Alice Again

by Judi Curtin

  I checked my watch. It was after ten to eleven. Veronica didn’t appear to be in a hurry, so it looked as if her secret meeting place must be nearby. Alice and I sauntered along after her, and tried not to look too suspicious.

  Then, just when everything seemed to be going well, Veronica took a sudden turn into a sweet-shop. Alice and I stopped and pretended to be looking in the window of a video shop a few doors down.

  ‘Now what?’ I asked desperately, ‘She’s hardly meeting the love of her life in a sweet shop, is she?’

  I had a sudden thought. ‘Hey, maybe she’s going out with the guy who owns the sweetshop. If your mum marries him, you’ll get free sweets for life. You’ll have Mars bars for breakfast, and Crunchies for tea. Lucky you.’

  Alice looked at me crossly. ‘Yeah. Ha, ha! Very funny. Not. Anyway, I bet this is just a distraction. All we have to do is wait here until she comes out.’

  ‘But what if she ducks out the back way, and we lose her?

  Alice gave me a scornful look. ‘Why on earth would she do that? She doesn’t know we’re following her, does she?

  I shook my head. Alice was right as usual. ‘Anyway. I hope she hurries up. My feet were just beginning to thaw out. It’s nice to feel my toes again – I missed them.’

  Alice smiled at me. ‘Yeah, mine too. And thanks, Meg. Thanks for staying with me.’

  I shrugged. ‘That’s OK.’ I could never be cross with Alice for long.

  Alice touched my arm. ‘Look, here she comes.’

  Veronica appeared again, and we ducked behind a lamp-post. I was fairly sure that she’d have seen us if she looked our way, since we were two average-sized twelve-year-olds and we were trying to hide behind a single average-sized lamp-post. Luckily, Veronica didn’t even glance in our direction. She was busy unwrapping a piece of chewing gum.

  Alice grunted crossly. ‘Huh! Look at her. She won’t let me have gum, she says it’s not suitable for young ladies, and here she is, chewing away happily.’

  ‘Maybe she needs it. Maybe she’s got bad breath, or something.’ I knew immediately that wasn’t a very clever thing to say.

  ‘Yeah,’ Alice said grimly. ‘She needs nice fresh minty breath for kissing her fancy boyfriend, doesn’t she?’

  I could have kicked myself. ‘Come on, Al. Leave it. Let’s see where she goes before we jump to any more conclusions, OK?’

  Alice nodded, and we set off once more on our slow chase.

  Shortly afterwards, we came to another small row of shops. Veronica, who was still about fifty metres ahead, fixed her hair again. Even though it was still freezing cold, she unbuttoned her coat, and let it kind of float out behind her. She stood up straighter, and began to walk like the fashion-models on TV. I knew we were getting close.

  Then Veronica took a tissue from her pocket, put her chewed gum into it, and tossed it into a bin. She checked her watch, flicked her hair one more time, and turned suddenly into a small, ordinary-looking coffee shop.

  So this was it. This was ‘the usual place’, and Veronica’s secret date was about to begin.

  All of a sudden I didn’t feel cold any more. I just felt very, very sick.

  Chapter eight

  Alice took my arm, and we edged along the footpath towards the coffee shop. It looked kind of ordinary. Not a bit fancy or anything. The writing over the door was grey and faded. There was a big long streak of bird poo dripping down the window. If I was going on a special date, I wouldn’t have picked a place like that.

  Alice edged forward again, until she had a good view in through the window. I huddled behind her. I really didn’t want to know what was going on inside. That didn’t matter though – I knew I could rely on Alice to fill me in on all the gory details.

  ‘I can see her,’ she hissed. ‘She’s in the queue.’

  I fervently wished that Veronica could behave like a normal mum. Just this once. I wished she’d have a nice quiet cup of coffee on her own, and then go home and do the ironing or something. And then Alice and I could forget about all this spying stuff and enjoy our day.

  No such luck though. Alice edged forwards even more, talking all the time. ‘She’s nearly at the till now. She’s got a tray. And …’

  ‘And what?’ I forgot I wasn’t supposed to be interested.

  Alice’s voice was flat, ‘And she’s got two cups.’

