“Drink myself blind, probably, what’s it to you?” In the shocked silence that followed, Laura regretted her words. “Look, I’m sorry, I didn’t really mean that. I don’t really know what I’ll do – maybe Mike will call or something.”
“Mike – your policeman friend? What’s he like? Tony wouldn’t tell me anything.” They were on more familiar ground with this conversation; the subject, something they had discussed many times at school together, made Laura feel years younger. Suddenly, the intervening events of their lives did not exist and if she closed her eyes, she could clearly visualize the dorm room they had shared.
“Oh, Susan, he’s gorgeous,” Laura confessed, her voice slightly breathless, “tall, muscular, strong. I could really fall for this one, you know? And he seems to like me, although I’m not quite sure why. I mean, I’ve been such a mess every time I met him, but he understands me, knows what I’m going through.
“And he saved my life,” she said quietly, and shivered, “or at least it seems like he did.”
“What?”
“Oh, nothing. He’s really a great guy and I hope to see a lot more of him.”
“Wow,” Susan said, “he sounds wonderful. I can’t wait to meet him.”
Laura laughed, “No way, toots, this one is off limits.”
Susan returned the laugh. “Okay, but maybe I can meet him some day anyway. I’ve got to go now; I’m picking the girls up from school—we’re going shopping.”
“Is Mandy still so picky about her clothes?”
“Worse.”
Laura groaned in appreciation. “Well, then you’ll all have a lot of fun. Sorry I’m missing it. Take care and tell them I said hello.”
“Sure thing. We’ll be back around five or so. Lizzy wants to talk to you, will you be there?”
“I’ll be here. Thanks for calling, Susan.”
“No problem. And Laura?”
“Yeah?”
“Good luck in rehab. You can do it, you know. It’ll be wonderful when you do.”
“Thanks.”
Laura hung up the phone. “Now, where was I?” She looked around for a bit and remembered. “Suitcase,” she said and opened the cellar door.
She flicked on the light switch and was rewarded with one bright flash, then shadowy darkness. “Shit,” she turned off the switch, walked to the hall closet and found a light bulb. “Damn things are always burning out when you need them.” Carefully gripping the rail in one hand and the bulb in the other, she slowly went down the stairs. Laura grimaced as she stretched to reach the light from the second stair and squinted her eyes in concentration. The fixture was lightly covered in cobwebs; she sucked in a quick breath as she reached through them, but eventually got the bulb replaced.
She relaxed slightly when the cellar was lit again and picked up her largest suitcase. When she felt its weight, she remembered that she had filled it with books on her arrival. It was too heavy to carry up the stairs, so she sat down on the rippled cement floor and began to unpack it. By the time the books were neatly stacked, Laura felt chilled, and her bare legs, one mass of gooseflesh. She fastened the suitcase and stood up slowly, straightening her stiff back with a small sigh. “I’m getting old,” she said wearily and the empty room with concrete block walls made her words sound distorted and strange. She put her hand down to the handle of the suitcase and grasped it, only to drop it with a thump a second later.
“Shoo. Scat. Go away,” she said to the spider perched on top of the case. It wasn’t that large, but it was also not so small that she wanted to brush it away with her bare hand. She kicked the suitcase over and the insect scuttled away to hide in one of the shadowy corners.
“If I had my shoes on, you wouldn’t get away alive, buddy.” Somehow the words sounded angrier than Laura intended and the walls in the near-empty cellar seemed to magnify that rage and bounce it back toward her. Laura held her breath for a second, expecting some sort of retaliation. Retaliation? she thought. From whom? The spider? What the hell is going on? She shook off the thoughts, but they left her feeling dizzy and weakened; her legs trembled and she felt as if she’d been stuck to the floor. With great effort, she moved, picking up the overturned suitcase and walking toward the stairs. At the bottom of the steps, she noticed with shock that the door was beginning to swing shut. I can’t be left down here alone. I’ll never get away. The sheer fright of that thought gave her a rush and she moved faster, running now, the suitcase banging loudly against the wall and her legs. When she reached the top, she pushed against the almost closed door and practically fell into the hallway. She threw the suitcase into the living room and slammed the door shut, resting there a moment, eyes closed, waiting for the sudden panic to subside.
