Modern Magic
Page 14
“I can’t explain it. I have this awful feeling.”
“You sound like Cassie.”
Laura gave a soft laugh. “Yeah, I know it. But still, I wonder if I should see if Tony and Susan can come back early. I don’t want anything else to happen to spook either one of the girls. I’m hoping to apply for joint custody in a month or so; I don’t want Tony thinking I’m unfit to have them.”
“That’s not going to happen, babe.”
“Would you…” Laura felt like a fool asking the question, but she had to. “Would you stay the night? It’s easier with you here somehow. And I sure could use the company.”
Mike smiled and kissed the back of her head, hugging her to him. “If you don’t think the girls would object, I’d love to. I have early shift tomorrow, though, so I’ll need to sneak out at the crack of dawn.”
“No need to sneak, I’ll make the coffee.”
“Mike?”
Laura’s voice, soft though it was, woke him immediately. He sat up. “What time is it?”
“About 3:30. I’m sorry to wake you.”
“I have to get up in about an hour anyway, so it’s okay. What’s wrong? Can’t you sleep?”
“I’ve been wondering about that Aunt Dolly game the girls were playing. Has that been going on long?”
Mike thought for a minute. “At least as long as I’ve been here.”
“Could it have something to do with the Dolores Wellman who once lived here? Dolly might be a shortening of Dolores.”
“What do you know about Dolores Wellman?” Mike’s voice came out sharper than he intended and he forced himself to tone it down, reaching over and stroking her arm, searching for the best words. “Dolores Wellman really doesn’t matter, Laura – it has nothing to do with the game. It’s just a silly thing that kids do. Here or anywhere else. It doesn’t need to be based on any actual facts. All you need are a few kids with overactive imaginations.” He didn’t like her getting hung up on this or on what happened tonight. None of it was relevant. And, he knew from experience, her worry about it was part of her detox progress. There always seemed to be something a recovering addict would obsess on. This was Laura’s.
“Sweetheart,” he lay back down in bed and pulled her into his arms, warming her chilled body next to his warm one. “You know what this is, don’t you?”
Laura ducked her head onto his chest. “The drugs talking? Or rather, the lack of drugs talking?”
“Exactly.”
She gave a soft laugh, her breath tickling the hair on his chest. He smiled. That was a feeling he’d like to get used to. “I told Cassie the same thing when she acted crazy. So I know you’re right. It’s just, everything else feels so wrong.”
“And it will for a while. Then one day, you’ll wake up and you’ll feel right again. Simple as that.”
“But what if…”
He kissed her hard on the lips. Each moment alone with Laura seemed precious to Mike, he didn’t want to spend any of it talking about local legends or the previous inhabitant of her house. I’d like to throttle the neighborhood gossip for dropping that bit of news on Laura. Poor love has enough to deal with. “That’s enough talking,” he murmured. “And now that we’re both awake…”
Thursday turned out to be a good day for Laura. Lizzy’d had no nightmares and Laura had fallen back to sleep when Mike left. She finally woke around eleven, to find both girls up. They’d made themselves cereal and made coffee for her. “What a nice surprise,” she said as she sipped from her cup. “And that’s really good coffee. Who made it?”
“Me,” said Amanda, “I make it at Dad’s house all the time. It’s one of my daily chores.” She made a face at the word.
“Chores are good.” Laura grinned at her daughter. “Especially if it means there’s fresh coffee in the morning.”
“Not all that fresh, Mom. It’s been sitting there for two hours – we thought you’d never wake up.”
“Tell her, Amanda.” Lizzy sounded excited.
“Brittany’s mom called and invited us to the birthday sleep-over on Saturday night. Can we go?”
Laura raised an eyebrow. “This would be the same Brittany that played that trick on you last night?”
“Please, Mommy,” Lizzy begged, “it was just a trick and I’m fine. It was sort of funny anyway.”
