“It was a long time ago.” We both stared at each other, neither willing to say what needed to be said. I had to get out of there.
“Well, it was really good to see you Colin. Maybe we’ll run into each other again someday…” I stood up, meaning to make my escape. Where the hell is Thomas?
“Wait. Don’t go.” His voice sounded strained and my heart skipped a beat. Ugh!
“I really should…” I met his eyes again and felt that familiar pull.
Suddenly, Thomas made his appearance. I was slightly amused by the look on Colin’s face until Thomas slipped his arms around my waist from behind and pulled me into him in a tight hug. He knew how much I hated that.
Before I’d asked him to come, I made it clear this was a strictly platonic “date.” He was taking it too far and he knew it. I quickly tried to step outside his reach gracefully.
I turned my head and looked up at Thomas’ face. He was smiling, but he had that “about to piss” and “mark his territory” look on his face. Thomas has a beautiful face, sure. He’s got that black Adonis look, if Adonis had gone to prep school and gotten high grades in Flashy and Arrogant. I’d often wished he was as beautiful on the inside as he is in the flesh.
“There you are,” I said, with a too-bright, forced smile. “Are you about ready to go?”
“I haven’t had a chance to dance with you yet…or meet your friends. Who is this?” He surveyed Colin who stood nearby with an unreadable expression. Colin’s sharp blue eyes hadn’t left Thomas’ face and I could sense the tension radiating off of him. Steady. I introduced them.
“Oh. I’m sorry. Colin McShannon, this is Thomas Wainwright.”
Thomas let go of my waist and held his meaty right hand out in Colin’s direction. Colin looked at it for a second before reaching forward. He forced a small smile but I saw the way his jaw clenched.
“Pleasure. How do you know Cami?”
Internally, I rolled my eyes. So damn abrupt.
Thomas looked at me questioningly. I knew he’d ask about the “Cami” on the way home. I didn’t usually allow people to call me that. Colin was the only one who ever called me that and hearing him say it tonight sent a rush of warmth flooding my veins.
“Camilla and I have been dating now for two years,” Thomas said with a grin. I fought the urge to roll my eyes again.
Westarted dating two years ago but we broke up a year ago. Tonight is the first “date” we’d been on since then. But Colin didn’t seem pleased to know any of that so I didn’t clarify. Men and their fucking egos.
I pasted another fake smile and said, “We really should go, Thomas.”
“Okay sexy, whatever my baby wants.” Oh yeah, this is definitely the last “date” Thomas gets to go on with me. The urge to elbow him in the gut was overwhelming. I took a deep breath and braced myself for another goodbye.
“Colin it was lovely to see you. Please tell the happy couple how blessed I feel to have been a part of this.”
“Cami…” His eyes bore into me, a question lingering behind those big blue eyes. They looked breathtaking in the evening light.
Thomas must have sensed the electricity that was surging between Colin and I. He was facing away, tugging on my arm. Now I wanted to kick him in the shins.
“I really have to go Colin. Take care.” I pulled my arm out of Thomas’ grasp and gave him a warning look as I turned. He grinned like an idiot and walked absently a few steps away. Colin seized that opportunity and I felt him brush a hand to my arm.
When I turned back, he stood tall above me, only inches from my face. So close I could smell his aftershave. My mouth watered when he leaned in and brushed his lips close to my ear.
“Meet me by our fountain tomorrow at noon.” I looked at him stunned, our eyes hovering over each others faces.
Straightening my back, I turned and walked away without a reply. It was almost as hard as it was the first time.
COLIN
There were a lot of beautiful women at my brother’s wedding. I’d been pretty jazzed about that earlier, before I even saw Cami. But as soon as I laid eyes on her, all of the feelings I’d had for her back when we were teenagers came flooding back. She was still every bit as beautiful as she was back then…even more so. She wore a strapless cocktail dress made of a silky-looking burgundy fabric. It shimmered across her curves. Yesss…
Her hazelnut hair was curled and the curls fell softly onto her bare shoulders. Her dark olive skin was still flawless and my hands ached as I remembered touching her.
