I Won't Let You Die Angel

by Neal Goldy

  “Would you like to have a cocktail, ma’am?” asked the pretty airhostess in an enticing tone.

  “No, but thank you.”

  “My pleasure”

  God! I’m so not used to it. How Nicole managed to book me an executive class ticket was beyond my pitiful brain. I relaxed in my spacious seat and booted my, er, Carl’s iPad. The screen popped up with my not-so-real-parent’s photograph. I ignored the pinch of veritable hurt in my heart and clicked one of the few folders Carl had organized on the desktop in order for me to discern his life, the one with a text file addressing me.

  “I love you Janet.” Obstinately enough, I wanted this to be the first thing you heard from your brother. If you’re reading this, then I guess I’m gone for good. Despite everything, I just can’t bear to lose any memories. I may have rebelled against them, but I’ll always love my – our – parents. This iPad is my mirror and I expect it will be yours as well.

  In here, you’ll find each and every memory attached to me, our parents, Neil, and you. I suggest you add new ones. I once told you, we never give up on our family. You must be dwelling on vgwhat a hypocrite I am. But you need to understand why you had to stay away from us, from all of this. I hope you’ve figured it out by now.

  I might not be the best brother in the universe, but I certainly am not the worst. I savored each and every memory of your three years of life together. I remember the day you were born and I did the happy dance taking you in my arms. You were so tiny…I remember your first birthday when Neil blew out your candles and you didn’t want to play with him for days…I remember when me and Neil helped you take your first baby step…I remember each and every baby fight you and Neil were entangled in… I remember how you cried beside Neil when his parents died and later wiped away his tears…

  I remember your last goodbye when you left for Disneyland 15 years ago. You were so happy, and you hugged me and said in your cute baby voice, I will miss you. Those four words are still very much alive in my memory. They haunt me every night. It was me who instigated dad to keep you out of this dark world, but I never imagined my stubbornness would snatch my baby sister away from me.

  I never tracked you as you were better off without us and because if I had known who you were, I’d had never been able to live without seeing you. Today, Neil told me about your real identity and how hurt and heartbroken you are from the abandonment. Now that we’d traveled far away, there was no going back. So, you’d never know my identity while I was still alive.

  I am extremely sorry if Neil is ignoring you. I’m the guilty one here. But be sure of the fact that he loves you. I can see it in his eyes. And because we love you, we have to stay away from you.

  I sincerely hope he escapes the endless dark abyss and sees the light once again. I wish I could help him. Somehow I feel that you are the only one who can help him, although Chris and I will try our best. I love him. Tell him that if he’s mad at me.

  At last, I wish you all the happiness and prosperity in the world and that may you never have to experience the dilemma I went through.

  Love,

  Your brother, Carl

  I closed the text window. No matter how many times I went through this letter, I never got tired of reading it. Apart from the letter, there were always the photographs: me as a toddler in Carl’s arms, me snatching Neil’s toy airplane, my parents on my first birthday, Carl and Neil playing basketball, and on.

  The intercom announced our landing and I wiped the tears that were involuntarily leaking from my eyeliner-laden eyes. New York, the city that never sleeps. True to its reputation, New York is a place everyone must visit in his or her lifetime. Be it Manhattan, Brooklyn, or the East river, every place has its own glory. Mom took me everywhere, never complaining about her hectic schedule. She often ditched her work, and I love her for that.

  Two days later, I knelt down at the foot of the Statue of Liberty holding white orchids and prayed for dad, mom, Nicole, Carl, and Neil. Security gave me a tough time about the flowers. They apparently mistook me for some runaway lethal terrorist, how ironic. This time the tears did not threaten to barge out as I promised myself to cease crying every time I felt overwhelmed.

  A hand brushed my shoulder and I spun around, startled. Mom didn’t know that I was here. To my great astonishment, it was Chris.

  “God! You really are a stalker!”

  “You refused to meet in the café, so I tracked you.”

  I rolled my eyes dramatically, “Oh yeah, federal stalker.”

  He laughed, “You should have come.”

  I bit my lip, “Chris, I told you, I’m not interested.”

  He scowled, “You think I was asking you out on a date.”

  “Well, you can’t deny that you were trying.”

  “It was not flirting, Miss Kanet, I was trying to cheer you up for Carl’s sake. The last time we met, I handed over that iPad to you respecting Carl’s wishes. You really have a hell of a different perception on scenarios.”

  I sighed, “Okay, a rain check for my pesky blather. So, agent Gold, for what reason do I get the honors.” I bowed dramatically.

  “I got a break from work, so I thought maybe we could… like… hang out.”

  I lifted my eyebrows. “Okay, no delaying. I have presents for you.”

  “Chris.”

  “Janet, have a look. I promise, it’s nothing short of a cliché.”

