Up in Flames

by Abbi Glines

  “Nan,” he said, pulling me into his arms tightly. “It’s OK. I’m here. Major is here, and obviously, he’s crazy as a fucking loon and taking care of things.” He buried his nose in my head. “This nightmare is almost over. Just go up to your room, and stay there. Don’t leave until I come get you. OK?”

  I wasn’t about to let Rush walk outside, where there were crazy men and guns. “No. You stay with me.”

  “You’ll be safe. Just stay in your room. Major assured me backup is on its way.”

  “I don’t want you out there near that,” I told him honestly. “Blaire and the kids. They need you safe. Stay with me.”

  He paused, and for a moment, I knew that he was thinking about what I’d said. I was being honest. I needed him, yes, but they needed him more.

  “OK, let me go tell Major where I’ll be. You get upstairs.”

  I was good with that. “Hurry.”

  “I will.”

  My room seemed like a different place from what it had been only one hour ago. It was no longer a safe place. Nothing felt safe anymore. I doubted it ever would. Standing amid the familiarity of my things, I started to feel hungry again. How was I hungry at a time like this? Wasn’t I sick?

  No stomach virus I’d had ever had was like this. Sick one moment, hungry the next. Not to mention that I had just witnessed a man being shot more than once and bleeding on my front steps. Could this be a dream? Did the pinching thing not really work? I mean, who had actually pinched themselves in a dream and woken up? If you’re dreaming, then you aren’t technically pinching yourself, so that doesn’t make sense. And if you’re supposed to feel the pinch, then you can make up in your dream that you feel the pain, right?

  Sitting on the edge of my bed, I decided I had snapped. There was a man outside who was a drug lord, shot and bleeding all over my porch. Major was holding him at gunpoint and telling me to call Gannon, like they were the best of buds. This had to be a dream. My stomach growled as if it were starving for food. Did your stomach growl in dreams? Did my stomach not know that I was sick and I’d just seen a man shot?

  Another loud growl. I touched my stomach to shut it up, and it was at that moment, as I sat there with a loud, angry stomach, that it dawned on me. This nightmare had just taken a turn. One that wasn’t a nightmare but more of a light at the end. Something to make my life worth living. Something that would keep me sane and give me love, as I in return gave love.

  Placing a hand on my stomach, I had no doubt. My period should have come more than two weeks ago. It hadn’t. I’d been so wrapped in my pain and sorrow that I hadn’t noticed.

  I was pregnant. That was, if I was actually awake.

  Major

  Watching a man bleed to death was new to me. He moaned and cursed a lot. That much was enjoyable. I knew I needed to keep him alive long enough to get him to talk, but I was afraid the blood loss was going to be too much for him.

  The sound of a vehicle engine behind me caught my attention, and I spun around, with my gun ready in case this was backup for Franco. The sight of the familiar black truck that belonged to Cope was a relief, since Franco might have been on his last few breaths.

  “You gonna tell me what the fuck is going on?” Rush asked, as he walked back out of the house after having barreled into it looking for Nan and now finding me here talking to a dying man.

  “Nope. Can’t,” I told him over my shoulder, while turning my attention back to Cope. “Might want to hurry it on up. Don’t think he’s gonna last much longer.”

  Cope muttered a curse and slammed his truck door before taking long-ass strides toward where we were. “Why’s Finlay here?” he barked at me.

  “Nan called him.”

  “Where is she? Is she OK?”

  I nodded at Rush. “Ask him.”

  “She’s terrified, sick, and in her room. What the fuck is going on?” Rush demanded.

  I thought about telling him not to talk to Cope that way, because Cope was a mean bastard, but I was the one with the gun cocked and loaded, so I figured it was all good.

  “Sick?” Cope asked suddenly, sounding a little too concerned. Was he forgetting that I had a dying man here with info he needed? Jesus.

  “Yes, but that’s expected after she’s witnessed all this. What is going on?” Rush replied.

