Forever and a Knight

by Bridget Essex

  “Virago, my beloved show-off,” says Attis fondly, with a soft smile, wrapping her arm around Virago's shoulders and squeezing, “this is Josie Beckett.” She gazes up to me, and then she holds my gaze with her unwavering amber eyes. “She is my lover,” Attis tells Virago softly.

  Virago stiffens and turns to look at Attis with wide blue eyes. “It's true?” she whispers. Attis doesn't look at Virago but keeps looking at me, her amber eyes flickering with something I can't quite place. But Attis smiles softly at Virago's question and nods once.

  And then Virago steps back from Attis and whoops with joy so loudly that both horses startle. Virago darts forward and puts her hands around my waist, lifting me down from Zilla's back (much to my cat's lack of amusement, still buried down the front of my coat), like she does this sort of thing all the time. And, judging from her enthusiasm and skill, perhaps she does.

  So I'm lifted off of Zilla and set down on the ground, and then Virago is embracing me so tightly I'm kind of worried about my ribs snapping. But her enthusiasm is difficult not to catch. When she steps away from me with a huge smile, I can't help but smile up at her, too, as I tuck a loose strand of hair behind my ear and try to calm my startled cat, bouncing her a little beneath the coat.

  “I can't believe it... I can't believe it, but, gods, I'm so happy for the both of you. Attis, you deserve to be so happy,” she says, and then Virago's voice is breaking a little as she looks to Attis, Attis who holds her gaze with soft strength, melancholy flickering over her face.

  Wonder takes that moment to struggle a little more beneath the coat, and I shift her weight, bouncing her a little more.

  “And you're expecting!” says Virago joyously, throwing her arms wide to take in my coat and my big “stomach.” “Ah, but it's a good day,” she breathes out in satisfaction.

  “Oh, no...no...” I tell Virago with a little laugh as Attis laughs, too, running her gloved fingers through her hair as she raises a single brow and fixes me in her sights. “I'm, uh... I'm carrying my cat,” I tell Virago, and when she stares at me, utterly perplexed, I unbutton the first two buttons of the cannibal werewolf coat, and I let Wonder peek her head out at the two knights, her ears flat back and whiskers pushed forward in a determined cat pout.

  Virago chuckles in surprise at that but steps forward, scratching the top of Wonder's head gently with the tips of her armored gloves. Surprisingly, Wonder purrs, ducking her head back into my coat as I do up the buttons again, shivering a little as the wind begins to blow a little colder, clouds scuttling over the sun above us.

  “I can't believe you were able to settle my dear friend down,” says Virago then, her low voice warm as she shakes her head at me, her ice blue eyes soft with affection. She glances at Attis. “I am so, so happy for the both of you, truly,” she tells us.

  “You are the best of comrades,” says Attis, her voice tight as she holds Virago's gaze. “It has been too long, my friend. We have much catching up to do.”

  “Surely, surely,” says Virago, but she says those words in distraction as she cocks her head to the side, glancing me up and down. “But...ah...” She flicks her gaze back up to my face, her eyes narrowing. “Josie, you don't look like you're from around here. Where was it that you said you were from?”

  “Um...” I lick my lips, stiffening. This moment marks the true beginning of the end, I realize, and I curl my hands into fists at my sides, wishing I could stop time, just for a moment.

  But I can't. I know I can't.

  “I'm from Boston,” I tell Virago quietly.

  And then Virago's bright blue eyes go very wide, her jaw dropping open as she stares at me.

  “We were actually hoping that you could help us, dear friend,” Attis tells her quietly, as Virago glances back to her. “I know this is strange,” says Attis, holding up her hand as Virago breathes out, shutting her mouth. “It was as much a surprise to me as it is to you,” says Attis, one brow up, “but Josie is from another world. And I know that Holly is—”

  “Holly is from Boston, too,” says Virago quickly. “That's where I went when the Beast dragged me through the portal. I went to Earth, to Boston.”

