Just Beginning: A Prequel to Just Destiny

by Rizzo, Theresa

  All of a sudden, this feels weird. I know things have been strained between us lately—not exactly sure why, I guess you’re mad I don’t like Annie, but I need a friend. I’ve got a problem and that’s what we do. I whine to you, and you come up with some sage brotherly advice to make me feel better. But this isn’t going to work. Something’s wrong. It doesn’t feel right and I can’t talk to you—not about this. And that makes me so unbelievably sad. I’ve gotta get out of here.

  The words raced through her head in a giant whirlwind, yet she just couldn’t get them out. Jenny ducked her head and batted her eyes against hot tears.

  Steve waited patiently, and she wished he’d look at something—anything—besides her. His waiting for an answer made her feel like a particularly ugly bug under a microscope, and it was hard to come up with a credible lie under such intense scrutiny. Finally she couldn’t take it anymore.

  “I want a baby,” she blurted.

  Well, that was tactful. Jenny peeked at him, sure he must be as shocked as she by her bald declaration.

  Steve leaned back against the counter and crossed his legs at his ankles. Though he controlled his expression, he couldn’t conceal the glint of amusement twinkling in his eyes. “Isn’t that something Gabe should help you with?”

  “That’s the problem; I don’t know how to tell him. I’ve never wanted kids. Before we got married, I told him I didn’t want children.”

  “And now you do?”

  Wincing, Jenny raised her head and nodded. “I know it’s not fair, but I’ve been obsessed with it for months. I tried to talk myself out of it.” She lifted slim shoulders. “But I still want a baby.”

  “So have it.” This was her big problem? Wanting children seemed a natural marital progression, not cause for the misery lining Jenny’s face.

  “I told him I didn’t want kids. It’s not fair to change the rules now.”

  “Then don’t.”

  “But I want a baby.”

  “So why’re you telling me?” He tried to temper the impatience in his voice, but seriously, what did she expect him to do about it? “Gabe’s the one you should be talking to.”

  “I can’t. He doesn’t want more children.”

  “You don’t know that.” Although Steve suspected she was right. His buddy was pretty happy with life the way it was; Gabe probably wouldn’t welcome a change—especially not one of this magnitude. But he might. He adored Jenny, and if it was that important to her, he’d probably be willing to start over again. “Talk to him. Make him understand how important it is to you.”

  “I can’t. He’d never understand.”

  “Why not?”

  She scowled and looked away. “Because he thinks I’m good. I... Oh, forget it, you wouldn’t understand.” She turned away and rushed toward the door.

  Oh, no. Not tears. Jenny never cried. Damn it.

  Steve clenched his jaw. Her issue was personal; he didn’t want to get involved. But she was upset. Jenny was his friend, and she’d come to him for help. She didn’t know that her problem was scoring his heart, like dozens of painful paper cuts.

  The woman he loved wanted to celebrate her love for another man, her husband and his best friend, by having his baby. She wanted to create a beautiful new life with her husband. It shouldn’t hurt so much, but it did. It felt like somebody smashed his chest with a three-hundred pound sledgehammer and then left it over his heart to crush him. And she had no idea.

  Taking a deep breath, Steve forced air into his lungs to push aside his pain and caught Jenny at the door. He wrapped a brotherly arm around her shoulders and redirected her toward the couch in the family room.

  “What wouldn’t I understand? I know you’re not perfect, but what’s your big faux pas?”

  “You can’t tell anybody. Not another living soul.”

  He held up his right hand as if being sworn in. “I swear.”

  She studied him carefully, frowning as she sized him up. “When I was fourteen, I got pregnant. Michael’s my adopted brother—and my son.”

  Chapter 20

  “Oh.”

  Brilliant response, numbnut. But Steve seemed incapable of anything more coherent. As faux pas go, that was a pretty good one. Jenny, a teenage mother? At fourteen? She’d always seemed so innocent and unworldly.

  “Yeah, ‘oh’.” She rolled her eyes. “I was so naïve. Ridiculously young and stupid. Contrary to popular belief, you can get pregnant the first time—even doing it standing up in a lake.”