  I nodded and he planted a heavy file in my palms. “What’s this? Your curriculum vitae explaining why you are such a perfect match for any girl my age and why she’d be lucky to have you.”

  He smirked, “You really have a messed-up sense of humor.”

  I smiled, “Aw, you are so oblivious of flirting tricks.”

  “Come on, stop fretting, and take a look.”

  I opened it eerily. “What’s this? The stock market?”

  He massaged his forehead, “Everything Carl owned and earned working with us he transferred to you. It’s all yours.”

  I was speechless. “Chris, you know, I can’t…”

  “Keep it, Janet, it’s yours. If not for anything else, keep it for Carl. He’d want that for you. And it’s not like we could have a pleasant chat with your parents and sympathetically explain how their son was martyred serving his nation and that they should now accept everything he’s worth,” he added mischievously.

  I slammed the file shut and nodded, “You did say ‘parents’ as in the plural form! Right?” I bellowed.

  He laughed cutely, “Yes, and now brace yourself.”

  I sighed exasperatedly, “What exactly have you got that I need to brace myself for. I swear Chris, if it’s one of your petty…”

  The file slipped out of my hand and smashed onto the floor with a mild thump. I blinked several times and it felt like the air was being squeezed out of my lungs. My body temperature suddenly shot several Fahrenheit degrees up and my legs felt shaky. Neil.

  Yes, Neil, the very same with the ocean blue eyes that spoke volumes and the high cheekbones highlighting a pretty face, with an etched jaw line and silky brown hair that I loved to caress. The same Neil I loved, I loved with a passion so intense that it consumed me. That same Neil was now walking towards me with the same carefree, sexy smile he reserved especially for me.

  I was struck on the spot for several moments, and when the shock resided, I hurled myself into his arms. I held him tight. I felt that if I let go of him now, he’d be lost forever. I’d be lost forever. He held me as tightly as possible, yet tenderly.

  “Angel”-- that one word from his lips meant the world to me right then. Someone cleared his throat, and suddenly I was aware of dozens of eyes stalking us, giving a thumps up. I instantly broke apart from Neil and Chris came into view. I stomped my heel on his foot.

  “Ow, what’s that for? I gave you an early birthday mega present and this is how you repay me.”

  “Yeah, you lied to me!!”

  “I didn’t lie! I told you he was gone, not dead, as
I clearly didn’t want to perk up your hopes up if he hadn’t survived. Besides, it was top secret.”

  “Hope!! Hope’s the only thing that keeps a person, mankind, moving on with his/her life. Haven’t you ever heard the phrase ‘Never lose hope’?”

  Neil hugged me from the side, “Okay Angel, show some gratitude here. He saved me from the brink of death and has given me a new life so to speak.”

  I gave him an alluring smile and turned towards Chris, “Okay, whatever, thank you.”

  Chris shrugged, “You are going to give me first-aid after your epic reunion.”

  “Like that’s gonna happen.”

  Neil stood between us, keeping us at bay. “Ok, since when did you two become bitching buddies?”

  Chris started to speak, but stopped abruptly. He turned his attention towards Neil, “Have a good, crime-free life, buddy. Neil is dead in the world, but you, you’ve got a chance to live and repent. Very few people can bag this kind of platinum opportunity. Don’t waste it.”

  Neil shook his hand, “Thanks, man, I owe you everything.”

  “No you don’t. I owed this much to Carl.” He patted Neil on the shoulder, nodded in my direction, and turned to leave.

  “Hey Chris”, he halted and glanced back, “You up for that coffee?” He smiled, “You bet.”

  I turned my attention to Neil. There was so much to say, so much to do, so much had happened, so much had changed, but all I could do was get lost in the ocean blue pools of his eyes. He played with my hair, an involuntary act he had become used to. “You used my fantasy.”

  “How could I not?”

  He picked up the splattered papers of the file and handed them to me along with an envelope. “What’s this?”

  He resumed playing with my hair, “Your fantasy.”

  I opened the envelope, “Egypt?”

  He buried his face in my hair, “The Great pyramid of Giza awaits you, Janet Kanet.”

  I locked my hands around his waist. “A new life awaits you Neil; a new life awaits us.” His hand slid down my arms and fiddled with my bracelet. “You still have it?”

  “You gave it to me. It’s special.”

  “Yes, it is.” And then as he kissed me, my brain literally caught fire. Somebody call the fire brigade. He broke the kiss and caressed my wrist along with the bracelet, “You know what’s so special about this?”

  I was incapable of thinking about anything except his lips. “What?”

  “Look at the gems.”

  I looked down, “Yeah, there are many of different colors: red, purple, pink, sea green, magenta, sky blue, and…” I looked up surprised.

  He smiled, “And…”

  “And turquoise.”

  “The same?”

  “The very same.”

  And just like that, I got the two most important gems of my life back. I got my turquoise pendant back. I had never lost it; I had it with me the entire time.

  The End