He smiled at her answer. “I do too.”
It didn't take much to coax her into what he wanted. He was convinced she wanted the same thing, and since she was so quick to give him when he desired, he figured it to be so.
For a little bit of time, he didn't have to think about all of the troubles that were waiting for him. There was the alpha business to take care of. There was also the question of what happened to his dad. There were a lot of things he needed to do, but Jeff wished more than anything that he could just stay in bed with Carmella. Everything was perfect when she was there next to him.
“I have to get up and take care of some things, but I will be back as soon as I can.”
She made a pouting sound, and he wanted to stay there with her. Carmella was quickly becoming his happy place, and to leave it left him feeling listless.
After leaning down and giving her one last kiss, he got dressed and went towards the door. Looking back one last time, he couldn't help but feel a clenching in his heart. She really was perfect, just perfect for him in every way.
He said as much, and she waved him off.
“I will see you in a little while, baby.”
When he left the room, he felt like he was on top of the world. Of course, he knew that he wasn’t supposed to feel so happy about it. She was his dead father's fiancée after all, but he couldn't help it. Jeff had never felt so happy for anything, and he’d never felt so in love. Even though something bad had to happen for all of it to come about, Jeff knew that somehow it was supposed to happen that way.
He saw Connie in the kitchen and she looked like she had been crying. Fresh guilt washed over him because he was so focused on Carmella that he had forgotten all about his sister. She had been through a lot and undoubtedly needed him too.
“Where have you been?”
He was glad she hadn’t gone looking for him. She would have walked in on them. Jeff wasn't ready to tell her about what was going on between him and Carmella. He didn't know if she would understand. Hell, he didn't understand it himself.
“I didn't stay in my room last night. Did you try to find me?”
“Yeah, I wanted to talk to you, but you weren't around. I figured that you were out running, but nobody saw you.”
Connie wasn't as naive as everybody assumed she was. Sure, she was young, but naïve was definitely not the way that he would describe her. She most certainly knew how the world worked. He should have told her the truth and saved himself a whole lot of hassle, but Jeff couldn't find the words.
“I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. I'm here now. Do you want to talk about it?”
“I don't know, Jeff. I just feel like we've lost everything. First Mom and now Dad. I don't know what to do. I don't know what would happen if something were to take you away from me. You're all I have left.”
He pulled her in for a hug and told her that everything was going to be okay. “Good thing I’m not going anywhere, huh?”
She sniffled a little bit, and he wasn't sure if what he said was enough.
She cried for a little bit, and he only pulled away when she was finally ready to straighten herself out. It was just one more thing she had to get through in her life. All he could do was be there for her and keep the truth from her for a little while longer. She wasn't ready to hear about it.
“Why don't you come with me to breakfast and we can talk about anything you want?”
She agreed. “That would be good. I figured that you would want to go talk to the elders anyways. They have all this stuff from Dad's will. He wanted things done a certain way.”
“What do you mean?”
“You know, who you're supposed to marry and when. I think that it's scheduled for a week from now. Here you thought that you would be single forever, brother. Father has made sure that that won't happen. He really did think of everything. I think you will be happy.”
Jeff did not know what to say. His sister had to be wrong. There was no way that his father was going to tell him who to marry from the grave.
“That can't be right, Connie. I don't even think he can do that.”
“He did. It's a good thing, brother. He has picked the perfect wife.”
“How do you know about it?”
She shrugged. “I was there when he did the paperwork. He was excited about it and said that you would be so happy. You don't look very happy, though.”
He just didn't know what to say. Of course, his father would try to dictate his life from the grave. He just shook his head and did his best not to get upset about it. He was so mad inside that he could feel himself shaking but couldn't come out with it. Connie would not understand. She felt differently about Jason than Jeff did. Jeff saw him for what he was years ago.
“I have to go, Connie. Are you sure you're all right for a while?”
She said that everything was fine, but she gave him a strange look. Jeff didn't want to marry anyone else. He already had his eyes on Carmella, not someone that his father had lined up for him. He didn’t need help in that department, and certainly not from his dead father.
As soon as he got away from Connie, he went to the elders.
It was where he was supposed to go take care of everything. He was so nervous he was going to lose Carmella.
When he got there, the sickening feeling was already back. How was he supposed to marry someone besides Carmella? The idea of losing her made him sick to his stomach. Jeff couldn’t let it happen. He just couldn’t.
Chapter Fifteen
Carmella waited for Jeff to get back, but after what seemed like forever, she started to realize that he wasn’t. She finally had to get out of bed because she was starving.
By the time she went down to the kitchen, it was almost noon, and Connie was sitting at the table. She was apparently having her breakfast, and Carmella smiled at her. It was strange to think that the two of them would have been stepmother and stepdaughter. Now they could be sisters, and Carmella liked the idea of that better.