  Steve slowly nodded. “Good to know.”

  “Yeah. My mom and I may have had some issues, but it’s entirely my fault. She sacrificed...” Jenny pursed her lips and slowly nodded. “She sacrificed a lot for me and Michael. My ‘accident’ screwed up the whole family’s life for three years—at least.

  “I mean, they’d always wanted more kids, but not enough to adopt when Mom couldn’t get pregnant after me. So she threw herself into raising me and her career. She was in line for VP of HR at Merrill Lynch, but she gave it up because of me.” She pursed her lips.

  “So when I was ten weeks pregnant, Dad got a sudden transfer to San Diego. Mom found renters for our house, and we moved. She homeschooled me and when Michael was born, they adopted him, and voilà, I had a baby brother. It was two more years before Dad could get us transferred back.”

  Holy shit. Stuff like that only happened in the movies, not real life. How’d they pulled off a deception like that? “Not even the family knows? Your aunts and uncles?”

  Jenny shook her head. “They thought Mom didn’t let anybody know about her pregnancy because she was embarrassed and worried about having a healthy baby at her age—if she could even carry him to term.” Jenny shrugged. “It made sense to them.”

  “What about the father?”

  “Not in the picture. He and his parents wanted me to have an abortion.”

  “That must have been hard.”

  She shrugged. “Not really. Made the adoption easy.”

  Pregnant at fourteen and abandoned by the asshole boyfriend. Then she had the isolation of being homeschooled in San Diego before moving back. Geeze. “Must’ve been lonely. None of your friends knew?”

  “Nope. Not friends, not family.” She hesitated. “I didn’t have any real friends. My situation was hardly conducive to making friends. We moved back to Grosse Pointe the middle of my senior year. Mom and Dad enrolled me in Liggett to finish out my senior year, hoping I’d make some friends and have a fresh start.

  “It was a relief not having to worry about facing Michael’s birth dad—luckily he’d been older than me and graduated the year before. But making friends when all the other kids had been bonded since pre-school and then everybody was going away to college...” she trailed away. Jenny looked at him and smiled. “It was hard, but it turned out okay.”

  Hard was an understatement. Interesting the lengths Jenny’s family went to hide the truth. Children born out of wedlock were hardly unusual anymore. But all the subterfuge was necessary given that her parents adopted Jenny’s baby, he conceded. That was hardly commonplace. No wonder Jen didn’t have a lot of female friends.

  “And Gabe doesn’t know?”

  “Of course not!” Her eyes widened in alarm. “And you can’t tell him. He wouldn’t understand.” She leaned in, pleading. “I was a kid. It was a mistake. I mean, it wasn’t a mistake ’cause Michael’s a wonderful kid, but the pregnancy was a mistake. And abortion was out of the question. But Gabe would not understand.”

  Steve didn’t know what Gabe would think of the story. Jenny was so sweet and bighearted. She was remarkably innocent for having endured such a life-altering experience. Why hadn’t it made her cynical, bitter, or at least wary of men?

  “I’m sure he didn’t think you were a virgin when you married.”

  “No, but he wouldn’t think that I’d been a teenage mother who gave my baby up for adoption, either.” She sighed. “For a compassionate guy, and a doctor, Gabe’s surprisingly
intolerant of moral transgressions and lies—even lies of omission.”

  Steve sighed and sank down on the couch next to her. What a mess.

  “It was hard pretending to be Michael’s big sister, at least in the beginning.” She blew out a deep breath. “God, turning him over to my mother in the hospital was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I loved him before he was even born, but it was best for both of us.

  “The only way I could deal with it was to convince myself that he really was my adopted brother. I never ever let myself think of him any other way or I would’ve gone crazy. But I remember what it was like to be pregnant. I remember Michael’s first few days.”

  She frowned at him, tears thickening her voice. “I want that again. I can care for a baby now. I have a husband, and we could be a family. I want to be a mom, a real mother this time, but how can I convince Gabe without telling him about Michael?”

