Girls Don't Have Cooties

by Nancy E. Krulik

  “So what?” Katie asked. “Some girls are great at soccer.”

  George laughed. “That was funny, Jeremy,” he said. “I didn’t know you liked to tell jokes.”

  “I’m not kidding,” Katie said.

  “Yeah, right,” Kevin answered. “Could you just see us playing against the girls? They’d probably want a time-out to fix their hair.”

  “Or because they broke a nail,” George added. He made his voice sound high and squeaky. “Time out for a nail-polish emergency!” he joked.

  Katie watched as Kevin and George laughed. They were making her really mad.

  Then, suddenly Katie got an idea. Let them laugh, she thought to herself. I’ll show them!

  “Okay, let’s choose up teams,” Andrew said, once all the boys were on the soccer field. “Okay if I go first, Jeremy?”

  Katie nodded.

  “I choose Kevin,” Andrew said.

  “Oh, man!” Kevin moaned as he moved over next to Andrew.

  “I choose George,” Katie said.

  “Yes!” George cheered. He gave Katie a high-five.

  “Now I’ll take Billy,” Andrew told them.

  Katie looked at the crowd of boys standing in front of her. They all wanted to be on Jeremy’s team. Slowly she turned to face the playground—where the girls were.

  “Hey Mandy!” she called out. “You want to play soccer?”

  Suddenly, everything stopped. The girls dropped their jump ropes. The boys stared in surprise.

  “Jeremy, what are you doing?” George asked.

  “I’m choosing up teams,” Katie told him.

  “But you can’t pick Mandy,” George said.

  “Why not?”

  George looked amazed. “Because she’s a girl!”

  Katie sighed. “Yeah. But she’s also a really good soccer player. Maybe the best in the class. She could win the game for us.”

  “Sure,” George moaned. “We’d win because the other team would be laughing too hard to play!”

  “I still choose Mandy,” Katie told him.

  “I’m not playing with her,” George said. “I’m going over to Andrew’s team.”

  “Andrew’s team is the only team,” Kevin said. “No one wants to play with a girl.”

  “Except Jeremy,” Andrew pointed out.

  “Jeremy the girl lover!” George shouted.

  “Girl lover, girl lover!” The other boys began chanting. “Jeremy’s a girl lover!”

  Kevin lifted his hand and sprayed some imaginary cootie spray. We want all girl lovers to go away. Blast them hard with cootie spray!“ he shouted.

  “Let’s get out of here, you guys!” George told the others. “We don’t want to get cooties from Jeremy the girl lover!”

  The boys ran over to the playground.

  “Get ‘em!” George shouted, as he ran straight toward Suzanne and blasted her with imaginary cootie spray.

  Katie stood alone on the soccer field and watched the boys chase the girls. She’d wanted to fix things between the girls and the boys. That’s why she’d picked Mandy for Jeremy’s team.

  “I hate you, George!” Suzanne cried out.

  Katie sighed. Instead things were worse than ever.

  Chapter 6

  It was lonely on the soccer field. All the other kids were running around on the playground. They didn’t even notice that one of their friends was standing there, all alone.

  These days, the worst thing any boy in 3A could be called was a girl lover! Katie knew that when Jeremy found out what had happened, he was going to be upset. And it was all Katie’s fault.

  Usually, when the magic wind turned Katie into someone else, she couldn’t wait to become Katie Carew again. But this time was diferent. Katie didn’t want to turn back into herself. She wanted to stay Jeremy for a little longer. At least long enough to fix things.

  But the magic wind never seemed to care what Katie wanted. Suddenly, a cool breeze began to blow. Katie looked over toward the trees. The leaves were still. She glanced over at the flag post. The flag wasn’t moving. The magic wind was back.

  Once again, wild winds began to circle around Katie. The magic wind was so strong that it whipped off Jeremy’s glasses. Katie reached out to grab them, but the glasses flew across the field.

  Oh, no! Jeremy wouldn’t be able to see without his glasses. Katie tried to run after them. The magic wind wouldn’t let her move. It was holding her prisoner.

  And then it just stopped. Slowly Katie opened her eyes. She looked around. She was still out on the soccer field.

