Gently easing the door shut, he went to the bathroom, and got a drink of water. Then he returned to his bedroom, reassured by the soft breathing from Lizzy’s room.
“Poor kid,” he muttered as he climbed back into bed. She was the one most affected by the divorce. There was a bond between her and Laura, closer than he ever thought possible. There were times when she looked and acted so like her mother, that he found it difficult to believe they were two different people. Even now – and they had been apart for over a year – Lizzy would sit at the breakfast table, using mannerisms and expressions that were pure Laura. And Tony, although he knew the marriage was over for good, would feel a strange longing for the old days.
“I guess I miss her, too.” The confession surprised him a little.
As he tried to sleep again, he hoped Lizzy’s dream would not reoccur. Every time he closed his eyes her tortured words rang in his ears.
“They say she has to die.”
Tony sat at the kitchen table over his third cup of coffee. Getting up from the table, he checked his watch and went to the bottom of the stairs. “School bus comes in about fifteen minutes, girls.”
“Okay, Dad, we’re ready now.” Amanda was the first down the stairs.
“Good morning, pumpkin.” He kissed her cheek and marveled at how grown up she was becoming.
“Aw, Dad,” she protested the use of the childish nickname. These days she even balked at Mandy, preferring that people use her full name.
He checked out her outfit as she walked past him to get to a tray of muffins. “Where’s your uniform?”
“It’s a free day today, we don’t have to wear them.”
“Then why don’t you tell me again,” he shook his head, smiling, “how much I paid for jeans that look like they’ve been worn for twenty years?”
“You don’t want to know,” she mumbled, her mouth full.
“You’re right, as usual, Amanda. Is Lizzy ready?”
“Getting there.” She crammed the rest of the muffin into her mouth and brushed the crumbs from the table. Then she raised her eyes to him, serious and thoughtful. “Bad night, huh?”
“How did you know? You slept straight through.”
Amanda began to pack books into her bag. “You look like you haven’t slept at all and she has that look again.”
“What look?”
“You know, that little waif look, like she just lost her best friend.” Amanda pulled a compact out of her purse and set it up on the table. She rearranged her hair, and although Tony couldn’t tell the difference, she smiled her satisfaction and put the mirror away. “What was it about, do you know?”
“Your mother.”
Amanda raised an eyebrow and seemed about to make a comment when Lizzy burst into the kitchen.
“Mandy, have you seen my shoes?”
“By the door where you left them, dummy.”
Lizzy ran to retrieve them and sat down in a chair to put them on. Amanda took one look at her and rummaging once more in her purse, produced a brush and began to style Lizzy’s hair, who sat patiently for her sister’s ministrations, not complaining even when Mandy hit a particularly nasty snarl.
Tony smiled, watching the two of them together. They had both inherited Laura’s coloring: the dark hair, pale skin and green eyes. But where Lizzy was small for her age, Mandy had grown tall and promised to be long-legged and willowy. Model material, Laura had always said.
“Daddy?” Lizzy looked over at him, a hesitant expression on her face.
“Yeah, Pixie, what is it?”
“After school, can I call Mommy? I want to talk to her.”
Tony studied her face, hoping that she had no memory of her ghastly dream last night. “Of course you can. But Susan is coming this afternoon to take you girls shopping.”
“Can I call before we go? It’s important.”
Tony nodded. “I’ll tell Susan it’s okay.” He smiled reassuringly. “You know, honey, last time I heard from your mother, she was fine.”
“I know, but I want to hear her say it, too.”
The sound of the school bus rumbling down the hill toward their house interrupted the conversation.
“They’re early again,” Amanda complained as she grabbed her jacket and handed Lizzy hers. “Come on, Liz, we’ll miss the bus.”
