There was a knock at the door later, but Carmella didn't answer. She would have done anything not to face him again. She had been so thoroughly heartbroken, and she couldn’t smile like nothing happened.
Part of her wanted to leave that very night. Carmella didn't know where she was going to go or what she was going to do when she got there, but she knew that it had to be better than being around Jeff and Vanessa. Vanessa was going to be the lady of the house, after all. It was her right not to want her there. Now that Jason was dead, Carmella didn’t belong there anymore, unless she found a husband, and soon. With no help from Jeff, that hope was being dashed as well.
Eventually, whoever was at the door gave up and Carmella was able to find a little bit of sleep. Her emotions had been running in ten different directions all day, and she just needed a break from it. There was a small hope that somehow, things would be different in the morning, maybe even better. Carmella wasn't sure why she believed it, but it was all she had to cling to.
The next morning came, and the first person Carmella saw when she got out of bed was Vanessa. She didn't know what she was doing there but figured the woman was going to be around more. They were going to be married very soon. Carmella wasn't under the impression they wouldn't be together intimately until then. The mere thought of it broke her heart. She was just going to have to be stronger than that. No matter what, she had to make sure that he never saw what he did to her. She would never let him see that his rejection killed her.
Avoiding Vanessa at all costs was on the top of her to-do list. Carmella did not want to have another conversation with the woman. She was threatened by Carmella and was not pleasant at all. Carmella had enough to deal with, without someone like her making it harder.
Grabbing a coffee, she quickly was out of the kitchen. Carmella said hi when she was spoken to and then was quickly out of the way. She knew that no conversation with Vanessa would be a pleasant one.
She was safe for a moment, without running into anyone else. That changed when Jeff materialized out of nowhere at the landing of the stairs. She said hello casually before she tried to pass by him without another word. She hugged the wall just so they wouldn't touch.
When he reached out and grabbed her arm, Carmella gasped and tried to pull it away quickly.
“We really need to talk about what you asked me last night.”
“You already made yourself clear. I will figure things out by myself.”
“I don't want you to marry someone else.”
“I don't really have a choice. You know how it is for people like me in my family. It’s not like I can just get a job and live on my own. That would never do.”
“You can’t just marry someone else.”
“I will. Hopefully, it won't be that hard. I hope you’re right about how many would be willing to have me.”
“Are you just doing this to mess with me?”
Carmella sighed. “I am doing this because of you, but it's certainly not to mess with you. Maybe I would have been able to go back if things would have been different, if we hadn’t…”
Carmella stopped because it didn’t matter. “I just can’t go back.”
“I don't understand where this is coming from. You don't have to leave right away. You don't have to leave it all, Carmella.”
“Your fiancée made it clear that I do.”
“She is not my fiancée. She is a woman that my father is trying to force me to marry. That doesn't mean that I'm going to do it. Do you think that everything that happened between us meant nothing to me? Can you really look at me and say that's what you truly think?”
Carmella shrugged her shoulders. “I don't know what to believe. All I know is that we can't be together anymore. Vanessa is your fiancée, whether you have come to grips with it or not. I talked to your sister. She said that it has all been settled and your dad made it something that has to be done.”
“Exactly, my father is trying to dictate my life, even after his is gone. There's no way I'm going to let him do it.”
“So, you're not going to marry her?”
Carmella had a surge of hope inside of her that was quickly dashed away when he shrugged and said that he didn't know what he was going to do.
“While you're trying to figure it out, I need to figure out my own life. I'm not getting married to your father anymore obviously, and I can't go back home, so I need to find another husband. If you're not going to help me, then I will find one myself. Who knows how, though? The rules of the shifter world are a bit distant to me. I thought I didn’t need to know, that my life was going to be all mapped out… I don’t know. Maybe I could marry a human.”
Carmella could feel bitterness setting in, and there was no pushing it away. How could she be happy about any of it?
“You can't marry a human. Now you really are just messing with me.”
“It's not that way at all. The truth is that I would much rather not marry anyone. If I can't have who I want, I don't want anything at all.”
“Then why don't you just stay here?” His words were so soft, she thought for a moment that she’d heard him wrong.
She sighed. “You think that I can watch you marry Vanessa?”
“I'm not sure what is going to happen, but I know that I don't want it to be without you. Can't you understand that? I am just in a really bad situation at the moment.”
She agreed. “I do understand, but can't you understand that it's not an option? I can’t stay and be alone while you’re with Vanessa.”
“I guess that I can.”
Carmella looked at him, not sure if he was saying what she thought he was saying.
“You can what?”
“Look, Carmella, if you really want me to find you a husband, I will do it. I can't say that I want to, in any way, shape, or form, but I will do what has to be done. Can you at least give me a couple of days, or are you in that big of a rush?”
“No, I guess I can wait a few days. Just make sure he's a good one.”
