by Jillian Dodd
No, JJ, you’re just losing your mind. No biggie.
Well, that’s reassuring.
I’ve got to get out of here.
So, I announce to no one in particular, “Jake and I broke up.”
“Sweet. When? Why didn’t you call me, Jay?” Danny smiles and turns back toward me.
“Tonight, apparently, when he brought some other girl to the party.”
Danny’s face has questions written all over it.
Questions I’m not prepared to answer quite yet.
And do I really want to tell Danny my humiliating story in front of two hot guys?
Uh, no.
“Um. The Ringling brothers here,” I say with a nod toward Gary and Larry, “can give you all the gory details. I gotta go.”
And I just walk away. I must be more upset than I realized because I just walked away from two college hotties.
But yeah, I actually did it. Just walked away.
You’d think Lisa’s car was my salvation. I just need to keep it together until I get there.
God, this sucks.
First, I was confused about whether to do it with Jake, then I finally make the decision, and he does this.
I officially need to give up on him.
Granted, I probably should have a long time ago, but God, what am I gonna do now?
What am I gonna do every Saturday night? Who will I talk to before I go to bed?
Oh, well, yeah, still Phillip, but I mean before that?
All right. Decision time.
What am I going to do?
I need options.
Okay.
Option One.
Go in there, make a scene, punch him in the face, and tell him off. Phillip would like that option—well, except for the fact that he wants to be the one to punch Jake. Either would probably make me feel good, but unfortunately, sometimes when I get mad, I start crying. And if I cry, Jake will think he hurt me, and I can’t have that.
Option Two.
Ignore him, like he is of no interest to me. Then wait and see what he does.
Hmmm.
Maybe?
Option Three.
Listen to Phillip, call it a night, and go home.
Shit.
All options suck!
Okay.
Here’s what I’ll do. I’ll hang out with my friends and completely ignore Jake. I’ll act like I’m having a good time and see if he comes and talks to me.
I’ll listen to my friends bash Jake, maybe get good and drunk, then go home and cry on Phillip’s shoulder, as usual.
The walk to the car is difficult, because it’s pretty dark now and hard to see the ground.
I’m trying to walk sexy, but nonchalant, you know, in case there are any college boys looking my way, while thinking about Jake at the same time. But when you walk in a cornfield, you really do have to focus on where you are going, especially in four-inch heels, or you will trip on a clod of dirt or an old, dried up cornstalk and fall flat on your face.
Finally, I make it to the car.
Now what?
I am cold. I am mad and sad and hurt and embarrassed. I feel stupid. I am mad and . . .
Is that normal?
Can anyone normal feel this many emotions all at once?
And here’s the big question.
Reality Check Point.
Am I upset because I loved Jake or because he dumped me?
Shit. Think, JJ!
Danny’s voice calls out to me. I turn around and see him jogging over, noticing he hasn’t once looked at the ground.
Figures.
I lean my back up against the car and take a deep cleansing breath. You’re gonna have to keep it together a little while longer, I tell myself.
Danny strides up to me. “Hey, don’t leave. Jake’s a dick, he’s always been a dick, and he will always be a dick. You should be glad you’re rid of him.”
“Gee, thanks. I think I know that now.”
“Just be done with him for good this time, okay? He doesn’t deserve you.” He studies my face. “You okay?”
“Yeah, I think so.” Then I whine, “Could he not have had the decency to a least break up with me first? And did he have to pick a total slut to rub my face in it? Why would he do this to me?”
But in my mind, I think I already know the answer.
Simple, really.
Because I wouldn’t do it with him.
Cuz, I mean, seriously, what girl in this day and age would make a guy wait that long? What is wrong with me?
Danny looks grimly at me. “The twins told me who he brought to the party. I’m assuming you guys still haven’t done it.”
Excuse me! I know we are friends and all, but do we really need to discuss this?
This is my virginity here. I should have a little privacy, I think.