When her heart rate slowed and the awful chill subsided she opened her eyes to see Anubis at the end of the hall. He meowed at her and she smiled, feeling silly. “Just a spider,” she said to him, locking and moving quickly away from the door, “a draft, and an overripe imagination.”
Chapter Six
Watching Susan and the girls get out of her yellow SUV in the driveway, Tony knew instantly that it had been a difficult trip. Amanda’s mouth was set in a rigid frown, Susan scowled, struggling with the bags, and Lizzy’s eyes were red and puffy. She trailed behind the two others, dragging her feet as if dreading each step to come, looking for all the world as if she’d lost her best friend.
He opened the door and they all filed in, silently. Definitely not a good sign, Tony thought, but smiled anyway in an effort to diffuse the situation. “How’d my ladies do?”
Susan rolled her eyes. “Great, just great.” She dropped the shopping bags in the foyer corner. “Rooms, girls.”
Lizzy was still crying as she walked by Tony, he gave her a pat on the shoulder. Amanda stalked up the stairs and once there, slammed her bedroom door only to open it a second later and yell down the stairs. “You’re not our mother! So you should just quit trying to be!”
Tony had draped an arm around Susan’s neck and they both flinched when Amanda slammed her door again. “Want to talk about it?” Tony led them both to the kitchen and they sat down at the table.
Susan shook her head. “Things were going just fine, until Lizzy started crying. Did you tell her she could call Laura right after school?”
Tony sighed. “Yeah, I probably did.”
“Anyway, that’s what started it all off. Lizzy kept insisting she had to call Laura. Laura was in danger and she had to warn her. Where on earth did that come from?”
“She had a nightmare last night, I thought I told you about that.”
“Maybe you did. It’s kind of hard to keep track of it all when I don’t live here. When she started making a fuss, I gave her my cell phone to use and the battery had run too low to get a signal, so we plugged it into the car lighter and went into the mall. She seemed better at first, but after a while she ended up dragging behind us, crying. Quietly, you know? Just sniffling a bit with tears streaming down her face. I tried to jolly her along a bit, but nothing helped. Eventually I lost my temper, told her that she should quit being such a baby and that both you and I had talked to Laura in the morning and she was just fine. And that set Amanda off.” Susan rubbed her hand across her eyes. “You know how they start playing off each other.”
Tony nodded. “Years of practice.”
“There we are, standing in the middle of the mall, one girl is crying and the other is ranting about how I get to do anything I want but they’re practically prisoners and I don’t care about them and I ruined their mother’s life and theirs as well. And I’m feeling like a wicked stepmother.” Susan gave a dry chuckle. “You get the picture. I got them out of there as quickly as I could.”
Tony reached over and held her hand. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. It’s been a bad day for everyone.”
“Yeah. I love you, Tony. But sometimes I don’t know if us getting married so soon is a good idea…”
“It’s just one day, Susan. Most of the t
ime we get along just fine, the four of us. Now, why don’t you order us pizza? And I’ll go upstairs and talk to the girls.”
Tony knocked softly on Lizzy’s door first and when she didn’t answer, cracked open the door. Lizzy lay sprawled out on top of the bed, fully dressed and sound asleep. He whispered her name, but didn’t push her any further. Poor little thing has been through enough, he thought, regardless of how irrational her fear of a nightmare was.
He stopped next at Amanda’s door, across the hallway. He knocked softly there too, at first, then turned the knob to find the door locked. “Amanda,” he called and knocked again several times; each successive knock becoming louder. Eventually she opened the door wearing her iPod earphones around her neck.
“Yeah?”
Tony hated the tone of voice and the defiant set of her mouth. “I want you to apologize to Susan. And quit playing that damn music so loud! The whole house could fall down around you and you’d never know a thing! And don’t get me started on hearing damage.”
Amanda gave an exaggerated sigh. “Okay.”
