could hear.
“Yep, fine, just a little nauseous,” he replied, but his voice was shaky.
“Just the toxins coming out.”
“Okay,” He wiped his brow, and I wanted to ask again if he was okay, to see if he was certain, but I decided to drop it, grabbing my water bottle and draining the rest of the thirty-two ounces I’d poured before class. I hadn’t seen Peter take even one sip of water the entire class, other than when Luna gave us a super-fast water break. But even then, he’d only taken a swig and gotten right back on his mat. I had a feeling this wouldn’t end well.
“All right, everyone,” Luna announced as we stepped out of a back bend pose. “Time for rabbit pose.”
We all followed her lead, we placed our knees on the floor and lowered the tops of our heads to rest on the floor as well, lifting our hips high and rolling forward like a wheel as we grabbed our heels. With my head pressed to the mat, I heard a resounding thud next to me. I sat back on my heels to see Peter on his side, eyes closed.
“Oh my God, Peter.” I climbed to my feet and crouched next to him. Lyra joined me on the other side of Peter. I tapped his cheeks. “Peter, Peter, can you hear me?”
In a calm manner, Luna asked another man in the class to help us get Peter out into the hallway to get his core body temperature down. Lyra ran to the restroom to get some wet paper towels and met us on the bench. Peter woke up just as we dabbed him with the cool cloths.
“What happened?” he murmured, only opening his eyes briefly before closing them. I dabbed the flimsy towels on his forehead.
“You passed out. We need to get you hydrated and cool you down. Can you take a drink?”
He nodded and opened his mouth slightly. He looked so adorable that a tiny giggle escaped my lips. Lyra rolled her eyes. “You’re ridiculous,” she whispered.
“What? He’s cute. He’s all helpless and lovable.”
“Mm-hmm, keep dabbing him. I’ve got this.” Lyra opened the water bottle and tipped it to give Peter small sips. He was able to get most of it in his mouth but had some water dribbling down his chin.
“Mmmm, that’s yummy,” he said, still in a daze.
“Is this water or vodka?” Lyra asked, her words doused in sarcasm. “He sounds drunk.”
“He’s so dehydrated his brain is all loopy.”
“Oh, I know. I’m just surprised; I know you told him to drink enough before coming.”
“I can feel my heartbeat in my throat,” Peter said.
“Oh, I know that feeling,” Lyra said. “You’re a trouper, my friend.”
“Please don’t be mad at me, Maren,” Peter whispered between sips. His eyes were fully open, but his voice was still slurred. “I love you.”
“I’m not anymore, you crazy man. Why didn’t you drink enough water?”
“I don’t know… Busy day, I guess. I meant to; I just forgot.”
“Are you starting to feel a little better.”
He nodded. “Maren?”
“Yes, Peter?”
“Do I have to go back in there?”
Lyra and I cracked up.
“What?” he asked, sounding genuinely confused.
“Sorry, no, you don’t. I promise.”
“Okay, that’s good.” He smiled before sipping more water while I dabbed his neck, his ears, and the back of his head. The red tone of his skin was calming down, and his eyes looked brighter. He was coming back to us. “Can I have some ice cream?”
“What about an electrolyte popsicle?” A staff member walked over to us, holding a box of frozen treats. “Best to avoid dairy right now until his system returns to normal. We keep these in the freezer specifically for new Bikram students.”
“Grape, please,” Peter said, still sounding like a little boy. It was endearing and sweet, and I knew he’d be mortified by the time he finished that popsicle. But I hoped he wouldn’t be. I loved seeing him so vulnerable, sweet, and innocent. It was precious, and a memory I knew I would treasure, even if I teased him mercilessly for it. Lord knows Lyra would.
“Oh man, that tastes good. Wow,” Peter said before popping the cold treat back into his mouth. “I’m starting to feel a little more normal.”
“Good,” I said, smoothing his hair as he sucked on the popsicle. He didn’t seem embarrassed, which I loved. “You know, this happened to me once.”
“Yeah?” His eyes brightened. It always feels good to know you’re not the only one.
“That’s right,” Lyra agreed, “it was your second class, right, Maren?”
“Yep, my first class went so well that I got cocky. I didn’t drink enough, and I totally passed out only twenty minutes in.”
The employee popped her head around one more time. “Happens all the time.”
Peter’s posture improved, and I could see that he was more alert. “This is going to sound weird, but I feel amazing now.”
“All those toxins are gone. And you’ve got some major endorphins going on. It’s awesome, isn’t it?” Lyra asked. “Why do you think we’re so addicted?”
“Maybe I’ll have to give it another try after all.”
“Just promise me you’ll drink water… Better yet, eat a few of these on your way to class,” I giggled, pointing to the popsicle in his hand.
Peter laughed, running a hand through his hair. “Deal.”
Chapter 20
PETER
On New Year’s Eve, Maren and I celebrated with Lyra and her professor boyfriend, Hudson, at an exclusive party downtown. Hudson knew the owner of the club and host of the party, so we were able to take advantage of unlimited drinks and food while ringing in the new year. Maren wore a sequined tank top and black pants and, quite frankly, she’d never looked sexier. It was hard for me to take my hands off her all night.
Things were better. We’d pushed past the tension and were both excited to bring in the new year together. I ignored the feeling in the pit of my stomach that I needed to tell her about Japan. But if I was being honest, I was in no rush for tension to return or for new conflict to develop between us. I figured a little white lie wouldn’t hurt anyone. I would simply wait until I returned to work in a few days to break the news to her. She would assume I had just learned the news, and I wouldn’t contradict her assumption. Was it wrong? Yes. Did I feel guilty? Of course. But it seemed like the easiest way to break the news without her wondering why I kept it from her for days. And so that was my plan. I w
ould return to work on January second and would ask her to dinner that night to break the news. We would figure it out together, devise a plan to get through those three months, and move forward even stronger as a couple.
That was my plan anyway.
“To our next trip around the sun,” Hudson said, raising his glass of champagne and pulling Lyra closer to him.
“Cheers,” we said in unison.
“I love when the bubbles tickle my nose,” Maren said. This was her third drink, and I knew she was starting to feel it.
“You’re adorable,” I said, kissing her on the nose. She playfully stuck her tongue out at me.
“So, Hudson,” I began, “what’s it like working for the university?”
“It’s great.” He nodded. “I feel like I’m making a difference. Which probably seems weird considering my specialty is library science. But I’m one of those crazy people who worries about libraries becoming extinct.”
Lyra shook her head. “That’ll never happen.”
“I sure hope not,” Hudson said, shaking his head. “But the statistics are saying the opposite. People want their information fast, and they’re using their devices to find it instead of physically going to a library and hunting down the info the old-fashioned way.”
“Sure, but there has to be stuff that our devices simply can’t provide,” Maren challenged him. I loved when she debated with others. Not only was she gorgeous and funny, but she was smart as hell without being pretentious.
“Absolutely, and that’s why I still have a job.” Hudson laughed. “And why Lyra will have one soon, as well.”
Lyra wrinkled her nose and mouthed “sorry” to Maren. Maren shook her head and gripped Lyra’s forearm.
“Girl, stop. You know I want you to follow your dreams.”
“Shit, did I hit a nerve?” Hudson clenched his teeth, looking between the two women.
Melt With Me: A With Me In Seattle Universe Novel Page 18