  Cope turned his attention to Franco. “Put him in the bed of the truck. I don’t want him to bleed on my shit.” Then he walked toward the front door like he owned it.

  “Who the fuck are you?” Rush was pissed now. No one ever ignored Rush, and this was a first for him.

  “A friend. I’d like to see Nan,” Cope responded, calm and reasonable.

  “She ain’t gonna want to see you. She knows about the surveillance and shit. I got mad and left her a note.”

  Cope shot me a look. “And when I had the place cleaned, the note was destroyed, dumb-ass. She never saw it.”

  Well, damn. I hadn’t thought he’d still have the cameras and shit to clean up by then. “That explains her confusion when I referred to you as Cope. She does now know your name is Cope, not Gannon.”

  He turned back to Rush. “I need to see Nan.”

  “You need to tell me who the fuck you are first,” Rush said.

  “Gannon?” Nan said as she stepped up behind Rush. Damn, shit was about to get real.

  “It’s Cope, Nan. My name is Cope.”

  That was a cold way to tell her he’d lied to her. I wasn’t too happy with the pain and disappointment that crossed her face. She’d been hurt enough in life. She’d been misunderstood and hated by those who didn’t understand her. Here, for once in her life, she’d thought she could trust someone, and she’d been shown that she couldn’t. But no, the asshole didn’t think about how this would hurt her. How it could destroy her. He just fucking threw it out there.

  At least my letter had been kinder. It had explained things, and I’d made sure she knew it had been more for me. That she was special and that a piece of my heart had become hers even when I’d been trying not to care about her. She’d gotten to me anyway.

  “Cope?” She said the name as if she was asking, but the way the realization sank with it hurt my heart.

  “Yes. My name is Cope. I’ve been working with Major.”

  Well, motherfucker. The crushed look on her face pissed me the hell off. “Shut the hell up, Cope!” I yelled at him, before he could say more stupid shit to cause her pain.

  “She needs to know now,” he said simply, not taking his eyes off her.

  “Not this way, she doesn’t. Fuck! Just get what you need from this man before he bleeds out.”

  Cope turned his gaze to me. “I already got it. Two weeks ago. That’s why he’s here.”

  “What?” I was confused as hell. I’d been tracking the dirty bastard. How did Cope already have what he needed?

  He had started to reply when I saw him reach for his gun. His eyes zoned in on something just over my shoulder, and I braced myself. I knew. I didn’t need to turn to see what he was looking at.

  I heard the gunshot before the world went dark around me.

  Nan

  I couldn’t stop screaming. It was the sound of pain tearing from my soul. Rush’s hands were on my shoulders as I jerked away, my shrill voice telling him to stop. To leave me alone.

  He was gone. Major was gone. That pretty face and cocky grin wiped away. No. Nonononononono . . . . I chanted the words over and over as my heart shattered inside me. This wasn’t happening. Major wasn’t dead.

  “Wake up!” I yelled, throwing back my head and squeezing my eyes tightly. I wanted to wake up.

  Rush was telling me something. I heard him, but I couldn’t focus. I just saw Major crumple to the ground, over and over again in my mind. I felt the jolt of sorrow rock me in that moment.

  “I need to wake up,” I told Rush frantically when Major remained dead in front of me.

  “You’re not asleep, sweetheart. Come here.” Rush’s voice was gentle as he p
ulled me into his arms, and this time I went. Because I wasn’t sure I could keep myself together. I was falling into a million pieces, and I needed arms to hold me.

  “He’s dead!” I wailed into his chest.

  Rush didn’t respond. He just held me tighter. We sat like that for a while, and then Rush lifted me into his arms, and I let him. I didn’t look back at Major. I couldn’t see that again. I wanted to remember his beautiful face laughing. Making me forgive him with his charming ways that he knew would get him out of trouble.

  “Keep her inside. This will be cleaned up and dealt with. I have backup coming.” Gannon . . . No, Cope. His name was Cope. He’d been working with Major. He hadn’t found me by chance. He hadn’t made love to me. He had used me. I was a tool. It made sense. Someone like Gannon had been too good for me. That man hadn’t been real. He’d been an act.