Connie invited her to sit next to her, and Carmella did so immediately. She really wanted to get to know her future sister-in-law because Carmella had always wanted a sister. She had never been close to her brothers, so the idea of having a sister made her happy. All she had to do was figure out what angle to start with. She didn't even know if they had anything in common. Carmella has been so worried about running around with Jeff that she had barely said two words to Connie.
They talked for a while and it became clear to Carmella that they didn’t have much in common, so naturally, the conversation got back to what had happened the day before. While Carmella was trying to apologize to Connie, offer condolences, Connie was doing the same to her.
Carmella wanted to tell her that it was okay, she was in love with her brother, but that was harder to say than she would have imagined. It wasn’t like it wasn’t true, but their love, or whatever was going on between the two of them, was new, and she wasn’t sure how she was supposed to address it, or if she was supposed to address it at all. Maybe it was too soon.
“Well, I guess not all bad came out of it.”
“Yeah? What’s the silver lining?”
Carmella liked to hear that part of it because she felt like there was always a little bit of silver lining to every situation, even if it wasn’t clear right from the start. She was an optimist at heart and liked to think that all things happened for a reason.
All of those warm and fuzzy feelings were gone almost immediately, though. She had been expecting to hear about something good. Instead, all she heard about was how great it was that Jeff was going to be getting married.
“Wait, what do you mean that he is getting married?”
Connie looked at her for a moment a bit too hard and Carmella realized that she had put too much emotion into her words. She wasn’t supposed to care like that, after all. She didn’t know him that well. Connie didn’t know that she had given everything to him and now she was trying desperately to get enough oxygen into her
lungs.
“Yeah, that’s great, right?”
“Who is he going to marry?”
She had this one last chance that maybe he’d already told someone that he was going to get married to her. She wanted to believe it, held onto it like it was going to save her life. Carmella didn’t have to wait long for her dreams to be snatched away from her.
“I am not sure, but I think it’s Vanessa Cornell. She is part of the clan and comes from a good family. It will be a perfect match; that’s why Dad set it up.”
Carmella didn’t know what to say. There was a ringing in her ears that took over everything else, and she wasn’t sure if she was going to be able to hear again, ever. Why was she swaying in her chair all of a sudden? Was this real? Was what she said real?
“I didn't know your brother was getting married. Has he been with Vanessa long?”
While Connie seemed to be really nice, she didn't appear to be very good at reading the room. Carmella was dying inside, and she just kind of waved her off and giggled.
“Oh, no, they have never really dated before that I know of. It’s actually a funny story. I think that my father set them up years ago and Jeff didn't really take to her like Dad would have liked him to. He always wanted the two of them to get married, but Jeff had refused. I guess making it his dying wish makes it kind of impossible for him to say no now. I bet if Dad hadn’t died and put it in his will, Jeff would have never gotten married.”
Carmella was stunned. She didn't know how things worked there. She didn’t know if that was normal. Carmella wanted to find out, but she couldn’t push herself to ask. She couldn’t do much of anything but look at Connie. She finally asked her if she was okay, but Carmella didn’t really have an answer. She just nodded her head.
Why hadn’t he told her?
After finding out about Jeff and his bride to be, Carmella didn’t stick around. She’d given herself to a man, one that she loved, and now he wasn’t even going to be hers. It felt like Connie’s unconcerned words had brought Carmella’s whole world down on top of her.
She made her way back to her room and the smile that had played on her lips since that morning was gone. Carmella didn’t know if she would ever smile again. It was surprising, but as much as she was stressed out about the whole situation, she actually went to sleep waiting for him to get back. Carmella knew that there was going to be a confrontation, and she had to get ready for it. It wasn’t a conversation she wanted to have, though.
It was weird to think that just that morning, she was planning their night together. Everything that she wanted was just within her reach, but now everything was being taken away from her. How was she supposed to pretend like none of that happened? Pretend like she hadn't just had sex with him and gave him everything for nothing?
Carmella never thought that she would find herself in this position. That's why she had waited. That's why she had finally agreed to the marriage, because then it was one less thing that she had to worry about. But now, she was going to be tossed into the wind and she didn't know what was going to become of her.
Carmella woke up with a start when Jeff came into the room. He was not happy and he slammed the door slightly.
“We need to talk.”
Carmella didn't say anything. The whole world was crashing down on her. This conversation was going to change everything.
“Yeah, I guess we do. Connie and I had an interesting conversation earlier. She had a lot to say about your father’s will and what he wanted for you.”
Jeff wiped his face with his hand, and Carmella felt sorry for him for a moment. It was obvious that he was dealing with something. His dad just died. There was a lot going on, and she was just going to make it worse. Or he was going to make it worse, because he made her think that they were going to have a life together and it was all a lie.
Carmella had to hold on to that, because if not, she was going to lose it right then and there. Anger was the only way. It was the only thing that was going to keep her going.
“So, she told you about the wedding?”
