Been Searching For You

by Nicole Evelina

  Fingers trembling, I touched the thumbnail, which obediently bloomed into a full-size mobile page, headline screaming, “Gotcha! Yank Professor Caught Snogging Mystery Woman at Oxford Bash.” My veins froze, and my heart skipped a beat. It couldn’t be. It just couldn’t. But I already knew it was. Below was a photo of Alex, his head turned toward a leggy blonde with dark eyes and cheekbones that looked as if she could use them to slice bread. The pair most certainly appeared to be in the middle of a smooch. My stomach lurched, and I gagged, fighting the urge to throw up.

  I had to take a few calming breaths before I could bring myself to touch the image again and read the corresponding story on the Oxford Mail website, which only made things worse.

  It wasn’t so much a story as a gossip-inducing caption. “We hear auction items weren’t the only things up for grabs at last night’s university donor bash. And newly arrived American professor Alexander Grantham certainly took home the prize. Who’s the lucky lady? Here’s a hint: one anonymous source says these two are no strangers.”

  I flopped back against the pillows and dropped the phone, trying to come to grips with what I’d just learned. It couldn’t be true. Why would Alex suddenly kiss someone else? He wasn’t the cheating kind. There was only one way to find out.

  I picked up the phone and dialed his number. No answer.

  “Okay, I don’t blame him for not answering the phone. Who knows what crazies are trying to contact him,” I mumbled.

  Flipping open my laptop, I tried Skype. No answer there either. Maybe his computer was off.

  I sent him a quick email. Saw the photo. I don’t blame you. Call me. For good measure, I texted him the same message.

  Then there was nothing to do but wait. I tapped my fingers nervously against my pajama pants for a minute and practically jumped out of my skin when my phone rang. It was Alex. I just knew it.

  I pressed the green button without even looking at the caller ID. “Alex, I knew you’d get back to me.”

  “It’s not Alex,” a solemn female voice informed me.

  “Mia?”

  “Yeah, how you doing, Pookie?”

  “I—” I thought about it. “I’m in denial. This can’t be true. I mean, I appreciate the warning, but the British press is always trumping these things up to sell papers, right? They found fresh meat and are just doing a hatchet job on him because he’s not part of the ‘old gents’ club.’ Right?” The line was so quiet I thought we might have gotten disconnected. “Hello? Mia, are you there?”

  “I’m here. I’m just trying to decide how to tell you this.”

  “Tell me what?” I demanded, temper flaring.

  After a lengthy pause, Mia spoke, her voice unusually quiet. “I was at the party. I’m sorry, Annabeth, but it’s true. I saw it happen.”

  For a long moment, I couldn’t speak. Once my brain whirred back into action, I tried to make sense of what she was saying. “You what? Why were you in Oxford? I thought you were in London.”

  “I was, but Nico Stasch—he’s the designer I’m working for—got invited to this donor bash and needed a date. He went to the Ruskin School of Art at Oxford before he switched to fashion design, you know.” She said that as though I should have been impressed.

  “I—I still don’t understand. You said you saw Alex kiss this woman?”

  “Yeah.” She lowered her voice. “Annabeth, she’s not just any woman. Regina is—”

  “Wait. What’s her name?”

  “Regina, Regina Forsythe. Listen, Annabeth, she’s—”

  “Alex’s ex.” Hot tears coursed down my face. I closed my eyes and swallowed hard. I took a few deep breaths to quell the urge to laugh and cry all at the same time.

  All I could think about was those two being together. I remembered Miles and Alex telling me he had wanted her back. But that was over a year ago. Surely he couldn’t still have feelings for her? He’d given me a ring; we were practically engaged. Then Alex’s words when he’d accused me of having intentions with Nick rang in my head. ‘You’re in close proximity for long hours. Things can happen. Passions can take over.’ If he’d thought that about me, he might be guilty of the same thing. What the hell had happened in Oxford?

  I was quiet for so long it was Mia’s turn to wonder if I was still on the line. “Look, Mia, I appreciate the warning, but I have to go. I have to call Alex.”

