Casting About

by Terri DuLong

  Making an attempt to compose myself, I said, “No, she’s not a big dog, but she’s extremely bright. Just like you are. You know what I think? I think Billie wanted a bit of an adventure. You know how dog friendly she is. I think once she got loose she thought she’d do some visiting. And I bet she’s just making the rounds all around the island. That little stinker has us worried sick—and she’s probably having a grand ol’ time.”

  Clarissa pulled away to look directly at me. “Maybe,” she said with hesitation. “I just miss her so much and I want her to be okay.”

  A fresh flood of tears coursed down her face and I felt utterly helpless. There wasn’t a thing I could do to take away this child’s anguish—anguish that I felt every bit as deeply.

  30

  I had heard the phone ring once in the distance and then snuggled back into my pillow. After tossing and turning all night with worry for Billie, I welcomed the sleep. But a few minutes later I felt like I was being bounced on a trampoline and opened my eyes to see Clarissa’s joyful face.

  “We found Billie! We found Billie,” she cried, jumping up and down on the bed.

  Struggling to sit up, I saw Adam leaning against the doorway, a huge smile on his face.

  “Oh, my God! Really?” I exclaimed as Clarissa’s arms went around my neck.

  “Yes, really,” she confirmed, giving me a tight squeeze.

  Wiping sleep out of my eyes, I wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry with happiness.

  “Henry Talbot just called. Seems he heard Billie whimpering at his back door at two this morning. He didn’t want to call then, so he took her in and gave her a bite to eat.”

  “What on earth was she doing in Henry’s yard? That’s only a few streets from here. I wonder why she didn’t come home.”

  “Because she was having too much fun digging up Henry’s rosebushes.”

  I swung my legs to the side of the bed. “Oh, no!”

  Adam laughed. “Yeah, got her in a bit of trouble. I told Henry we’ll replace all of the bushes that were damaged and even plant them for him. Won’t we, Clarissa?”

  She nodded emphatically. I think if Adam had said she had to repaint Henry’s entire house inside and out, the child would have been agreeable in order to get Billie back.

  “We’re going over to get her, but I want to see how your ankle is today.”

  Sticking my leg out in front of me, I turned my foot to the right, then the left. No pain. Putting a hand on the night table, I stood up and gingerly put weight on both feet. No pain. Just a slight discomfort.

  “Much better,” I told him. Then I walked to the bathroom and back. “Definitely better.”

  “That’s good. Okay, then I’ll take Clarissa and we’ll go collect that naughty pooch. We shouldn’t be very long.”

  Clarissa started to follow Adam out of the bedroom, then turned around and came back. Throwing her arms around my midsection, she said, “You were right, Monica. Billie was just having an adventure. I’m so glad you knew that.”

  I watched her go through the door as I stood there trying to absorb what she said. Of course I didn’t know that Billie would be okay. I was scared to death we might not see her again. But somehow I guess that wasn’t what I conveyed to Clarissa. Instead I had reassured the child, made her feel better. In that brief moment, I began to realize that was a small part of being a mother. What surprised me was that I had done it unknowingly. Without even thinking about it. Like it was natural.

  Smiling, I headed to the bathroom to brush my teeth. My eyes flew to the vanity—where Sybile’s butterfly brooch sat. The small crystals glimmered from the sun streaming through the window. I gripped the doorknob to steady myself. What the heck was that doing in here? It had been safely tucked away in my jewelry box from when I’d found it on my bureau. There was no way Adam or Clarissa would have put it in the bathroom. This was becoming beyond eerie. I didn’t have a clue what it could mean, but I knew somebody who might.

  Walking to the bedside phone, I dialed Grace’s number.

  “Have you got a sec?”

  “Sure,” she told me. “What’s up?”

  “Is there any significance for a butterfly? Why would somebody want a necklace or something with a butterfly on it?”

  “Change.”

  “What do you mean, change?”

  “Butterflies represent change. Growth. Transformation. Many people relate strongly to butterflies on a spiritual level. They begin in a cocoon and then emerge beautiful and different from how they started.”

