by Jillian Dodd
Jake probably won’t even go to college. It’s not that Jake’s not a smart and athletic guy. It’s just like he’s missing something, like the drive to succeed. His bangs are always falling onto his face, and you never know for sure what’s going on behind those dark, smoldering eyes. He’s a sexy combination of athlete and bad boy. He has a hot, casual look about him.
Like, he’d skip school and say Who cares? Let’s go on a picnic.
Not that he’s ever done that.
Or Hop on my motorcycle and we’ll just ride, with nowhere in mind to go.
Okay, never done that either.
I think that’s the big difference between Jake, Phillip, and Danny. Jake has nowhere in mind to go. Phillip and Danny both seem to know exactly where they are going.
When I think about the kind of guy I want to marry, I think I might prefer someone who knows where they are going. I mean, a prince pretty much has his whole life planned out already, doesn’t he? And this is important, because I have no idea where I’m going or what I want to do with my life.
I do know some things. I know I want to go to college, but I’m not sure where. (I’m not that bad, though; I do have it narrowed down to two.) I want to have a successful career, but doing what? (Maybe an architect, but how do I know if it’s right?) I want to marry a great guy, but don’t know who. I want to have kids someday and be a great mom, but not sure I’ll know how.
You know, life is weird. There are times I feel so grown up and like I know everything I need to know, but then I think about the future and realize how little I do.
Sometimes being a teenager sucks.
But back to Jake.
It took me forever to figure out what to wear tonight. Normally, I would just be in jeans, a cute fitted T-shirt, and tennies.
But not tonight.
Tonight, I want to make an impression. Tonight, I am finally going to do it with Jake.
Why am I finally going to do it with Jake?
Well, I’m still not 100% sure on that. I mean, Jake definitely wants to, and I have made him wait for over a year. Sort of. It’s like, every time I start to think I am ready, we usually get in a fight about it and break up. But this time we have gone a whole month without a break up, and he is really wanting to. It’s pretty much all he talks about. And I don’t know why I have waited so long, anyway. Lisa has been doing it for a long time now, and Katie’s doing it with Billy Prescott, and they’ve only been dating for like two months, but she is very certain he’s the love of her life. I turned eighteen a few weeks ago, so, I mean, I’m officially an adult and all. I just don’t really feel like one yet. And then there’s the whole Am I really that in love with him, and is he really the one thing. So, even though I’m not sure about every detail, I do feel like it’s time. Part of me just wants to get it over with!
Months ago, I told Katie and Lisa that Jake wanted to Take our relationship to the next level, so they dragged me to Victoria’s Secret. At their urging, I bought a fuchsia and black stretch lace bra and matching low-rise, thong panties. Lisa says Wearing the high ones and showing them is soooo tacky.
I’ve had the bra and panties for months now. They’ve just been sitting there in my drawer, waiting patiently. They’ve been there so long that every time I open the drawer, even they ask me when I’m finally going to do it. So, after much deliberation, I have decided tonight is the night.
After many clothing changes and panicked calls to Lisa, she took pity on me and came over early. She did my makeup, and I tried on more clothes, finally settling on a pair of low fitting, dark denim jeans, some obnoxiously high-heeled black sandals that she scrounged around and found in Mom’s closet, and a shrunken raspberry cashmere sweater. I love the sweater. It feels so soft on my skin that I keep wanting to hug myself, but I suppose me feeling myself up would look a little weird, so I just keep petting the sleeve a little.
Lisa and I re-gloss our lips, make sure nothing unfortunate is hanging out of each other’s noses, get out of the car, and head toward the party.
As usual, the Warner twins are in charge of the door.
The Warner twins, Gary and Larry, are seniors too. They come from a big farm family and, believe it or not, have siblings named, Cary, Barry, Harry, Mary, and Jerry.
Kinda SCARY . . . get it?
Scary rhymes too.
Oh, never mind.