  I didn’t even bother hoping that Veronica was really thirsty and needed two cups of coffee, or that she was meeting a woman friend for a nice chat. I knew this was serious.

  I edged in even further behind Alice. ‘Can you see the tables? Can you see any men sitting on their own?’

  She leaned forwards. ‘I don’t think so. It’s mostly women. The place is full of housewives. It’s housewife heaven.’

  I didn’t even get a chance to laugh, as she continued. ‘Oh, no! There is one man there.’

  I couldn’t bear to look. ‘Is he on his own?’

  She nodded. ‘So far. But Mum’s still in the queue. Maybe he’s waiting for her to join him. But no. He couldn’t … I mean she couldn’t … He’s …’

  ‘What is it?’

  ‘Look, Meg. Look at the guy sitting there next to the plant.’

  I leaned around her and looked. And then I looked some more.

  Surely this wasn’t Norman?

  This couldn’t possibly be Alice’s future stepfather?

  Or could it?

  He was a tall, pale, skinny-looking man. He had only one long piece of hair, and it was stretched across the top of his head – maybe he hoped no-one was going to notice that apart from this greasy, stringy thing, the top of his head was completely bald. He was wearing a really shiny grey suit and dirty runners. He was eating a giant doughnut. There was a line of gooey cream all around his mouth. As I watched, he took out a hanky, blew his nose, and then used the same hanky to wipe his mouth. I tried not to shudder. I glanced at Alice. She had been pale to start with, but now her skin was the horrible yellowy-white colour of the smelly cheese my mum buys at the market on Saturdays.

  Alice whispered, ‘Mum wouldn’t. She …’

  All of a sudden, I knew she was right. Veronica would never fall for a guy like that. He just wasn’t her type. She was too into clothes and appearances and all that kind of stuff. She would never go out with someone who didn’t dress well, or who didn’t know how to use a hanky properly.

  My mum, now, she might go for someone like him, if she thought he was a good person, or had strong views on the environment, but Veronica? Never.

  I grinned at Alice, ‘Don’t worry, Al. Not even in your worst nightmares.’

  She grinned back, ‘I suppose you’re right.’

  Just when I was beginning to breathe a small sigh of relief, Alice grabbed my arm again. It hurt. Why did she keep grabbing my arm anyway? Her fingers were stronger than she realised. I had a funny feeling my arm was going to be black and blue before the end of that day.

  ‘Look, Meg. I bet that’s him. That’s the kind of guy my mum would like.’ She was hissing again.

  She was pointing to a man who was standing on the edge of the footpath, just across the road from us. He was young. Well, younger than Veronica that’s for sure. He was wearing a really nice jacket and trousers, and he was carrying a smart leather briefcase. His hair was gelled up a bit in the front, but not so much as to make him look like a wannabe teenager. Just enough to make him look a little bit cool.

  Suddenly the traffic cleared, and the man crossed the road, ending up right beside us. Alice and I put our heads down and pretended to be very interested in the cracks in the footpath. We watched the man’s feet walking away from us. They were nice feet actually, not too big and not too small, and he had quite cool blue shoes on. Keeping my head down, I watched the shoes walk towards the coffee shop. Seconds later, I got a waft of expensive-smelling aftershave. I hadn’t a whole lot of experience of that kind of thing, but I had a feeling he smelled exactly like a guy who was going on a special date.
r />   ‘Do you think that’s him?’ I asked.

  Alice sighed. ‘Only one way to find out.’ Then without warning she called out loudly, ‘Norman!’

  The man turned around, but as he did so, Alice grabbed me and dragged me into a doorway. ‘It’s him all right,’ she said.

  I rubbed my arm, and peeped around the corner. Norman was looking all around him, probably wondering why, on a seemingly empty street, someone was calling his name. Then he gave a small shrug, and stepped inside the coffee shop.

  Alice stayed hidden in the doorway, with a really cross expression on her face. I had to look though. I had to know. I leaned forwards, and watched, as the man stood inside the door of the coffee shop and looked around. If it was a pantomime, I could have had great fun shouting – ‘she’s behind you.’ This was no pantomime though, and I was quite sure it wasn’t going to have a happy ending.