  “Hmm,” I said, now finding a connection to Sybile. Once Sybile acknowledged she had given birth to my mother, she began to change. She attempted to build a relationship with both my mother and me. She also made amends with Saren and spent her final days receiving his love and loving him in return.

  “Why?” I heard Grace ask on the other end of the line. “Why do you want to know about butterflies? Oh, is Sybile moving her brooch around on you again?”

  “I don’t know. It’s all so silly, but I just found it on the vanity in the bathroom. When I know darn well it was in my jewelry box. This is crazy.”

  Grace chuckled. “Maybe not. You just don’t believe in those things, Monica. I’ve tried to explain to you about another dimension, but you’re too logical to even consider something like that.”

  “You’re right, I am.” Wanting to change the subject I said, “Hey, we found the wandering Billie.”

  “Oh, thank God. Is she all right?”

  “Yeah, she was in Henry Talbot’s yard digging up his rosebushes. Adam and Clarissa have gone to get the little minx.”

  “Uh-oh. I’d say poor Billie is in the doghouse. Literally.”

  I laughed. “Yeah, well, I’m just glad we have her back. Poor Clarissa was so upset. I’d better go. They’ll be back with her shortly.”

  After hanging up the phone, I walked back into the bathroom. The brooch still sat on the vanity. I stretched out my hand to pick it up, almost afraid it would disappear into thin air. But it didn’t. I folded my fingers around the brooch and felt distinct warmth emanating from the crystals. Walking to my bureau, I then lifted the cover on my jewelry box and placed the brooch inside.

  Clarissa walked into the kitchen clutching something that resembled a filthy stuffed toy that had been rescued from a trash bin. It took me a second to realize this ball of fluff was Billie. Her normally groomed, beautiful buff-colored fur was between gray and ebony. The crisp and clean scarf she always wore around her neck was missing. And it appeared that in twenty-four hours she’d developed snarls in her curls. But her little tail was wagging with excitement, clearly delighted to be back in Clarissa’s arms.

  I suppressed a giggle. “Into the laundry room,” I said, pointing the way. “My God, she’s a mess.”

  “Yeah,” Adam said, filling the laundry sink with warm water and dog shampoo. “I’m afraid Billie had quite the night on the town.”

  “The little hussy.” I was grateful she’d been spayed the month before and at least didn’t return home in the family way.

  “What’s a hussy?” Clarissa asked as she submerged Billie into the soapy water.

  Adam laughed. “A woman of questionable behavior. I think that would describe Billie’s venture from home.”

  I shook my head as I headed back to the kitchen for a much-needed second cup of coffee.

  Within a few hours, due to Clarissa’s diligent care, Billie was looking more like her old self. Bathed, blown dry, and brushed, she was sporting a clean pink scarf with red hearts. She was also exhausted from her ordeal and curled up on the sofa.

  I was putting the finishing touches of cream cheese frosting on the carrot cake I’d made when Clarissa wandered into the kitchen.

  “I’m so glad Billie came back before I have to say good-bye to Zoe this afternoon.”

  So was I. Zoe and her dad were due to stop by so the girls could have a final farewell, and I had dreaded Clarissa experiencing that in addition to the loss o
f her precious dog.

  “I know,” I told her. “They should be here shortly.”

  “As soon as she leaves, I’m going to send her an e-mail.”

  I laughed. “You have to give her time to get to the airport and take the flight to Baltimore.”

  The doorbell rang and Clarissa went running.

  Walking into the foyer, I saw a tall, slim man who resembled Zoe shaking hands with Adam.

  “Hi,” he told me, extending his hand. “I’m Rick, Zoe’s father.”

  “Monica. It’s nice to meet you. Come on in,” I said, leading the way to the great room. “How’re you doing, Zoe?”

  “Good,” she said. “I’m so glad Billie’s back home.” She went directly to the sleeping dog and gently stroked the top of her head.

  I smiled. “Yeah, we are too. Have a seat, both of you.”

  “So are you flying out of Gainesville this evening?” Adam asked.

  Rick nodded. “Yes, our flight’s at seven-thirty. I think we’ve tied up everything here.”