  Rush didn’t respond to him. Sirens began wailing in the distance, and I buried my head deeper into my brother’s chest. My front yard was a crime scene. Darkness had fallen over my life in a way I’d never expected. Finding joy again wouldn’t be possible.

  Then I remembered. My hand went to my stomach, and tears burned my eyes. I had a baby in there. A child from a man I didn’t even know. She wouldn’t have a father, either. Just like me.

  No . . . my baby wouldn’t be like me. I’d give her all the love and devotion my mother had never had time or care to give me. She wouldn’t need a father, because I would be enough. I would be her everything, and she’d never question once if she was loved.

  My life wouldn’t be repeated. I would make sure of that. She would have more. All I had never been given.

  “Take this,” Rush said as he tucked me into my bed.

  Glancing down at the sedative in his hand, I knew I couldn’t escape this so easily. I had a baby to protect inside me now. “No. Just leave me,” I told him, turning my head from the pill.

  “It’ll help you rest.”

  “I said no,” I repeated.

  He nodded. “OK. I’m going to see to things outside. I’ll be back to check on you in a little while.”

  “Call Captain. He needs to hear it from you,” I told him, thinking of all the lives that Major’s death would touch.

  “That’s the first call I’m making,” he assured me.

  I closed my eyes, thinking maybe I would wake up and this would have been a dream but knowing the dreams were going to be my only escape from my reality.

  Cope

  DeCarlo had sent the feds he had in his back pocket to come clean up the mess. We had been prepared for this when we saw Franco head this way, with Major right behind him. We’d known this showdown was coming, and we had planned accordingly. I hadn’t thought I would be killing a man, however. That hadn’t been part of the preparations.

  Now we had Franco Livingston and his right-hand man both headed to the morgue. Not a bad day. DeCarlo was pleased, and this job was closed.

  The funeral for Major was taking place tomorrow in Fort Worth. There was a graveyard for the Colts. Kind of uppity and shit, but that was where I was headed next. After that, I had a more important matter to handle.

  Nan.

  She had seen more than she was strong enough to handle. It was part of my world. The emptiness and hard center that controlled me made yesterday easier for me. Even knowing that she was falling apart, I had been able to stay focused and finish the job that had been started. I’d promised DeCarlo that I could pull it off even if Nan was in the way. I had to be there to make sure she was safe. When we’d gotten word that Franco was headed to Nan’s, I hadn’t been close enough, but I’d known that Major was on his tail. That had been the only thing that kept me sane while I got to her. He could protect her, that much I’d trusted.

  I had wanted this to happen away from her, but Franco had gone straight to her front door, and we’d all been forced to react. He would have hurt her, and I couldn’t allow that. Major wouldn’t allow it, either. He didn’t say it, but he loved her. I could see it in his eyes when I had hurt her with the truth. He’d been furious with me. I couldn’t look at him, because I was afraid I’d kill him for loving what was mine. Knowing she might hold something in her heart for him was killing me. Hearing her scream his name still haunted me. As much as it hurt to think about it, maybe she needed to know that he’d loved her.

  What I had seen in those last minutes with him had been love. He hadn’t realized it, but I’d seen it for what it was. I just loved her more. Because I did, I couldn’t tell her how he’d felt. She’d never know that he’d loved her. He hadn’t had the chance to accept it and tell her. I wasn’t making the same mistake.

  She was grieving now. I’d give her time but not much. I was tired of waiting. DeCarlo needed this job closed. That was done. I was free. This life was closing for me. There would be another to take my place. One more powerful, because he’d move in the shadows undetected.

  My time had been served. I had another life now that I wanted. I didn’t deserve it, but I wanted it. I wasn’t leaving without it. Nan had become my every thought. Our life together had been my light in the deepest of hell from the moment I’d laid eyes on her for the first time.

