French Cuisine Can Kill You

by Rebecca Dunsmuir

  The crowd was stupefied. Everybody had their eyes and mouth wide open.

  "Are you sure this is not a game or something?" asked the same old lady to the man standing beside her. "Uh... I'm afraid not, ma'am," answered the man.

  Two police officers standing by the Hall entrance made their way through the crowd to Delphine Montel. People whispered. When the officers reached the architect, the woman presented her wrists willingly, still smiling. The men put her in handcuffs and escorted her to the exit while people stared, in total disbelief.

  "So, it looks like we have a murderer who admitted what she did and she just got arrested," said the mayor. "There's nothing more to talk about. Meeting adjourned!"

  "Not so fast!" yelled someone, "what about the two of you?"

  The villagers divided all their attention between Barbon and Desplanques.

  Liliane approached the stage and handed something to Amanda. It was the notebook with the stickers. She opened the notebook and showed it to Desplanques.

  "Do you recognize this, Mr. Desplanques?"

  Desplanques looked at the notebook with disdain.

  "This? I don't even know what it is. But it looks like a child's notebook. What's your point, Ms. McBride?"

  Amanda turned to the crowd and waved the notebook above her head.

  "And you, Mr. Barbon, "yelled Amanda, "do you recognize this notebook?"

  "I don't write in kids' notebooks, Ms. McBride. I use proper letters and numbers, you know, I'm a grown up."

  The assembly laughed.

  "Precisely, Mr. Barbon. If you, the mayor, and Mrs. Montel had written in this notebook using proper language and numbers, it would've been too obvious. What you did instead was to create a notebook that looked like it belonged to a child, so that nobody would pay attention to it. But this, what I'm holding in my hands, dear Orvillians, is the proof that the trio Desplanques-Barbon-Montel was putting money together to bribe someone. Someone who would help them to get the casino project approved, because it was a long shot. You knew that the French National Lottery wouldn't approve the casino project so easily, so you had to convince someone working there to approve the project. Am I right, Mr. Marc Durant? Or should I say Patrick Leroy, which is the name on your business card."

  Amanda took the business card Titi had found out of her jeans pocket and displayed it in the direction of the tall man in a black coat who stood in a corner of the room.

  "Very well done, Ms. McBride," said Patrick Leroy. "You could work as a private investigator yourself for the French National Lottery."

  "Thank you, Mr. Leroy. And you certainly know what you're talking about because this is exactly why you're here, right? To investigate this bribe for the casino project? It’s what these initials on your business card mean: A. F. I. for Accounts and Frauds Investigation."

  The tall man looked at the crowd.

  "Ms. McBride is right," answered Leroy. "I work for The French National Lottery, and I'm here because there's an open investigation about a bribe related to the casino project here."

  The whole crowd gasped in unison a sound of stupefaction.

  "Last year," continued the man, "we noticed unusual numbers in some of our accounts. We understood quickly that an employee was involved in something fishy, so we started to watch him. This employee communicated regularly with your mayor to collect money, money that was put together by the mayor himself, Mr. Barbon and Mrs. Montel. This employee had promised them that the casino project would be approved if they paid him a million Euros, and in return they would have a guarantee of doubling their 'investment' within the first year, once the casino opened. The notebook that Ms. McBride is holding is the proof that I needed to complete my investigation. The stickers were used as a code between the three of them to keep track of their payments."

  All the villagers turned in shock to their mayor.

  "What's this children's notebook thing about?" asked the elderly lady to the man. "I don't understand a thing that's going on here. Why are we here?"

  "Oh my God!" answered the man, delighted, "What's going on here is fantastic, Mrs. Bertrand, it's even better than a play!"

  The lady frowned, totally confused.

  "But what about Martin's death?" asked someone in the crowd.

  "It's pretty simple," said Amanda. "At some point, Martin Plouque, who had a nose for this kind of illegal deal figured out the trio's business, and realized that he could make big money out of it himself. So, he blackmailed them. This is when Desplanques, Barbon and Montel agreed to kill Martin Plouque. While working on the site at the castle, Barbon stole pesticides from the landscaper's truck and made a deadly cocktail that he spread on Martin's slice of apple pie. The apple pie that I had cooked. One bite was enough to kill the man. Barbon tried to pin this murder on the young landscaper, Martin Verroyer."