But I sigh and say, “No, not yet.”
I sigh again and realize that at least I can talk to Danny about this stuff better than I can with Phillip. Danny listens.
Hell, Danny is willing to teach when necessary.
Phillip, on the other hand, got upset with me for even considering doing it with Jake.
“Oh, Danny,” I say, taking a big breath and darn it, if everything I’ve been thinking doesn’t just come rushing out of my mouth.
All in one big jumble.
“We haven’t yet, but he has been bugging me about it so much. Every time we go out, it ends in a fight because I say no, and he gets pissed. So of course, I’m constantly thinking about it, and I finally decide, hell, why not do it? Why keep waiting? So guess what, Danny? I decided tonight was the night, and I tried to dress hot, and I’ve got on the greatest underwear, and I’m all mentally prepared, and WHAT?” I say, my hands flying out in front of me. “He shows up with some imported girl, and no one can even tell me what she looks like because they can’t seem to get any further than her boobs and her thong, which I’m also wearing by the way, but I wouldn’t let it hang out like that, and the whole reason I didn’t do it with him in the first place is because he never made me feel like I wanted to. I mean, come on, Danny, aren’t guys supposed to do something to a girl that makes her want to? I mean, I kind of thought maybe it was just Jake or something, but since he’s obviously doing Miss Teen Boobage, he must be fine, and it’s probably just me.”
I take a big gulp of air, slump up against the car, and look up at the star-filled sky.
Shit.
I can’t believe I just said all that.
Danny moves in a little closer to me. Then he smiles and shakes his head. He’s got a bright, contagious smile. Usually when I see it, I can’t help but smile back at the boy. But not tonight.
He moves in a little closer.
A lot closer, actually.
I’m about to say something else, but as I open my mouth to speak, he puts a finger up to my lips to shush me and says, “Jay,” in the sexiest way.
Then he kisses me.
And Oh. My. God.
The boy can kiss.
He can so kiss.
I had almost forgotten how good he could kiss. I swear, I can feel it all the way down to my toes and in some other very interesting places in between. And I think I get it. God, I could let him kiss me forever, and I’m pretty sure I would let him do just about anything else.
I never, ever felt like this with Jake. Maybe that’s why I’ve been holding back.
Then, damn it, he stops, and thinking out loud, I say, “Well doesn’t that just suck?”
“Huh?”
“Oh. Sorry. Not you—you’re great, Danny. I just realized I’ve probably wasted a year of my life on an idiot who is a really bad kisser!”
And then, with a gasp of realization, I throw my hand up over my mouth and say, “Oh God, did it rub off on me? Have I become a terrible kisser too?”
Like I need something else to worry about.
Danny wraps strong arms around me. Did I mention that all of a sudden, he now looks, well, like a Man?
Wow! When did that happen, and why did I not notice it before?
He’s grown up.
A lot.
He pulls me back in close. “Well, I can’t be sure,” he laughs. “The line judge didn’t have a clear view, the side judge over there was watching the cheerleaders, and since there’s no instant replay available,” he shrugs his shoulders and tilts his head, “I’m just gonna have to call a Do over.”
Real original, Mr. Smooth, but I like it.
“You’re a cheater,” I say.
“Better than being a liar,” he fires back.
And then he kisses me again, except this time it’s even better because there are no thoughts in my mind about Jake.
I mean, Jake who?
Eventually, to my dismay, he stops kissing me. I bite the edge of my lip and say nervously, “So what’s the call?”
I get the kind of intense look that is usually reserved for a football.
“You kiss fine. Better than fine, actually. Uh, how ’bout we go get a drink?”
Uh, no. How about we just stay here and drown my sorrows in your kisses?
“Um, yeah. I need to get back in there anyway, before Phillip sends out the cavalry.”
“You know, Phillip and I really care about you. We hated you dating a guy like Jake. We’ve never had any proof, but I’m pretty sure this isn’t the first time he’s cheated on you.”