They are both huge farm boys, about 300 pounds apiece, and the pipeline for our football team’s offense. Basically, they are so big that they’ll either knock you down, or run you over like a pair of freight trains. To look at them, you’d think big, tough, and dumb as doorknobs, yet they are both at the top of our class academically, crazy practical jokers, and really just great big teddy bears. I love those guys.
Lisa and I say hi to the boys, hand them our money, and I ask, “Is Jake here yet? I didn’t see his truck.”
Gary looks confused. “You’re supposed to meet Jake here?”
The boys exchange pointed looks.
Larry looks me up and down and changes the subject. “Hey, you look hot tonight.” Then he gives his brother another weird glance.
“Thanks. What’s going on? Come on, boys, spill the beans.”
“Um, JJ. Gosh, I don’t want to tell you this, but Jake is here, and um, well, maybe I should start by telling you that I never liked Jake much,” Gary stammers.
I give him a frustrated look. “Keep going.”
He grimaces. “Alright, well, Jake is here, but he’s with another girl.”
“Yeah, some slut from Park,” Larry pipes in. Larry adds, with his hands cupped in front of his chest, “And she has got the biggest cans I have ever seen. And you can see the top part of those thong underwear thingies right here,” he says, turning and pointing down to his own side, “above her jeans, you know, like . . . ”
“Lar-ry,” Gary interrupts, with a don’t-say-stuff-like-that scowl to his brother.
Okay, my practical jokers. I’m not that gullible.
“Really?” I say, testing them. “So what does she look like?”
Gary and Larry look at me blankly. “We just told you, JJ,” Larry says.
“I mean her face, boys.”
They look at each other like they don’t have a clue what her face looks like. I know it’s a joke for sure.
“Look, I know you two, very funny, ha ha. Come on, Lisa, let’s go get a beer.”
We head to the keg and find Phillip there. He hands Lisa a beer.
What a sweetie.
Phillip looks so cute tonight, in a deep purple polo shirt with a pair of those plaid patchwork shorts. Yes, I picked out his outfit. I must say, the dark purple color looks sooooo good on him. Phillip is really quite cute. And I know he wanted to look especially nice for this girl he has been talking to and is hoping to hook up with tonight.
It makes me kinda wish I was wanting to hookup with an adorable boy like Phillip, rather than Jake.
But I’m not backing down. Tonight is the night.
For better or worse, because I seriously cannot go to college a virgin.
I grab a red plastic cup, tilt it under the tap, and let him fill it with beer.
He whispers in my ear. “We need to talk.”
“About what?”
“Jake. He’s here with another girl, and she’s all over him. It’s pretty obvious it’s a date.”
Phillip touches my arm gently and tells me this news in hushed tones, like a doctor who just lost a patient would tell the family.
“Shut up, Phillip. You’re just in on the twins’ big joke, right?”
“Princess, I’m not joking. When did you and Jake break up anyway, and why didn’t you tell me?” He looks at me closer and says sweetly, “You look gorgeous, by the way.”
I melt slightly because that is exactly the look I was going for, and then I say very seriously, “Phillip, we so did not break up. I am—or was—supposed to meet him here tonight. We spoke about it just a few hours ago. I mean, I didn’t tell Jak
e, but I decided tonight is the night.”
But in my mind, I wonder. I really don’t think Phillip would joke about something like this. Honestly, he would probably tell me about the joke, so I could play along. I look at the ground. The reality of what this could be is sinking in.
“You’re serious?”
“Come over here.” He takes my hand and guides me away from the keg and everyone’s ears.
“Let me get this straight. He didn’t break up with you? He told you to meet him here and then brought another girl to the party? That’s it. I’m going to kill him.”
“Phillip, calm down. Are you sure he brought her?”
I’m thinking this can’t possibly be true, yet at the same time, there’s this sinking feeling in my stomach.
“Maybe she’s just over there trying to pick him up. That happens sometimes. Girls like Jake. I’ll just walk over and see what’s going on. Surely, there’s a logical explanation for this.”