  "That’s ridiculous!” protested Barbon. “You have no proof!"

  "When I left the castle that day, I noticed that you had a rash on your right arm. Pesticides can penetrate your skin, Mr. Barbon, even if you wear gloves, and traces can still be on your body for a while. A simple skin sample analysis will prove this."

  "How could you?" shouted someone at Barbon and Montel, "and I've been voting for you as mayor for twenty years! You filthy criminals!"

  Everybody started to yell in the Hall. Four policemen arrested Charles Desplanques and Auguste Barbon, and escorted them to the exit accompanied by the boos of the villagers who were ready to attack them.

  Patrick Leroy walked to the stage and shook Amanda’s hand. She gave him the notebook.

  "Good job, Amanda,” said the man. “But it could've been very dangerous for you. This is why I tried to warn you. This criminal trio was planning to kill you next."

  Amanda froze. She had been so absorbed in solving this that she had not envisioned for one minute she might’ve been the next target of these criminals.

  "Well, Inspector McBride," said Liliane with a humorous tone, "what about a good meal and a glass of red wine to celebrate the end of a mystery that you solved brilliantly?"

  Liliane and Amanda walked slowly to the exit, surrounded by the crowd. Villagers were thanking 'the little Canadian,' shaking her hands, patting her back. Many people expressed their astonishment for being so gullible about all this.

  Joséphine Perrin, the mayor's assistant, walked by Amanda, who stopped her.

  “Madam, I believe this belongs to you, right? I found it in front of the castle this morning, when walking my dog.” Amanda gave a blue pompom to the assistant. One of the blue pompoms she had noticed on the assistant’s shoes when she had visited the mayor’s office to request a building permit. “But no worries,” whispered Amanda. “Capisce?” She winked.

  Joséphine Perrier put the blue pompom in her pocket and rushed to the exit.

  “What was that about?” asked Liliane to Amanda.

  “Oh, nothing,” answered Amanda simply.

  "So, what's next?" asked Liliane.

  "Next is moving to the castle tomorrow morning and... getting ready for a date with Pierre tomorrow night."

  Liliane got all excited when she heard this news and grabbed her friend's shoulders.

  "Oh my God! We have so much to do. Have you heard the term 'makeover,' Amanda?"

  The little Canadian grimaced.

  "Yes. I've heard this word many times coming out of my best friend Kate's mouth."

  "Well, I don't know this Kate, but I already love her. Honey, sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do!"

  Amanda felt a bit anxious, unsure what these last words implied. But she knew she had to work on some serious improvement regarding her 'look.' Although her appearance had never been her priority, this time she had very good motivation. And this motivation smelled as good as a warm bread, and probably tasted as sweet as apple pie...

  Chapter 49

  A manda was walking in a garden, surrounded by luxurious trees with leaves of a vivid green. She felt peaceful. But as she was walking through th
e garden, she realized that she could not see anything but these trees. What was behind them? Where was she?

  A bird was singing a lovely melody. Amanda raised her head and saw dozens of little birds with multicolored shiny feathers sitting in the trees. Then, the birds and the trees transformed into wallpaper. The same wallpaper that was in Toinette d'Orvilly's bathroom, except it looked brand new.

  Amanda heard a woman humming a cheerful tune. A woman in her fifties was sitting on a little stool in front of Amanda. She was looking at her reflection in the mirror of an ornate vanity cabinet, combing her greying hair into a bun, inserting hairpins delicately. When she noticed Amanda in the mirror, standing behind her, she turned and smiled.

  "Oh, here you are!"

  Amanda was intrigued. She understood she was in Toinette d'Orvilly's private bathroom, but how did she get there? And why was everything in good condition unlike the last time she had visited the bathroom. Who was this woman? Was she—

  "Don't you recognize me?" asked the woman.