Yeah, Laura thought, if hearing one of your children screaming bloody murder out of nowhere can be considered funny, then the whole thing was a real hoot. “Funny isn’t a word I’d use to describe the experience, but if you two want to go, I don’t see any reason why you shouldn’t.”
“Thanks,” Amanda said, sounding totally confident that yes would be her answer. “You should call up there and let them know we can come.”
Laura thought for a second while she sipped her coffee. “It’s a birthday party, though, we’ll need to get gifts, won’t we?”
“Brittany’s registered at the big toy store.”
“Registered?” Laura had never heard of a twelve year old girl being part of a gift registry service. I guess I’m way behind the times. “You mean like for a wedding or a baby shower?”
Amanda rolled her eyes, something Laura had started to consider a very bad habit. “Yeah, lots of the parents do that these days. Makes for fewer bad gifts.”
“Hmmm, imagine any gift being considered bad.”
“That’s what I think too, Mommy.” Lizzy nodded. “Gifts are always good.”
Amanda gave her a nudge. “You’re such a baby.”
“I don’t care – Brittany’s a little snot.”
“And you’re a silly baby. If Brittany’s so bad, then why do you want to go?”
“Dunno. But I do want to.”
“Well, it is your last night here with me. But now that I’m better, maybe your father will let you visit more. So I guess you can go,” Laura said, “both of you. Provided the bickering stops. And the eye drama.” She mimicked Amanda’s mannerism.
Lizzy collapsed in giggles. “That looks just like you, Mandy.”
“Does not.”
Laura took a deep breath. “Enough, okay? Enough.”
Her voice sounded sharper than she intended and she noticed both girls exchanged a worried glance.
“I’m sorry,” Amanda said.
Lizzy came over and hugged Laura. “Me too, Mommy. I’m glad you’re feeling better. I want you to stay that way. So I’ll be good. We’ll both be good. We promise. We don’t want to make you sick again.”
That statement set Laura back a bit. Where did they get the idea that their behavior caused her drinking? She sighed. “Lizzy?” She reached down and stroked her hair. “Amanda? I hope you understand that my problem never had anything to do with you two. I didn’t drink too much because you were bad. It wasn’t your fault, it wasn’t anyone’s fault but my own. And the fact that for some people drinking is a very bad thing. People like your dad or Susan or lots of other people can drink and it doesn’t bother them. But I can’t. And I know that now. So I’ve stopped. I worked really hard to get this far and I’ll have to work harder in the future. But I’m doing it for you, for me, for our family, because even though it might seem like we’ve broken into two pieces now, we’re still all family. Do you understand?”
The girls seemed relieved. “Yeah,” Amanda said. “You said that in your letter to us from rehab. But it’s good to hear you say it in person.”
“Now that we’re talking serious stuff, I need to ask you both a question. Do you feel safe in this house? Or did the little scares of the last few days frighten you so much that you want to leave? I don’t want you to feel trapped here – so if you want me to call your father and have him come early to get you, I will. Or I’ll make arrangements to have you stay at Bridget’s house until he gets home. Your choice.”
Amanda looked confused. “I’m not really sure what you mean, Mom, but I’m fine. Why would I feel trapped or scared? Lizzy is just a victim of her own overactive imagination.”
Laura gave a s
mall laugh. “That sounds like something Susan would say.”
“Because she does,” Lizzy said, “almost every day. She makes it sound like a disease.” She thought for a moment. “Imagination never hurt anyone. I like thinking how I think.”
“Good.”
Carolyn called that afternoon. “Laura,” she started, “I’m really sorry about last night. I understand Lizzy had quite a scare.”
“I did too.”
“I’m sure. There’s nothing worse than hearing your kid screaming and not knowing what’s wrong. How is she today?”
“Fine. You know how kids are.”
“Yeah. They’re pretty resilient.”
Laura paused. “So tell me about this Aunt Dolly game. When did the children around here start playing it? And who exactly is Aunt Dolly?”
Carolyn hesitated. “Well, I hardly know where to start. Aunt Dolly is the woman who used to live in your house. It’s what all the people around here called her.”