Most beautiful of all were those golden eyes of hers. Her driver’s license and anything else that described her called them brown, but brown didn’t come close to doing her justice. They were quite literally gold like they’d absorbed flecks of the sun.
“Hey, what’s going on with you?” I looked up to see Pat standing over me with a concerned look. I’m six-foot two but Patrick literally stands “over” me. The guy is frickin’ huge.
“Nothing,” I took a long draw of my beer. Maybe I should have some water. My mouth is so freaking dry.
“Right…that wasn’t Camilla I saw you talking to earlier was it?”
“It might have been.” I grunt.
“She’s still as hot as before?” He smirks at me over the rim of his beer. Bastard.
“Yeah, she is.” I could barely swallow my drink. My mouth was so dry I think my fucking tongue was swollen.
“Is she back in town or what?”
I shrugged and Pat laughed, egging me on. “You suck as an actor, Colin. It’s a good thing your father was a rich mobster.”
“Shut the fuck up. He’s your dad too.”
“You still have it bad for her, don’t you?” His tone was serious now.
“I missed her,” I admitted. That was as much as he was getting out of me. The fact was... the answer’s hell yes. I still have it bad.
Camilla was the only girl I’d ever dated that I couldn’t get over. I’m not sure if I’ve ever been in love…but with Camilla, I’m sure I came close.
“Who was the big guy with her?”
I shrugged again. “Her date, I guess.”
“She’s not married then?”
“I guess not.”
“Then what are you moping about dumbass? If she doesn’t have a ring on her finger, there’s still hope for you. Maybesomeonewill take you!” He cocks his head to the side, his eyes boring into me. I hate when he does that.
“You sure do spout a lot of romance advice for a confirmed bachelor.”
Pat grinned. “I’m older and wiser than you; you should listen to your elders.”
I shuddered and he perked up. “What?”
“Nothing. That just sounded like something dad would say.” I cringe immediately. That was too much.
“You sure know how to ruin an evening, don’t you?” His tone is sharp and I feel a pang of guilt. He strides away before I get a chance to apologize. My father was a sore subject with all of us these days. I may have punched him if he told me the same thing.
I finished my beer just as I heard them announce the dollar dance. I fished the handful of bills I’d brought with me out of my suit jacket and went to wait my turn to dance with Kenya. My brother is a lucky guy. Kenya is not only gorgeous, but she’s smart and personable and she has one of those personalities that draws people in and holds them there.
When it was my turn, I put one hand around Kenya’s waist and took her other hand in mine. She smiled at me as we began to dance.
“So, was your wedding everything you dreamt it would be?” I said.
She looked like she would burst with excitement as she said, “And then some. So far, it’s been the best day of my life.”
“Good. You look beautiful and you make my brother sickeningly happy.” She laughed.
I brace myself to ask her. “Can I ask you a question, Kenya?”
“Of course.”
“Does your family have a problem with you and Shane?”
“They did at first,” she said with a deep sigh.
“Because he’s white?”
She smiled. “Actually, no! My father told me long ago that the man I brought home could be purple for all he cared, as long as he treated me well and made me happy. No, their problem with Shane was with where he came from, I’m afraid to say.”
“A McShannon. My father... casts a long shadow. What changed their mind about him?”
“Shane did. He didn’t just throw his hands up and walk away from them…and he also didn’t bend over and kiss their asses. Shane is who he is because of how he grew up. I wouldn’t change a thing about him. Once my family got to know him they realized that some people are just born with strength of character that sets them apart from who people expect them to be. Shane is one of those people.”
“If you say so,” I said with a grin and Kenya laughs.
“Can I ask you one more question?”
“Sure.”
“You’re good friends with Camilla Frazier?”
She looked surprised at my mention of Camilla’s name. I guess that means Cami never talked about me to Kenya. That irritates me for some reason.
