Without

by E. E. Borton

  “What are you doing?” I asked as he turned his gaze upward, being silent.

  “Just thinking about what that must have been like.”

  He started laughing as I slapped him on the side of his head. “Just messin’ with you, man.”

  “Listen, this is all kinds of new, so keep it to yourself, please,” I said. “I don’t think either one of us wants to piss her off.”

  “No, we don’t,” said Joey. “In all seriousness, I knew it was going to happen sooner or later. Well done, brother. Well done.”

  “On that note,” I said, moving in closer, “Rick didn’t seem too happy we were alone in a camper. Does he have a thing for her?”

  “Um, yes,” said Joey as if I should’ve known. “He follows her around like a puppy. I’m not saying he’s stalking her, but I do know he doesn’t bring his wife around when he sees her. Kind of weird, huh?”

  Shit.

  “Let me put it to you this way,” said Joey. “Rick’s a good guy, but he’s a guy. If he found himself alone with her in a camper, he’d probably take a shot like you did. She’d turn him down of course, but he’d try.”

  “Yeah, I didn’t really take a shot,” I said. “It was more mutual.”

  “Whatever, bro.”

  After deciding to spend the rest of the day doing what I could to help Bruce and Parker make repairs to the train, I asked Joey to head home and ask Donna if a dinner party for the returning victors was possible. When he let me know she was already planning it, I stopped by the clinic to invite Doc and Kelly. They both accepted, looking forward to the event. Rick graciously accepted as well, saying his wife wouldn’t be able to make it on account of the pregnant sister…again.

  As the day ended and everyone gathered at the house, I wasn’t surprised to see Rick escorting Kelly through the door. Perry and Joey were in the living room recounting the harrowing details of their Cowboys and Indians moment the night before. I noticed sly smiles from River and Donna whenever I entered the kitchen to help them prepare the meal.

  Damn you, Joey. I knew you couldn’t keep your mouth shut.

  “I’m sorry,” said Donna, “but I think it’s just wonderful you two are getting along so well.”

  “Mom!” said River, spitting out her drink.

  “What?” said Donna. “We’re all adults here. You two make a very handsome couple. I’m just tickled to death.”

  “I’m begging both of you –”

  “Oh, stop it,” said Donna. “We’re not going to embarrass you. I can’t speak for Perry, but we won’t.”

  “Perry knows?” I said, deflating.

  “This was a small town that got a lot smaller,” said River. “Everyone is going to know soon if they don’t already.”

  “Hi, ladies,” said Kelly, walking into the kitchen with Rick.

  He looked at me without saying a word, greeted River and Donna, and then went directly to the deck. The knot in my stomach tightened. She didn’t help to loosen it.

  “You don’t look so good,” said Kelly. “You okay?”

  “Oh, yeah,” I said. “I just stubbed my toe.”

  “Well, that’s probably less painful than putting an entire foot in your mouth, huh?”

  Turning around – doing a poor job of hiding their amusement – the ladies snickered over the stove. I can’t prove it, but my brain started heating up from the lasers Kelly was shooting from her eyes. Even without the ability to update a relationship status online, information moved with blazing speed in this new world.

  My escape plan was lousy. Standing on the deck with Rick, I thought my brain was going to fry from the second laser attack. He handed me a cup of clear liquid he poured from a Mason jar on the rail. This time I took a big slug of the peach gasoline.

  “You look a little uncomfortable,” said Rick.

  “I’m good,” I said, taking another slug.

  “And you’re reckless,” said Rick, cutting to the chase. “She was raped and beaten in front of her own house that she still can’t go back into. I think taking advantage of that is selfish and dangerous. I expected a little more from you.”

  I went from uncomfortable to pissed off in less time than it took to swallow the gasoline. I understood cutting to the chase, but he was crossing a line that I needed to re-establish. His hypocrisy was impressive.

  “I consider you a friend, Rick, so we’ll just call that strike one,” I said, taking a step closer to him. “You may want to slow down that fastball. I didn’t take advantage of her, nor would I ever. We’re two unmarried, consenting adults. That’s where you need to keep this conversation.”