  Steve hurt for the pain Jenny’d endured, yet was proud of her amazing, selfless love for her child. She’d put her baby’s welfare first, an incredible feat for a teenager—for any woman. Why shouldn’t she share this with Gabe?

  Gabe was a good man. He was her husband. He loved Jenny. After hearing her story, Gabe couldn’t help but think she deserved a baby. Besides, Gabe should know something this intimate about his wife. If she were his wife, Steve would want to know.

  Steve looked sideways at her and held her teary gaze. “Tell him the truth. He’ll understand.”

  “That I’ve been promiscuous and lived a lie for the past fourteen years?” She pursed her lips and shook her head. “I don’t think so.” She sniffled.

  “He loves you.”

  “He won’t understand. Gabe values my innocence and honesty,” she said bitterly. “He’d hate me for not telling him sooner. Wouldn’t you?”

  “Me? I...”

  I’d take you anyway I could get you.

  Actually, a part of him felt a bit relieved that Jenny wasn’t so damned perfect. It brought her down off that pedestal he and Gabe placed her on. Sure, he’d been shocked at first, but everyone made stupid mistakes as teenagers. Just not everyone had living reminders. And not everyone was strong enough to make it come out right.

  “Does Michael know?”

  “No.” She shook her head. “I’m not sure he ever will.”

  He frowned. “He has a right to know. I’d want to know.”

  “Why? It’s not like he’s suffered any. He’s had good parents, and I got to love him and watch him grow up. What’d be the point in telling him?”

  “He has a right to know. It’s his heritage. And he might want to look up his biological father one day.”

  “There’s nothing to gain and everything to lose. He’d hate us. He’d feel betrayed. Think about it, the three most important people in his life have been keeping a secret of this magnitude from him, lying to him on a daily basis.” She paused and bit her bottom lip. “We’ll probably tell him when he’s older, maybe when he’s married and has a wife to love and support him.

  “Maybe then he can understand and sympathize with the situation, and realize that we did what was best for him, and me—for all of us. But it’s not just up to me. My parents have to agree.”

  That game plan made sense, too. “It’s really none of my business, Jenny, but you should tell Gabe. He has a right to know, too.”

  “I can’t. It’s not my secret, it involves my whole family.” She looked at him, pleading for understanding.

  “You told me.”

  “Only so you’d help me find a way to convince Gabe.”

  Steve stiffened. His sympathy evaporated in that wounding instant. Jenny told him so he’d help her, not because she’d been compelled to share something that personal. His gut burned with jealous angst. He wanted to tell her that if Gabe didn’t want to have a baby with her, she should leave him, and Steve would do his damnedest to get her pregnant—and love every second of it.

  But she loved her husband. She loved Gabe, not him. Seemed they both had guilty secrets they’d never tell. Maybe she was doing the right thing with Michael after all. But damn, what she was asking of him wasn’t fair. How could he get over her when she wanted his help with things like this?

  “I don’t know, Jen. I still think you should tell him.”

  “I can’t.” She turned away. “You’re no help.”

  He stood up to put some distance between them, then turned toward her. “Well, what do you expect? I’m not a marriage counselor.”

  “I thought that as a man and Gabe’s friend, you might have an idea about how to approach this.”

  “Well, you didn’t like my idea, so you’re on your own.”

  “Aren’t you the snippy one?” Jenny stood.

  “Look, I’m sorry I can’t help you.” He shoved a hand through his hair and looked at his watch. “Crap. And now I’m going to be late getting to Annie’s”

  “So?” She shrugged. “She’s always late whenever we do anything.”

  Obviously, Jenny thought nothing of burdening him with her marital problems and then dismissing his concern about being late for a commitment. Granted, he knew she didn’t like Annie, but still it rankled that she could so easily brush aside something that mattered to him.

  Jealous and angry, Steve wanted to hurt her as she’d unwittingly hurt him. “I thought it’d be nice to shave and get cleaned up before I propose to her.”

  Jenny crossed her arms over her chest and cocked her head to the side. “Propose what?”

  “What do men usually propose, Jen?”

  “Sleeping together.”

  “Funny.”