  Attis clears her throat and leans back on her heels, lifting her chin. She sighs for a long moment as Virago stares at me in wonder. “Virago,” Attis says then, folding her arms in front of her. “We were, uh, wondering...is the portal you went through still open? Have you and Holly gone back to Boston since you went back to get her?”

  Virago shakes her head. “Not once, I'm afraid. It's very difficult to open the portal, and...” Virago's eyes narrow, and then realization comes over her face. “Wait. You want to go back home, don't you, Josie?” she asks me.

  My heart squeezes inside of me as both Attis and Virago watch me closely. I feel so sad and small as my radio brain takes over, starts to talk, while my heart, inside of me, twists in pain. “Yes,” I tell her, my voice cracking at the end of that single, painful word.

  Virago frowns, rocking back on her heels. “I'm afraid it's not as easy as that, unfortunately. To go through the portal to another world, a world of your choosing, is very difficult. When the beast dragged me through the portal, it was a world at random that I was thrust into. When I went through the portal to find Holly, it was another matter entirely to journey to a specific world, and took a concerted amount of effort and magical energy,” says Virago, shaking her head. Her jaw tenses. “It took so much magic for me to go back through the portal, fall to your Earth and find Holly...” She trails off, shakes her head again. She repeats, “I was, of course, dragged through the portal to your world because of a great beast. I met Holly there, on Earth, and we fell in love.” Her face softens so much that it makes my heart skip a beat for a moment. “So, when I returned to this world, I did everything in my power to go back and see Holly. And when I found her again, she came back to Agrotera with me,” Virago says, her smile widening. But then she grimaces a little as she looks down at me. “I just want you to know that it will not be easy to get you back to your world, but that I think we can manage it. I'm not certain,” she tells me, holding up a hand, “but I do think it's possible. But...what of the two of you? You're lovers, aren't you? I don't...” She glances at Attis and trails off.

  Attis breathes out, shrugs. “Go on, old friend,” she murmurs, her jaw tight.

  “Well. It's just that it will be a great deal of work, once we get you back to Earth, to bring you back to Agrotera,” Virago tells me gently. “You see, I belong here,” Virago says, tapping her hand over her heart, “so the portal accepts me right away and brings me back to my world of origin, which is why I think it will take you back to Earth. But when I brought Holly through, because she is not from this land, it was deeply difficult. She will be able to visit her friends and family on her world possibly a few more times, each time more difficult than the last, until there will come a time that she must remain here with me...forever.” Virago cocks her head to the side, looking me up and down. “So you see, you two will have to make a decision...” She glances from me to Attis.

  Attis shakes her head, takes a deep breath and stands straighter. “Don't trouble yourself on our account, Virago,” she says companionably, curling her fingers over Virago's shoulder and squeezing gently. “Josie traveled with me across our land, seeking this eventuality.” Her gaze flicks to me, and she tilts her chin up, her eyes glittering. “Josie belongs on her world. She should be wherever her home is.” Attis clears her throat, turns away from me. “Now, the festival begins tonight! We must find a place to stay...”

  And, just like that, I know she knows what I'm going to do.

  And I know, too.

  I have to go home.

  My breath catches in my throat as I hold Wonder's warm bulk tightly in front of me, as Attis loops Zilla's reins around her hand and then, shoulder to shoulder, with Virago's horse trailing her, Virago and Attis start down the road again, the road that ends in Arktos City.

  I follow a little behi
nd them, but my throat is so tight, I swallow, choking down the sob that wells up inside of me.

  I'm being so stupid; the truth of the matter is that I always knew this is where we were headed, that this is what I wanted—or why would I have completed this journey with Attis?

  But, seven days ago, of course I wanted to go back to my world. I wanted to go back to the life I knew, the life that wasn't exactly happy, wasn't exactly fulfilling, but was the only one I'd ever lived. It was the life I was comfortable with, the life where I pushed everyone away so that I was alone. But I've learned so much here, on Agrotera, and I think I've grown and changed as a person.

  I know what I have to do now, and I wish I didn't.