“Yes.We talk a few times a month. Why?”
“Do you know who the man is that was with her tonight?”
“Yeah Thomas. He’s her ex-boyfriend…”
“Ex?”
“Yes. If I’m remembering correctly, they broke up about a year ago.” That was like music to my ears. “Why all the interest in Camilla?”
“We used to date in high school, before she moved away.”
“Oh wow, small world,” she says with a small smirk.
“Yeah, that’s what I said. I didn’t even realize how badly I missed her until I saw her tonight.”
“Hey! You’re hogging the bride!” Pat was standing behind me with his dollars in his hand. I smiled at Kenya and kissed her on the cheek.
“I’m really happy you’re part of our family,” I told her, honestly.
“Thank you,” she said with another dazzling smile. “I’m really happy I am too.”
I spent the rest of the reception lost in memories of teenage romance. Back when Cami and I were dating, my father had me and my brothers working for him. We ran money…and as ashamed as I am to admit it, even drugs. He knew that Ma would shoot him dead if anything ever happened to any of us, so he at least mostly kept us on the “higher end” of things.
We would log shipments at the docks…crates we never saw the inside of. Then we’d drive them across town to the warehouse where they were stored. We assumed they were drugs, or guns…but we were all happier not knowing for sure. And our father refused to tell us.
I was in my junior year and I’d just gotten my driver’s license when I met Cami. I walked into my American history class and there she was. Yeah it was like one of those sappy chick flicks.
The rest of the room disappeared and we were suddenly inside of a vacuum…just her and me. I was frozen to the spot and before I could recover.
Mr. Hare…my bald instructor who had already suffered through a year of sociology with me as a student the year before, cleared his throat loudly. “Mr. McShannon?”
His voice penetrated the vacuum, but it sounded like he was miles away. I turned towards him like a zombie. His voice rang louder.
“Would you prefer to sit inmy desk where you can have a clear view of Miss Frazier for the rest of the semester?”
The laughter of my peers brought me out of my dream. I’m not sure who was more embarrassed, me or Cami. A week went by before I could bring myself to even make eye contact with her. When I finally did, I was pleasantly surprised that she didn’t tell me to get lost.
I came into class one morning to find that we had a substitute. I paid the guy who normally sat behind her fifty bucks to give up his seat and then while the sub was turned, I whispered out an apology. Grinning, I told her it was entirely her fault for being so gorgeous. She actually laughed and when I asked her to have lunch with me she agreed. Fuck yeah!
Cami would begin my year of firsts. She was the first girl that I went all the way with. We were both virgins and it was awkward and I’m sure it was awful for her…but I smiled for about a week afterwards. She was the first girl that I took home to meet my mother. Ma loved her and my brothers were jealous. She was the first girl that I talked to about my dad and what he does…and what, at the time, I was doing for him.
Cami never judged me, but she always spoke her mind. I found it refreshing and if I had to put my finger on the point in my life when I realized that I didn’t want to be Braden McShannon when I grew up, it would be when I was with Cami.
At the tender age of sixteen, Cami Frazier made me want to be a better man…and just about the time I thought I was falling in love with her, she left. Poof, vanished!
The day she told me her parents were splitting up and she was moving away with her mom I felt like she’d driven a stake through my heart. I felt actual physical pain in my chest…but what was I going to say? I wanted to beg her to stay with her dad. I hated the thought of her leaving me…but she hadn’t mentioned staying together as an option and I was pretty sure that her parents didn’t like me anyways… I was furious. No way was I begging. I didn’t say anything and a week later, she just didn’t show up at school.
I spent the summer before my senior year depressed and full of regret. I got into fights. I pissed off my father, a lot. By the time my senior year started I was over the hill called Depressed and had now made a home on Anger. How dare she just leave like that without even saying good-bye? If she could move on so quickly, then so would I.
I spent that year fucking anything female between the ages of sixteen and forty just to spite her. It was me that I was punishing, but I was too stupid to realize it. I was a man whore and I was so fucking miserable.
