3rd World Products, Book 17

by Ed Howdershelt

Toni grinned and said, “You have to try it, Susan! Throw a coin or something off the flitter. It…” She looked at me and asked, “What does it do to things?”

  I forked up food and said, “It turns them to plasma.” To Susan, I said, “The more mass, the better the show.”

  “It disintegrates them?”

  “Guess so. Always seemed that way to me.”

  My answer was unsatisfactory, I guess. She sat back and eyed me for a moment before continuing to eat.

  Marie snickered, “I think she was expecting something more.”

  “Oh, well. I just made sure it wouldn’t zap living things. Wouldn’t want someone like Bugglebeast to find it the hard way.”

  As Marie chuckled, “No, we wouldn’t,” Toni asked, “Who?”

  “The neighbor’s cat. He visits some mornings.”

  Looking at Susan, I asked, “How would you like to meet an AI?”

  Susan almost choked on her drink. “You mean an Amaran artificial intelligence?! Not some computer junkie’s toy?”

  I nodded. “Yup. A real AI.”

  Her face lit up. “YES! Yes, I’d love to!”

  “Okay. Set your cup down and stand by.” Linking to Athena, I asked, “Can you spare a minute, Miz Real-Live-Amaran-AI?”

  She chuckled, “Of course,” and theta waves flooded the table as Athena appeared on Susan’s left.

  Susan’s sudden realization of a new presence at the table made her startle hard and slowly turn her head, almost as if she might be afraid to look. Her deep, slow breath came out as, “Oh-my-Gawwwd!”

  “Athena,” I said, “This is Dr. Susan Figler. I think you’ve met everybody else at some point.”

  “Yes, I have, and it’s good to see you all again.” Holding a hand toward Susan, she said, “Hello, Dr. Figler. It’s nice to meet you.”

  Susan happily bubbled, “Oh, my God, it’s just wonderful to meet you! Call me Susan! Please!”

  “Thank you, Susan. Ed said you’ve invented a field device. That’s quite an accomplishment. Would you care to tell me about it?”

  “Uh…” Susan rather hesitantly looked at me.

  I said, “Yeah, go ahead. She already knows all about field stuff and the feds are gonna confiscate your gadget anyway. I just figured that if you can impress Athena, we could prob’ly get you a job at a place where you can mess with fields legally.”

  Her face fell open. “You mean at 3rd World Products?”

  “Or maybe the factory station.”

  Susan blinked, stared, and then blurted, “Oh, dear God! You mean I might get to go into space?!”

  “Seems likely. The station’s inside an asteroid.”

  Turning to Athena, she excitedly asked, “Is that true?! I could actually go into space?!”

  Athena smilingly replied, “Yes, it is. Even if you weren’t employed there, you could visit the station.”

  Tears rolled down Susan’s face. I handed her a few paper napkins and she blotted and blew, then apologized and excused herself to go to the bathroom.

  A dozen feet from the table, she hurried back and implored Athena, “Oh, please, please don’t leave until I get back?”

  Athena smiled. “I’ll be here, Susan.”

  Nibbling her lower lip and apparently at a loss for words, Susan managed a terse nod, then quick-stepped off to the bathroom.

  Toni got up and said, “I’d better go with her. She looks pretty shaken up.”

  I watched Toni’s deliciously long stride as she followed Susan, then turned to Athena and said, “You saw her math and the patent app. What do you think of it all?”

  Athena met my gaze and said, “Her math was flawed, but most early efforts are. Her device is rudimentary, but it would work. With additional training, she could very possibly meet or exceed field technician employment requirements.”

  “Kewl. Those jobs are all handled by Amarans, aren’t they?”

  “Yes. No Earthies have been trained as field technicians.”

  Tanya archly asked, “And why not?”

  “Two reasons in particular; it would violate the technology treaty and no Earthies have shown sufficient aptitude.”

  When Tanya looked at me, she rather irritatedly asked, “Is she saying we’re stupid?”

  “No. They don’t teach that stuff down here.”

  “Why the hell not?!”

  “Think, ma’am. If they allowed it to be taught, there’d be more Susans running around inventing field gadgets.”