  But Attis is right. Even though the past seven days have been more enjoyable than I thought possible, I'm not meant for this kind of life. I don't belong here. I belong on my world with all of its convenience and family and memories. I belong with my job (if I still have a chance to get it back). I belong...

  You belong with her, comes the deep, secret thought from the bottom of my heart, and I try to ignore it this time. But I can't. I know that thought, that feeling that's currently breaking my heart apart, is right. I do belong with her. There's something that's happening between us, something that doesn't happen every day or even once in a lifetime. This is precious and lovely, what's growing between Attis and me, and I'm just going to throw it away?

  But I want to go home. I don't belong here. Radio is my life, my life's work, and, damn it, I'm good at it. I love doing it. I love my job, and...

  Okay, so I didn't love my life before. I loved my job, yes, but my life was actually kind of rotten. I'd worked so hard at the ability to push people away that it had become like second nature back home. I knew no one in my apartment building, knew no one really at work, didn't even like when the barista at my favorite coffee shop learned my name and started using it. I loved anonymity because anonymity meant that it was impossible to grow close to anyone. I'd built up so many walls and defenses that—quite like this city rising in front of us—I was utterly impenetrable.

  And then Attis came along, and it's not that she consciously started breaking down my defenses...

  It's that I wanted her to.

  There was something about Attis, something that—from the very start—called to me, answered something in me, completed me. And now I'm just going to throw that all away?

  What else am I supposed to do?

  This isn't home.

  And I need to go home.

  I swallow another sob, and I steel myself against feeling anything. It's already begun; this path is already set in motion. I'm going home, and, God, it was great while it lasted. But from the moment I fell into this world, I knew this day would come, and—despite knowing better—I started this, anyway. We started this, Attis and I, when we knew that this relationship would be utterly finite and could only grow within the confines of a handful of days and then would have to be halted forever.

  But as I follow Virago and Attis, even though I know all of this logically, even though I realize I must go home, that it was fun while it lasted, but that it's close to being over now...I can feel my heart breaking inside of me, and nothing I can think about, nothing I can feel, can stop it from breaking.

  The city rises in front of us, and it's beautiful and impressive. That massive encampment of brightly colored tents pitched in front of the city is magical, and the castle, rising far above us, looks like it comes directly from a medieval painting. I should be in awe right now, in awe that something I could never have believed existed does. I should be in awe that I'm in a world right now where magic isn't just believed in but real, a world where a knight can journey for a phoenix feather, and a witch can construct a spell to bring someone back from the dead.

  And all of these miraculous things should fill me with wonder and awe.

  But they don't.

  Not nearly as much as she does.

  Wonder growls beneath my coat, bringing me back to the present as she twists around in her current position and starts to burrow upward, looking for a place to stick her head out of, probably to get a little fresh air in her hot, stuffy prison. I sigh and oblige her, undoing the top two buttons of the coat as she shoves her head out into the cold, blinking muzzily up at me, and then immediately focusing on her surroundings, as if she's trying to sight prey. I can feel her tail flick against my belly.

  Virago glances backward at me, and then she grimaces, slowing her pace and coming alongside me, trailing her horse behind her. “I wouldn't do that with your pretty puss, Josie,” she says then, one brow up as she shakes her head. “There's been some wolves spotted near about lately, and they can scent defenseless prey very, very well in winter when they're most voracious. It would be best if your puss remained hidden in your coat.”

  “Wonder's hardly defenseless,” I chuckle, but I oblige, pushing my cat's head back down into the coat and doing up the buttons again. But Attis is frowning, glancing back at us, and then she's slowing her pace, too, bringing her and Zilla, led behind her, beside us.

  “Wolves, Virago?” she asks, her tone mild, but there's a sharp edge beneath those words.

  Virago shrugs, keeping her face carefully neutral. “There's nothing to be alarmed about, old friend. You know very well that predators of many stripes come close to the city in the winter, looking for food. The wall stops them, and they don't dare come close enough to the encampment to cause any trouble. We knights have been on guard patrol around the encampment since it began a couple of days ago,” she says with confidence, rolling her shoulders back.