Laura nodded. “Short for Dolores. I figured that part out.”
Carolyn sighed. “She died in that house. Did you know that?”
“Not really. But it makes sense.” Laura bit her lower lip to take her mind off her shaking hands. “How did she die?”
“It’s not a very pretty story, Laura. Maybe you don’t want to know.”
“Oh, I want to know.” Not really, but I think I need to know.
“When Bert Wellman ran off, Dolores killed herself.”
Laura took in a breath. “How?” The question was more like a whisper, but Carolyn heard and responded.
“She slit her wrists in the bathtub. They didn’t find her for days.”
Laura felt like throwing up. But she controlled her voice. “Lovely,” Laura said.
“You asked.” Carolyn gave a nervous giggle. “But that was over five years ago. It shouldn’t make a difference.”
“Right.”
It makes all the difference in the world.
Almost immediately after Laura hung up, the phone rang again. This time it was Cassie.
“Hey, roomie,” Laura said. “How’s it going?”
“Not bad. Eleanor is recuperating quickly and she thinks she’ll be up and around in a day or two.” The pitch of Cassie’s voice dropped. “I think she’s sick of having me around already and I’m sick of being here. So I’ll be back fairly soon. Sunday, probably. Anything exciting happening there?”
Laura gave a little laugh. “You could say so.” She caught Cassie up on everything. “Maybe you don’t want to come back after hearing all that.” Laura heard the plea in her voice, but hoped Cassie wouldn’t pick up on it.
“Of course I want to come back. I can’t stay here for much longer or I’ll go crazy.” Cassie paused, then laughed. “Or crazier. Anyway, it’s interesting to hear all of that about the previous owners. Maybe now that I have a name, I can help.”
Laura heard a voice calling Cassie in the background.
“Well, I need to go. The timer on the stove went off and dinner’s ready. See you soon.”
Chapter Seventeen
After the girls left for the birthday party, Mike and Laura attended a meeting, then returned to Laura’s house with take-out food from a local Italian place. Laura preferred to eat at home rather than at a restaurant – fewer temptations, fewer reminders of what she craved. Not, of course, she thought, that I need reminding. Still, she preferred eating in and was relieved Mike understood.
She pushed her chair back from the dining room table after eating her entire order of lasagna. Picking up her empty plate and Mike’s she gave a small chuckle as she walked to the kitchen. “I’m going to need to start going to Overeaters Anonymous soon, if I keep eating like this. But it tasted so good.”
Mike nodded. “You’re getting your appetite back; that’s a good sign. But how do you feel?”
Laura hesitated, realizing she’d been so busy just trying to get through the days and the significantly more difficult nights, she hadn’t actually stopped to think about her physical state. But now that Mike mentioned it, she gave herself a quick evaluation and was surprised to discover that she felt pretty good. Gone were the shakes and the nausea, her head felt clear and her body felt strong.
She put the dirty dishes in the sink, then turned around, leaned back against the counter and smiled at Mike. “I feel great. Physically at least. It’s almost as if a dead weight has been lifted from me. The alcohol settles into your bones, if you know what I mean. And you end up getting used to that heaviness; you live with it on a daily basis and it becomes the norm. Now I feel lighter. Although,” she patted her stomach briefly, “the scale might say something different.”
“Don’t worry about gaining weight. To be honest, I’ve never met a woman who didn’t look better with a little flesh on her bones.”
“Well, then you’re the only man in the world who feels that way.”
“Not true,” Mike said, “it’s usually women who get all hung up on their weight. No matter, really. And how do you feel emotionally?”
Laura sighed. “I don’t know. I think I’m better in that way too, but it’s hard to tell. I do feel stronger in some ways – more in control of what’s going on around me. I even have times when the craving for a drink is barely there.”