Jeff clenched his teeth, and she didn’t see much genuine feeling in it. She knew that he wasn’t happy, but Carmella wasn’t either. It didn’t feel like she was ever going to be happy again.
Chapter Twenty
Carmella should have been happy with the extra help he was willing to give her. She was, even though it kind of upset her that he was still willing to let her go. She knew that she had to suck up her emotions and instead worry about everything else. Why was Carmella upset that he was going to help her? Isn't that what she wanted?
As she threw herself on the bed and sighed as loudly as she dared, Carmella knew the truth. She did not want him to help her. She wanted him to realize that he loved her and couldn't live without her. Then he would get rid of Vanessa, the evil witch that Carmella couldn't even believe he was with to begin with. Then they could be together. That was the plan, and Carmella just wanted things to turn out the way that they were supposed to. She was convinced that they were supposed to be together, but now he had called her bluff.
Vanessa saw her as competition, and maybe rightly so. Carmella was so close to going to Vanessa and telling her about what she and Jeff had done together. Then maybe Vanessa would back off, but then again, she doubted it. Vanessa was the type that wanted to be at the top because it was fun.
The rest of the night was spent thinking about the conversation that she had had with Jeff and how she wished things were different. What she should have said and what she could have done. There was still, of course, the fact that her very body wanted to be with him. It was all more than she wanted to deal with. It was too much to handle all alone.
By morning, she only had a couple of hours of sleep underneath her belt and Carmella knew that unless she was prepared to come face to face with Vanessa again, she was going to have to find somewhere else to get her coffee besides the kitchen. The coffee was a good there, so was the creamer, but Carmella couldn't deal with Vanessa again. It was too early to deal with the likes of her.<
br />
She got dressed and decided she would go get some coffee. It had to be better than waiting around for Vanessa to catch her. Carmella just didn't have it in her that morning. She was tired, and Vanessa had made herself clear. She might as well have pissed on Jeff to claim him as her own.
However, at the moment, she needed caffeine. Getting out of the house, she was on a mission. Caffeine first and then the rest of life after that. With a bit of caffeine in her, she would be able to plan the rest of her life, no matter how messed up it all seemed at the moment.
Carmella was on her way out when she ran into Jeff again. She really couldn’t catch a break.
“We really have to stop meeting this way, Carmella.”
“I agree. I was just leaving to get some coffee.”
Carmella made it as a way for the conversation to end and get out of his way. She knew that the coffee shop was only a couple of blocks away and it wouldn’t be hard for her to get there herself. It would have been nice to drive, but the sun was out to warm it up a little bit, and she probably needed a little exercise to get rid of some of the pent-up frustration and feelings that she had inside of her.
“Why don't I come with you?”
She groaned inwardly, not expecting that, but what could she do?
“Of course, you can come with me. It is a free country, after all.”
They walked together in silence for a few moments, and it was Jeff that broke it.
“So, I guess I need to know what exactly you're looking for, Carmella.”
“What do you mean?”
It didn't occur to her that he was talking about finding her a husband. Carmella wasn't even sure why she had said such a thing, but now apparently, she was going to have to go through with it.
“You know, for your mate. Does it have to be in our clan, and does it have to be a wolf?”
She had never considered dating outside of her kind before. It was not unheard but it was certainly looked down on. Maybe not looked down on, but it was unusual. Carmella didn't know if she was ready for unusual because she wasn't sure. Carmella hadn’t allowed herself to date much. It had all seemed like a waste of time once she knew what her future held for her.
“I don't know, have you ever dated somebody that wasn’t a wolf?”
“A few, but there are some subtle differences. Some people like it, some people don't.”
“What do you prefer?”
“I prefer to be with my own kind. Do you think you could be happy with another?”
Carmella quite frankly didn't think she would be happy with anyone else but Jeff, so it didn't matter at that point. Carmella didn't know what to say. How would she get what she needed when she wasn't exactly sure what it was?
“I don't know.”
“Okay, why don't we leave it open for now? What about looks? What do you want him to look like?”
Carmella hadn’t thought any of it through. She had basically been planning on marrying a complete stranger for the last couple of years. There had been no real thought of choosing anything because it would just be. She got what she got, basically. Now Carmella had a choice, but she didn't know what to do with it. None of the choices would be her true desires.
“Well, I guess I don't know that either. You know I haven't sat here and dreamed up the perfect guy. You're standing next to me, so I can describe you.”
“Would you want someone like me?”
Carmella looked away and bit her bottom lip. It wasn't that she wanted someone like him. It was that she wanted him.
“I guess that would be okay.”
He snorted in laughter. “Is that so? Well, at least it's good to know that it would be okay if they were like me. I was hoping that I would be a little higher up in your eyes. Considering...”
Then his face dropped, and the smile was gone. Carmella almost wished that she could take away the memory that changed his expression and mood. Whatever it was, obviously it wasn’t good.