With a flurry of good-byes, kisses and a slam of the door they were gone. Tony sighed and poured the rest of his cold coffee down the drain. He checked his watch again and realized he had almost an hour before he had to leave for the university. His first class didn’t start until ten. He cleaned off the table and put the butter into the refrigerator. When he closed the door, he saw the note in Lizzy’s cramped, childish handwriting…Mommy’s new number…
He started another small pot of coffee, lit a cigarette and went to the phone.
The telephone rang five times before Laura was sufficiently awake to reach for it. She dropped the receiver on the floor next to the bed, then picked it up. “Hello?” Her voice sounded fuzzy, so she cleared her throat and tried again. “Hello.”
There was a small silence then a tentative question. “Laura? Did I wake you?”
“Hmm, yeah, sort of…”
Tony gave a small grunt of impatience. “Sorry,” he said gruffly, “I thought you’d be up and ready for work. Or aren’t you going to work today?”
Laura heard his voice sharpen with a sudden rush of anger, and knew that he was thinking of the days she did just that, allowing the children to fend for themselves while she slept off the previous night’s binge. She tried to ignore his sarcasm. “Good morning to you, too, Tony. How nice of you to call.”
“Sorry, Laura.” The anger dropped out of his voice, replaced by what sounded like pity. “How’ve you been?”
“Pretty good,” Laura, finally awake, crawled out of bed. “Listen, can you hold on a minute while I get the portable phone.”
“Sure.”
While he waited, Tony smiled to himself. He could almost see her. She would be naked, she never wore anything to bed. Chances are, he thought, she wouldn’t even put a robe on, but would sit talking to him, at the dining room table, totally nude. The situation seemed obscene to him somehow, and totally incongruous, but his body responded, and he shifted uncomfortably in his chair. I guess old habits die hard, he thought with a wry smile, when she picked up the other phone.
“Tony? You still there?” Her voice was indistinct and distant.
“Hang up the other phone, Laura.”
“Oh, okay.”
There was a slight pause and then a click. “Is that better?”
“Much, thank you.” Now that he had her attention, he couldn’t think of what to say. He knew what he wanted to say—the kids miss you—I miss you, even though I’ll be getting married again in ten weeks—but somehow that seemed a bad way to start the conversation.
Fortunately, Laura took the initiative. “I’m glad you called, Tony. I have some news for you.”
“Good news, I hope.”
“Well, bad and good, both. But I think in the long run it will be good. I got picked up for drunk driving.”
Tony ran his fingers through his curly hair. “Oh, Laura. You really should be more careful. Next time, take a cab.”
“There won’t be a next time. Monday I go into rehabilitation. They tell me there’s a good chance I can stay sober after that. I thought you’d be happy to hear that.”
“I am happy, Laura. That’s great news.” He tried to sound enthusiastic, but could only remember the other times she had quit. Each time it had been for good and each time it had failed, leaving her more and more depressed with every attempt.
“So,” she hesitated a bit, “if I do quit, can I have the girls for a while?” She rushed her words together, and he recognized the tactic, knowing that she thought if she just spoke fast enough he might give in. The girls did the same thing to him and he held back a chuckle. “Not too long, maybe two or three weeks. I miss them so much;
and I think it would be a good idea for me to see them. A sort of reinforcement for good behavior, don’t you think?”
“We’ll see, Laura. We can talk about that later. Will you be home this afternoon? Lizzy wants to talk to you.”
“Great, I’ll be home all afternoon. I look forward to it.”
Tony could hear the happiness in her voice. “I have some news for you, too.”
“Okay, hit me with it.”
“I sort of wish you didn’t use that expression. You see, Susan and I are getting married.”
Tony wondered if he imagined that slight pause on Laura’s part, and her sharp intake of breath, because when she did speak, her voice seemed bright and sincere. “Tony, that’s wonderful. I’m very happy for you, she’ll make a good professor’s wife and she’ll be great with the kids. Tell her I said hi and congratulations.”