“We’re having pizza for dinner. Come down in about ten minutes and set the table. Lizzy’s asleep; try to wake her if you can.”
“She’ll probably sleep through the night now. She was really worked up. And you know how she is.”
Laura sat at her dining room table and stared over at the kitchen clock in disbelief. After she’d finished her packing, the day had just dragged on. Ordinarily, she never noticed the passage of time; in fact she rarely had enough moments in the day, work and drinking stole away her time. But now she had no job and was determined to stay away from the bottle, at least until she talked to Lizzy.
Even so, Laura thought, just one won’t hurt; and while I drink that, I can toss the rest of it. She got up from the table and opened up the kitchen cabinet below the sink. She kept most of her liquor here, although there were bottles stashed in various places around the house: vodka chilling in the freezer with wine and beer in the refrigerator, a flask of scotch nestled in bottom of her purse, and yet another flask, the one with whiskey, tucked away in her bedside table drawer. “Fully-stocked,” Laura whispered with a small smile. Fully-stocked was good – it meant she could handle any situation that came her way. Being fully-stocked made her feel secure, comforted. But now… now those bastards want to take it all away from me. This is all I have left. Otherwise, there’s nothing. No comfort. No love. Oh, no, not for me. Bastards.
As had happened earlier in the cellar, the vehemence of her thoughts surprised her. Anger was far from her mind. She’d been intending to have one drink only. And then meant to pour all of it down the drain, throw it all away, in preparation for her new life of sobriety. “Shit.” She began to pull the bottles out from under the sink, one by one, and lined them up on the counter. The late afternoon sun through the window shone on and through the row of bottles, bathing the counter top and kitchen tile in a wavering colored reflection. Glancing again at the clock, Laura cracked the seal on a bottle of port she’d been saving for a special occasion. Pouring a generous amount into a juice glass, she held it up and admired its rich color. “Cheers,” she said, “Now’s about as special as it’s ever going to get.”
The first swallow tasted harsh, but the liquid flowed easily down her throat and into her stomach, spreading an innocuous warmth. She gave a sad, small smile and took another drink.
The next two glasses went down slowly; Laura savored each and every drop, oblivious to everything else around her – lost in her lover’s embrace. But when she finished the third glass, she came to with a jolt and looked around. While she’d sat drinking and daydreaming, it had grown dark outside and the normal noises of a suburban neighborhood – laughter, lawn mowers, the spin of bicycle tires, the clatter of skateboards – had all ceased. The quiet fell so deep, Laura felt like she could hear the air moving in and out of her lungs, the blood rushing in her veins. The darkness of the house engulfed her. Only the pulsing green power light of her laptop, on the table in the dining room, was visible. She timed her breathing to its rhythm, inhaling and exhaling, until that seemed to be all that existed. As her breathing grew louder, she felt a brief moment of panic, thinking that if the light went out completely she wouldn’t be able to draw her next breath.
Would that be so bad?
“Yeah.”
How could it be bad? You have nothing on earth to live for, nothing but all those bottles. And they’re taking that away.
“I have my girls if nothing else.”
You think they care? Did you notice the phone ringing tonight? You’re out of their life and they’re well rid of you.
The cat door clicked; Anubis came over and butted his head against Laura’s leg. She reached down and scratched his head. “But I have you, Bonehead, don’t I?”
The moment of despair forgotten, Laura scooped up the cat in her arms and cuddled him, carrying him out to the kitchen. She flipped on the kitchen light and opened the refrigerator. “You want some food, baby?”
Watching the cat eat voraciously as usual, Laura had a sudden thought and gasped. “Shit,” she said, shaking her head, “I forgot to find someone to take care of you while I’m gone. Damn.”
See, you can’t even take care of one little cat. What good are you?
“Shut up.” Laura poured herself another glass of port. “I’ll go out tomorrow and talk to the neighbors. Maybe get one of the kids to check in every so often.”
That dilemma solved, Laura checked the clock again, then picked up the phone. Tony answered on the third ring, just as she was about to hang up.