Figures.
I grab my lip gloss out of the car, put it in my pocket, and shut the door. I stop, grab the car handle and start to open the door, as I say aloud to myself, “I suppose I better grab my jacket.”
“You don’t need a jacket, Jay,” Danny says, taking my hand. “I’m pretty sure I can keep you warm.”
God, am I swooning?
I’m not exactly sure what swooning is, but I may very well be doing it.
He leads me back toward Frick and Frack, who I am sure have been watching everything.
Gary says to Danny, “You know, Big D, the shit’s gonna hit the fan if you do that,” and they both roll their eyes in the direction of the car, indicating that they, in fact, saw us kissing, “in there.” They lean their heads in the direction of the party.
“I’m pretty sure I don’t care what Jake thinks,” Danny states emphatically.
As we walk by them toward the party, Gary smiles, slaps Danny on the back, and says, “Well, Big D, if you need it, the pipeline’s got your back. And hey, JJ, did we ever mention that there may have been a few times during the season when we accidentally tripped and Jake got sacked?”
I grin at that thought. Looking back, I give those boys a salute. I always knew I liked them for a reason.
Danny and I laugh and head toward the keg where our friends have gathered. Michael and John are standing around it, chatting with Phillip, and seem to have already hit it off with Lisa and Katie. I wonder where Billy, the love of Katie’s life, is?
Phillip leans in toward the keg and pumps it again for Lisa, as he eyes me suspiciously.
“I’m okay,” I mouth silently to him.
He nods his head toward Danny, whose arms are wrapped around my waist, and mouths back, “I see that.” But his eyes are big with question.
Accusing-type questions.
I know he’s wondering why Danny is holding me, but he probably thinks Danny did the same thing he would have done eventually. And that is to drag me back in here and help me have some fun.
Or not.
Phillip wanted to take me out of here.
I watch as Phillip and Danny do the whole male backslap, Hey Mac, What’s up, Big D, high five, fist-bumping stuff.
Gary and Larry, done with their door duty, come join our little group. Larry holds up a big bottle of Jack Daniels, says, “Let’s get down to business,” takes a big swig, and passes me the booze.
Now, I’m not much of a drinker, maybe just a beer or two, but my, this does go down smoothly tonight. I’m standing in front of Danny, who has us both wrapped inside his brown leather jacket.
Did I mention that Danny smells really good? He has an amazingly sexy, crisp, citrusy smell. And I flash back to standing in Hollister with him, helping him pick out a scent girls would die for.
And now I am the girl dying for it.
Fate?
Everyone is having a seemingly great time. The guys are telling old jokes and old stories. But I’m having a hard time listening to them because as they are talking, Danny slides the hair off my neck and is peppering my neck with little ticklish kisses. I think right now they are telling about the time Gary and Larry convinced a carload of city boys that they could drive straight through a huge hay roll, and the hay would fly out all around them, just like on cartoons. P.S. For you city folk, it’s a lie. They might as well have run into a tree. Fortunately, no one was severely injured. Everyone laughs, and I almost forget about Jake.
Almost.
The bottle goes around again, and I take a little swig. When Danny kisses me, his mouth feels hot from the whiskey, and the hot feeling of our mouths combined with the cool weather is incredible. I can’t help wonder if Jake has seen us, but I’m assuming he is too busy with the sleaze. Phillip, on the other hand, is watching us like a hawk. A hawk with a scowl on his face. Or, I guess, technically, it would be a beak.
Oh, whatever.
I’m not sure why he’s scowling, and I’m too enthralled with Danny to care. I mean, I know Phillip watches out for me like a big brother, but I really don’t think he needs to worry about Danny. He loves the guy.
Lisa announces that she has to pee, grabs my arm, and drags me off to a remote corner of the cornfield.
I’m sure she has to pee, but I also know that she is dying to know how I ended up with Danny.
