by Amber Nation
I could see the tears well up in her eyes, getting ready to topple over the edge and run down her cheeks. She quickly ran her hand across each eye, wiping away the evidence of her sadness.
“So while you were investigating Mason, did you know who I was?”
“No, at least not at first I didn’t.”
“So, once you found out who I was, you investigated me too right? To make sure I wasn’t doing anything illegal? To make sure everything I owned was purchased the right way, with my hard earned money?”
“Yes, I mean no. That’s not how it happened. I was just doing my job Maggie.” I said, trying to get her to calm down, but she was getting more and more aggravated with each question she asked.
“So everything we had together was because of your job? That’s why you got together with me, because you pitied me, and it would help you further your investigation by getting cozy with the sister to your assignment?”
“Maggie,” I moved just a bit closer towards her, she shook her head and I immediately stopped moving, “that’s not how it happened. If you’d let me explain. I’m not with you because you are Mason’s sister, and I was just hoping to get some inside detail. I love you, Maggie.” I wasn’t above pleading. I would do everything within my power to make her see reason. I loved her. I’ve never loved anything or anyone more.
“You don’t love me, so stop throwing around empty words, Charlie. If you loved me, you would’ve told me about your job, instead I hear it from some crazed psycho who was at the time toying with the notion of either killing me or getting into my pants. Oh but you trusted Grady and Emmalynne enough to know your secret. Was it just because you loved Emmalynne, huh? I feel used and deceived, Charlie. After everything I went through as a kid, I have NEVER EVER felt as betrayed as I do right now. So thank you for just proving my point that I have never been and never will be loved.”
I felt as if she had delivered a physical blow to my gut. I would take getting shot in the side to this feeling any day.
“Maggie…”
Gio stood up, his expression on his face was completely menacing. “I think it’s time you left now, Charlie.”
Tessa and Toby were both still huddled in the corner, looking at me with solemn looks on their faces.
I had to try one more time before I went.
“Maggie, if I walk out that door, I will regret every day not telling you the truth. I don’t know how many times I started to tell you, just to end up thinking better of it. I thought by not telling you, I was keeping you safe. And yes, in my own selfish way, I knew in the back of my mind that this would be the outcome if you knew my true identity. Although, my work brought me here, I would never ever change a day of what we had together. I love you so much, Maggie, and you may not believe me, but it’s true. You were the reason that my entire outlook on life changed. You, Maggie. It’ll always be you.”
She hid her face in her hands, and Gio came up enveloping her in his arms. Her shoulders shook as I heard the sobs rack her entire body.
I shoved my hands in my pockets and retreated out the door. I trained my gaze to the floor, I felt so much shame in my actions that I couldn’t bear to look anyone in the eyes.
I feared I had truly lost the love of my life, because of my own messed up inhibitions.
How could she truly believe that I was in love with Emmy and not her? The flame that I thought I had with Emmalynne, didn’t even compare to the inferno I have with Maggie.
I needed to go home and think of what I should do next, leaving Brown County and Maggie wasn’t even an option.
Home. I didn’t even know where that was anymore, these past few months I’ve considered my home to be with Maggie. And now that I don’t have that I felt lost, empty. Sure, I still had my duplex, but it had always felt rather dreary and just not comfortable. I guess I deserved to go home to a place that was lonely and void of everything, hell I deserved to suffer much more than that. I deserved every single bit of the guilt and anguish that had cemented itself in the pit of my stomach.
Like the saying goes, “Home is where your heart is,” it was completely true. But my heart was lying back in that hospital bed crying her eyes out, because of my deception and betrayal.
My heart hurt so badly, I could only imagine how Maggie was feeling.
She had some pretty amazing friends now to help her out. It was decided that I would give things a few days to calm down, and then I would try and go to her again. I would never give up trying to get that second chance.
An idea started forming in my mind, there was no doubt that the Sheriff’s department left her apartment in disarray, I would go clean it up for her. It wasn’t much, but hopefully it would be a start in the right direction of forgiveness.
(Maggie)
Two days after being admitted, the doctor deemed me well enough to be released.
I believed I proved that I wasn’t much of a patient. I didn’t like relying on other people for food, water, or to even use the bathroom. I promised Marjorie when she came into visit me, that I would remain on the other side of the spectrum and try not to land myself being admitted again.
The first night, I was awoken every hour on the hour due to my concussion. After the fourth consecutive hour, I decided that it was pointless to go back to sleep only to be woken up a half an hour later.
So, on the menu for tonight was a full night of uninterrupted sleep and a long hot shower.
“Are you ready to go in baby girl?” Gio said, while placing his hand on top of mine, breaking my serene thoughts of my warm shower.
Gio had been the absolute best these past few days, never once leaving my side. I was so very grateful for him, taking time out from his life in Atlanta, to help me pick up the pieces of mine.
Toby and Tessa came by often, even though things between Gio and Toby were still up in the air. They would exchange dirty looks when the other was looking, and painful longing looks when they weren’t. They needed to talk things out, but with Gio being with me all the time, it was a little difficult.