“Hi, Tony. What’s happening?”
“We’re just watching a little television before bed.”
“And are the girls around?”
“Sleeping, Laura.” She could hear his disapproval through the phone. “It’s pretty late for them. Don’t you know what time it is?”
“Yeah, but it’s Friday and not a school night. Isn’t this a bit early?”
He paused. “Yeah, I suppose so. But they had a rough day. Lizzy’s been sleeping since they came home from shopping. Apparently they had a small altercation at the mall.”
“What happened?”
“She was upset because Susan didn’t let her call right after school.”
“Ah. Well, that was the plan, wasn’t it? I’ve been waiting by the phone. It’s not as if I don’t have other things I could be doing.” Laura winced at the sound of the whine creeping into her voice.
“Cutting into your drinking time, are we?”
The sheer unfairness of that question surprised and angered Laura. For one brief second she pictured Tony and Susan, snuggled together on the couch in her old living room. They could each have a drink of wine or a nightcap – that wasn’t a problem for them. But God forbid Laura, with no responsibilities, no one to answer to, should do the same. “Fuck you.”
“Excuse me?”
She remembered how that particular profanity bothered Tony and smiled. Not a pleasant smile at all, the sheer nastiness of it sent a shiver down her back. Still, she didn’t take it back. “You heard me.”
“You’ve had quite a bit to drink, haven’t you?”
“And if I have, so what? It’s none of your business, after all.”
“Laura, you are still my business. We all care about you, about what happens to you.”
Yeah, right, as long as what happens to me is what you want to happen. “Do me a favor, Tony. Quit patronizing me. I hated it when we were married and I hate it a hundred times more now. Just go back to whatever you were doing and have Lizzy call me tomorrow.”
“Can’t. Not tomorrow. We’re heading up to my Susan’s parents’ house early in the morning.”
Laura sighed. “Sunday then. Please. I go away starting Monday and there’ll be no phone calls for a while. I’m only allowed to make calls one day a week and only emergency calls can come in.”
“Really? That seems a bit extreme.”
“
Yeah, it’s not exactly a resort.” Laura gave a snort of amusement. “More like boot camp, I suspect. No phones, no laptops, no iPods. Visitors only once a week, on Wednesdays. I think prisoners have a better deal. Rehab is all group hugs and therapy, healthy food and clean living. Sounds like fun, doesn’t it?”
“But maybe it works, Laura.”
“Maybe. I’ll give it a shot. Not that I have a choice in the matter. But maybe it’ll work.” She sighed. The anger she’d felt earlier flowed out of her and she felt completely drained. She sipped on her drink and refilled her glass, not caring if Tony’s ears could hear the sound of liquid being poured. “But I really would like to explain this all to the girls myself. They need to know why their mother is being locked away for a while.”
“There’s probably no need. I’ve explained it to them.”
“Fine. But I want to, as well.” Who knows what kind of stupid guilt trip Tony brought into the discussion. “I am still their mother, Tony. And I have a right to talk with them.”
“No one is disputing that, Laura.”
“I don’t know; it seems like between you and Susan, there’s a plot to keep them from me.”
“You really have been drinking too much tonight. You’re paranoid.”
“Whatever. I’m too tired to argue, Tony. And it never does me any good anyway. And just to make sure I get to talk to them, I’ll call on Sunday. Good night.”
Laura hung up the phone, and walked over to the dining room window, staring out into the night and feeling rather satisfied with the way the conversation went. For once, she hadn’t let Tony walk all over her feelings; for once she actually said what she wanted. Blame some of it on the alcohol, she thought, and the rest on the angry mood I’ve been in all day. Oddly enough, she was normally a quiet drunk, but tonight she’d been raring for a fight.
“Nice of Tony to oblige,” she said. “But still, I didn’t get to talk to the girls.” She made a face at herself in the window, then turned around, looked at the bottles on the counter and walked back into the kitchen. Anubis had curled up next to them and regarded her with sleepy eyes. “What do you think? Pour it all away tonight or save some fun for tomorrow?”
Modern Magic Page 5