By that time I wasn’t angry any longer…I was numb. I was ready to admit that maybe some of the responsibility of her leaving without a word lay in my lap too. Why didn’t I tell her how I felt when I had the chance?
I left the wedding reception that night alone. Cami was the only thing on my mind and if she didn’t show up tomorrow I’d already made up my mind to take this city apart until I found her.
CAMILLA
As I stepped out of the cab at Christopher Columbus Park, my first thought was that the day was too gorgeous. The Boston sky was an azure blue and big puffy white clouds drifted across it, occasionally passing in front of the sun and providing a little relief from the eighty degree day.
As I walked down the path that would lead me to the fountain, I admired the soft green lawns and took in the scenes around me. There were couples cuddling on blankets and dogs rolling in the grass. Sweet little children ran and played and some people sat alone using their laptops, having their lunch or reading a book. I’d forgotten how much I loved this park.
I walked through the vine covered arbor, inhaling the fresh scent of the rose garden mixed with the fresh salty air that drifted in on the breeze. The sounds of soft jazz were everywhere and they reminded me of my youth and the many long, wonderful days I spent here with Colin. Walking through the covered arbor was like a time portal, instantly transporting me back to a place and time where some of the best memories of my life were made.
I remembered the first time Colin brought me here at night and we walked hand in hand underneath the arbor as the blue lights twinkled above us. It was so romantic, and every so often we’d stop walking and he’d nudge me into one of the posts and kiss me…If I close my eyes and remember I can still taste him. To this day I’ve never had a kiss better than the ones that he and I shared.
I finally made it to the fountain.Our fountain. I’d taken the long way around because I still wasn’t sure if I wanted to do this. It hurt so much the last time. He was harder for me to get over than anyone before or since. I don’t know if I have it in me to do it again.
Back then when my parents were always fighting and talking about divor
ce…he’d listened to me and he’d been my rock. Then all of a sudden he wasn’t and when I needed him the most, he wasn’t there for me any longer. My heart was crushed and at the time I thought it would never heal.
I paced back and forth, looking out towards the harbor, torn between fear and self-preservation, and this intense need to see him again. With a heavy sigh I told myself this was ridiculous…you can’t capture the past. I spun on my heel, determined to walk back the way I came and go home…and I came face to face with Colin.
He grinned and something inside around my heart melted. “Hi.”
“Uhm, hey.”
“I wasn’t sure you’d show up.” His deep voice echoed through me.
“I wasn’t sure that I would either.” My voice sounded small.
He reached up and put the back of his hand against my cheek. The sun was shining down into his eyes making them twinkle like sapphires. His dark hair was shiny and gorgeous and the blue polo shirt he was wearing fit the hard lines of his chest and arms way too well.
His touch was sending waves of shock through my body and making it hard for me to think…or even breathe. I took a step back and for just a second I saw something that looked like hurt flash in his eyes.
“I missed you Cami. I haven’t stopped thinking about you since you left.”
“When I told you we were leaving, you didn’t act like you cared.”
There I said it. I turned and looked into the fountain, concentrating on the water so I could ignore what was going on inside of my own head. He stepped around me so that I could see him. God he looks so good. I want to run my hands underneath that shirt and feel his hard chest…
“You didn’t let me know when you were leaving. One day, you were just gone.” The sadness in his voice made my heart ache.
“I told you I was going, I expected you to ask when….I wanted so much more. I wanted you to ask me to stay… You didn’t, so I just assumed you didn’t care, Colin.”
“You assumed wrong, Cami. I had all of these ideas in my head that you were leaving with your mom instead of staying with your dad because of me. I thought they didn’t like me and didn’t want you around me. I thought that maybe they had talked you into believing we shouldn’t be together.” Lines of worry etched in his face and I glanced back at the fountain.
BWWM: BEFORE I WAKE: A Bad Boy Billionaire Book Collection (African American Interracial Series) Page 296
