Kiss Me, Cowboy (Montana Born Rodeo Book 3)

by Melissa McClone

  “Why are we talking about the weather?” he asked.

  “Better than talking about the past.”

  “I’ll concede that point.”

  Her eyes widened. She wrung her hands. “Will you concede on your workplace romance rule?”

  The hope in her voice poked at him like small branding irons, burning her initials into his heart. “You know what could have happened with the horse last night.”

  “But nothing did. You, me, and Arrow are fine. Just because something went wrong before—”

  “Tragically wrong.” He moved toward a nearby tree. “Avoidable. That’s why I have the rule.”

  “I’m trying to understand. But it’s hard when you keep kissing me.”

  Crap. The atmosphere had changed from comfortable to tense in an instant. A ruck in full gear and combat boots during a rainstorm would be more fun than the conversation that was coming.

  Lines creased Charlie’s forehead. Of course, she must feel the strain, too.

  Damage control time. Zack exhaled.

  “I messed up, okay.” He rocked back on his heels. “I shouldn’t kiss you.”

  She looked up at him. “I like kissing you.”

  “Me, too. I mean you.” Damn. He was screwing up. Again. His lips wanted another taste of Charlie’s sweetness to the point of not caring what that might do to him or her or the other wranglers at the Bar V5. “There’s something between us.”

  He’d said the words he’d been ignoring for over a year. Blood roared through his veins. He waited, wondered what she would say.

  The relief in her eyes knocked him back a step. His butt bumped into the tree’s trunk.

  “Thank you for admitting that,” she said sincerely. A smile spread across her face. “I thought I was the only one who noticed a… connection.”

  “Hell, no.” He hadn’t known what she’d say, but he hadn’t expected her gratitude. “There’s an invisible cable connecting you to me. Unbreakable. I’ve tried.”

  “Me, too.” She rubbed her lips together. “So what do we do about it?”

  Chapter Eight

  ‡

  What were they going to do about the connection between them? Zack rested the heel of his left boot against the tree. “No idea. But I’m hoping we can figure out something. This isn’t good for either of us.”

  Charlie rubbed a rock, looking from the river to him. Her gaze narrowed. “That’s honest.”

  “I try to be.” He started to speak then stopped, unsure if he should tell her the reason why. At this point, she knew most everything else about him. What did he have to lose? “I’ve learned being honest is the only way. If I’d… if we’d all been honest…”

  She dropped the rock and moved closer. “Who are you talking about?”

  He brushed his hand through his hair, but that didn’t lessen his agitation. “My squad.”

  “Davey?”

  Her remembering the name of his friend who’d been killed in action surprised Zack. Then again Charlie was like that, able to recall facts that made one feel she not only listened, but also cared. “Yes. He was there, part of the squad. Another guy named Hood, a gung-ho corporal, lived and breathed the US Army. We kidded him about becoming an officer. He probably would have risen up the ranks if…”

  Charlie touched Zack’s arm, the gesture meant everything to him and that scared him. He couldn’t get attached to her. Not in that way.

  Her eyes clouded with concern. “If what?”

  “If he hadn’t fallen for a pretty specialist named Remington, who was assigned to support us.”

  “A workplace romance.”

  “In the middle of a warzone.” Zack stared at Charlie’s hand on his arm. “Hood was a damn good soldier, but he became distracted, counting the hours on watch or patrol until he could be with his girlfriend.”

  “He was in love.” Charlie sounded wistful, more like a Charlotte than a wrangler who’d made a name for herself training horses. “That’s what happens.”

  Zack wouldn’t know. He’d never been in love. But he didn’t blame guys for finding comfort and company where they could. But Hood… “We teased him. Most of us were jealous though we never admitted the truth. Who wouldn’t want a girlfriend when you’re far away from home?”

  “You must have been lonely.”

  “Deployments don’t last forever. We’ve got each other. Brothers.” He remembered Davey’s care package with a whoopee cushion inside. Man, they’d fun with that. “But Hood started showing up late, skipping out early. No one reported him. We covered his ass, figuring he’d be over her soon enough.”

  “Was he?”

  Remorse over not speaking up clawed at Zack. He hadn’t been the only one to keep quiet, and they all shared the blame. “No. He proposed.”

  “That’s serious.”

  Nodding, Zack struggled to remain in the present and not fall into the nightmare of the past. “There was this one time. We were attacked. We got caught in a firefight, and others were taking mortar hits. Hood…” Zack closed his eyes wishing he or Davey could have had an extra second or two to react, to reach out and stop the guy. “He deserted his post, left us, to find his fiancée. He wanted to protect her.”