  Amanda hesitated before answering. It seemed that her memory was playing tricks on her. Did she really know this woman? She wasn’t sure. She frowned.

  "I'm Toinette. Toinette d'Orvilly."

  The woman stared at her, smiling, waiting for a reaction from Amanda. But Amanda felt lightheaded. Everything was misty in her mind.

  "Welcome to the castle, chérie. You'll love it here. I know that you'll take good care of it."

  Toinette turned back to the mirror and applied some pink blush to her cheeks. She moved her hands with the elegance of a ballet dancer.

  "Did you know that I'd always dreamed of being a ballet dancer, Amanda?"

  Did she read my mind? wondered Amanda.

  Toinette giggled.

  "You did a great job saving us, Amanda. We're all very grateful."

  "Who's 'we?'," asked Amanda.

  "Don't worry too much about this for now, chérie," said the woman while applying lipstick to her lips, "you'll get used to us. I have two favors to ask you though. May I?"

  "Sure? What are they?" asked Amanda.

  Toinette sprayed a cloud of subtle flowery perfume on her neck.

  "To understand us, you have to unveil the mysteries of Orvilly. The mysteries of our castle and its history."

  "Sure... But I don't really understand what you mean."

  Which mysteries was Toinette talking about?

  "You'll understand. Do you like reading?" Amanda nodded. "So, read. There are plenty of books to read in this castle. You're curious and smart, so look around you. Here's my second request: don't be too hard on Jeannette."

  "Jeannette, the horrible cook in the kitchen?"

  Toinette made a face.

  "That's exactly what I mean. Don't be too hard on her. She didn't have an easy life. Will you remember this?"

  "I think..." answered Amanda, unsure.

  "Good. Now, sorry, but I have to go."

  The wallpaper with the birds faded away slowly, and so did Toinette who gave a sweet smile to Amanda, until everything vanished in the air.

  Chapter 50

  S aturday morning felt like the lick of a giant tongue on Amanda's face. Wait. It was one.

  Wake up, wake up, wake up. I'm starving! D'Artagnan was cleaning up Amanda's face at the speed of light.

  "D'Art, no, stop!"

  Amanda sat up in the bed. "Gross!" complained Amanda. "And not a nice way to be woken up."

  Yes, but it worked. The dog was looking at Amanda with a big smile on his face.

  "Gee, d'Art, don't you ever think about anything else but food?"

  Like what? What else is there in life more important than food? The Great Dane was genuinely perplexed.

  Like kicking your ass, thought Bronx with an angry morning look, walking quickly behind the dog in the direction of the bathroom.

  "OK guys, today is the big day. We officially move to the castle. Hooray!"

  Amanda waited for a reaction of joy and victory from her roommates, but one was standing in front of her, silent, and the other one was doing his business, in the bathroom.

  "I love you guys, but sometimes..." Amanda stood up and walked to the cabinet, followed closely by d'Artagnan. She grabbed a big bag. Excited by the smell of breakfast, the Great Dane pushed her and tried to put his head in the bag.

  "Calm down d'Art. You had some of these yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that, remember? It's not like it's brand new to you."

  Amanda poured croquettes into the dog's bowl. D'Artagnan rushed toward it and ate the contents in seconds, as if he had never eaten before in his life. He stopped only once the bowl was perfectly clean.

  Then the dog licked his chops and looked at Amanda. So good! Can I have more?

  Bronx quickly ran behind them and jumped on the windowsill.

  Bronx came back in the room, looking very proud of himself. I left you a surprise in the bathroom! The cat swaggered to his station in front of the middle window and started his observation of Brigadier Street.

  Amanda walked to the bathroom and stopped at the doorframe, pinching her nose.

  "Oh my God! Bronx, what the...? It’s really time that we get out of here!"

  Ah, ah! Surprise! The cat kept his composure, not the least disturbed by the situation.

  D'Artagnan followed Amanda to the bathroom and came back in the bedroom at once. OMG! Is this for real? Man, this cat's poop, will never get used to it. So gross!

