Cowboys & Horses

by C. J. Laurence

  “You may feel differently once you see him again.”

  My eyes widened as I gawped at him. “I doubt that.”

  A weak smile flitted across his features. “I shall give you some space. Once we’re back.”

  I turned my head, staring out of the window as he continued to drive us on towards my impending doom. His words stung like a nest of wasps had covered me, their tiny barbs driving the reality into me stronger and harder with each hit.

  As we turned into the roadway, an explosion of panic and nausea swamped me. My stomach churned and my head began to spin. I couldn’t believe this was happening.

  We pulled up in front of the main house. I took my seatbelt off and jumped out of the truck without a single word. Part of me hoped Brady would follow, but he didn’t. Instead, he walked straight into the barn in his own world of silence.

  APPROACHING MY ROOM, I took a deep breath before opening the door. I stepped inside, apprehension coursing through me. Ben was sat on my bed, resting his back against the wall. The second his green eyes lit up with a warm smile, turmoil and confusion began muddling together deep inside.

  “Hello, gorgeous.” He sprang up, striding towards me with his arms outstretched.

  I found myself rooted to the spot as he wrapped his arms around me. My need to be sick dispelled into nothing, familiarity and comfort easing me instead. I closed my eyes and found my arms winding their way around him too. Everything about him was just so homely and cosy. His smell, his clothes, his voice. Even his hug relaxed me. Was this my sub conscious or not? Why did all thoughts of Alyssa disappear when I was around him?

  He stepped back, grasping my hand. “How are you?”

  I nodded, numb as I stared into his twinkling eyes. He pulled me over to the bed, sitting me down next to him.

  “Quite a nice place out here.” He gazed around the room, nodding to himself. A brief silence hung between us before he changed the atmosphere. “I’ve missed you, Soph. I’ve missed you a lot.”

  I faked a smile, glancing down at the floor. My heart raced inside my chest. What was I supposed to say? That I missed him too? As I debated my options, my angry side reared its ugly head, spitting words out before I could even think.

  “Funny. You never missed me whilst you were screwing my sister.”

  In a split second, his eyes hardened and he clenched his jaw. “Don’t start, Sophie.”

  All rationality flew out the window as my hurt and rage filled emotions bubbled to the surface. I stood up, walking back to put distance between us.

  “Don’t tell me what to do,” I yelled. “I came out here to get away from you, all of this crap you dumped us in. Why did you come out here, Ben? I don’t want you here!”

  He stood up, crossing his arms over his chest. “Yes, you do, you just don’t want to admit it.”

  “Piss off.”

  He chuckled, infuriating me further. “So why hug me then, hmmm?”

  Hot tears sprung from nowhere, cascading down my cheeks as I fought an internal war. “I don’t know. Just...go. Please. I need some space.”

  “No.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “No. I’m not leaving you. I came out here for you and I’m not leaving your side. Ever. I’m never losing you again, Sophie. I can’t.” His voice broke, water glazed over his eyes. He took a step towards me. “I love you more than life itself, baby. I want us to work through this.”

  Fury and pain tumbled together in the pits of my stomach. “Really? And what if this whole situation was turned on its head, huh? What then?”

  He paused. “Well.” He cleared his throat and ran a hand through his dark blonde hair. “Well I would forgive you. Because I love you.”

  I smirked, arrogance climbing over my venom laced words. “Shall we test that theory?”

  He frowned. “What do you mean?”

  “I’ve already slept with someone else.”

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  The second the words passed my lips I wanted to rake them back in. A surge of dread shot through me, tingling to the edges of my toes. Panic grasped me. Why had I just dragged Brady into this?

  Ben was lost for words for several seconds. His face held nothing but a blank expression. “What? When?”

  I groaned inwardly. Why had I done this? “None of your business.”

  “Tell me,” he said, stepping towards me.

  “No.”

  “Sophie, I’m warning you-”

  “Don’t threaten me.”