  “Don’t bother. I can just hand the phone to him. He’s right inside.”

  I hunched over as though someone had punched me. I shook my head, trying to clear it. Nothing was making any sense. “You’re with Alex? Why?”

  “I’m with Regina,” she clarified. “I couldn’t exactly leave her alone. I mean, we’re not close, but she is a friend of my dad’s, and she’s really upset.”

  “They’re together?” I practically yelled.

  “Yeah, so?”

  “So how do you think this looks to me? Put Alex on the phone.”

  “Ugh, hang on. I’m on the balcony. I have to go get him.” Something rustled against the receiver as Mia moved. I heard indistinguishable voices then more rustling as she handed the phone over.

  “Annabeth? Thank God. I want you to know none of it is true.” For someone whose ex was in the same room, Alex sounded oddly relieved to be talking to me.

  “Then why did Mia just say it was?”

  “She what?”

  “She just told me she saw you two kissing. Why would she say that, Alex?”

  “I have no idea.” He sounded nervous, or maybe it was just confusion. I was having a hard time judging. “She’s been nothing but supportive since the picture came out this morning. What you say makes no sense.”

  I was kneeling on the bed now, fighting the urge to hop on a plane and throttle him. “No, you’re the one who isn’t making any sense. Your ex-girlfriend? How the hell did that just happen?”

  “She was just there, at the event. She’s an alumna, so she had every right to be.”

  “And you had no idea she was on the guest list. You just ran into her at the party, tripped, and fell on her lips, right?”

  “What? No. That’s what I’m trying to tell you. There was no kiss. All we did was talk, you know, catching up. I still remember where true north is.”

  I imagined him fingering the ring I’d given him. “I wouldn’t put too much stock in compasses right now. It seems to me like up is down.”

  Alex sighed. “It does to me too, believe me. The photo has to be a fake.”

  “Sure it does. Because every paparazzo’s dream is to sell a photo of a Midwestern professor snogging his ex. Yep, that’ll go for millions. Come on, Alex. We have eyewitness proof, and yet you’re trying to tell me Mia is lying?”

  “Well, clearly something is going on. Are you certain you’re not letting your jealousy get the better of you?

  I closed my eyes, pressing my free hand to the center of my forehead. “I’m going to pretend you did not just say that.”

  “What else am I to think? First, you practically rip my head off over a misplaced text to Jolie. Now you’re telling me your best friend is lying to you about me when all she’s done is be there for us in a very odd situation. Who am I supposed to believe?”

  “Believe whomever you like,” I said before I mashed the red “end call” button.

  I looked at the clock and collapsed onto the bed, my decision made. There was no way I was going to work today. I needed time to sort all this out. I pulled a pillow over my head and wept. There was no way this could turn out well. I was either going to lose my boyfriend or my best friend.

  I finally poked my head out from beneath the covers when my stomach rumbled so loudly it couldn’t be ignored.

  “All right, all right, I’ll feed you,” I grumbled as I padded barefoot to the kitchen.

  In my sour mood, everything was likely to taste like sawdust, so I didn’t bother with a fancy meal. Out came the Cup-a-Soup, into the microwave it went, and back to bed I went, drinking it without really r
egistering any taste other than salt. When I came back to bed with a glass of water, I grabbed my phone.

  Somewhere in North Carolina, another phone rang three times.

  “Hey, sis.” My voice was already quavering, and my eyes were stinging. Damn it. I was hoping to at least get through the story without crying.

  “Annabeth? What’s wrong? Shouldn’t you be at work right now?”

  “Yeah,” I said, twin tears racing down my cheeks. “But I have a case of girlfriend-itis.”

  Mirabelle’s chair scraped as she pulled it over the ceramic titles in their kitchen. “I have to be at work by noon, but I can talk until then. What did Alex do?”

  I forwarded the text from Mia. “Check your phone.”

  Mirabelle groaned. “I’m on my phone. What is this about?”

  “Then get out your laptop and look at the gossip page of the Oxford Mail.”