  Okay, so now she knew where she was. But she still didn’t know who she was.

  Nervously, Katie looked down at her feet. There were her purple shoes and her pink glitter pants.

  She held up her hands. She was still wearing the same electric green, glow-in-the-dark nail polish she’d put on the day before.

  Katie was back.

  And so was Jeremy Fox. He was standing just a few feet from Katie on the field. Jeremy looked kind of funny without his glasses on. Katie hardly ever saw him like that.

  “Where am I?” Jeremy mumbled to himself. He squinted his eyes and tried to find his glasses.

  Katie spotted Jeremy’s glasses by a tree. She picked them up and handed them to him. “Looking for these?” she asked him.

  “What happened?” Jeremy asked. “I mean, I sort of remember coming out here, but ...”

  Katie gulped. How was she going to explain what happened? She couldn’t just say that the magic wind had turned her into Jeremy. He’d never believe her. If it hadn’t happened to her, Katie wouldn’t believe it, either.

  “What do you mean you ‘sort of remember’?” Katie asked him.

  Before Jeremy could answer, George’s teasing voice rang out over the playground. “Hey! Look at the girl lover talking to Katie Kazoo!”

  Jeremy’s face turned beet red.

  “Jeremy’s a girl lover! Jeremy’s a girl lover!” the boys all began to chant.

  Jeremy’s put his glasses on and stared at the boys angrily.

  “Who are you calling a girl lover?” he asked them.

  “You!” Kevin shouted back.

  “Who says?” Jeremy asked.

  “Hey, you’re the one who picked a girl for your soccer team!” Manny told him.

  Jeremy looked confused. “What are you talking about?”

  “Hello? Aren’t you the one who picked Mandy Banks to be on your team?” George asked.

  Jeremy thought for a minute. “I think I remember something like that,” he began. “I don’t know. It’s all kind of weird.”

  “We thought it was pretty weird too,” Manny told him.

  “Scary weird,” Andrew added.

  “Next thing you know, you’ll be putting on a frilly nightgown and going to Suzanne’s dumb old sleepover party,” George said. He pretended to hold up the edges of an invisible skirt.

  Just the mention of Suzanne’s party made Jeremy really mad. There was no way he was going to be called a girl lover!

  “Hey, can’t you guys take a joke?” Jeremy asked.

  “Huh?” Kevin asked.

  “It was just a joke,” Jeremy told them. “Come on, George. You love jokes. You must have known I was kidding. I would never play soccer with a girl!”

  George thought about that. “I don’t know, Jeremy. You seemed pretty serious out there.” “I’m not a girl lover!” Jeremy insisted.

  Katie couldn’t believe her ears. How could Jeremy say that? They had been best friends since they were babies.

  Jeremy looked away from Katie’s sad, angry eyes. “I wouldn’t be caught dead near a girl!” he assured the boys.

  “Oh yeah?” Manny asked. “Prove it!”

  Jeremy thought about that for a minute. Then he got an idea. “Okay, you guys meet me by the slide after school. Those girls think it’s okay to have a party without us? We’ll show them!”

  Just then, Mrs. Derkman blew her loud whistle. “Class 3A line
up!” she called out. “Recess is over.”

  As the boys raced to line up, George whispered to Jeremy, “This had better be good!”

  “Oh it is,” Jeremy assured him. “It’s really good!”

  Chapter 7

  After school, Katie and Suzanne went to Katie’s house. “What do you think the boys are planning?” Katie asked Suzanne as the girls walked into Katie’s bedroom.

  “Who knows?” Suzanne answered, plopping down on the bed. “Who cares? No matter what they’re planning, it won’t be as fun as my sleepover party.”

  Just then Pepper, Katie’s cocker spaniel, padded into the room. He hopped up on the bed and licked Katie’s face.

  “I guess Pepper is the only boy who’ll hang out with me anymore.” Katie kissed her dog right on his cold, wet nose.

  “Blech!” Suzanne exclaimed. “I don’t know how you can kiss Pepper. He’s got dog breath!”

  “It’s not so bad,” Katie told her.