  But Attis' face has darkened, and she's frowning as she stares ahead, taking in the tents. “Are you sure?” she persists, glancing back at her friend. “You know as well as I that this encampment is utterly defenseless, full of festivalgoers who aren't prepared for any sort of attack...” She drifts off and swallows, dropping her voice low. “Virago...remember the werewolf clan?”

  “The Berserkers? The cannibals?” asks Virago, brows up. “Good gods, they're long, long gone. We destroyed them long ago, together,” she tells Attis soothingly, shaking her head. “And they were werewolves. These predators around the city now are simply wolves, I promise you. Ease your heart, my friend; the wolves will never attack the encampment, let alone a pack of werewolves, long since dead.”

  Attis shivers a little, glancing up at the clouds scuttling in front of the sun. “Well. They're not all dead and gone. Remember what the leader promised us when we cornered him on the cliff face?” She glances at Virago, her face clouding. “He promised revenge. That he would, somehow, get revenge on us, and that he would remember us. And then he slipped through our ranks, ran back into the woods—”

  Virago shakes her head. “Good gods, no. Those were the emptiest of promises. Remember what we did that day,” she says, her mouth in a thin line as she draws her wolf tail over her shoulder and runs a hand over its fur. “You must stop thinking about that day, Attis. That leader was a madman, a rogue wolf with the taste for human blood; it had addled his brains, and there is no way that he would be able to round up enough wolves who agreed with him to 'exact revenge.' The ones that he'd been able to convince were his own family and a few other young pups, all aggressive and dangerous because they were maddened by the need for human flesh,” she snorts, then takes a deep breath, turning to look at Attis. “In the end, you must remember—they were relatively easily defeated. And that it was a very long time ago, that—all of that. Hera would want you to stop remembering,” she says then, her voice dropping even lower.

  I think that if anyone else in the world had told Attis that thought, she would have become very, very angry. But it was Virago who delivered those words softly, and—as such—Attis takes a deep breath, gazing up at the city wall in front of us as pain passes over her face.

  “I know,” she says softly. She licks her lips, shakes her head, clenching her hand over her heart into a fist. “But I can never forget.”
/>   “I will do my best,” says Virago, walking closer to Attis and wrapping an arm around Attis' shoulders companionably, “to help you forget, I promise you. We all will,” she says firmly, glancing back at me with her brows raised. “Be that as it may,” she says, clearing her throat. There was a flicker of worry in Virago's eyes just then; she straightens, taking a deep breath. “We've glimpsed the wolves, and we know they're not were.” She frowns, “but I will ask that their activities concerning the encampment are fully monitored.”

  “Thank you, old friend,” Attis says quietly, peering up at the thin sunshine with a grimace. “Always better safe than sorry,” she mutters.

  Virago nods, but then she's smiling again, her concern already in the past. “This is going to be a splendid festival. Holly, for one, is very excited. It's her first Festival of Stars, you know.”

  Attis smiles back at me over her shoulder as Virago puts an arm around her again, and—together—we approach the city gates.

  There are two knights on either side of the open city gates. The gates themselves are about twenty feet across, and the massive iron gate that's usually lowered to close up the city (I'm assuming each night) is raised and dangling in the air above us. It's a little unnerving to walk beneath that thick iron gate with its pointed tips dangling over us, but large iron chains appear to have drawn the gate upward, and it looks pretty safe...I think.

  The two lady knights guarding the gate are dressed in armor exactly like Virago's, but perhaps a little less fancy. They're speaking with each person who wants to enter the city, the line of people stretching out from the gate down the road toward us, but when the knights see Virago and Attis, they wave both of the women through with large smiles, and wave me through, too, with polite nods.

  “Where are you living now?” Attis asks Virago, as we fold into the press of people on the city streets in front of us. Attis must raise her voice to be heard, but Virago nods, forging through the press of people, her horse trailing out behind her. Before Virago, a small free lane opens, people stepping out of her way with respectful nods, then merging into the sea of bodies behind me when we pass.