I Won't Let You Die Angel

by Neal Goldy

  My mind was in denial, it could not take this much. I swiped away the random curls of my hair as the bracelet on my wrist jingled. “You gave me this bracelet. I don’t even remember when? But you gifted me this in substitution of my pendant. Are you saying all this was for nothing? That I was just a burden, just a menial assignment which you were skeptical about even taking in the first place? That you feel nothing?” My voice cracked and tears camped in my eyes.

  He looked at me with so much swirling emotions that I couldn’t decipher what he actually wanted to convey. He was saying one thing but his eyes were speaking something different.

  “I have to do this, Janet, I need to. You, your life is full of light. I don’t want to be the reason of impending darkness over you. You are better off without me, without all of this. You and me; we belong to two different worlds. Two worlds which can co-exist together, but can never collide.”

  He cupped my face, “You gave me the light no star could ever give. The last four days with you were the brightest days of my life. But that was it. You need to stay away from me for your own good.”

  I blinked back the tears welling up. “Look, we need time to figure something out. You can’t leave me cowardly. You can’t just walk away.” I cried.

  He took a few steps back, “Actually, I can and I am.”

  And then he turned around and did walk away.

  Watching the retreating figure of Neil gnawed at an unknown part of me. Something twisted inside me; the pain and the anguish I had never felt before were now crushing me. Now I understood what it meant when Nicole once quoted, “You realize the degree of importance of a certain person in your life only when you watch him walk away”. And it was true, more authentic than Einstein’s photoelectric effect, more approving than Newton’s laws of motion, and more phenomenal than earth’s elliptical orbit.

  I sank down on my knees, tears now rolling down my cheeks flawlessly, without any surface tension. I sat there, whimpering my heart out, my favorite song’s lyrics now haunting me. I always listened to it, enjoyed it, but never understood the depth and the pain. But now it seemed vividly clear.

  What hurts the most, is being so close

  Having so much to say, and watching you walk away

  Never knowing, what could have been?

  And not seeing that loving you, that’s what I was trying to do.

  Seconds passed, minutes ticked by, and I lost the track of time. I had not even fully recovered from my emotional breakdown yet, when something brushed the back of my head. Then the harsh realization hit me hard, I was at gunpoint. The next voice jolted me to the core.

  “Hello again, my dear sis, I bet you’re as pleased for this reunion as I am.”

  I faced my outrageous step-brother and his three other accomplices skeptically. I couldn’t take four over-powering men on my own, even if I somehow managed to pry a gun away from one of them. If Neil could have been here…

  But Neil is not here. So, I’ll have to deal with this my own. “What do you want Sam?”

  He managed to look glum. The other three surrounded me from the east, west and south. I was trapped, great! “Pendant, Janet, now.”

  “I told you, I don’t have it.” I shouted, totally exasperated.

  “Then you have no reason to live.” And just like that, he shot me.

  Chapter 18

  I braced myself for the excruciating pain and the blackout, but it never came. Instead, I heard someone else grunt. I opened my eyes and couldn’t think anything except to stare at the man in front of my eyes. His black eyes, just like mine, full of care and concern, and his left shoulder bleeding due to the bullet wound.

  Just like me, the rest of them were also stunned. Carl took advantage of that and he single-handily shot the three accomplices in a blink of an eye. In retort, Sam took another shot, this time straight into Carl’s heart.

  “NO!! Oh, no, no, no…..” I caught Carl before he could crumple down. His gun dropped out of his hand and gravity was pulling him down. I gently placed him on the floor, his head on my lap.

  He was breathing heavily and his eyes were closing. “Carl!! Carl, stay with me. Don’t, don’t die on me. You can’t.”

  His face lit up with that carefree smile he always had and gently touched my cheek, “Janet, stay safe. Promise me, you’ll stay safe, that you’ll stay away from all this. My blessings will always be with you.”

  I nodded, unable to form words from my throat. His hand reached up and I bowed my head. He placed his shaking hand on my head in a manner of blessing and…passed away.

  “Finally!! True blood cells”, mocked Sam.