Carmella felt sadness set in. To hear him say it out loud meant that it was actually going to happen. All of the hopes and dreams she had for the two of them were gone. That was probably the hardest thing to get over: the dreams she had. How everything was going to be perfect between the two of them.
“Yeah, she told me. I wish you would have been the one to tell me, before we had sex and you took my virginity and ruined me for getting married to anybody else.”
It all just came rushing out of her like some sort of word vomit, and Carmella didn't even try to take it back. That was exactly what had happened. She had given him the one thing she had held onto for so long, and it was for nothing.
Now, she was going to be just as tossed to the side as she would have been in the beginning. She would have believed him when he told her that he loved her. Everything he had said to her the night before was just a lie. Maybe they were lies she wanted to hear, but they were lies all the same.
“You realize that's not how it went, right?”
Carmella shrugged. Connie had told her a little bit, enough for her to know that it wasn't like they were dating or something. It didn't matter. It certainly didn't change how it was all going to turn out.
“I don't think it really matters how it went, Jeff. You're getting married to another woman. That's all that really matters.”
“Come on, Carmella, that's not really how it is.”
“I don't really care how it is, Jeff. How it was. The fact is you're getting married, isn't it?”
He put his head down. “Right now, yeah, it looks like I'm going to have to get married.”
“And it's not going to be to me?”
Carmella felt like her whole world was slipping away from her. How was she supposed to pretend like anything was right?
“No, it's not going to be you.”
“Then I think you should leave, Jeff. I don't think I can do this with you today. I know that I can't.”
It took Jeff a minute to realize that Carmella wasn't joking. He finally left without saying another word, and Carmella was able to take her first breath in several moments. Her lungs were greedy for the air, like she had been held underwater. Seconds after the first breath got into her lungs, the first tear fell down her face.
Chapter Sixteen
Jeff went next door to his room and slammed the door behind him. Everything was turning to shit, and there was nothing he could do about it. It wasn't his desire to get married, but his father had made it one of the requirements if he wanted to take over the clan. Jeff never really considered any other way. He was his father’s son, after all. He was supposed to take his place, and the idea of losing that did not sit well with him. If it were not to be him, then who?
The worst part was that he now has to decide between the woman he loved and the life that he was supposed to lead. That had never been in question. His right to take over the clan was just a given.
After he threw a few things that didn't make him feel any better, Jeff actually felt worse. The truth was that Carmella was only a few feet away, and now he couldn't have her. She had sent him away, and he didn't blame her. How could he when none of it was what she wanted? To be fair though, it wasn't what he wanted either.
He didn't want to stay next to her because then she would hear the chaos that was going on in the room. He didn't want her to know how much her request for him to leave bothered him. There were so many things that Jeff had wanted to do when he got back to her. Jeff wanted desperately to go back to that morning when everything was still the same.
Jeff decided that going out into the woods and running off some of the energy bottled up inside of him was the only way that he was going to stay sane. He wanted her to understand the circumstances he was in, but how could he ask her to go along with such a thing? He knew if he was in the same position, he probably would not. How would that ever be okay if losing Carmella was always the end game?
Jeff ran until he couldn't move anymore. He didn't go back home because there was nothing for him at the time. All there was, was pain and aggravation. When he finally did get back, it was late afternoon the next day, and his sister was waiting for him. She had questions that he most certainly did not have answers to.
“Where have you been?”
“I just needed to get away for a while. Is something wrong?”
She shook her head and said that there was nothing wrong, but she wanted to know where he had been.
“I just went for a run. I have a lot on my mind.”
“You said you would be here for me.”
“I'm sorry, Connie, I just had more to do than I thought I would.”
She stuck her lip out like she was pouting, and he tried to ignore it. Jeff couldn’t suffer through another complicated conversation, not even with Connie. Even though Connie wasn’t as naive as he had first imagined, it didn't mean that she needed to get involved. He didn't want anyone involved in his problem with Carmella. It was already embarrassing enough.
“Something is going on here, I’m not stupid. You should just tell me. You're acting weird, and so is Carmella. What am I missing?”
He told her that there was nothing to talk about, but she didn't believe him. There was doubt in the expression on her face. She was right, of course. There was something going on, but she didn't need to know about it. It was just more complications.
“Nothing. You missed nothing, Connie. Just leave it alone.”
She looked hurt, and he wanted to backtrack a little bit, but Jeff knew that he didn't want to have that conversation. It was better for her just to be mad at him and think that he was a jerk than to know the truth. He had fallen in love with his father's fiancée and now that his father was dead, he wanted to marry her. But he couldn't. His father had ruined that too.
“I have to go, Connie.”
“I thought you said you were going to stay around for a little bit? I wanted to talk to you. You know there's a lot to do with the funeral and everything.”
Alpha Shifter Bride Service: (A Paranormal Romance Series) Page 17