  She frumped, “I’m not sure that would actually be a bad thing.”

  “Think about it some more. A switchover like that would have to be very gradual to lessen economic impact, and the fossil fuel industries won’t go down without a nasty fight.”

  Looking at Athena, I said, “But I think we might be seeing more Susans soon anyway. Some people only need vague ideas to put their brains in high gear. Not too many, but a few.”

  Athena grinned. “Adaequatio rei et intellectus?”

  Nodding, I agreed, “Yup. As always.”

  Tanya glanced between us and asked, “What the hell does ‘adequatio-whatever-intellectus’ mean?”

  I said, “The intellect must be adequate to the thing.”

  Looking at Athena, she groused, “Then why didn’t you just say that? Some of us haven’t bothered to learn dead languages.” Looking at me, she asked, “And for that matter, why did you?”

  “It was helpful in Europe. Sometimes what little I can remember of it is still helpful. The medical and legal systems use a lot of Latin.”

  Chapter Twenty-two

  When Susan and Toni returned a few minutes later, Susan looked fairly composed. I noted her motions were a tad jerky and her hands were trembling as she reached for her drink.

  “Susan,” I said, reaching across the table, “Give me your hand for a minute.”

  She hesitantly put her hand in mine and said, “Uh… okay. Why?”

  I fed her a light dose of theta waves and judged her reaction by her eyes and the lessening tremors in her fingers. After a moment, I asked, “Are you feeling better now? Maybe a little more relaxed?”

  Taking a breath and softly sighing it out, she murmured, “Mmmm. Yes. Yes, actually. What did you just do?”

  Releasing her hand, I grinningly replied, “I just helped you relax a bit so you could get your head together and talk to Athena without sounding like a teenager meeting a rock star.”

  Her gaze narrowed slightly, then she glanced around the table and gave a little moue-shrug. “I guess I was pretty excited, but I’ve always wanted to meet someone like Athena. And the idea of going to space… I… well… I just don’t know how to say it.” She turned to Athena and said, “Thank you so much for being here.”

  “You’re very welcome, Susan.”

  Turning to Marie, I asked, “Want to go to Carrington tonight instead of Monday? Susan would be safe from the feds there and she could get started tomorrow on whatever needs done.”

  Marie shrugged. “Sure. No problem.”

  Susan asked, “What about my apartment? My cat?”

  I said, “My friend Angie will tell the fuzz to back off. Put down enough food and water for a few days and lock up. Leave a key with someone who can drop by and…”

  Toni raised a hand. “Me. I’m close enough to take care of Bernard and watch the apartment.”

  Susan asked, “How long will I be gone?”

  I looked to Athena for that answer. She said, “Interviews and testing should take about a week. Once we’ve determined your level of understanding, remedial courses might…”

  Recoiling slightly, Susan asked, “Remedial?”

  I said, “Yup. Your math was flawed, ma’am.”

  “My math? When… How did you see my math?”

  Putting up a small screen, I showed her the forms on file at the Patent Office and said, “I did some snooping. Not important, since they won’t give you a patent anyway. What’s important is getting you someplace safe until Angie can…”
/>
  “Angie again! Who’s Angie?”

  Marie chuckled, “She’s someone who can make the NIA back off.”

  I said, “She’s Air Force colonel Angela Horn, head of 3rd World’s security offices. Now stop interrupting us and pick things up as you go. We need to make sure Bernard’s okay, get what you’ll need for a week or so, get you to Carrington, and…”

  Looking very alarmed, Susan blurted, “Why wouldn’t Bernard be okay?! Why would they do anything… He’s just a cat, damn it!”

  “Exactly. He’s a cat. If they locked down your apartment, Bernard might be put in a shelter or they might take him to a shelter if they don’t find you soon.”

  Athena said, “Ed, you took your cats to Carrington. I don’t see why Susan can’t do the same.”

  Susan brightened instantly and yelped, “Oh, yes, please! I’d love to have Bernard with me there!”

  Sending probes to Susan’s apartment, I found a young black and white cat sitting in the kitchen window, watching some birds sitting on the walkway rail in front of the window. He glanced around, then rather warily looked straight at the probe.