  “She’s frail and confused,” said Rick. “This isn’t helping her. Try being a friend instead of looking at her as just a piece of ass.”

  “Strike two, Rick,” I said, putting down my cup, moving closer. “Slow it down, right now.”

  “She’s my friend and I won’t let anyone hurt her again,” said Rick, closing the distance. “Certainly not by a drifter who’s been here for two weeks sponging off an uncle, eating our food, and now fucking our women.”

  “Three.”

  Chapter 45

  Hyde

  “Come fix your plates,” said Donna, opening the back door half a second before Rick would’ve been flying over the rail. She reached out for the pastor’s hand, pulling him away from my glare. After she took him inside, she turned to me. “Choose your battles, sweetie. Which one would you rather win tonight?”

  I’m guessing she saw the conversation escalating from the kitchen window. After giving me a disarming smile, she left me alone on the deck. Knocking his teeth down his throat would’ve lost me both of those battles. She knew that.

  “You’re as wise as you are beautiful,” I whispered to Donna as I returned to the kitchen. “Thank you.”

  “I know,” said Donna. “And you’re welcome.”

  I thought it best to avoid Rick and Kelly as the evening progressed. I spent most of it listening to Perry and Joey talk about the attempted train heist. Looking over at Doc, I could see concern in his face.

  “Where did this happen?” asked Doc.

  “About a mile or two on the other side of Bridgeport,” said Perry.

  “Do you think that was their intent? Crossing the bridge and taking the town?”

  “I didn’t think about that,” said Perry. “They were a pretty well organized and big group. That might have been their target before they saw us, yes. We put a big dent in those numbers, though.”

  “We live in a bubble here,” said Doc. “We have natural and manmade boundaries that make it difficult for strangers to get to us, but eventually they will. A group of twenty or more could’ve taken that bridge. If Bridgeport falls, there’s nothing stopping them from taking Stevenson.”

  “What’s your point, Doc?” asked Joey.

  “My point is, we need to seriously consider expanding that cushion,” said Doc. “We have a massive amount of food in storage. We have more than enough livestock and farmland to take care of more people. If we have more people, we have more protection. We need to reach out to South Pittsburg over the border in Tennessee.”

  “We tried that,” said Perry. “Their mayor wanted to take over the show and absorb us, not the other way around, remember?”

  “Things have changed, son,” said Doc. “We have a train now. We can move supplies and men at will. That’s a hell of a bargaining chip we’re holding.”

  “I imagine they’re in a bad way right now,” said Perry. “They’re the next town north on the rail line. If we can build a relationship with them, that’ll put us closer to the dam as well.”

  “Why does that matter?” asked River, joining the men in the living room.

  “It matters because we’re going to have to open it again,” said Doc. “When the water level drops, those gates are going to prevent any water from reaching us. I’m guessing we only have a few weeks, maybe less, before the river dries up completely. We’ll go from one extreme to the oth
er. The bottom line is, we need to control Nickajack Dam year round. If we bring South Pittsburg in the fold, the dam will be less than five miles away.”

  “You know how to kill a party, Doc,” said Joey.

  “Just trying to think ahead, son. That’s what’s kept us going to this point.”

  “He’s right,” said Perry. “We’ll bring it up at the next meeting. We need to control that dam.”

  “Well, since I killed the party, I think I’ll be heading home now,” said Doc, standing. “I’ve got early rounds.”

  “Mind if I walk with you?” I asked. “I need to burn off some of this pie Donna forced me to eat.”

  “Forced you?” said River. “You ate half of one by yourself.”

  “If it wasn’t so good, I wouldn’t have been forced to eat it.”

  Doc said his goodbyes and we made our way out into the street. We talked briefly about the complications of reaching out to South Pittsburg for an alliance. We had no idea if the mayor was even still in control. We both knew that didn’t matter. One way or another, we needed to take that town.