  Her eyes opened wide as comprehension quickly followed by disbelief, set in. “You’re going to marry her?”

  Her shock was satisfying—in a sick sort of way. “She has something to say about it, but that’s the general idea.”

  “Well, I hope you’re getting a prenup.”

  He put a hand on his hip. “Like you did?”

  Her mouth dropped open before she snapped it shut and crossed her arms and raised her chin. “That’s different.”

  Steve hardened his heart against the hurt in her eyes at being compared to Annie. It wasn’t really fair; he knew Jenny didn’t care about money, certainly not like Annie did. But he needed her to back off. “It is?”

  “Completely. You both have assets to protect, and Gabe and I were in love. You don’t love Annie any more than she loves you.”

  “Oh really?” Jenny was really rattled. In light of the story she’d told him, her counseling him was pretty ironic. “So now you’re an expert on love?”

  “Anybody can see you’re not in love. She’s using you. She likes your money and status as an attorney. She uses you as a substitute father for her kids. And as for you...” Jenny frowned and put a glossy fingernail between her front teeth. “I’m not sure what you see in her besides her looks. Maybe she’s good in bed,” she muttered, almost to herself.

  Steve’s arms dropped to his side as his amusement flashed back to anger. “What?”

  “She doesn’t appreciate you. You can do so much better. Don’t settle.” Jenny moved closer and ran a hand down his arm in comfort, but her touch scorched his skin.

  He yanked his arm away and took a step backward. He wasn’t a charity case deserving her pity.

  “You’ll find the right woman. You have to be patient,” Jenny said.

  Be patient? Steve wanted to howl in frustration. He’d already found somebody, but he didn’t think Jenny’d appreciate finding out who he loved the most, who he lusted after, who had stolen his soul.

  Jaw locked shut, he took Jenny by the arm and marched her out the door before he said something to ruin both their lives.

  Convincing Gabe to have a baby was her greatest worry—if she only knew. If she discovered the feelings he hid from her and battled daily for months on end, she’d know the meaning of problems. Complications. Guilt. She couldn’t handle it. Hell, he couldn’t handle it. Marriage to Ann
ie was the answer.

  Annie was beautiful, responsive, a good mother, and she wanted him. Steve could work with that. He had to try harder. And he needed more space from Jenny.

  On the porch, Steve released her arm. “Go home, Jenny. Talk to your husband.”

  Jenny stubbornly stood her ground. “You don’t really want to marry her. It’d be a big mistake.”

  Steve looked over her head, down the driveway to where Gabe pulled in. She wanted his baby. She wanted him.

  Steve’s resolve hardened. “Then it’s my mistake.”

  He shut the door before she could argue further. Resting his forehead against the hard wood door, Steve closed his eyes. Maybe marriage to Annie was what it’d take to loosen Jenny’s grip on his heart. Maybe then he could stop hating himself and learn to be happy again.

  * * *

  Jenny slowly walked across the driveway. Steve was pretty testy for a guy about to propose to the woman he’d wanted to share his life with. He’d bitten her head off just because she pointed out the folly of marrying Annie. She’d done what any good friend would do.

  Jenny passed through the hedge and crossed to where Gabe waited by his car.

  Gabe smiled, hugged her close, and kissed the crown of her head. “What’s up? You look like you’ve lost your best friend.”

  I may have. Jenny frowned. “Steve kicked me out of his house.”

  “What’d you do?”

  Jenny pulled out of his arms and glared at him. “Why do you assume I did something?”

  Smarter than to answer that, Gabe patiently waited for her answer.

  “Steve’s going to propose to Annie.” Bewildered, a sense of loss swamped Jenny, replacing her earlier disbelief and anger. Like she’d thrown up before being hustled onto a tilt-a-whirl.

  “And this is a tragedy, because...” Taking her hand, Gabe walked her around the house to the privacy of their backyard.

  She scowled at him. Really? You have to ask?

  “It’s Annie. He doesn’t love her, and she doesn’t love him. She’s just using him as a daddy for her children, she’s stupid and shallow, and she’s got a big ass. They’re not right for each other.” Jenny wound down.