  By now, Veronica was sitting at a table by the window. I had a perfect view. Her coat was carefully folded on a chair beside her. She was fiddling with her necklace with one hand, and with the fingers of her other hand she was tapping the table. She didn’t usually do that kind of thing – it was too bad for her false nails. She must have been very nervous.

  Then she looked up and saw Norman. She fixed her hair – again. She smiled and waved. Norman walked towards her. She half got up, and held her hand out to him. He took her hand in both of his, like guys do on the telly when they are trying to look really sincere. She smiled at him some more, like she was the happiest woman on earth. He was turned away from me, so I couldn’t see if he was smiling back at her. He probably was. I glanced at Alice. She was still examining the cracks in the footpath. By now she could have drawn a perfect picture of them for art class. Anyway, maybe it was best that she didn’t see what was going on.

  I looked back inside the coffee shop. Norman was still holding Veronica’s hand. This must have been the longest handshake in history. And then disaster struck. Norman leaned forwards and kissed Veronica on the cheek.

  I felt like sitting down on the hard, cold, cracked footpath and crying until a huge river of my tears could wash me somewhere far, far away from this awful place.

  Chapter nine

  Of course I didn’t want to tell Alice exactly what I had seen. So she had to persuade me. That took about twenty-two seconds. Impressive – even for Alice.

  She listened carefully to what I said. She didn’t scream or shout or stamp her foot or anything. She didn’t threaten to run in and ask Norman what business he had kissing her mother. She was quiet, which really, really scared me. Cross I could have coped with, or sulky even, but quiet was just too strange and too hard to deal with.

  We walked slowly back to her place. Alice went straight to her room and lay on the bed and looked at the ceiling. I went into the kitchen and made hot chocolate. I stirred and stirred but I couldn’t get it all nice and frothy like they do in coffee shops. I floated lots of tiny pink marshmallows on top. Then I rummaged in the cupboards until I found some chocolate biscuits. I set a tray as nicely as I could. I wasn’t sure it would help, but I couldn’t think of anything else to do.

  I carried everything into Alice’s room. She said ‘thanks’, but she put the hot chocolate on the floor without drinking it. She didn’t take a biscuit, so I knew things were really bad. Alice loves chocolate biscuits as much as my mum loves organic porridge.

  Alice lay and looked at the ceiling some more. I sipped my drink, and wondered what I’d have been doing if I was at home. Not drinking hot chocolate and eating chocolate biscuits of course, but still, I had a feeling it would have been better than this. Anything would have been better than this. I wanted to help Alice, to make everything better, but I didn’t know how. When chocolate biscuits failed, I was all out of ideas.

  I hated all this serious stuff. All I wanted was to have some fun with my very best friend. Was that too much to hope for?

  After ages and ages, Alice spoke. Her voice was quiet and hoarse, almost as if she’d forgotten how to speak. Maybe she had – I’d never known her to be so quiet for so long.

  ‘You’re sure he actually kissed her?’

  I sighed. ‘Yes, I’m sure. But he didn’t go anywhere near her lips, I promise. It was only on the cheek.’

  Alice’s voice was getting stronger. ‘And your point is?’

  ‘Maybe he’s just a friend. Lots of friends kiss when they meet these days. It’s what adults do. I bet they’re just friends.’

  I didn’t believe this of course, and I wondered for the hundredth time why I had told her about the stupid kiss in the first place. It was the shock that did it, I suppose.

  Alice ignored me. ‘I wonder how long before she tells us about him? I wonder how long before she brings him home?’

  Then she put on her mother’s voice. ‘Children, I want you to meet Norman, my very special friend.’

  Alice rolled on to her tummy, and punched her pillow. ‘She can’t do this to us. She just can’t. I am so not going to let this happen.’

  I wasn’t very comfortable with this kind of fighting talk. Why couldn’t Alice just accept bad stuff? Why did she always think she could change things?

  I spoke as softly as I could. ‘Maybe it’s not so bad. Maybe you’ll get used to it. Other kids do.’

  Alice sat up and stared at me. ‘Well I’m not “other kids”. I’m never going to get used to it. I’m never going to like him. I’m never going to talk to him. I am not going to let him barge in here messing up my family. I’m going to–’

  She stopped suddenly.