  She hadn’t even known me when I’d fallen in love. In all my years, I hadn’t believed in that emotion. It wasn’t real. It hadn’t touched me or even fucking grazed me. Then, in one moment, it had slammed into me so strongly it had changed every aspect of my life. Freeing her had been my only goal. Protecting her and then having her had been what kept me going until the end.

  Sacrifice to protect her was something Major hadn’t understood. His love had been young and sincere. He’d thought that telling her the truth had been hard and cold. It had been what I knew needed to be said so that when she was through the grief, she would remember my honesty. She’d need to trust me, and in that moment, I had planted the first seed of trust. I had given up using her vulnerability to my advantage, and I’d given her what she needed to know. What she deserved to know.

  That was sacrifice.

  Because winning her love would now be even more difficult. But I’d never lost a challenge. She was the greatest and most important challenge of my life. That woman owned my heart, and inside her she was carrying our future.

  They were my family. The first and last one I’d ever have.

  Mase

  While the minister spoke, my thoughts were somewhere else. Glancing over the graves in a place where Major and I had played hide and seek as kids, I never imagined actually standing here and lowering his body into the ground. You prepare for the deaths of your grandparents and even your parents but never your sibling or best friend. Major wasn’t just my cousin; he was like my brother and my best friend. In all his mixed-up, crazy ways, he had been the one person I’d told my secrets to, broken the law with, and forgiven for just about everything.

  He was wild and always looking for adventure. Like there was a hollowness inside, and nothing filled it. Maybe I understood that before Reese but never to the level he seemed to feel it. His father was a deep root to all of this. I knew that much. This need to find something worth living for. I wanted to hate my uncle, but that was simply because I needed someone to blame. This wasn’t fair. Major lit up a place when he was there. He became the center of attention, and people enjoyed being around him. He never understood that, though. He was never satisfied.

  My mother cried softly beside me, with the handkerchief my stepfather had handed her earlier pressed to her nose and covering her mouth. Major had been like another of her children. She’d been as charmed by him as most females on the planet. When he had needed a sanctuary, she had opened her arms and her home to him. Even that hadn’t been enough. She’s given him a mother’s love, but she wasn’t his mother. That was yet another void in his life. Someone else I wanted to blame for this.

  Reese was tucked against my other side, sniffling as the minister spoke, holding tightly to my arm as if she were holding me up. She’d known Major for such a short ti
me, but he’d won her over, too. He’d called last week, promising to stop by this week and visit. She had told him she’d make him brownies with the icing on top the way he liked them. I knew he would flirt with my wife just to harass me. Reese would blush, and then we would all sit up laughing and talking around the fireplace.

  He’d come back, all right, but not the way we had planned. Never the way we had planned. His need for adventure had finally been too much. Knowing he’d died protecting my sister made my heart swell from sorrow and pride. Even in the end, he’d been a man of honor.

  Captain

  I held Addy’s hand tightly in one hand and Franny’s in my other. Both my girls stood beside me as we gathered on a hillside in Texas, watching a boy who hadn’t been given a chance to be a man yet lowered into the ground. That could have been me. So many times, it should have been. I had been given more reprieves than any human should have gotten. Bullets that should have ended my time on earth had miraculously missed me.

  Squeezing their hands in mine, I now knew why. Fate wasn’t ready to take me, because I had a world I didn’t know existed. I had a family to live for. A family that needed me and a family that would change me.

  Major would never get that life. The one more exciting than the one he was chasing. Danger wasn’t the thrill he needed to fill his void. We all had a void. We were born with it. Finding the filler for that void wasn’t easy. Sometimes it came to us and we missed it, sometimes we lost it, sometimes we didn’t know to search for it. If we were lucky, it didn’t give up on us.

  I’d been one of the lucky ones.

  Major hadn’t been.

  This life was an unfair place. One full of pain that no one really understood. I knew the void Major had been chasing to fill. I’d had it once, too. I also knew he wouldn’t fill it with the gun in his hand facing down another man. It had never been enough for me. It had almost taken all there was of me, until Addy found me and saved me . . . again.