“I would have told you sooner, Laura, but I didn’t know how to tell you.” He was relieved that she took it so well; he had always tried to be completely honest with her, and holding back on this news had bothered him. “I wasn’t quite sure how you would take it; I mean we’ve not been divorced that long, and you and Susan were best friends at one time…”
“Tony, I understand, I really do. It will take some getting used to, I suppose, but it seems like a good match to me. You two always got along.”
“Laura, we never, you know, when you and I were…”
“I never thought it for a moment.” He knew she was lying. “And even if you had,” Laura continued, “who could blame you? Let’s face it, I wasn’t much good at the wife and mother thing, was I?”
There was a short silence on Tony’s end.
“Hey, Tony, don’t jump too quickly to my defense. Anyway, how are the girls?”
“God, they’re growing so fast. But they’re adjusting well to the new school; Mandy is trying out for the cheerleading squad and Lizzy’s on the chess team.”
“Tell them I miss them, okay?” Tony could hear the tears in her voice.
“Sure. And when Lizzy calls this afternoon, please let her know you’re doing well. She had a nightmare last night and is still pretty shook up about it this morning.”
“A nightmare?” Her voice acquired an edge. “What was it about?”
“Well,” he hesitated. It was a difficult thing to tell Laura that Lizzy had dreamed her dead. “Actually, she wasn’t very coherent, but it had something to do with you. I got the feeling she thought that you were in some sort of danger.”
Tony knew he didn’t imagine Laura’s pause this time.
“Oh, no, I’m okay. Where would be the danger here? Just tell her I’m fine, and that I’m looking forward to our talk this afternoon. Oh, and Tony?”
“Yeah?”
“Don’t worry about you and Susan. I really do think it’s great. I had a date last night, myself.”
“That’s nice. Anyone I know?”
“No, I doubt it. Actually, we met because he’s the one who arrested me.”
“Oh,” Tony remarked flatly. He didn’t know how to deal with that information, so he left it alone. “I’ve got to run, Laura. It’s been good talking to you.”
“Same here, Tony. Take care.”
Tony hung up the phone with a small shake of his head. Same old Laura, no matter what sort of trouble she got herself into, she always came out ahead. And now she’s dating the policeman who picked her up. Maybe, he thought, he’ll be a steadying influence on her. It might be the best thing for her.
Later, between his morning classes, he phoned Susan to discuss the phone call. He didn’t mention Lizzy’s dream had prompted the call or that he’d told Laura about it. But he did tell her about the rehabilitation and that she was now dating the policeman who’d arrested her.
“So, I was thinking, honey,” Tony was trying to convince himself as well as her, “that if she really does stop and if this policeman thing continues, we might want to let her have the girls while we’re on our honeymoon.”
Susan considered the matter. “I don’t quite see that it could hurt, Tony. She is their mother and she does love them.” She paused for a minute and thought how pleased Laura would be to have them back, if only for two weeks. “Yes,” she said determinedly, “I think it’s a good idea. Provided that Laura’s not drinking, of course. I mean, what harm could it possibly do?”
Chapter Five
Nursing her cooling coffee, Laura remained at the dining room table long after she hung up the phone. She worried over the dream Lizzy had, Tony’s upcoming marriage and the next four weeks of rehab. She studied her reflection in the remaining coffee, then swirled the cup to watch it dissolve and took the last swallow.
She had read all the AA literature she had been given. Propaganda, her father had said, yet their philosophy made sense to her – live one day at a time and don’t worry about the things you can’t change. “Let’s start today, Laura,” she told herself. The resolution was easy because her head still ached from the brandy she had drunk last night. She stood up and swayed a bit; the alcohol hadn’t yet worked its way out of her system and she felt slightly woozy. Laura put her cup into the sink and began to walk down the hall.