“Like I said, it's all right if it's someone like you. Although I don't know what you mean by that. Are you talking about being a wolf or the way you look? Or are you talking about the way you make love? Are you considering finding someone for me that is similar in that way as well? Because I don’t think I would argue with that.”
His lips pressed together in a tight line, and it made her smile. He looked terribly upset at the moment. The only reason she found a little bit of pleasure in it was because he had destroyed her in many ways. He got to walk away from it, so the best she could do was make sure he missed her when she left.
Instead of sparring with words, he unexpectedly stopped her and pressed her up against the side of the building. The brick was cold and hard on her back, it was digging into her side, but that wasn’t enough. His lips settled on hers, taking her breath away. Carmella couldn’t deny the need that spread through her like wildfire, but she did pull herself together once she heard the whimpering that was coming out as well.
He pulled back after a moment; their eyes met for several seconds longer before he stood back and let her stand up straight again.
“No one will ever kiss you like that, Carmella. What we have together is rare. I know that you do not have much experience in all of it, Carmella…but the fact is that this doesn’t happen to just anyone. It never happened to me before.”
“So, I guess that means that the last request is out of the question?”
He growled at her and agreed that it was. Carmella could see the tension in his body and face. She wanted to touch him, tell him that everything was going to be okay, but nothing good would come from that. Every time she wanted to move closer, kiss him again, she reminded herself of the danger.
Jeff was danger, more now than ever before.
Chapter Twenty-One
The whole idea of Jeff finding Carmella a husband was ridiculous. After the kiss, it felt entirely impossible. He left her with a hole in his heart and knew that he was going to have to help her. He was stuck marrying Vanessa unless he was ready to give up his title. So, if he wasn’t going to give it all up, he needed to find her a good husband, but how was he supposed to do that? How was he supposed to give her away when he wanted her so badly for himself?
Connie ran into him on the way.
“What are you up to, Jeff? I haven’t seen you in a while.”
“I was just talking to Carmella.”
“How is she doing? She was worried the other day, seemed depressed. I think she is upset about Dad.”
Jeff didn’t want to talk about Carmella. He certainly did not want to discuss her with his sister. Connie just wouldn't understand any of it.
“I think she's going to be fine. She wants me to find her a new husband. Apparently, she can't go back home and is now stuck here.”
His sister looked worried and told him that he had to help her.
“With everything that she's been through, coming all this way, you need to make sure you find her a good husband. She deserves it. She's really nice.”
Jeff didn't agree. Of course, he wanted to make it easier for Carmella, but at the same time, he was in love with her. That was what was holding him back. He didn't want to set her up with somebody else. He wanted her for himself, even though it would make everything so complicated.
“She is. I was just going to see what I could figure out. Nobody comes to mind right off the bat, though.”
“What about Dennis? He lost his wife a couple of months back. They have a baby that is six months old. How does Carmella feel about children?”
Jeff kind of shrugged because he had no idea about it. They had not discussed much of anything. They hadn't had time to get to know each other like he wanted. There was no talk of hopes and dreams. There were just a few stolen moments, and that was it. Now he would have given anything to go back, just to lie with her silently again. It would be enough.
He thought about Dennis for a moment and immediately wanted to say no. Dennis was too old for her, and as funny as it sounded,
he was too handsome for Jeff. Jeff did not want her to actually like her husband. He realized that then and shook it off. How was he ever going to do it?
His sister gave him a few more ideas, and truthfully, they all would have been a good option. They were good men, and while Jeff wanted to say that his sister wasn't ready for such things, she was definitely better at it than he was. By the time he had left her, he was actually happy that they had had the conversation. She reminded him that there were plenty of people in the clan that would be more than happy to have Carmella as a wife. He just had to get through his grievances about it.
When he got to Dennis’ house, he saw that the man was overwhelmed. The baby was crying, and Jeff immediately picked it up. He didn't know much about kids, but he seemed to have a calming effect on them.
“How have you been, Dennis?”
The strawberry-blond-haired man looked ragged. He tried to smile, but it was too much work, and it immediately melted into something else. As much as Jeff could see that he needed help, he didn't know if Carmella was the right one. He didn't even know how to broach the subject, because his mind was fighting the idea so desperately. He didn’t want Carmella to get married to someone else.
His resolve was waning, and when the baby smiled at him, he picked up the courage he needed.
“I have a bit of an unusual situation I’m in here. It would seem that you are in need of a wife, and it would also seem that my father's fiancée needs a husband.”
Dennis looked at him with surprise. He could never be as surprised as Jeff was. Sure, he had agreed to find her a husband, but actually doing it was something else altogether. He didn’t know how to feel about it, but it hurt to think about. Jeff just had to get through it, gritted teeth and all.
“So, what do you think about that?”
“Well, you are right; I do need a wife. I have only seen her a couple of times. She is beautiful and young. Maybe she is a bit too young for me.”
Alpha Shifter Bride Service: (A Paranormal Romance Series) Page 19