  “You know Kelly stays with me, right?” said Doc.

  “I do.”

  “I guess that explains you wanting to walk me home. You’re gonna wait for her, aren’t you?”

  “I am, but I also wanted to talk with you about something.”

  “I’m all ears,” said Doc.

  “Do you look at me as a drifter?” I asked. “Do you think I’m sponging off of my uncle and his family? Am I taking advantage?”

  “Jesus, son,” said Doc. “Where did all this come from?”

  “I was made aware of that perception earlier,” I said.

  “What else were you made aware of earlier?” asked Doc, fishing.

  “That I’m taking advantage of Kelly.”

  “Ah, the root of the questions,” said Doc, turning to me with a smile. “The person making you aware wouldn’t have been Pastor Jenkins, would it?”

  “It would.”

  “Ah, the root of the problem,” said Doc. “Are you aware of his feelings for her?”

  “I am now,” I said. “He made that very clear. It seems that everyone in town knew except me.”

  “You’re not a drifter,” said Doc. “You’re not sponging off your uncle, and you’re certainly not taking advantage of anything, including Kelly.”

  “What’s his deal, Doc?” I asked. “One day he’s complimenting my determination, wanting to be my friend, and the next he wants to run me out of town. I understand he’s well liked in these parts, but I’m also aware he’s not liked by everyone.”

  “Nobody is liked by everyone,” said Doc. “Not even me. There are some folks who would cross the street just to avoid running into me.”

  “It’s more than that with him, I can tell.”

  “Throughout history, when things take a turn for the worst, most people turn to the church,” said Doc. “It gives them comfort and a place to feel safe. He’s providing that for this town. Over half the people in it are part of his congregation now. That makes him a powerful man.”

  “Do you go to his church?”

  “No, I don’t,” said Doc. “I have different beliefs, but because I’m the only physician I have value. That keeps me from being shipped out.”

  “Shipped out?”

  “Yep. If you don’t contribute to the wellbeing of the community, you’re handed a gun and you go hold the line in Scottsboro or Bridgeport.”

  “And Rick controls that, doesn’t he?”

  “He does,” said Doc. “You see, he was a small fish in a big pond before all this happened. Now he’s a big fish in a very small pond. He knows that.”

  “You’re comfortable with that arrangement?”

  “I am. In spite of any of his shortcomings, he’s the glue holding this place together. Without his ability to control his congregation, nothing would get accomplished. As we speak, his flock is building a proper hospital near the church. We need it.”

  “Doc, if you could’ve seen and heard him speaking to me about Kelly, I don’t think you would’ve recognized him,” I said. “It was like Jekyll and Hyde. I swear his eyes turned black.”

  “Oh, he has a darker side, no doubt,” said Doc. “But he wouldn’t be able to enforce any of our rules if he didn’t.”

  “You seem almost too comfortable with all this.”

  “Our town is not only surviving in this new environment, we’re thriving,” said Doc. “I’m not comfortable with him, but I am comfortable with Stevenson not being burned to the ground, its people murdered, and our way of life destroyed. That would be the case if it weren’t for him. You wouldn’t be walking with me, and you sure as well wouldn’t be courting Kelly. This isn’t a perfect place, but it’s the only place we have.”

  “So you’re telling me the best thing to do would be for me to forget about Kelly and move on down the road?” I said.

  “Hold on now,” said Doc, stopping and grabbing my arm. “I’m not saying that at all, son. Not at all. I haven’t seen that girl smile in a long time. She gets within a mile of you and she lights up. I haven’t seen Perry this happy in years. Hell, Parker even likes having you around. He thinks you spice things up. No, I don’t want you to leave and neither do they. You just need to avoid Rick for a while. Let things cool down a bit. Just like you, he doesn’t want to do anything that’ll jeopardize his status with Kelly.”

  “He’s married,” I said. “You don’t find that odd behavior for a community spiritual leader?”

  “These days, kid, I don’t find anything strange or impossible. Kelly’s a very desirable woman. I don’t care what label he carries, he’s still a man.”