Grady and Emmy even came around a few times, but I couldn’t bring myself to talk to them just yet.
Deep down, I knew it wasn’t their place to tell me about Charlie, but I considered Emmy a good friend, and weren’t friends supposed to tell each other tremendous secrets such as his? Apparently, we weren’t that good of friends, but then again neither Toby nor Tessa even seemed to know what the hell had happened before. Shame on Charlie for putting Emmy and Grady in the position of keeping his job a secret, to the extent of getting Charlie the job at Emmy Lou’s.
My perception of people seemed to be off these days, it was so much easier when I was a recluse.
Gio gave my hand a gentle squeeze, which reminded me that he was waiting on me to get out of his car. We had arrived at my apartment building, and I didn’t think it was going to be this hard going back in.
I sat in his passenger seat, just looking out the window up at my building. It was a nice apartment building, one of the nicest in Brown County. But now, would I be scared to even live on my own here? It was my home, my safe haven, would that all be compromised now? I never really interacted with my neighbors, only saying a word or two in passing, but even so, shouldn’t someone have come to help me when they heard me scream, even if it was as simple as calling the Sheriff?
I thought Brown County was supposed to be this tight-knit community, where everyone helped everyone out. They sure were quick to spread around gossip and whatnot. Which brought me to another thought, if everyone knew everybody’s business, then how come no one knew about Emmalynne getting kidnapped and Charlie killing Corbin?
I guess when the proper authorities wanted something under wraps, they went to great lengths to make that happen. Everyone sure as hell knew about my kidnapping and Charlie being FBI, but then again the big fish, Declan Smith was now deceased, so I guess the secret identity wasn’t needed any further.
I tried to keep my thoughts from straying towards Charli
e, but when someone was the center of your whole universe one day and then nothing the next, it was hard not to think of them. I wondered since he had nothing tying him down in Brown County, if he would move on to someplace else. He said he had quit the force and Tessa told me he turned in his resignation at Emmy Lou’s, so I wondered what he would move onto next. I guess it wasn’t my business anymore, but just the thought of him not being here anymore, hurt.
My brain kept telling me to move on, but my heart still wanted Charlie. How could I ever trust him again if he kept such a crucial piece of himself locked up tight? It just made me wonder what else he didn’t let me in on. He claimed he loved me, but how could you love someone when you couldn’t even fully open yourself to them?
He knew every sordid detail of my life, not from only me telling him but apparently since he had me investigated. That just made me sick to my stomach all over again, he investigated me.
I needed to move forward, it’d be hard, but by putting one foot in front of the other, it would be a start.
I opened the door to Gio’s car and stepped out. The wind was blowing and it felt like heaven being outside again. It would still be a few weeks before the doctor would release me to run, so this was as close to nature as I could get. I’m sure at the end of those few weeks, I would be a force to be reckoned with. Being as much of a running addict as I was, I would be having major withdrawals.
Getting off the elevator, I quickly grabbed Gio’s hand, wrapping them together, I wasn’t exactly sure what we would be walking into.
“Are you sure you’re ready to do this Mag Pie? I can still take you to my place in Atlanta.”
“Thank you for the offer, Gio, but this is something I have to do. It’ll be hard at first, but this is my home plain and simple, I can’t stay away.”
We approached my door, in which I was surprised it was standing and intact, the last thing I remembered was that big goon kicking the door down. It had been in pieces, splinters of wood everywhere.
I had to give myself a moment, I knew I could proceed into my house. I had to.
Walking in, Gio went and flipped the lights on to my living room and kitchen. I gasped as I put a hand to my chest. Everything was fixed and put back within its rightful place. I had a brand new couch, but it still looked like my old one. It was as if nothing had ever been damaged or destroyed, almost as if nothing had ever happened.
“What…” I looked to Gio who had the same quizzical expression on his face.
“I cleaned it up for you, Maggie.” A voice said from behind me. I had to quickly close my eyes, because I didn’t know if I was strong enough to see him just yet. Even though I had been able to put up one hell of a front around everyone, didn’t mean that I wasn’t still fragile and hanging on by a thread.
“What are you doing here?” Gio said, coming up beside me.
“I wanted to see that Maggie got home safely, and to let her know that I put her apartment back together again.”
“Do you honestly think that she would take you back after just cleaning up her apartment? The only reason her apartment was torn to shreds was because of you! Perhaps, everything would’ve ended differently if you had just been up front with Maggie in the first place. Don’t you think?” Gio sneered. I could feel the waves of tension pouring off of him, even behind closed eyes, I knew Gio well enough to know that he was getting riled up.
“Well pot meet fucking kettle,” Charlie retorted back.
“What the hell did you just say to me?” Gio quipped, moving a little closer to Charlie.
I had to put a stop to this before my apartment was torn to shreds, once again.
I spun around, opening my eyes and a whimper escaped my mouth at the sight of Charlie. He looked awful. His normal few days’ growth of stubble, that I absolutely loved, was longer and he looked physically unkempt. The large purple bags under his eyes told me that he hadn’t been able to sleep much either. It was nice to know that he hadn’t been his usual self either, but then I just felt bad that he felt so awful.