  “Jesus Christ. What did he do, kill someone?”

  “Yeah. Me.” My teeth were chattering, salty tears still careening down my cheeks.

  “Stupid son of a—” Mirabelle stopped herself. “How dumb could he be? Kissing someone else is one level of stupidity, but at a society event where he had to have known there’d be cameras? Wait…” I imagined her leaning forward to better inspect the image. “Annabeth, have you really looked at this picture? I mean blown it up?”

  “No. Why?”

  “Get out your laptop and do it.”

  I did as she asked. “What am I looking for, Miss Digital Queen?”

  “Look at her mouth. She’s talking, not getting ready to kiss him.”

  “Maybe he surprised her.”

  “Do you want him to be guilty? I’m starting to think you do. No, the angle of his head isn’t right. He’s not aiming for her mouth; he’s aiming for her ear.”

  “Thanks for trying to cheer me up.” I faked a smile even though she wouldn’t be able to see it.

  “I’m serious, you twit! What does Alex say?”

  “That he didn’t do anything. He thinks it may be Photoshopped or something.”

  She was quiet for a few moments. “No, it doesn’t have the signature of a manipulated image, but I would still agree this photo was used out of context.”

  “But Mia said she saw the whole thing. She was the one who sent me the picture. She wanted to warn me.”

  Mirabelle snorted. “Fuck Mia. Of course she did. She wanted to be the hero. I’ll bet you anything that she’s somehow behind this. I’ve never trusted that skinny redheaded snake.”

  “But why would she—?”

  “Because she can. Jesus, sis, have you not been paying attention? Mia does what Mia wants.”

  I didn’t know what to say. I had called my sister hoping for some sympathy, and here she was telling me one of my closest friends was likely behind a relationship-ruining hoax? This was just too much. “I appreciate your concern, sis, but it is what it is. Even if it isn’t true, I feel like my trust has been violated.”

  “It has, but not by Alex. Please don’t take it out on him. Look, I know you’re sensitive to this because of what Nick did to you. You’ve been wary for years, but it’s time to get over that. Alex isn’t Nick. If you’re serious about wanting to marry Alex, you have to learn to trust him no matter what the risk because, I promise you, you will face much tougher challenges than some picture caught at just the right moment.”

  “You’re right,” I said quietly. “But I’m just not there yet.”

  “Well, you need to get there, or you could lose him. Just pick up the phone and give him a call. Did you ever think about how this must be weighing on him? Whether or not he’s guilty, he’s got to be worried about what this is doing to you. He loves you.”

  I sighed. “You’re right.”

  “What are big sisters for?”

  “Thanks, Bella.”

  After we hung up, I called up Alex in my contacts list, and my finger hovered over the green button for several minutes before I finally pushed it in. The phone rang and rang. There was a click as it was diverted to his school office phone with its formal greeting that sounded so little like the Professor Grantham I knew.

  “Hey, Alex, it’s me. Look, I’m really sorry for how I behaved earlier. I don’t know what to make of the picture, but I do know you could use some support, and I want you to know I’m here for you. Please call me back. I love you.”

  My phone rang again half an hour later. At first I figured it was Mirabelle calling with yet another piece of advice, but then I noticed it was a foreign number. My heart leapt with hope that it was Alex. Maybe now we could get this sorted out.

  “Annabeth? It’s Jolie,” she said when I answered.

  I grunted, not really wanting to talk to the one-woman Alex fan club.

  “Look, I can’t talk long. I kind of borrowed Alex’s cell without telling him. But I had to tell you he didn’t do anything. He’s being set up. I don’t know why or by whom, but it’s true.”

  “And you know this how?”

  “I was there.”

  “Of course you were,” I muttered.

  Jolie kept talking, ignoring my comment. “I was with my dad, but I saw Alex and Regina. They were just talking. It was really loud inside, and they were just trying to finish a conversation. That’s all.”

  “I hope you’re right, but I need more than your word to believe it.”

  “You’ve got Alex’s too. What more do you need?”