  I let the probe dissipate and said, “Good ‘nuff, then. Let’s go get Bernard and get you packed.”

  Athena said, “I’ll get back to what I was doing. Susan, I’ll see you tomorrow. Goodbye, all.”

  With that, she vanished. Susan and Marie startled a bit, but Toni and Tanya had more experience with AIs. At the table behind us, a man dropped a fork on his plate and sat staring at the spot where Athena had been.

  When I stood up, so did everybody else. I dropped a few bucks on the table and we trooped out of the restaurant fairly quickly. Galatea met us just outside the door and we got underway.

  Susan’s second-floor apartment was in a fairly typical older complex. It was ‘U’-shaped, with parking on both sides and at the rear. I had Galatea park by the upper walkway railing above the courtyard and extend her hull field to the front of the apartment.

  Forming a translucent gray ramp to Susan’s door, I walked down the ramp first to show Susan and Marie it was solid. Toni and Tanya had followed me immediately. Marie came next, then Susan put a tentative foot on the ramp. She pulled her other foot up, hopped up and down twice, and paled visibly when she looked at the ground.

  After finding and disabling two bugs and a camera in the apartment, I chuckled, “Poor little Bernard’s waiting, ma’am. Time’s a-wastin’. You’re kind of holding up the show, there.”

  She shot me a glower and took a deep breath, then closed her eyes and exhaled. After another deep breath, she opened her eyes, stared straight ahead, and almost ran across the ramp to join us.

  Her pulse was pounding, her eyes were a bit large, and her hands shook as she looked back and down and said in a tense voice, “I’m not really very good with heights.”

  Toni snickered, “We hadn’t noticed,” which earned her a sharp look from Susan.

  I said, “Hey, you got past it. Good ‘nuff.”

  Keys rattled in Susan’s hand as she unlocked the door. Bernard sat on the floor a couple of feet from the door. When he saw us, he seemed about to retreat, so I theta-waved him gently. Susan scooped him up and spent a few moments introducing him to us.

  When she reached me, I said, “We can schmooze later. I’ll take him over to the flitter while you grab your stuff. Be the first one back aboard with the catbox, okay?”

  She nodded. With a last hug and a pat, she gave me Bernard. I took him to the flitter, where I sat holding him while I used an ‘everything’s all right’ voice to tell him he and his mommy were going on a trip, then I pinged Angie.

  There was a considerable pause before Angie answered without a screen and, “Make it quick, Ed. I’m getting ready to go out.”

  Hm. Some tightness, there. Must be in a hurry.

  “Well, you know me, ma’am. Inconsiderate as hell, always calling just to hear your melodious voice when you bitch about me calling you all the time.”

  She snorted a laugh and, “Right. What’s up?”

  “I thought you might wanna hear about an Earthie who invented a field device, freaked some people out, and now has the NIA hot on her trail. She’s packing for a trip as we speak. If you don’t take us in, we’ll have to camp out in the desert or something.”

  “Uh, huh. She actually invented a field device? That works?”

  “Yup. Well, Athena says it’ll work, and she’d prob’ly know.”

  Angie chuckled, “Yes, she would. What about Marie?”

  “She’s coming with us. Has to be there tomorrow anyway.”

  “Okay. How many people altogether?”

  “Three.”

  “I’ll call Guest Quarters for you. Now let me go so I won’t be late. You can fill me in tomorrow.”

  “Yes, ma’am, Col. Angie. Thanks.”

  “You’re welcome. Bye, Ed.”

  She dropped the link and I focused my attention on Bernard for a time before Marie came aboard with a cat carrier in one hand and two plastic grocery bags in the other. In the bags were a couple of bottles of water, two dishes, a small bag of cat food, and a small bag of litter.

  As she set stuff down and sat down, I asked, “Litter scoop?”

  “It’s in the litter bag. How’s little Mr. B taking all this?”

  “Pretty well so far. I called Angie. She’s getting us three rooms at the Guest Quarters. She’s also getting ready to go out, so we prob’ly won’t see her until tomorrow.”

  Bernard wanted to go investigate the stuff Marie had brought. I asked Galatea to keep him aboard and let him hop down. He nosed around the stuff — especially the food bag — and then sat down on top of his carrier.