  Something snapped inside me, something animalistic that had been lying way too dormant; but now it broke free. That thin veil of goodness and compassion dropped. My mind filled with rage and hostility and revulsion so strong that my senses ignored everything around me and concentrated on one aim….. Sam.

  I closed Carl’s eyes, quickly chanted a prayer in Sanskrit and charged at Sam. He was freakishly caught off-guard. I knee-kicked his weak point, bit his right wrist, and snatched the gun out of his grip. As quickly as the gun fit in my palm, I shot both thighs. He yelped and smashed onto the ground, face first.

  I kicked him twice on the same spot where the bullets pierced and twisted his arms 120 degrees. Another loud groan escaped his mouth.

  “Does it hurt brother?” I rolled him over, shot his right shoulder and punched repeatedly. He cried in pain.

  “It will hurt more.” I again kicked his weak spot. “You will experience every trace of pain you gave to me, to dad, to mom, and to Carl.”

  He grabbed my ankle, but I freed it easily. Some unusual strength had consumed me. Everything, every assault that he had inflicted on me was now swirling before my eyes as in a slide show. Dad’s sorrow, Mom’s dilemma, Carl’s last blessing; everything together infused such a strong catalyst that it was affecting the end inference of the experiment.

  Some tiny part of my brain was screeching to think rationally, but majority wins. So I continued punching him, kicking him, and swearing at him.

  Strong arms subdued me before I could deliver my 50th punch. I turned to shoot the one who caused the interruption, but stopped just before pulling the trigger.

  Neil stood there, his hands up in a manner of surrender, and he was looking at me with astonished eyes. He slowly came closer and gently cupped my face. “Angel, calm down. He’s almost dead, okay. Don’t you wanna extract useful information out of him? Huh?”

  “No, he has to die. Death is his conviction granted by me. You don’t know what he did? He murdered…”

  “Ssh…” He soothed me. “I know what he has done to you, Angel. But think rationally, to get you out of all this mess, we need to know every bit of information he has.”

  No, he didn’t know what he had done. He couldn’t see Carl’s motionless body from where we were, but I could. Neil’s touch induced an unusual feeling of warmth through me and calmed my infuriated senses. I started thinking more rationally. I breathed out slowly. “Ok, fine, we’ll interrogate him.”

  He patted my arms and faced Sam. Sam was coughing blood and holding his stomach. Neil grabbed Sam’s chin, “Tell me, what is Majestic’s grand scheme is?”

  “Go to hell”, spat Sam.

  I shot another bullet in his other shoulder. Neil flinched away from him. “Hell’s waiting for you Sam and I will send you there definitely. So, you better answer us.”

  “What do you want with my pendant? Why did you give it to Mom in the first place? And what the hell does Majestic wants with me? Of what possible use would I be for her?”

  Sam looked up gradually, “I’ll die sister, and I’ll die in loyalty. The only thing you’ll get from me is that your mother’s getting the punishment for the perfidy she had done to me by giving away that pendant to you.”

  Save it if you can! And you all can go to…” The bullet struck precisely in his heart and the gun dropped from my hand. “Shut up, Storm. Sh
ut up. You won’t speak again. You’ll go beyond hell.” I whispered slowly.

  Neil wiped the tears that burst from my eyes and hugged me. “I’m sorry, Angel, I’m so sorry you have to go through all this. I’m sorry I left you alone. I did it for your own safety and I failed. I failed you.”

  I hugged him tightly and took comfort in his embrace while I silently sobbed. “I’m a murderer, Neil. He would have died anyway, but I killed him. I killed him in cold blood.”

  He pulled back slightly and kissed my forehead. “Ssh…. It’s okay. You are not a murderer, Janet. You are just a sweet, simple, college girl who’s just been dragged into a battle of nothingness.”

  “No, Neil, I’m bad. I wanted to kill him; I wanted him to suffer for what he has done to Carl. He killed Carl.”

  Neil’s whole body stiffened beside me. He let go of me in a trance and staggered several paces back.

  “Neil.”

  He lifted one hand to stop me. “Where? Carl?” he muttered and then turned around and spotted his friend’s body a few yards away. He sprinted in that direction and almost skidded in a pool of blood. He knelt beside Carl, stroked his chin, and bowed his head down.