  “I’m not threatening you, Soph.” He ran his hands over his face and sighed. “I know what you’re doing—trying to hurt me like I hurt you. I get it.” He closed the gap between us, placing his hands on my shoulders. “But you can’t keep using your pain to keep us apart. Stop building up these walls. Let me in.”

  Even though I felt relief he thought I was lying, a tug of war raged inside me, pulling me from one extreme to another. Here was the man I’d spent a decade of my life with. Almost half of my life. We’d built a life together, planned a future, been best friends. I’d given him my virginity, allowed him into the depths of my soul, sought him out for comfort and protection. And yet here it all was, precariously balanced on a knife’s edge. Because of me. He was ready to go on, to continue with our life, but it was all up in the air—and that was only down to me.

  But then he had betrayed me, hurt me in every way possible. A best friend wouldn’t do that to me. My life partner, my future husband, wouldn’t seek satisfaction in another woman’s arms, let alone my sister’s. Everything we’d ever created was a lie. How could I ever trust him again? I wanted him to know how much this hurt, to understand the depths of my quandary.

  And then there was Brady.

  Or was there?

  I sighed, becoming lost and frustrated in my own jumbled mix of thoughts and emotions. What was a girl to do?

  “I don’t know what to say or do...”

  He clasped my hands in his. “Trust me. I’ll get us through this.”

  Trust me. Really?

  “You can’t ask that of me, Ben. You just can’t.”

  “There’s no other way to fix this. Please, Sophie.”

  I threw his hands off me, refusing to be drawn in again. “I need time, Ben. If you respected me, you wouldn’t even be here.”

  He took a step back, resignation flashing over his face. “It cost me a small fortune to get out here this quick—”

  “Nobody asked you to come out here.”

  He raised a sandy coloured eyebrow, a cloud of darkness settling over his face. “What’s happened to you? You never used to be such a...bitch. Where’s this attitude come from all of a sudden? The Sophie I know would have thanked me and jumped all over me for making such a grand gesture.”

  My mouth dropped open at his words. “Seriously? Did you actually just say that to me? You, Ben.” I stabbed my index finger in the middle of his chest. “You happened to me. Or rather, you and her happened to me.”

  “Oh, for goodness sake, this is getting old. Give it a rest about me and her, will you?”

  “No, I bloody well will not.”

  “Yes, you will.”

  I blinked several times, not quite sure if I’d heard his words correctly. “I’m sorry?”

  “You will give it a rest, Sophie. And I mean that.”

  “Oh really? And if I don’t?”

  He smirked. “I didn’t want to pull rank on you, sweetie, but needs must. You either give it a rest or kiss goodbye to your job.”

  I balked at his words, speechless. Sucking in a breath, I thought through my options whilst he stood gloating in front of me. The sweet innocent side of me poked through, claiming he didn’t mean it, he was just using extreme tactics to make me see sense. He knew I loved my job. Threatening to ‘pull rank’ with his best friend being the owner of the company wouldn’t be something he would actually do. He wasn’t like that. But then, a year ago, I’d have never thought he’d knock my sister up either.

&nbs
p; “You know being an ass won’t get you anywhere,” I said.

  “No. But it might make you see sense.”

  “How is threatening my job going to make me see sense exactly?”

  “Because the seriousness of that is the equivalent to how ridiculous you’re being.”

  I wanted to scream. A sharp knock at the door cut through our argument.

  Ben’s flickered his eyes towards the interruption. “Who’s that?”

  My breath hitched in my throat. I knew who it would be. Still, I acted normal, shrugging my shoulders as I brushed past him. I partially opened the door, joy and fear gripping me as Brady stood there with a beaming smile.

  “Hi,” he said.

  I almost melted right there and then. Before I could respond, Ben stormed up behind me, throwing the door wide open. He cast his eyes up and down Brady with an obvious distaste.

  “Can we help you?” he said, crossing his arms over his chest.

  Brady glanced at Ben, nothing but a poker face on his tanned features. “Sorry to disturb you. I’m Brady Lancaster. I’m the head wrangler here.”