  After arriving at the house, Doc and I sat on the front porch and continued our conversation. Over and over, he reminded me of how good we had it compared to others. It was a textbook lesson in tolerance. I could sense he didn’t hold Rick in the highest regard, but he accepted him as a leader. Take Kelly out of the equation, and I would’ve as well. He reminded me of that, too. The problem was that I couldn’t take her out of the equation. As we were sipping on our gasoline, she came walking up the drive with Joey.

  “You need an escort home, little fella?” asked Joey, slinging the rifle over his shoulder.

  “No, he doesn’t,” answered Kelly. “This one and I need to have a talk. Doc, could you give us the porch, please?”

  “As much as I’d love to stick around for this, I’m gonna hit the hay,” said Doc.

  “Goodnight, Doc,” I said, standing and shaking his hand. “Thanks for the talk.”

  “Anytime, son.”

  “Good luck,” said Joey, turning to make a hasty escape.

  Kelly sat in the rocker next to me and picked up my glass. “I think you have a problem.”

  “That’s only my second drink,” I said.

  “Not with this,” said Kelly, polishing it off. “With being an adult.”

  “Kelly, I’m sorry if I –”

  “Haven’t you done enough talking today?” asked Kelly, cutting me off. “We fuck and then the entire town knows in less than twelve hours. What were you thinking?”

  “I –”

  “I thought I was giving myself to a man, not a teenage boy needing to announce his conquest.”

  I turned away from her, looking out into the night, biting the shit out of my tongue. Remembering what Doc taught me about tolerance, I thought it was the best course of action. At least she was talking to me.

  “Look at me,” said Kelly. “I like you. I like you very much, but what you did was stupid. Do you have any idea how much trouble this is going to bring us? I know Rick has a thing for me. I’ve always known. But he hasn’t done anything inappropriate or made me feel uncomfortable. He knows the boundaries and he stays on his side. It hurt me that he had to find out by listening to Joey tell Perry how lucky you were to see me naked.”

  “He did what?” I said, lowering my head into my hands. “I’m gonna kill him.” />
  “That’s what I’m talking about,” said Kelly. “I’m telling you that you hurt my friend, and you’re thinking about beating Joey’s ass because he blabbed. Which one do you think is more important to me right now? Which one do you think is upsetting me?”

  “The last thing I want to do is upset you. I made a mistake confiding in my cousin. I didn’t think it would spread like wildfire. That wasn’t my intent.”

  “The sad thing is, if I wasn’t upset with you, we’d be upstairs in my room tearing each other’s clothes off. We’d be having another one of those amazing moments you talked about. But because of you being so inconsiderate, I’m now more concerned about how Rick looks at me than I am with you being inside me.”

  That one hurt. That one got my attention.

  “I know you didn’t mean for this to happen, sweetheart, but it did,” said Kelly. “Now we have to deal with it. I’m tired. You need to go home now.”

  She called me sweetheart.

  After she gave me a brilliant kiss to let me know I’d survive my stupidity, I reluctantly walked off the porch. I hated saying goodbye to that woman. I made a promise to myself that I’d take whatever Rick could throw at me. They were just words. Her actions meant more.

  On a stretch of road between our houses, thick woods flanked both sides. It was pitch black on a moonless night when I felt eyes on me. I reached back for the handles of my guns. Clenching my teeth, I remembered they were sitting on my dresser.

  Chapter 46

  (Day 45)

  Showtime

  Pushing aside the thought of how stupid I was to walk alone and unarmed, I stopped, dropping to a knee. My eyes were useless, so I closed them and lowered my head. If I heard a twig snap, at least I’d know in which direction to run. Crouching down, I made myself as small a target as possible.

  When the pair of raccoons crossed the road six feet in front of me, I stood and exhaled. They couldn’t care less about me and continued into the woods on the other side. I continued home, arriving shortly after without any more encounters. As I stood on the porch, I turned to look down the dark road. I still felt those eyes.