  I looked at her carefully. ‘You’re going to what?’

  She smiled, but she didn’t answer my question.

  ‘Come on, Al. Tell me. What are you going to do?’ Once again I was asking a question that I didn’t want to hear the answer to.

  Alice smiled again. ‘It’s just come to me. Now I know exactly what I am going to do.’

  ‘And that is?’

  She smiled an even bigger smile. ‘I’m going to be so weird, and so horrible, and so demanding, that Norman won’t want anything to do with Mum any more. I’m going to scare him out of our lives forever.’

  Oh, no! All kinds of horrible scenarios opened themselves up before me. This could become very unpleasant indeed. I wanted to help Alice, but this could never work. She’d just end up in heaps of trouble. I had to find a way of stopping her before things turned nasty.

  ‘But your mum isn’t stupid. She’ll know what you’re doing. She won’t let you away with it. She’ll kill you.’

  I wasn’t joking. I’d seen how cross Veronica could get over a broken fingernail. I could hardly bear to think how wild this would make her.

  Alice shrugged. She spoke breezily. ‘She might be a small bit cross at first.’

  I gasped, ‘A small bit?’

  Alice made a face. ‘OK, so maybe she’ll be very cross, but she’ll thank me in the long run. I’ll be doing her a favour really. She just won’t realise it at first.’

  She leaned down and picked up her hot chocolate from the floor. By now it must have been cold chocolate, but Alice didn’t seem to mind. She drank it all in one huge gulp. Then she wiped her mouth, folded her arms and said, ‘Tomorrow. I’ll start tomorrow. Now, what do you think we should do first?’

  * * *

  Twenty minutes later, Alice and I were sitting on the floor of the living room, huddled over a huge medical dictionary. It was the grossest book I had ever seen. There were completely revolting pictures in it – pictures that surely should have had an ‘18’ rating. They weren’t suitable for my sensitive eyes, that was for sure.

  We had already rejected scarlet fever, mumps and impetigo. These would have been impressive, but we figured they’d be a bit hard to fake.

  I was getting really fed up, and some of the pictures were making me feel a bit sick. I knew I’d have nightmares that night, dreaming of horrible scabby things growing all over my body. I grabbed the book, and flicked quickly through
it. Then I turned the page back to Appendicitis.

  I pointed as I held the book towards Alice. ‘There. That’s the one.’

  She took the book from me and read it. ‘Hmmm. Not very original, is it?’

  I felt like punching her. Alice is lucky I’m not an aggressive kind of girl. ‘It doesn’t have to be original, Al. This isn’t a creative writing competition. We don’t want original. We want boring, but convincing.’

  She shrugged. ‘Yeah, maybe you’re right. Let’s see, what do I need to do?’

  She ran her finger down the list of symptoms. ‘Pain in lower right side of abdomen, loss of appetite, nausea, foul breath. Yeah, think I can manage all of those.’

  She slammed the book closed, and replaced it on the shelf. ‘That’s settled then. Tomorrow morning, between nine and ten o’clock, I am going to get a severe attack of appendicitis.’

  I still wasn’t happy with the plan. I had only suggested appendicitis to stop Alice from deciding on something even more drastic. If I hadn’t stepped in, she’d have tried to fake a broken leg, or something. Or even worse, she might have really broken her leg. When Alice is determined, she never knows when to stop.

  ‘Al, I’m not sure about this at all. Even if your mum falls for it, what happens then?’

  ‘She has to miss her date with Norman.’

  ‘So what? What difference does that make? She rings him up and tells him she can’t come because you’re sick, and then she arranges to meet him the next day instead. Big deal. That will hardly scare him away, will it? Or do you plan to fake appendicitis every morning for the rest of your life?’

  ‘Of course not, dork-head. It’s just that Norman probably doesn’t have kids – he looks too clean to be a dad. I want to show him what a pain we are. Kids always mess up adults’ plans. That’s what we’re best at. Norman will soon get the message. Then he’ll ditch Mum and go and find himself a nice, child-free girlfriend. He’s a good-looking guy, he doesn’t need to be stuck with Mum and Jamie and me.’