  “And you need us because...?”

  I gasped, turning to Ben with bubbling anger. I couldn’t believe he was being such an arrogant ass.

  Brady didn’t even flinch. “Apologies. I just came to see Sophie. I lost my father’s silver chain and wondered if I’d left it here last night.”

  I squeezed my eyes shut, cringing. My heart rate tripled as Ben’s stare burned through me.

  “Oh! No worries,” Brady said. I opened my eyes to see him smiling and holding up a silver chain. “I found it down by the door here. Must have slid off at some point.” He tipped his hat before disappearing.

  Ben slammed the door shut, fury written all over his face. “Who the fuck was that? And why the hell would he have been in here last night?”

  Part of me was grinning at Brady’s trick, but the other half of me cursed him for leaving me in such a predicament. Perhaps he was giving me the boost I needed to put Ben in his place.

  Mustering my most sarcastic voice, I replied, “Well why do you think?”

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  If I thought I’d seen him angry before, I was very much mistaken. He clicked the lock with a definitive move, his glowering eyes never leaving mine. Clenching his jaw, a muscle in his cheek twitched and his chest rose with short, shallow breaths.

  “You slept with him?”

  The raw husk of his voice sent chills down my spine. His entire demeanour had changed from a light, fluffy friend to a raging, furious bull. Despite my dry mouth and racing heartbeat, I pushed my brazenness to the forefront. I couldn’t afford to back down. He had to know how this felt. My worry for involving Brady was obviously nothing to consider.

  “Yes,” I said, squaring my shoulders.

  He took a step towards me, visibly shaking with anger. At precisely the wrong time, I bit my cheeks to stifle a smile.

  “Are you smiling?” he said, his voice now a seething whisper. “Are you seriously fucking smiling?”

  I scuttled back from him, finding the wall behind me all too quick. He glowered above me like some rabid beast toying with its prey. He leaned forwards, trapping me between his arms as he pressed each palm to the wall.

  “Well?” he said.

  I shook my head. I had no voice. Despite my initial boldness, it was fading fast. If he was trying to intimidate me, he was doing a good job.

  “Was he good?”

  A whimper left me. How was I supposed to answer that in a position like this? “I...”

  “Speak up, Soph. I can’t quite hear you.”

  As he moved a hand to gesture towards his ear, I saw the small gap he’d left and took my opportunity. I slipped along the wall and stepped behind him. Unfortunately, I misjudged his reflexes. Before I could run backwards away from him, he spun around and reached a hand out, grabbing hold of my wrist in a vice like grip.

  He yanked me back towards him, holding my arm up in the air. “Was he good?”

  The hard beat of my heart against my ribs was making my chest hurt. Adrenaline coursing around my body made my head spin. Fear froze me to the spot. I dared to meet his eye contact, panic covering me when I saw the sheer fury blazing in his jaded eyes.

  Tears sprang from nowhere, trickling down my cheek in a steady stream. “Yes,” I said, my voice a hoarse whisper.

  His grip tightened. “Did you enjoy him more than me?”

  A desperate sob escaped as I drew a deep breath. “Ben, please—”

  Shaking my arm back and forth, he repeated his question in a low, menacing tone. With each word, he inched his face closer to mine. I bit my lip in an attempt to stem my flow of tears but it wasn’t working.

  I cast my eyes down and tried to calm myself. Taking too long to answer his question, he squeezed my wrist, making me yelp in pain.

  “Yes,” I said, sobbing. “Yes I did.”

  He let go of my arm, throwing it back at me as if it was something that disgusted him. “So what made the cowboy so much better, Soph? Please, indulge me.”

  “I...I don’t know...”

  “Yes, you do.”

  I glanced back up at him and shook my head.

  “Tell me.”

  “Ben, I—”

  “TELL ME!”

  The booming authority of his voice made me jump, and also broke through the filter I had on my mouth.