Liar! The thought struck Laura, almost as if from somewhere else than inside her. And with that thought, the craving she’d just denied seemed to crawl over her, engulfing her with its familiar warmth and despair. All you really want is a drink, nothing else matters. And you don’t just want a drink, do you? You need a drink. You deserve a drink. No one else really cares about what you need, or what you want, do they? So you should just take care of yourself. Send him home – he doesn’t belong here. He doesn’t like you anyway – you’re just a way to fill his time. And fulfill his sexual needs. Dirty men, all of them. Getting what they can when they can regardless of the consequences. You don’t need a man. You need a drink.
Laura shook her head and wondered where these thoughts came from. No matter how hard she tried to think positively, that old self-doubt and self-loathing would trickle in. “That’s not quite true.” She tried a small smile, but her lips shook slightly. “But maybe if I keep saying it, one day it will be true.”
“It will, babe. Really. Trust me.”
“I hope so.” Laura turned back around to the sink and rinsed the dishes. “And,” she said, changing the subject, “I hope the girls are having a good time. It sure cost enough money to get an appropriate present, and I even picked one of the cheapest items on the list. Obviously Carolyn and her family aspire to a higher station than mere middle class.”
Mike chuckled. “This is that sort of neighborhood. I’ve often wondered how you ended up here.”
“The price on the house was right. More than right, actually. The bank listed it so low, I couldn’t pass it up. Although, I guess, a lot of other people did. Carolyn thinks the floor plan must’ve thrown them off – it’s not like the rest of the houses in the area; for one thing, it’s an older construction, much older, with the outside shell renovated to make it match the other homes. Moving here, one would expect to get a newer home, not an older one, redone. That’s a silly reason not to buy the place, but I heard sillier excuses when I worked as an agent.” She paused and took in a short breath. “Or maybe people didn’t buy it because of Dolores Wellman dying in here.”
“That’s ridiculous.”
Was it? “I guess so. Anyway, when I bought the house I didn’t know any of that. All I wanted was an affordable place to live – this one was so affordable, I used my divorce settlement to buy it.” Laura neglected to mention she’d been drunk when she initially saw the house, drunk when she’d decided to buy it, and drunk again when they’d closed the deal. Not, she added to herself, that there’s anything wrong with the house. The house is fine, I’m fine, everyone is fine. Ain’t life grand?
“Laura, you don’t need to justify buying this house to me. I was just t
hinking out loud – you don’t really fit in with this particular group of suburban moms. And that has nothing to do with drinking or not drinking – you’re not a superficial person. And you’re not a snob. Sometimes, not fitting in is a good thing.”
“I guess.” Laura remained unconvinced – she’d felt like an outsider all her life. It would be nice to find a place where she felt at home. “Anyway, let’s watch that movie you rented. Want some popcorn?”
“We just finished eating.”
Laura laughed. “But there’s always room for popcorn.”
Mike looked down at Laura; she hadn’t lasted long before she fell asleep there on the couch. He couldn’t decide if he was disappointed or relieved. The relief came from the fact she felt relaxed and calm enough to fall asleep – it meant she was recovering from the poisons in her system. The disappointment would have been that he’d had plans for the evening. He smiled to himself and put his hand in his pocket, feeling for the small jeweler’s box he’d picked up this afternoon after work. Part of him felt that perhaps it was too early for this commitment, he and Laura had only known each other for a short time. But he’d made up his mind that day he’d driven her home from the police station. I can only hope she feels the same way, he thought. But it can wait. For a while, at least. He considered that the timing might be a little bit better tomorrow anyway; the girls would be going back home with their father and their new step-mother and he’d have Laura all to himself.
Mike sighed and tapped her gently on the shoulder. “Babe, you should go back and get into bed.”
She sat up and kissed him on the cheek. “Good idea,” she said, “coming to join me?”
Mike shook his head. “I’ve got some paperwork to catch up on. I’ll be there in a little bit.”
“Don’t stay up too late,” Laura started down the hallway, then turned around in front of the cellar door. “I’ll be dead to the world before too much longer.” Suddenly she gave a gasp and fell to her knees. Mike jumped up off the couch in a second to help her back up.
“What happened, babe?”