  “Don’t forget,” I told him, “we’d love to have Zoe during a vacation week or during the summer.”

  “That’s really nice of you. I know how difficult all of this is for her, so she’ll love coming back to visit Clarissa.”

  The girls had gone into Clarissa’s bedroom to spend some quiet time together.

  “She’s a brave little girl,” I said. “Clarissa is going to miss her a lot. But I’m sure they’ll keep in touch frequently. Between e-mails and phone calls.”

  We discussed where Zoe would be going to school, and I learned that she’d be living in a suburb of Baltimore and that made me feel a little better. Rick explained it was a medium-sized town with lots of activities for children and he felt that in time his daughter would settle in.

  A half hour later the girls wandered back into the great room, and I noticed that Clarissa had Annie in her arms.

  “Oh, have you given Annie to Zoe?”

  Before Clarissa could answer, Zoe spoke up. “That was really nice of Clarissa to offer, but…” She shot a look to her father. “I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to say anything, but I told Clarissa about Julie.”

  Adam and I exchanged a bewildered look.

  Rick smiled. “No, that was fine, Zoe.” Looking at Adam and me, he said, “My wife is pregnant.”

  I thought she didn’t like kids, but managed to say, “Oh, that’s great.” Judging from the look on Rick’s face, he seemed pretty pleased to relate the news. “When is she due?”

  “In April. It’s a boy.”

  Zoe’s face beamed with excitement. “I’m going to be a big sister,” she informed us. “So it’s really nice of Clarissa to want to give me Annie to keep me company—but pretty soon I’ll have a baby brother.”

  “That is exciting,” I told her, but I didn’t miss the lack of expression on Clarissa’s face.

  “Well,” Rick said, standing up. “I’m afraid we have to get going, Zoe. We don’t want to miss our flight.” He turned toward Adam and me. “Thank you so much for having us over. This really is a great little town. I’m thinking after the baby arrives maybe we’ll plan a family trip to stay on the island for a vacation.”

  “That would be great. I’m sure the girls would enjoy that.”

  I watched as Clarissa and Zoe hugged, amid promises to always be best friends.

  Clarissa stood at the door, Annie clutched in her arms, long after Rick and Zoe had pulled away from the curb.

  Great. Just great. I had a feeling that Annie had served her purpose but would no longer provide comfort for Clarissa. I only hoped that Billie would fill the void she might be feeling. Because a baby brother or sister in our house was out of the question.

  31

  The reflection in the mirror met with my approval—black slacks and a burnt orange pullover sweater. I’d found the sweater tucked away in my drawer and immediately remembered my mother had made it the Thanksgiving I was in college. Two single rows of cables twisted down the front, while each sleeve had a thick cable running from shoulder to wrist.

  “You look nice,” I heard Clarissa say and turned around to find her standing in the bedroom doorway.

  “Well, thank you, and so do you.” She was wearing a tan wool skirt that fell to her ankles, topped off with a cream-colored turtleneck.

  She stroked the soft alpaca of my sweater. “That’s so pretty. Did you make it?”

  “No, actually, my mother did. Many years ago.”

  “I want to learn to yarn,” she informed me. I smiled again at the term she insisted on using. I was surprised with her request, but I was also surprised that her animation had seemed to return. She’d been exceptionally quiet since her farewell with Zoe. I wasn’t sure if this had been attributed to the loss of her friend or the fact that Zoe was getting a baby brother. But teaching her to knit appealed to me a lot more than a baby in the house.

  “Really? You’d like to learn to knit?”

  Clarissa nodded. “Yeah. My friend, Chelsea—her mother makes quilts, and she’s teaching Chelsea how to make one.”

  I got the feeling that Clarissa regarded this as a mother/daughter experience, and this also surprised me. My own mother had taught me to knit when I was about Clarissa’s age. I recalled the many afternoons sitting beside her on the sofa, clumsily holding needles while attempting to knit and purl. They were hours spent developing a closeness that remained solid long after I lost interest in knitting.

