by Marian Tee
Park bit back a smile of relief and amusement. Thank God she was drunk. At least there was no way they’d get into something…emotional.
“Of course you’re pretty,” he assured her, sitting down on the bed and pulling her in his arms.
She climbed onto his lap and twirled her arms around his neck, wriggling close and making Park aroused in a heartbeat.
She pulled away to give him another pity-me stare. “Am I not sexy enough, Park?”
“Of course you are.” At the moment, too sexy for his brain to work even.
“Am I not smart enough?”
“Of course you are.”
“Then why can’t you be in love with me?” She scowled at him. “Maybe you need proof?” She started taking off her clothes.
It took him more than a moment to get over his shock. “Violet!” He struggled to keep her clothes on while Violet struggled to take them off.
“But I want to---” she started to insist.
“Not now, baby,” he cut her off. To distract both of them – one pale shoulder was laid bare now –Park decided to kiss her.
Violet immediately kissed him back, passionately.
He pulled away with a gasp. “Violet, dammit!” If they kissed a second longer, his cock would be kissing her pussy next, and he didn’t want that. After what…happened…it would feel like he was taking advantage of her.
She smiled at him sleepily. “Are you in love with me now, Park?” Then her eyes closed.
Park gaped, unable to believe she had fallen asleep just like that.
And then---
She snored.
Unbelievable, he thought. She really was asleep. His lips twitched as she snored again. It should have been a major turn off, but right now it just made his chest squeeze hard.
Are you in love with me right now?
His chest muscles squeezed harder, a sensation that was not at all close to the way he had once felt at ease and confident whenever Vanessa told him she loved him.
He kissed her hair. “No, Violet. I’m sorry but no. I don’t.”
* * * *
Violet woke up and was unlucky enough to remember everything she did and said, everything he did and said, and just how everything felt last night.
Oh God---why couldn’t she have forgotten everything?
She slowly opened her eyes and just as quickly wanted to shut them. But it was too late.
Park had already seen her.
He was facing her, bare-chested and looking too goddamn gorgeous for someone with sleep-mussed hair had a right to. His head was propped on one arm as he lied on his side, his face unreadable.
And then he smirked. “Good morning, sunshine.”
She groaned and tried to hide under the covers.
Park blinked then laughed and pulled the covers away.
“I can’t believe I…” She groaned again.
He stopped trying to pull away the blanket long enough to ask soberly, “Then you’re taking everything back?”
The silence that followed had Park holding his breath for someone reason.
And she whispered sadly, “No.”
He exhaled, unable to believe how relieved he felt. What the fuck was wrong with him?
She flinched at the sound. Hidden underneath the covers, Violet felt it easier to speak. “I’m still in love with you, Park. I’ve been in love with you for a long time.”
“Violet---”
“No, wait. Let me finish first.” She took a deep breath, too. “I’m in love, but I’m not blind. I know you just can’t love---” She swallowed. “I accept that. So you know, I’ve decided---”
“After a night’s bout of drinking?” he scoffed.
She made a face even if he couldn’t see her. “Well, anyway, I’ve decided.”
Park had a feeling he didn’t want to hear her next words but kept silent.
Violet squeezed her eyes shut. “I’ve decided to do my best to fall out of love from you.”
Park whitened. “Ah.” He didn’t know what else to say. He was still numb with shock at her words.
Violet emerged out of the covers and smiled tremulously at him. “I know I’m not the type to give up. I mean, you know me. Aja, aja, right?” It was a popular expression in Korea that meant ‘good luck’ or ‘keep it up’ and frequently used in those Korean dramas she watched.
Park used to laugh at the way she said it, but this time he didn’t even crack a smile.
That hurt so, so much.
Violet lifted her shoulders in an awkward shrug. “I’m not a martyr. I tried to be patient but you know patience hasn’t ever been my greatest talent.” She took a deep breath. “I guess, what I’m saying is that…I’m done forcing you to love me.”
* * * *
“Good morning!” Violet smiled brightly at Park an hour later, hiding the pain she felt at the mere sight of him as she and her friend, Betty, fell in line after him at the cafeteria. Who knew heartache was a great hangover remedy? She hurt so much, remembering the way Park couldn’t say he loved her back, that the pain just totally wiped away any remaining effects of liquor in her system.
Park grunted in answer.
Oh, good. Grumpy Park was back with a vengeance.
She and Betty exchanged glances. It was sheer luck that Violet and Betty had this breakfast date for ages. Park knew about it so he wouldn’t be able to accuse her of making something up to avoid him. And she would have if she had to.
The silence between them was appallingly awkward. She tried to smile again. “What are you going to---” Her mouth fell open when Park actually ignored her, taking his tray and leaving the line without a backward glance.
What the hell? He had practically dumped her and now he had the gall to ignore her? Was her love for him that much of a turnoff?
“He’s not happy,” Betty guessed.
“Like that’s not obvious,” Violet muttered. She was indignant. She tried to control her temper but couldn’t. “Order for me, will you?” she mumbled to her friend before marching to where Park sat alone at one of the tables lining the windows.