  All around us, about 16 armed commandos were slowly closing in. Oh God! We’re being ambushed. “Neil!!” But Neil was not listening. I ran to him and shook him out of his reverie. “Neil, look around. We’re trapped.” He picked up Carl’s gun and shoved it in my hand, and then took out his.

  My hand trembled while holding the gun. I had blood on my hands, and bloodstains never wash away. They always haunt you, as dead people haunt your dreams. Neil’s voice snapped me back to the parking area.

  “Huh?”

  “They have state-issued rifles on them. I doubt Majestic sent them. They are not even making any attempt to kill us.”

  As if to stamp on Neil’s suspicion, a tall, black-haired handsome man stepped into view. His chocolate-brown eyes emanated mischief even in this scenario. He looked the same as when we met last time; same attire, same businessman-like hairdo, and same pretty well-chiseled cheekbones, but a frown-line now decorated his forehead.

  “Chris??”

  Saying I was shocked would be the understatement of the year. I was totally used up, maybe I was hallucinating. But Neil also looked bewildered. “Chris!! The federal agent??”

  Everyone except Chris stopped in their tracks. Chris sauntered towards us, and like several times before, all three parts of my brain were infused with different ideas. I didn’t know what to expect. Then it crossed my mind, why was I scared? All this while when I wanted to return to my normal life, the FBI were here to rescue me obviously.

  But, what about Neil? I wouldn’t let anything happen to him because of me. I wouldn’t. And with recent developments, I couldn’t just abduct from the situation. I had to face it. The best way to escape evil is to face it.

  I gripped the gun tightly in my fist. Something was up with Neil; the gun was wrongly aligned in his palm and his eyes were red. He was devastated. If it came to a fight, we wouldn’t survive, plus I almost ignored the rifles. Somehow, the reasoning was my only weapon left.

  I steadied myself as Chris grew closer, and opened my mouth to say something, anything. Neil braced himself and pointed his gun towards Chris. Oh no! But Chris did not seem to notice; he walked straight past us and stopped right above Carl’s body.

  “What happened to him?” He questioned in a diabolical tone.

  I was confused. When nobody answered, he marched towards me and clasped my arm, “I asked, what happened to him?”

  “Storm killed him and I killed Storm.” I replied, not so obliquely.

  “Damn it!!” He swore.

  “If you’re mad because Storm’s dead and you didn’t get to interrogate him, then let me tell you, he won’t talk.”

  “No!! I’m not mad because you killed Storm, but because Storm killed Carl. He was supposed to wait for us. This is a huge loss. God!!!” He sighed, exasperated.

  “Look Chris, er, I mean agent Gold. You need to listen to me. Some terrorist Majestic is planning something big. We don’t know what? But she’s after me, and after Neil. Storm knew everything but he was way too loyal to say. You gotta do something.” I was on a train of speech, but something he said bothered me.

  “Wait! Why does it matter to you if Carl’s dead? You must be happy as both Majestic’s hands are gone.”

  By now, Neil had also recovered from the initial shock, but chose smartly enough to act like a silent spectator.

  “That’s where you’re out of the loop, Ms. Kanet. Carl was one of ours, FBI’s special undercover agent.”

  Chapter 19

  “How could Carl be an undercover agent? I have known him my entire life!” Exclaimed Neil ambivalently.

  We were seated across from Chris and two other agents at a round table in a dilapidated garage. Well, you had to witness that scene: three federal agents staring warily at one underworld prince and a pretty cute, beautiful, sweet and simple eighteen-year-old, currently devastated girl. Okay, that was a little exaggeration on my part. But seriously, if I hadn’t been so stressed about recent events, I’d have laughed at the irony of our out-of-the-world round table conference. For now, I was just glad that they didn’t apply a “shoot on sight” policy to Neil.

  “He was our best and only hope in Majestic’s case. He had made a lot of effort to infiltrate Majestic’s inner circle. Finally, we were getting some leads. But now….” Sighed Chris resignedly.

  “Wait!! If you knew all about Majestic’s super-duper insanity, you must have been aware of Neil kidnapping me.”