I turn to walk toward Jake.
Phillip grabs my arm. “There’s not a logical explanation for this. They came here together. I saw them. The boys up front were really pissed about it, but they thought you must have come to your senses and broken up with the loser. They figured he brought her to try to make you jealous. Plus, he’s been kissing her like crazy.” He sighs. “Well at least one good thing will come out of this.”
“What’s that?”
“You’re not doing it with Jake.”
I roll my eyes at that boy. He has always been very much against my doing it with Jake. He told me if I wanted to lose it that bad, I should do it with a friend, a guy who would at least treat me right, but I can’t go asking Joey or Dillon to just do me.
How awkward would that be?
So, then Phillip made me a pros and cons list—well I should say a cons list; I had to add the pros because he couldn’t come up with any pros for Jake.
Maybe he was sort of right after all.
“Where are they, anyway?”
He leans next to me and points. “Over there, on the other side of the bonfire. Can you see him?”
I follow his finger with my eyes and say, sadly, “Yeah. God, she really does have big boobs.”
Phillip looks at me sympathetically. “You know what? He’s not worth it. Let’s go, get you out of here. We’ll go get some ice cream, or pizza, or something.”
Like ice cream could fix this mess. Well, it can fix just about anything, hmm. You know, it might be worth a try.
No. I need to get to the bottom of this first. Plus, that wouldn’t be fair to Phillip. Even though he’s going to Prom with Carrie Sadler, I know he was hoping to hook up with Megan Masters tonight.
“Phillip, let me be clear about this. I’m not going anywhere until I talk to Jake.”
I think.
“Why would you do that?” Phillip asks me, like it’s the stupidest thing he’s ever heard in his entire life.
“Because I think I deserve to know what the hell’s going on. Don’t I? Wouldn’t you want to know?”
“What do you want? Some big confrontation? You screaming, or crying, or making a fool of yourself, while he sits there with that shit-eating grin of his, ogling his big-boobed date? Who, I might add, has the reputation of being the biggest slut in the whole frickin’ county.”
I throw my full cup of beer down on the ground in frustration, stomp my foot, and say, “No! That is not what I want.”
Shit.
I need to think.
“I’m gonna go for a walk, Phillip,” I tell him, as he walks over to pick up my cup. He could never litter.
“Good, let’s go,” he says, following me.
“I thought you wanted to hang out with Megan tonight? And it’s not fair for me to mess up your plans just because my boyfriend is a jerk. Well, ex-boyfriend, I guess.”
Phillip grabs my hands again and says in that smooth adorable voice of his, “Princess, there’s no one I’d rather hang out with more than you. You know that.”
I look at him and feel warm inside. He really is the sweetest friend.
And I really don’t know how to deal with all of this, so I’m not even sure what I should tell him.
I need to think.
“Um, I’m just gonna walk out to Lisa’s car, grab my lip-gloss, and think about this.”
Phillip looks at me like he’s not sure he believes me.
“Just give me fifteen minutes. If I’m not back, you can charge out on your horse and rescue me.”
I stop and give Phillip a hug. “I love you, Phillip. You’ll always be my best friend. And you must be a very good friend if you are willing to choose hanging out with me over getting laid. Especially when we know I’m going to do nothing but sob and complain about my stupid, cheating boyfriend. So I just, I, um, I appreciate it, okay?” I back up and punch his shoulder lightly. “I’m just shocked and need to figure out what to do. I promise. I’ll be back and hopefully when I come back, I will have some sort of a plan. Just don’t go killing anybody yet, okay?”
He nods.
I kind of lower my head and look at the ground, scuffing the dirt with Mom’s strappy sandals because I’m not so good at this part. You know, the admitting-I-might-have-been-wrong part.
“Thanks for telling me. I’m glad I didn’t go charging over there.”
So I start walking to the car.
In my mind are a bazillion questions.
How could I have been so stupid? Has he been cheating on me the whole time? Some of the time?