She sat across him and demanded, “What the fuck is wrong with you?”
Park didn’t even glance at her.
She waved a hand in his face. “Helloooo!” When he still didn’t pay attention, she shrieked as loudly as she could, “PARK!”
He jerked in surprise and hissed, “Lower your voice!”
“Park!” she shrieked again.
He looked around, saw his worst nightmare come true as he realized they were again the center of everyone’s attention. “All right! I get it! What do you want to talk about?”
“Us!” Violet snarled. God, she wanted to slap him! She really wanted to. Did he really have to ask what they had to talk about? Did her words truly mean nothing to him?
He stiffened. “Right,” he drawled sarcastically. “Us. Fucking right.”
She stiffened, too. “What does that mean?”
“There’s no ‘us’. You don’t want to be with me anymore, don’t you?”
“I didn’t say that!”
“You virtually did by saying you wanted to fall out of love!” he snarled. His temper went to overdrive all over again and it was all he could do not to shake her in his fury. Fuck! He could still remember the gaping emptiness in his chest, like a fucking cavity that grew in an instant when he watched Violet mumble goodbye this morning and leave his room without even giving him a chance to speak.
“Why are you so angry?” she burst out.
He gritted his teeth. “Idiot!”
She gasped. “I am not!”
“Yes. You. Are. So if you don’t want to be in love with me then I sure as hell won’t force you to stay like that!”
She shook her head slowly. “I…I…” Violet sighed and said honestly, “I don’t get you.”
Park wanted to be just as honest. “That makes two of us.”
She swallowed. “You’re angry…because I want to stop loving you?�
�
Park didn’t say anything.
Hope unfurled inside her. “Does that mean you’re hurt because you’re in love---”
He glanced back at her sharply, guiltily, defensively. “No.”
Hope died. Actually, it should never have been alive in the first place. Stupid Violet. Why couldn’t she accept the truth? Park was too caught up with his past to ever fall in love again. “Oh.”
He couldn’t bear the sadness on her face. “Violet---”
She backed away before he could touch her.
He jerked his hand away.
Violet’s eyes widened. “I didn’t mean---”
“Look. You don’t want to be in love with me, right? So why don’t you just let me help you with your plan and get the hell out of your life like I was trying to do?”
“But I don’t want it to be like this!” she cried. “Can’t we go back to being friends?”
Park’s face was stony. “No.”
“B-but w-why not?”
“It won’t work. Too much has happened.”
“But…” She gazed at him unhappily then looked away. “That’s unfair. I want to stop loving you, but I don’t want to cut you out of my life completely.”
“Tough!”
“Jerk!”
He shrugged.
She stomped her foot. It did nothing to alleviate her anger. She stepped on his foot. Hard. He yelped and that made her feel slightly better.
“You little---” He said something else in Korean.
“Whatever it is, back atcha,” she snapped. Why did it have to turn out this way? Damn it, but she hadn’t seen this coming. Why did he have to make it so much harder?
“You know you’re unfair and you’re acting selfish and---”
“I know all my faults. You know them, too. I still won’t change my mind.” Park finally allowed himself to look at her and right away, he was struck by a longing so intense he could’ve choked on it.
He had missed her. Unbelievably enough he had missed Violet just because of the time he had spent apart from her this morning.
“Violet.” Her name came out of nowhere.
She looked at him warily.
“Why can’t you just be content with what we have?” He forced himself to speak. “I---I care for you.”
“More than you cared about Vanessa?” She, too, was forcing herself to speak, her throat tight with pain.
Park’s hand clenched on the table, as if searching for something he could strangle. “What I felt for her has nothing to do with you! After what she did – I couldn’t even fucking look at a girl without hating her, without remembering what Vanessa did! But you were different. So can’t that fucking be enough? I won’t ever look at another girl. Can’t that fucking be good enough?”
Violet wanted to cover her ears. She wished she had moments ago. That way, she wouldn’t hear Park saying the loveliest and cruelest words he could ever say. She meant more to him than any other girl…now. But she could never be as important as Vanessa had been to him.
She stared down at her hands. “Park…”
“Just come back. Let’s go back to what we were,” he said hoarsely.
She wanted to give in, but she knew she shouldn’t. So in the end Violet did what she always did, coming to a snap decision about a compromise that could lead either to heaven or hell.
Violet took a deep breath. “Here’s the deal. I’ll come back then. I won’t force myself to stop loving you. Maybe I shouldn’t have thought of doing so in the first place. I doubt it would’ve worked if I did go through with it. But---” She choked off.
Seeing her in so much pain made Park want to lash out again, made him hate himself for being the cause of it. He felt fucking helpless because he knew what he should do to make her feel good again was the one thing he couldn’t do.
“Anything you want,” he promised harshly instead.
Violet looked away, staring at the scenery outside. Seeing Osaka’s blend of historical and modern attractions usually made her smile, but today the captivating scene somehow just made Violet ache even more. She was here in Osaka on borrowed time, just the way what she had with Park wasn’t permanent.