He was holding a vase of the most beautiful assortment of wild flowers that I think I had ever seen. I wanted to go to him and end everything, but the betrayal of what he did ran deeper than a bouquet of flowers and a clean apartment.
“Stop it the both of you!” I shouted, before they each descended on each other proceeding to beat the crap out of one another.
You’d think my money would be on Gio, but the murderous way Charlie was looking at Gio, said otherwise.
Charlie’s eyes darted to mine, and immediately softened just like they always had thousands of times before. The storm that was brewing in those steely gray eyes just moments before, turned calm and serene.
“Why would you clean up my apartment?” I had to cross my arms in front of me, because even though my brain knew the extent of damage he had done, my body hadn’t caught up to my brain just yet, and still wanted the man in front of me very much.
“Gio was right, it was my fault that it was destroyed so I thought it was only right to correct that wrong.” He took a tentative step towards me, which caused my breath to falter. I went to take a step back, only to end up bumping into the edge of my end table. “Listen, I know you are still mad at me.” Wasn’t that a complete understatement, didn’t I have a right to be mad? “But I just wanted you to know again that I am so truly sorry for everything. I do love you, and despite me not coming forward about being an Agent, everything between us was completely real. I hope you will give us a chance again.” He placed the vase of flowers in my hands, and they completely felt like dead weight.
I couldn’t handle this all right now. I had just returned home after being in the hospital for several days, I was running on very little sleep, and I hadn’t even let myself fully mourn the loss of Charlie and already here he was practically on his hands and knees begging for me to take him back.
I could feel the tears threatening to well up in my eyes. My limit had finally been reached. I was at the end of my rope with nothing left to hang onto. The only thing I could do was stand there and stare at Charlie, I was unable to move and incapable of forming any kind of words, never mind complete sentences.
After several long moments of me frozen to the same spot, Gio finally spoke up, “I think it’s time for you to go man. She hasn’t gotten much sleep, and she needs to rest. She knows your number if she wants to talk to you.”
Charlie warily approached me and gently touched my cheek, which had me straining to get away, but shock had finally taken over and I was still unable to move. So, as much as I didn’t want it, I endured his caress on my skin one last time. Even after he had removed his hand, the path in which he traced still felt like his fingertips were upon me.
He turned towards the door, and I fully expected him to leave, but alas, he turned around once more. “I didn’t mean to break you Maggie. Please believe that I never intended on hurting you. I promised you that I would always protect you from danger and I failed, I couldn’t even protect you from myself.”
After the door clicked shut, it was like a switch had flipped and I was able to move once again. Something bothered me about his words. Although he may think he did, he didn’t break me.
I threw the vase with the beautiful bunch of flowers directly at my front door, watching the glass shatter into a million tiny little pieces. He thought my heart was broken like the fragments of crystal that was scattered across my floor? Did he not know me at all? I yelled, more or less at the door, because I was sure Charlie had already gone. “I’m not broken dammit!! Just because I have a crack in my heart because of you, doesn’t mean I will automatically fall apart! You forget, I lived without love for twenty-four years of my life. I will heal, I always do!”
But in truth, I didn’t know if I would actually heal. I almost thought it would’ve been better if I had never been able to experience love, then maybe I wouldn’t hurt this bad.
Seeing a set of shadowed footprints from underneath my door, told me that Char
lie had still been there listening to my harsh words and the shattering of his gift.
I hung my head and went directly into my bathroom, turning on my shower to where the steam was billowing out from behind my shower curtain, fogging up the entire bathroom. I stepped into the shower fully clothed, and sat in the corner with my hands wrapped around my legs and finally started to cry. I finally let myself mourn the loss on my one and only love. Because after this, I would never fall for another man.
Then I finally realized, that the last time I was in this shower was the morning that Charlie and I made love in it, which caused me to cry even more.
I faintly heard the bathroom door open, and the shower curtain moved enough to where Gio was able to come in. He sat down right next to me on the floor of my shower and held me while we both cried. Me crying for the loss of Charlie and Gio for the loss of Toby.
It would be hard, but I knew in my heart that as long as I had Gio by my side, I would be alright.
(Maggie)
It was the beginning of August and things were heating up in Brown County, the weather that is.
I was running my usual route just like always, but here lately I was getting winded and tired much quicker than normal, I just chalked it up to the humidity. Today, I had that distinct feeling as if someone was watching me. Here lately it had been hit or miss if I felt it, but I could never find anyone watching me. It was probably just some crazy mixed up notion inside my head.
Today was the day that I was finally going to visit Mason at the US Penitentiary, it had been two months since I learned where he was. And yes, it had been two months since I’d seen Charlie. I ran, I went to work and helped deliver babies, and I came home. I didn’t often stray from my routine, there was no need for it. It kept me happy, it worked. Toby spent a lot of my days off with me, and even Tessa would sometimes join when she needed a much needed break. I still couldn’t bring myself to see Emmy, but it definitely wasn’t for her lack of trying. She had all but accosted me outside my house trying to talk to me.