  Looking at the apartment, he said, “Yahhh.”

  I said, “She’ll be here in a minute, Bernie.”

  He looked at me and said, “Yahhh,” again.

  Getting up, I walked over and petted him as I said, “Just have a little patience.”

  Opening the food bag, I took a few bits of kibble out and put them in front of him. He sniffed them, then ignored them and continued looking at the apartment. I put the kibble back in the bag and petted him again as I said, “Just hold your little horses, kid.”

  As I said that, Tanya and Toni came across the ramp, each carrying a suitcase. A few steps behind them came Susan, a backpack slung on her left shoulder and carrying a plastic litterbox. She hesitated at the ramp, then hurried across it as before. When she set the box down, I saw the litter looked fresh.

  Susan looked fresh, too. She’d changed into a knee-length denim skirt and a light blue blouse and tied her hair back in a pony tail. I noticed it was wet. A quick shower? She wore sneakers, but there were a pair of low-heeled pumps in the pockets of her backpack.

  Looking at the two suitcases and the backpack, I asked, “You couldn’t think of anything else to bring? Maybe the good china and some pots and pans? Yer gonna be gone a whole week, y’know.”

  Susan gave me an unenthusiastic, “Ha, ha,” and said, “I think this might be enough,” then picked up Bernard and took a seat near the console.

  I chuckled, “Well, okay, ma’am. If you’re absolutely sure,” then let the ramp vanish and re-enabled the apartment’s surveillance gear.

  As we lifted away from the complex Marie seemed thoughtful and eyed Susan’s luggage. After a happy farewell at Toni’s, we lifted toward Tanya’s place.

  Instead of dropping Tanya off, we wound up going in with her. Marie opined that she probably ought to take a few more things in case something came up that casual clothes couldn’t handle.

  We left Bernard aboard Galatea and headed inside. While Tanya made us a round of drinks, I linked to Tea to ask her to see if she could establish some level of communication with Bernard. Once we all had drinks, Tanya proposed a toast to Susan’s future. Marie then went to pack and the rest of us sat around the kitchen table.

  Marie’s packing only took about ten minutes. We finished our drinks, made goodbyes with Ta
nya, and stepped back aboard Tea for the trip to Carrington. As we boarded, Tea said something in cat and Bernard responded. Tea said something else and Bernard replied.

  Susan listened to the exchange for a few moments, then asked me what Tea was doing. I told her about PFM collars and talking cats. She stared at me, then at Bernard, and then again at me before she blurted, “Are you kidding me?!”

  “Not even a little.” I showed her a video of Tiger telling me about the little alligator he’d found at the pond and showing me his collection of odd items.

  Susan seemed altogether dumbfounded that such a thing was possible. Bernard hopped into her lap, but continued to reply to Tea. After about ten minutes, Bernard began to ignore Tea’s cat sounds, instead snuggling into a compact blob of fur on Susan’s lap.

  “Well,” she said, “I guess he’s had enough for now.”

  “Seems so. Tea, did you make much progress with Bernard?”

  “Yes, Ed. I’ve detected thirty-one distinctly separate sounds for various people and things.”

  “Kewl. Good work, ma’am. Please make him a PFM collar. All it needs are commo and protective capabilities for now. You can work with him when he’s up for it.”

  “Yes, Ed.”

  “Thanks, Tea.”

  Susan quickly said, “Yes, thank you, Galatea.”

  Tea said, “You’re welcome,” and nothing more.

  Turning to me, Susan said, “I’d never have thought it possible.”

  “Not the first time I’ve heard that. To save some time, I’ll have Tea teach him Tiger’s sounds and English equivalents. Gotta warn you, though, cats haven’t seemed to be great conversationalists. They tend to say what’s on their little furry minds, then clam up.”

  “All cats? Or was that just your impression with Tiger?”

  With a shrug, I said, “It’s been my impression with three cats so far. I think it’s because they have sense enough to spend more time listening than talking. Think about it; if you were designed and inclined to be exceptionally aware of every little thing in your environment, how much unnecessary noise would you make?”

  She grinned and echoed, “Designed and inclined.” With a chuckle, she said, “I like that.”