  I rubbed my eyes. “I know. But it’s more complicated than that.”

  “How? So what if some of his students think he’s cheating on you? The school has already opened a second section of his fall class since the first one filled so fast. If anything, this has made him more popular than ever.”

  “Wait—what did you say?”

  “He’s a popular teacher.”

  “No, before that. About a class in fall?”

  “Yeah, Alex’s Poetry and Storytelling in Modern Music class. I’m taking it. After the National Poetry Month event, everyone here is all about poetry, and it’s one of the most popular lecture hall classes.”

  “And Alex is teaching it? You’re sure?”

  “Yeah, why?” She sounded confused.

  “This is the first I’m hearing of it.”

  “Oh.” Her voice was small.

  I sighed. “It’s not your fault. Is Alex around? He and I have some things to discuss.”

  There was a disturbance on the line. “Yeah. How am I going to explain taking his phone?”

  “Tell him I called and you answered it.”

  She must have put her hand over the receiver because she sounded as though she was underwater when she called Alex’s name and explained who was on the line.

  Too quickly, he was there. “Hi, Annabeth. I got your message. I wasn’t sure you’d call again after the way we ended things. I’m glad you did.”

  I leaned my head back on the headboard. “Part of me wishes I hadn’t.”

  “Why?” Worry tinged his voice.

  “I called to apologize and offer my support, but then I found out something very interesting. When were you planning on telling me you were staying for the fall semester?”

  Silence. “Did Jolie tell you that?”

  “Does it matter? Answer the question.”

  He sighed. “I didn’t tell you because they just asked me before the whole picture thing happened. Everything else was wiped out of my mind. I haven’t even said yes yet.”

  “Then why are they accepting registration?”

  “It’s just pre-registration to gauge interest. There’s no way I would make this decision without you. You know that.”

  I squeezed my eyes shut, pressing them with the palm of my free hand. “Do I? First you forget to tell me you were accepted, let alone that they tacked on the summer for research, and now you don’t tell me they offered to extend your time there by a term? That’s a pattern, Alex. It’s a pattern of lies I can’t deal with. It sounds to me like Regina was ri
ght. You do put your career before your relationships. And you know what? It sucks.”

  “I never lied to you,” he stressed, his voice rising. “And leave Gina out of this.”

  “Oh, she’s Gina now, is she? My, aren’t you two cozy. Like it or not, she’s right in the middle of this. And by the way, lies of omission are just as bad as commission.”

  “Oh my God, Annabeth, how can you possibly not see that I was thinking of you in all of this? I knew each one of these things could upset you, and I was trying to avoid that. I never stopped thinking of you. Why don’t you believe me?”

  “Because you keep hiding things from me even after we promised to always tell the truth! And now with this whole picture thing… Regina is right there next to you while I’m an ocean away.”

  “How do you think I felt with Nick by your side every single day? I may have been jealous of his past with you, but I trusted you. You obviously can’t say the same about me.”

  “No, it’s not that—”

  “Then what is it?” He sighed, and I imagined him running a hand down his face. “Look, we can’t hope to keep up our relationship without trust.”

  I stared at the phone. “Are you saying you want to break up?”

  “Of course not. But you’re going to have to have some faith in me if we’re going to get through this.”

  My heart was pounding. I couldn’t just blindly take his word after all of this, not with her right there within arm’s reach. “And if I can’t?” I fought back tears.

  “Then maybe we do need to reevaluate our relationship. You can’t have lasting love without trust.”

  I couldn’t speak.

  “When you’ve figured out if you believe me and are ready to talk about this like rational adults, you know where to find me.”

  The line went dead. He was gone.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

  June

  Alex and I hadn’t spoken in almost two weeks, and I was beginning to think we were done for good. I was sure Regina had her hooks into him by now. Mia called every so often with updates, but according to what she said, things didn’t look good. I tried to get some additional information, but the newspaper must not have gotten people as riled up as they would have liked, because they never did a follow-up. My only other source of information was Jolie, and even she wasn’t taking my calls.