  “I guess not,” Suzanne agreed. “It can’t be any worse than George Brennan’s breath after he eats pickles and Doritos.”

  Katie laughed. George did eat some weird food combinations. “No, it’s definitely not that bad. I don’t mind kissing Pepper. He’s like part of my family.”

  “Exactly,” Suzanne said. “He’s not like a human boy. He’d never turn on you the way Jeremy did!”

  Katie frowned. She wished Suzanne hadn’t brought that up. Jeremy had hurt Katie’s feelings—big time.

  “Where were you today during recess, anyway?” Suzanne asked Katie suddenly. “You went to get your jacket and then you just disappeared.”

  Katie didn’t say anything. There was no way she could explain what had happened to her.

  “Well, you definitely missed it,” Suzanne continued. “Nobody could believe it when Jeremy picked Mandy to be on his team. It was really mean of him to tease her like that.”

  “Are you sure he was teasing?” Katie asked.

  “Of course. The boys would never have let her play,” Suzanne said.

  “But Mandy is a good player,” Katie replied.

  “I know,” Suzanne agreed. “The boys are afraid to play against her.”

  Katie shrugged. “I guess.”

  Suzanne smiled and pulled a notebook from her backpack. “I don’t want to waste one more minute talking about those yucky boys,” she said. “I want to plan my sleepover party. It’s going to be the best ever!”

  Katie listened as Suzanne talked on and on about junk food, movies, and flashlight games. It wasn’t all that interesting, but it was better than thinking about what the boys were planning. There was going to be real trouble in school tomorrow, and Katie couldn’t help but feel that it was all her fault.

  Chapter 8

  By the time Katie got to school the next morning, all of the boys in class 3A were already there. They’d gathered under a tree.

  Katie walked over to the crowd of boys. “Hey Jeremy, what’s going on?” she asked her pal.

  Jeremy turned away and didn’t answer.

  “Come on, Jeremy, cut it out,” Katie said. “Answer me.”

  “Go away Katie,” he told her. “You can’t be here.”

  “Why not?” she said.

  “Because this is a meeting of the Boys Club,” Kevin butted in. “No girls allowed!”

  “What Boys Club?” Katie asked.

  “It’s our new club,” Manny told her. “We have a club handshake and a club language. They’re secret. Only boys can know them.”

  “Oh, come on guys, we can tell Katie Kazoo,” George said suddenly.

  “Are you nuts?” Kevin asked him.

  “Nah. Katie’s cool. We can teach her our secret language,” George said.

  Katie was surprised. She was also happy. Maybe this fighting was finally going to end.

  “Yeah, I’m cool,” she assured the boys.

  “So, repeat after me,” George told her. “Awa.”

  “Awa,” Katie repeated.

  “Ta si.”

  “Ta si.”

  “Lee goo.”

  “Lee goo.”

  “Siam,” George finished.

  “Siam,” Katie said.

  George nodded. “Good. Now put it all together.”

  Katie took a deep breath. “Okay, here goes. Awa ta si lee goo siam,” she said. All the boys started to laugh.

  At first Katie didn’t know what was so funny. Then she figured it out. When she said the words all together, it sounded like “Oh what a silly goose I am!”

  “Gotcha!” George told her. “We’ll never reveal our secrets to a girl. Now get out of here!”

  Katie choked back the tears as she walked away.

  “What’s wrong?” Suzanne said when she spotted Katie walking alone on the playground.

  “The boys have started a club,” Katie told her.

  “So what?” Suzanne asked.

  “No girls are allowed,” Katie explained.

  “Like I said, so what?” Suzanne said. “We should start our own club. A Girls Club. It’ll be so much better than theirs.”

  Just then, the boys started chanting their new cheer. “Girls go to Jupiter to get more stupider. Boys go to college to get more knowledge!” the boys shouted.

  “Oh, please!” Suzanne said. “That is so old. The last time I heard that one I fell off my dinosaur.”

  Katie didn’t laugh. Her feelings were too hurt.

  Suzanne smiled and put her arm around Katie. “Come on. Let’s get the other girls,” she said. “I know we can come up with something better than that!”