Sure enough, as soon as we are out of earshot, she screeches, “Ohmigawd! JJ! Danny!! How did that happen?”
“I’m not exactly sure.” Because I’m not. “But you may be right about the clothes and makeup.”
“Told you. So, did you just jump him in the parking lot or what? God, I’ve had a crush on him since, like, eighth grade.”
Her and every other girl in school.
“Do you know how lucky you are? I mean, Danny is 100% pure unadulterated hotness.”
I can’t help but laugh and wonder if she even knows what unadulterated means. Probably one of her SAT study words. I’m tempted to ask her, but she’s still gushing.
“I mean, I always thought you were lucky just to live by him because you got to see him mow with no shirt on.”
“Don’t get all revved up about this, Lisa. I practically had a meltdown out there in front of him. He’s just trying to make me feel better. Help my ego,” I say, trying to convince myself that’s all there is to this. It just doesn’t really feel that way.
“Like you’ve ever had ego problems.”
Well, I am usually quite confident. But Lisa doesn’t understand how I have perfected the game face from years of playing sports. And trust me. I’m wearing it big time right now. So that she can’t see the hurt and confusion I’m feeling over the whole Jake dumping me thing.
“I really think he’s just being a good friend.”
Lisa, not deterred from her fantasy, says, “Yeah, well, you don’t usually see good friends kissing like that. And, come on, you’ve been good friends for a long time and had a lot of boy issues, and you’ve never made out with him before.”
“Uh,” I kind of squint my eyes and look guilty before I realize it.
“Shut up!” Lisa’s eyes get huge. “You made out with Danny and didn’t tell me? When?”
“It’s not a big deal. It was a long time ago.”
“How long ago?”
“Freshman year, but I begged him to. I needed to know how to French kiss.”
“And that worked? I should’ve tried that one because I know you’d kissed boys before that.”
“Not really. I had that date with Ryan Marshall, and I was just a wreck about it.”
“So he t
old you how, or he taught you how?” She has a goofy grin on her face, and I know she is dying for details.
“Taught me.”
Her eyes get big again.
“Okay, I give up.” I hold my hands in the air. “Enough questions. We made out for a couple hours, and it worked. When I went on my date, I knew how to make out properly.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“It was really no big deal, plus he was dating someone at the time.”
“Who?” she asks, like this very old news is some juicy piece of gossip.
“I don’t remember. Some cheerleader, I think.”
“Which one?” She is still enthralled.
“They’re all the same one, Lisa.” I shake my head because Danny’s girls are pretty much all the same. “They just have different names ending with the letter y.”
She laughs and nods, knowing exactly what I mean.
“Okay, so Jake? You were all set to, you know, with him. So are ya bummed?”
“No, not really.”
“Ohmigawd! I have a brilliant idea. You can do it with Danny!”
“I am not going to be doing it with Danny.”
I don’t think.
But I’ll admit this: I feel like I could.
“I probably shouldn’t even be kissing him, but I am glad that I didn’t do it with Jake. I knew it wasn’t right with him. Not enough sparks.”
How did I date him for over a year? Well, off and on, anyways.
Lisa nudges my elbow and raises her eyebrows, grinning at me like a Cheshire cat. “Any sparks with Danny?”
“Lisa, with Danny, I may very well burst into flames.”
“Well, the way he was drooling over you, I’m thinking it’s way more than a friend thing. And it’s about freaking time!”
“So what’s up with you and John? You two are looking friendly.” I nudge her back. “He’s very cute.”
“He is adorable. Did you see the muscles on him? I just want to squeeze them all. And he wants us to come down to Lincoln before school gets out and party with them.”
“Just be careful, he is a college boy,” I warn. Not that it will make a bit of difference.
“Okay,” she wiggles, “now I really do have to pee. See you back there.”
I’m walking by myself back toward the party when Phillip seems to step out of thin air.