  “That might be fun,” I told her. “I think I was about ten when my mother taught me. Once I got into college, I didn’t knit for ages. But then a few years ago, I picked up needles again, and it’s something you really don’t ever forget.”

  “What can I make? A sweater?”

  I laughed. “Well, sure, eventually you can. But we need to start you off with the basic things—learning to cast on, knit, and purl. As soon as you catch on to that, you can make yourself a scarf. Those are pretty simple and they work up fast.”

  “Can I pick out my own yarn?”

  “Absolutely. That’s part of the fun of knitting. So many different colors and textures to choose from. Tell ya what—you’re off school tomorrow, so we’ll go over to the yarn shop and get you everything you’ll need.”

  “Oh, good. Wait till I tell Chelsea in school on Monday.”

  I got the feeling that Clarissa wanted to be like the other girls—have a mother figure at least. Somebody she could talk about doing things with and it was pretty obvious that person wasn’t Carrie Sue.

  “All set?” Adam asked, walking into the bedroom.

  “Guess what, Dad? Monica’s going to teach me to yarn tomorrow.”

  “Well, that’s great. Now we’ll have two knitters in the house. I’ll have more sweaters and scarves than I know what to do with.”

  I caught his smile and wink, knowing this news pleased him.

  “Okay,” I said. “We’d better get moving. Aunt Dora won’t be happy if we’re late for Thanksgiving dinner.”

  The aroma of turkey and pumpkin pie filled Dora’s house as we walked in the back door to the kitchen.

  “Sure does smell good in here,” I told her, planting a kiss on her cheek. “Happy Thanksgiving. What can I do to help?”

  “And to you as well. Ah, let’s see. Until ol’ Tom comes out of the oven and the vegetables are ready to get into bowls, I think we’re all set for a little while. How about a glass of wine for you and Adam? And Clarissa, some apple cider?”

  Taking our glasses, we walked into the great room to greet the other guests.

  “Happy Thanksgiving,” I told everyone, raising my wineglass.

  “There’s my granddaughter,” I heard Saren say and turned around to give him a hug.

  “You’re looking mighty dapper,” I told him.

  The only time I saw Saren without his Eagles cap was at holiday gatherings. He was sporting a crisp white shirt, blue suspenders, and a matching blue bow tie.

  “I reckon it’s ki
nda nice to get dressed up now and again.”

  I smiled as I went to join Grace on the sofa. She’d accepted our invitation, rather than go to Brunswick, explaining that her aunt would be joining friends for the day. “How’s it going?”

  “Pretty good. No news is good news, I’d say. And I haven’t heard anything new from Tony, if that’s what you mean.”

  Maybe he realized it was a hopeless cause to try to get her property. I took a sip of wine and nodded. “He probably figured out both he and his French restaurant aren’t wanted on this island.”

  “Well, according to my tarot cards, my business looks secure. So I’m not too concerned.”

  I laughed. “Do you still read those silly things?”

  “Monica, Monica, you need to be more open. I still say you should let me read your cards. It can be very helpful with events in your life.”

  “Oh, right. And I suppose a year ago right now you could have predicted that Clarissa was going to come and live with us?”

  Grace shrugged, tossing her auburn curls over her shoulder. “You just never know what will turn up in the cards. How about right before I met Tony—the cards told me that somebody tall, dark, and handsome would be coming into my life.”

  “And did they also tell you what a jerk he’d be? Trying to steal your property from you?”

  Grace was prevented from answering when Dora appeared in the doorway.

  “I will now take the offer of some help getting food onto the table,” she told us.

  I got up from the sofa to follow her into the kitchen.

  “Whipping the potatoes is my job,” Grace said.

  “And I’ll do the carrots and squash,” I chimed in. “Adam offered to carve the turkey.”

  Within a short time, we were all gathered around the large dining room table. As we took our seats, Dora stood at the head and told us, “If you’ll hold hands, I’ll say the grace.”

  Clarissa slipped her small hand inside of mine and I realized this was the first time we’d held hands. It felt secure and oddly comforting. Natural—like we’d done this a million times before. Adam grasped my other hand and I gave both hands a squeeze.