  “No, Majestic could be anything, but one thing’s for sure, she’s damn intelligent and dexterous. She asked for Carl’s advice on an extremely important assignment, but didn’t elaborate on the technicalities. Carl recommended Neil so that he could keep track of the developments. But neither Carl nor any of us had any idea of your involvement”, replied the other agent. What did he say his name was? Ritchie-rich or something! Yeah, Richard.

  Chris straightened, “We believe you just got dragged in as some collateral damage. The day when you were kidnapped, we just wanted to interrogate you because of an escaped terrorist, Jon Darker, being spotted in your neighborhood.”

  Neil shook his head, “No, I’m certain that Janet has some big role to play, or Majestic planned a big role for her because I was strictly instructed to deliver her safely straight into Majestic’s hand. At the last moment Storm took over, and one thing is crystal clear, they desperately want her family pendant.”

  My hand involuntarily reached for my pendant. It felt as hollow as my throat. Why did everything have to be so confusing, so messed up? Giving in to my habit of fiddling, I clutched my bracelet.

  “Chris, do you have any update on Nicole or Prof. Collins or Rusty?”

  Chris looked glum. “Nicole Collins is recovering better, but I’m afraid we have no trace of Lucy Collins or her son.”

  I sighed. Unintentionally I’d become the center of putting everybody’s lives in jeopardy. The whole Collins family was suffering just because they accepted me as family. Nicole was in the hospital because of me, Prof. Collins was sulking somewhere because of me, my parents – I don’t even know in what condition they were. Neil made an irrevocable enemy and as for Carl…He died for me.

  “Why did he do that?”

  “Huh”, asked Neil.

  “Why did he take that bullet for me? Why?” Tears welled up in my eyes. He died in my place and did not regret it even for a second. The weight of his smile and his blessings will continue to crush me down forever.

  Neil’s face mirrored the depths of despair overwhelming him. And there was nothing I could say to ease it. I slowly took his hand in mine. “Neil, I’m sorry. I know I must be detestable in your site right now, but trust me I never…”

  “Don’t say that! I could never detest you, Angel. What Carl did for you shows how brave and chivalrous he was. It was his choice, his decision, h
is destiny. I honor that. But that doesn’t make the loss less painful, just bearable.”

  “Then I bet you’d like to avenge your buddy not much less than we do. We’ve no doubt regarding Janet’s intentions and loyalty, but we want to be fully assured of you. It’s your call, Neil, as to what it will be your obsolete crime-centered life supporting Majestic and all of her associates, or avenging Carl and your godparents, and starting afresh?” cajoled Chris.

  “How did Carl do that? Being treacherous to his own parents?” Neil wondered loudly.

  “He knew they were on the wrong side. He never wanted that sort of life for himself, his sister, or you. But unfortunately he was born into it, hence the perfect life of espionage”, proclaimed Richard.

  Chris now looked agitated, “What’s your call, Neil?”

  Neil ruffled his hair. “Do I have a choice? I bet I’d land straight into detention if I deny it, although I appreciate the kindness of the offer.”

  Chris considered Neil carefully, “No, you will not. Carl didn’t want you to know, but now that he’s gone…

  Seven years ago when he joined us, the only thing he wanted was “you” off the hook, no salary, no credits, just a guarantee that “you” would never be detained by any American authority.”

  My respect for Carl rocketed to a whole new level. Neil was trying to blink back his tears.

  “But why on earth did you agree so easily to keep a desperado off your radar?”

  “First, we needed Carl back then. He was deeply rooted in the underworld. He was only eighteen, but had information that we could never have intercepted otherwise. Majestic was in her initial phase then. We didn’t even know that she was a ‘she’ at the time. Carl wanted to come out of the dark hole even if that meant forsaking his parents. And he wanted the same for you, Neil. His blind faith in you touched our mentor’s heart. He knew you wouldn’t turn pure evil. And true to his words, you never directly got yourself involved in any public indiscretion. Your ancestors never took any life that were not already on the most-wanted list and never actually crossed our Majestic’s path. In all, you kept a low profile in terms of heinous crimes until recently.”