  Bronx looked sideways at d'Artagnan. Shut up, big legs, you should talk, you and your gigantic sh—

  Amanda's cell phone rang. She picked it up and set it on hands free to start packing up for the move.

  "I got your text yesterday," said Kate, "congratulations! I'm so proud of you that you got those idiots arrested."

  "Yep, I did! Let me tell you, it was something. At some point, people started to fight in the Hall."

  "So, what was this notebook with the stickers about then?"

  "A record of all the payments the mayor, the construction guy and the architect gave as a bribe to the French National Lottery’s employee. It was quite simple, in fact. The truck sticker was for Barbon, the construction guy, the pen sticker was for Montel, the architect, and the French flag was for Desplanques, the Mayor. The banana stickers represented the money. Each banana was worth 10,000 Euros. The mayor's assistant, Joséphine Poirier, collected the payments and put her initials beside each banana when someone made a payment."

  "But what about the monkey thing, then?" asked Kate.

  "The criminal trio had to reach the bingo, which was represented by the dot-to-dot monkey drawing at the end, in order to obtain the lottery employee's favour: having the casino project approved by the French National Lottery."

  "Holy Moly! That's some expensive bananas. But that's so silly. Why did they choose such a method to track their payments?"

  "Well, they didn't want to leave any digital trace of their payments made in cash, but they also didn't trust each other, especially Montel who hated Barbon. They decided that this system wouldn't attract any attention. It would’ve worked if Joséphine Poirier, the mayor's assistant, hadn't gotten fed up with it. Desplanques had never explained to her what all this was about, but she knew that it was bad business. As she had the same initials as the notary, Jean Perrier, I thought for a while that maybe the notary was in cahoots with the trio too. But when I went to question him and showed him the notebook, he immediately recognized the Joséphine’s signature. And guess what? She was my secret informant, the one who gave me the notebook. I found one of the blue pompoms from her shoe outside the castle, yesterday. Seeing all this laundered money when you live on an assistant's salary isn't worth taking the risk of going to jail. So she decided to do something."

  "Does this mean that this young landscaper who was in jail is free now?"

  "Yes! Antoine Verroyer was released yesterday evening, after the meeting at the Village Hall. I feel so sorry for him. The poor guy spent over a week in jail
because of them. And he had just started his business. When I told him that I'd hire him again and that I'd give him good references without hesitation, he cried."

  "So, the castle renovations can resume?"

  "Yes Ma'am! But not with the same company, of course. I've hired a new team from a city nearby. The work will start on Monday. But today is a big day for us. We're all finally moving to the castle!"

  Bronx was basking in the sun, curled up, his head buried in his belly. You two can move away. I stay here.

  I wish! thought d'Artagnan. The dog was very tempted to push the cat out the open window.

  "That's great news, Amanda. Aren’t you scared about staying in this huge place alone?" asked Kate.

  Amanda pondered for a moment, thinking of the ghosts. "Well, if a woman like Toinette d'Orvilly did, so can I." Amanda looked at d'Artagnan and Bronx. She smiled. "And I won't be alone. I'll have some good companions with me. D'Art will protect me. Right, d'Art?"

  The dog stood up and looked at Amanda.

  Is this about me? What are you saying? Are you talking about me?

  Egocentric dummy... thought Bronx who was about to start a nap.

  "That's great news Amanda, I'm so happy for you. So, now, let's talk seriously. Are you ready for your date? I mean, really ready. Did you do some shopping? Book an appointment in a hair salon? Don't forget to do your nails, you—"

  "Kate, calm down," said Amanda. "My new friend Liliane is on a mission. She's coming with me this afternoon for some shopping in the best stores in the area. She told me that I needed a 'makeover.'"

  "I don't know this Liliane, but I already love her. OK, now that I know you'll be in good hands, I can go back to my two little devils. Good luck for tonight with Pierre. Don't be scared to bring out the sexy in you, girl!"

  Amanda chuckled and hung up. She looked at herself in the mirror of the rustic closet.

  "'Bring out the sexy in me,'" she whispered. "I'm not even sure it's in here..."

  Chapter 51