What am I going to do? To say?
How could Jake do this to me?
What an asshole.
Okay, Jadyn James Reynolds, pull yourself together.
What’s your plan?
Shit, my plan so far is . . .
Get to Lisa’s car.
Have a big, quiet temper tantrum.
Maybe scream silently and cry my eyes out, somehow without messing up my mascara.
Darn! I knew I should have worn the waterproof kind.
Then I will put on some stupid lip gloss and go back into the party. I may even confront Jake. I will hold my head up high and stand up straight and tall. Grandpa used to tell me to do that. Walk into the place like you own it, JJ, and people will think that you do. Of course he also said, If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit. Which I have to admit, I am kind of good at. People tend to underestimate blondes. They just naturally think we are dumb, and, well, on occasion, I may have used that to my advantage.
But back to Jake.
Can I convince him that the slut doesn’t bother me?
Can I walk in there like I own the place?
I can’t let him know he’s upset me, that’s for sure!
I’m almost back to the entrance and am about to walk past Gary and Larry, when I see three guys heading our way.
I’d know that strut anywhere.
What to my wondrous eyes should appear?
Danny!
I can’t believe it! He’s here! As a quarterback, he’s known for his perfect timing, and I’m so glad it has spilled over into my life. His timing couldn’t be perfecter. Because he’s just the guy I need to see tonight. Hanging out with Danny is practically therapeutic. I get so wrapped up having fun, competing, or conspiring with him, that I forget about everything else. I think I may need that tonight! And the fact that he brought a couple of hot friends? I mean, it’s pretty much a given that it doesn’t go unnoticed by me.
So, I try to forget about Jake and Boobs and remind myself that I look damn good tonight.
If Jake can enjoy himself, I think, well, maybe I can too.
Two can play that game, right?
Maybe one of Danny’s friends will think I’m cute. Maybe I can make Jake jealous.
Do I want to make Jake jealous?
Yes.
Do I want to make him apologize and beg me for forgiveness?
Yes.
Will I take him back if he asks?
Absolutely not.
Hmm.
I’m almost sure of that.
I walk up next to Gary and Larry, who stare at me with concern. I don’t say anything to them. I just raise my arms high in the air and yell loudly. “So what? You’ve had enough of hot coeds and wild fraternity parties and just wanted to drink from a keg in a cornfield?”
Danny hears me and starts running toward me at full speed. I’m afraid for a moment that he’s going to tackle me, but he stops on a dime in front of me and pulls me into a big bear hug.
Then he pushes me out to arm’s length, looks me up and down, and says, “Jay. Damn! You look . . . hot? ”
He says it in a way that is half statement and half question. Like looking hot is unusual for me.
Okay, so it is.
“What, are you drunk already? Danny, I know spring practice is over, but…”
“Sexy as hell, actually,” Danny interrupts, nodding his head and grinning lasciviously at me, finally deciding that I indeed look good.
Wow. Maybe Lisa is right. Maybe I should dress this way more often.
“This is John and Michael,” Danny says, introducing me to his hot, muscular friends. “John, Michael, this is Jay. I don’t think you’ve ever met.”
Did I mention that John is quite cute?
“This is Jay?” John says. “Wow. The way you talked, I thought Jay was a dude.”
“Definitely not, boys,” Danny grins, his eyes running lazily up and down my body. “Definitely not.”
Hey, stop that! You’re making me nervous.
“Where’s Jake, anyway? I’m surprised that with you looking like that,” and he looks me up and down, again! “he’s not attached to your hip.”
Before I can answer, Danny turns to Gary and Larry, gives them high fives and slaps on the back. “How the hell are my two favorite linemen?”
The twins grin proudly.
Crap. Skip the part about picking up one of the friends and trying to make Jake jealous.
I can’t do this.
Can there be quicksand in a cornfield?
I didn’t think it was ecologically possible, but I’m pretty sure I’m sinking into some right now.