Anubis burst through the cat door and Laura swerved to avoid him. As she stepped back she stumbled over the shoes she had left there last night, and in trying to check her backward motion, she overcompensated and ended up face down in the hallway. Laura lay there for a moment, stunned until she realized she wasn’t really hurt. A small gust of air blew on her naked back from under the cellar door and she felt the hair on her arms raise. The cat nestled against her and began to lick her face and neck. She pushed him away and sat up, grimacing. “God, Anubis,” she scratched his ears, then eased herself up from the floor, “your breath is foul. You need kitty mints or something.” Without warning, the combination of the fall, last night’s brandy and this morning’s coffee overcame her and Laura fell to her knees and began to vomit.
When it was over, she sat back on her heels and looked at the mess. Fortunately, there had not been much in her stomach. Thank God I didn’t have breakfast, she thought as she stood up unsteadily. Pulling a towel from the linen closet, she saw Anubis sitting in the doorway to her bedroom. If she hadn’t felt so weakened she might have laughed at the expression on his face. Reproachful and indignant, he looked at her as if he wondered whether she would get her nose rubbed in it.
“Don’t be so superior, Bonehead. Yeah, I did it, but I’m also the one who has to clean it up.” He turned his back on her and walked into the bedroom.
“Thanks a lot,” she called after him, “I always clean up your mess.”
She scrubbed at the carpet. It seemed to be only coffee, she decided, and probably wouldn’t stain. As she finished, the ridiculousness of the situation struck her—here she was, a grown woman, stark naked and hung-over, throwing up no more than four feet away from the bathroom. And no more than four minutes after she had decided to take control of her life. Laura began to laugh, tentatively at first and then boisterously, hysterically, until tears streamed down her face.
“Shit,” she exclaimed, still laughing as she stepped into the shower, “what a way to start the day.”
After the shower, Laura felt refreshed and revitalized, and threw on a pair of cut-off shorts and a T-shirt. Pouring herself a glass of diet soda, she sat at the dining room table with her laptop, and listed the items to be done before she went to rehab. There really wasn’t much to do, she realized, most things could be taken care of by a phone call or two. But at the top of the list was cleaning the house, something no phone call would accomplish.
She turned her stereo on full blast and after three hours she had finished. The sheets were changed, the floors scrubbed, the tables dusted. On her bed sat stacks of clothes, carefully folded for packing.
“Now,” she addressed Anubis solemnly as he watched from the foot of her bed, “all I need is a suitcase.” She walked out of the bedroom and down the hall to the cellar door. Thr
owing back the upper bolt, Laura hesitated, listening. Over the blare of the stereo she could hear the faint ring of the phone. “Damn,” she said and locked the door again, turned down the stereo and went into the kitchen. Her hand shook as she reached for the receiver. “Too much booze,” she told herself and answered the phone.
“Hello?”
“Laura, I’m glad you’re there.”
“Susan? Hey, it’s just like old home week, huh? First Tony and then you. How have you been?”
“Are you okay? You sound funny.”
Laura ran her fingers through her hair. “I’m fine. I was just surprised to hear your voice, that’s all. And it’s been sort of a strange week.”
“So I gathered.” Susan’s voice sounded odd; it could have been the phone line, or maybe, Laura thought with a smile, a guilty conscience. “Listen, Laura, about Tony and me, I wanted to tell you a while ago, but I just couldn’t.” The sadness and regret in her voice were apparent.
“Yeah, Tony said practically the same thing this morning. Susan, we’ve all been friends since college; don’t tear yourself up over this. I always expected that Tony would get married again, not this soon maybe,” and not to you, she mentally supplied, “but it’s not exactly going to ruin my life at this point. Now that I’ve had a chance to think about it, it seems an ideal solution for everyone.”
“Everyone but you.” Susan’s voice was now soft, apologetic.
“Hey, no one can take responsibility for how screwed up I am but me. But things will change.” The determination in her voice surprised Laura, but she felt good about the statement, so good she said it again. “Things will change.”
“Tony told me you’re going into rehab.”
“First thing Monday morning. I was just getting ready when you called.”
“But you’ve got two more days. What will you do over the weekend?” Laura thought she detected a note of disapproval and bristled.
Modern Magic Page 4