“I can’t chain myself to you completely,” Violet whispered finally. “I’m going to date other guys. I’m not going to, like, have sex with them, but I want to see if there’s a guy out there who could make me...” She stopped.
But he already knew what she couldn’t say.
“Fall out of love, you mean?”
Violet’s eyes flew to him, knowing that those exact words had been in her mind but she would never have said them because she knew how those words had once hurt him, too.
Park smiled tightly. “It’s not going to happen.” No fucking way was another girl – and especially not Violet – going to fall out of love with him again. Something about his reason nagged at Park, but for now he pushed the concern away. He had much more important things to think about.
Violet frowned, realizing that somehow Park had taken her words for a challenge. And she didn’t want that. She wanted Park to come after her because he loved her and not because he didn’t want to feel like he had been dumped with the same excuse.
“Well, that’s that.” She wanted to say so much more but she was also tired, leaving her thoughts in a jumble. She stood up, about to walk away when Park suddenly pulled her back. Violet gasped as she landed on his lap.
“Park!” What the hell was wrong with him? This wasn’t his way at all.
“I just want to show you why it’s impossible to get rid of me just like that.”
It was all the warning she had before he sank his fingers into her hair and pulled her down so their lips could meet. Violet managed to resist all for a few seconds before her body and heart betrayed her, making her mind shut down as her arms went around his neck. He kissed her with such possessiveness this time she lost herself in the taste of him, wanting to be possessed just as badly.
When he let her up for air, she was gazing at him with her dark eyes clouded with confusion and desire. And love.
Now that he knew it was there, he knew where to look for it.
He smiled, knowing how possessive he looked as he caressed Violet’s cheek.
Mine.
Violet York was in love with him.
It made her his, the way he had once foolishly tied himself to a woman who had betrayed him.
But this time it would be different. He might not love Violet, but he would fucking care for her better than any guy in the world, treat her right the way Vanessa hadn’t treated him right.
“That is why you won’t be able to leave me, Violet.”
Violet had her back to the crowd, but he didn’t. He saw everyone staring at the two of them, and he made a deliberate show of possessiveness by tugging her close so he could kiss her again. This time, she didn’t resist at all.
Good.
Mine, he thought again as he slowly eased on her lips and pulled away. Park couldn’t remember feeling this happy – this contented. He should have fucking done this a long time ago, should have claimed her, should have persuaded Violet to be his girlfriend.
He hadn’t lied to her when he told her he was open to being in a relationship. He had been and was. In fact he would be. It was the part about love that he didn’t buy.
“No one can make you feel like I do.”
She wrinkled her nose even though she was still a little breathless after his kiss. Dammit, but why did Park have to be such a good kisser? It just made things harder. “So confident,” she managed to snarl. “Excuse me if I puke, will you?”
He just laughed.
“Oh you wait and see,” she muttered.
He pretended not to hear that. She pretended not to notice. But both of them were secretly and suddenly chilled by her words, as if it was an unexpected omen.
After all both of them knew the truth – that it could happen, that it was possible for another guy to show up and truly fall in love
with her. And if that happened…what then?
Chapter Eighteen
“Going out on a date?” Park was leaning on her doorway, languidly slurping a popsicle as he watched her apply makeup.
She met his gaze through her dresser’s mirror. “Yup. Jealous?”
Park grunted. “You wish.”
Worse: she did wish.
Violet lifted her chin. “You will be jealous one of these days and when that day comes---” She stuck her tongue out.
“Again: you wish.”
“Hmph!” She brushed her lashes one last time with mascara before standing up. She twirled around and smiled at him over her shoulder. “Do I look pretty?”
He made a motion with his hand, indicating a so-so answer.
She rolled her eyes. “Stupid blond gorilla.”
“Who are you going out with?” Park managed to keep the jealousy out of his voice.
“Lee,” she replied then could’ve bitten her tongue right after. She hadn’t wanted him to know.
Park was barely able to prevent himself from blanching. Violet had been dating the other guy for more than a few times already. Park had done what he could to dig dirt on the other guy but had come up with nothing. The man was like a fucking saint. And normally Park didn’t have a problem with that except of course when a saint looked more attractive than he had a right to be and when that same saint had the hots for Violet.
He forced himself to smile even though his brain was already furiously racing to come up with a plan. “Well, good luck trying to forget me.”
Her frustrated gaze met his through the mirror. “It’s not like that---”
“It is.”
Park’s parting shot still bothered her, ruining Violet’s appetite even though Lee had chosen one of the most popular night places in Osaka for their date, a restaurant that also doubled as a club in the late hours of the night. Since it was already ten in the evening, the lights had been dimmed down, the music switching from jazz to trans.
“Hey, isn’t that your friend?”
She followed Lee’s line of sight, squinting to see who Lee was talking about. Shock made Violet inhale sharply when she saw Park surrounded by a flock of girls. Make that a parade of sluts, Violet thought edgily as she took in the way they were all so scantily dressed, like there was a freaking shortage on cotton and denim.