  Chapter 9

  By lunchtime, the all-new Girls Club had its own cheer. “Shout it big! Shout it proud! We’re the girls club. No boys allowed. Stomp your feet. Make some noise. Let everyone know. We hate boys!” They chanted.

  Then the boys started to shout their cheer. “Girls go to Jupiter to get more stupider. Boys go to college to get more knowledge!” They made sure they cheered even louder than the girls.

  Soon, both clubs were screaming their cheers. The whole cafeteria heard them. Unfortunately, so did Mrs. Derkman. She blew her whistle loudly.

  Everyone stopped screaming. It was the first time Mrs. Derkman had ever blown her whistle inside. She must have been really angry!

  “That’s enough!” the teacher shouted. “There will be no recess after lunch. I want you all to sit here and think about how you are acting.”

  “That’s not fair!” George shouted. “The girls started it!”

  Suzanne opened her mouth to argue. Then she saw the look on Mrs. Derkman’s face. She closed her mouth.

  A few minutes later, class 3A was alone in the cafeteria. Everyone else was playing outside.

  “This is so unfair,” Mandy moaned. She put her head down on the table.

  “If they hadn’t started that dumb Boys Club, none of this would have happened,” Miriam agreed.

  “I wish we could get them back for everything they’ve done,” Zoe added.

  Suzanne grinned. “I know how we can,” she said. She whispered something to Mandy.

  “Great idea!” Mandy agreed.

  “What? What?” Zoe asked.

  The girls all gathered around Suzanne. All the girls except Katie, that is. Katie didn’t want to hear Suzanne’s latest idea. She knew it would be a mean idea. There had been enough meanness in class 3A already.

  For a while all the girls were quiet. They were waiting for Mrs. Derkman to leave the room. As soon as the teacher was gone, Suzanne jumped up. “They’re all around us! They’re all around us!” she cried out. She looked really scared.

  Mandy leaped up. “Aaaahhh!” she screamed. “They’re all around us!”

  George stared at the girls. “What’s going on?” he asked nervously.

  “Look! They’re all around us!” Suzanne cried out again.

  “Oh, no!” Kevin said as he looked under the table

  “Look everywhere. They’re all around us!” Zoe added.
<
br />   Manny started to cry.

  Jeremy pulled his legs up onto his chair. “What’s all around us?” he asked nervously.

  Suzanne stopped screaming. “The walls. The walls are all around us!” She laughed so hard she couldn’t stop.

  “You big scaredy-cats,” Miriam teased. “You should have seen your faces.” Katie looked at the boys. Their faces weren’t scared anymore. They were angry.

  “That was a great one, huh, Katie?” Suzanne asked her best friend.

  Katie nodded. “You really got them,” she said. “But I wonder what they’re going to do to get us back.”

  Chapter 10

  That afternoon, Katie walked home from school by herself. Her mom was waiting for her on the front porch.

  “Where’s Jeremy?” Katie’s mom asked as Katie walked up the stairs to the house.

  Katie shrugged. “I have no idea.”

  Katie’s mom seemed surprised. “I thought Wednesday was your special day with Jeremy. You two always spend Wednesday afternoons together.”

  It was true. Most of the other kids had activities on Wednesday afternoons. Suzanne took ballet classes. George and Kevin had tae kwon do. Manny had his piano lessons. But Katie and Jeremy were always free on Wednesdays. That was their playdate day.

  “Jeremy doesn’t play with girls anymore,” Katie said sadly.

  “Oh, I see,” Katie’s mom said.

  “It really stinks!” Katie exclaimed.

  “I agree,” her mother said. “Maybe he’ll change his mind.”

  Katie shook her head. “I don’t think so, Mom. I don’t think any of the boys will ever talk to a girl again.”

  Katie’s mom laughed. “Oh, they will. Don’t you worry.”

  Katie sighed. She wished she could believe her mom.

  “Do you want a snack?” Katie’s mother asked.

  Katie shook her head. “I don’t feel much like eating.”

  “So, what do you want to do?”

  “There’s nothing to do,” Katie told her. “I am so bored!”

  “Do you have any homework?” her mother asked.