  “Because he made me feel like I mattered, Ben. He made me feel like I was the only girl in the world.”

  He curled his top lip back in a sneer. “Listen to you. Do you realise how ridiculous you sound right now?”

  Heat burned through my cheeks. Of course I knew how cliché all of this was, but regardless, that wouldn’t change how Brady made me feel.

  “You disgust me,” he said, carrying on in his condescending tone. “I can’t even look at you right now without feeling sick. I never would have imagined in a million years that you would have turned into some cheap whore.”

  A painful arrow shot right through my heart leaving a venomous sting in its wake. That hurt, really hurt. Despite all the mess we were currently trying to wade through, those words crushed me into a thousand pieces.

  “At least I wasn’t laying there wondering if he was picturing my sister.”

  I all but spat the words out, each one laced with a potent barb as the turmoil of emotions inside me boiled together in a dangerous mix. Combined with the sheer frustration I was currently trying to hold back, it was no surprise that as I finished my sentence, I gave him a forceful shove away from me.

  A sharp crack sounded through the air. Seconds later, my right cheek exploded into a throbbing, searing agony. It took me a good few seconds longer to realise that he’d struck me. Ben had actually laid his hands on me in a way other than as a lover.

  Stunned, I didn’t know what to do. Except flee. Instinct told me to run, get away from the source of the danger, the threat, the thing that could damage me even more. I bolted for the door, fumbling with the lock before finally finding my freedom.

  This time though, I knew running from Ben wouldn’t result in a car crash or a hospital visit. Everything about this scenario was like déjà vu from when I’d found them in bed together. Except this time, the sound of his voice calling my name wasn’t following my blind run.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  I’d barely ran more than a few steps before I bumped into a solid, familiar body. Without even thinking, I buried my face in his chest.

  “Hey, hey, hey.” He curled his arms around me, wrapping me in his warmth. “Sophie, what’s wrong?”

  I shook my head, trying my hardest not to think about my smarting cheek. I clutched onto his soft cotton shirt, needing just a bit longer to make sense of the last minute or so.

  He moved a hand to the back of my neck, nestling me into him. When he leaned his head against mine, a deep yearning ached inside me. I could be in the middle of a war zone and this, right here, would
be all I would need to feel at home, safe, wanted.

  “Soph, you’re trembling.”

  It wasn’t until he said this that I realised I was shaking like a leaf in a storm. He pulled back slightly and moved a hand under my chin, tilting my face up to him. For just a split second, his chocolate eyes exuded care and concern.

  And then they changed. He changed.

  Like a roller shutter door, a hardened glassy stare fell over his eyes. His handsome face contorted into a picture of horror, and then ire. The clench of his jaw was so great, I could hear the chilling scrape of his teeth grinding together. With nostrils flaring, he pulled his lips into a thin line and turned my cheek towards him. I closed my eyes to stop a fresh wave of tears from rising.

  “Did he...did he do this? Did he hit you?” Beneath my hands, his chest was rising and falling with rapid breaths. “Sophie, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have been such a...” He let out a growl of frustration before pressing his lips to my hair. “I—”

  “What the fuck is this?”

  I startled at the sound of Ben’s voice. Dread flooded me.

  “I could ask you the same thing,” Brady said.

  He moved away from our embrace, stepping to my side, and then in front of me. Peering around his shoulder, I saw Ben stood outside of the chalet doorway, his arms folded and pure hatred dripping from every part of him.

  “You could ask,” Ben replied. “But it doesn’t mean you’ll get an answer. After all, it’s not like my fiancée is any concern of yours, nor is our business.”

  “From where I’m standing, she’s every concern of mine.”

  Ben smiled before switching his attention across to me. “Sophie, come here.”

  I shook my head.

  “Sophie.” His voice reminded me of the way my father would call my name when he was about to tell me off. “Come here.”

  I shook my head again.

  “What is this, Soph? Hmmm? You in love with him or something now? Or are you just being naïve to the fact you’re just another English girl for him to bang?”