  Charlie didn’t say anything, but kept her hand on his arm. That gesture earned his gratitude and… more.

  “Knowing he left you in the middle of a battle must have been hard,” she said finally.

  “Damn straight. Hurt like hell.” Zack’s gut twisted. The bullet scars sometimes burned, all in his head according to a therapist, but he no longer tasted the metallic bitterness in his mouth so that was an improvement, right? But he didn’t want the same thing to reoccur. He couldn’t let that happen to anyone else. “Hood got shot. A couple of us did.”

  Charlie squeezed Zack’s arm. “I’m so sorry.”

  “Me, too.”

  He would never condone Hood’s actions or what his dereliction of duty cost the squad or the price paid by two families back home, but Zack understood a little better now. Attraction—or whatever he felt for Charlie—had a mind of its own. Made you stupid.

  “Hood died that night. Never made it to his fiancée. Remington had followed orders and remained safe.” Zack’s heart ached at the tragic loss. “But she was so distraught over Hood’s death, she took her own life.”

  Charlie’s gaze filled with compassion. She removed her hand from his arm. “I’m sorry. I didn’t understand your rule before or why you were so concerned. I do now. Makes sense after what you’ve been through.”

  Man, he needed a beer or a shot of whiskey to settle his nerves, because nothing made sense now, especially his wanting to bury his head against Charlie’s chest and have her hold him. Too bad alcohol wasn’t allowed during working hours. Not that a drink or ten would make a difference in the long run. Thankfully he learned that lesson early and knew his limit.

  “Does it make sense?” he asked, torn between the past and the present, not sure what to think.

  “Totally.” An unexpected smile erased the lines of concern on her face. Her face brightened. “This is going to be so easy to fix.”

  He drew back, confused by the change in her. “Fix?”

  She nodded. “I don’t need to find a man. I need a new job. Winter’s coming, but with a recommendation from Nate and Ty finding one shouldn’t be that hard.”

  Zack’s world tilted. He lost his balance, caught himself, cursed. He’d been trying to keep her at the Bar V5. Having her leave was the last thing he wanted. “Stop with the quitting nonsense. You’re not going anywhere.”

  “Yes, I am. This is the perfect solution,” she countered with a firm tone. “You don’t date coworkers. If I’m not a coworker, there’s nothing standing in our way of going out.”

  He understood her logic even if he didn’t agree. “Leaving a stable job you love is a big step to take when we haven’t had a date.”

  “No dates, but plenty of kisses.” She spoke as if this were a done deal. The deci
sion made. “You admitted there’s something between us.”

  “Yes, but—”

  “What?” A hint of panic edged the word.

  He took a breath. Telling her was the only way to keep from making a big mistake. “I’m not looking for a girlfriend.”

  She blinked. Once. Twice. “One you work with or—”

  “Not at all,” he finished for her. The words sounded cold. He wanted to make sure she didn’t feel bad. “This isn’t personal,” he clarified.

  Charlie inhaled deeply, then exhaled slowly.

  A breath was better than yelling. Not that Charlie did that. She never raised her voice.

  “You’re okay with this?” he asked, eying her warily.

  She shrugged. “You’ve mentioned you’re not looking for a relationship, but you might change your mind one of these days. My not working here will make things easier if that happens.”

  What the… this didn’t sound like the no-nonsense Charlie he knew. He leveled his gaze at her. “You’re willing to bank your future on ‘one of these days’?”

  She nodded. “That’s better odds than never which was all I had until a few minutes ago.”

  The obvious relief in her voice made his heart hurt, but he felt as if his head was bumping into a two-by-four with each of her words. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

  Zack didn’t want to disappoint her, but he wasn’t going to lie. What he was about to say was for Charlie’s own good.

  “I know I’ve talked about not wanting a family. That wasn’t BS, I mean it,” he said. “Marriage isn’t for me. Hell, the longest I’ve ever dated a woman is two weeks.”

  Her lower lip quivered.

  Crap. He reminded himself she would be better off with someone else. Might as well say what else needed to be said. “So even if you quit…”

  “We’ll never be a couple.”

  Charlie’s sad tone made him like a class-A jerk. “I’m sorry.”

  “Sorry,” she repeated, as if trying out the word for the first time. “You’re sorry.”

  “Yes, I am.”

  She stared at him. Her gaze narrowed, hardened along with her jaw, as if she’d put on a bulletproof mask. “Are you sorry?”

  He flinched. She’d never used such a harsh voice with him. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “You kiss me. Not once, but multiple times.” She spoke faster and louder. “As soon as things seem like they could go somewhere, you bring up your no romance at work rule.”

  “You said you understood about that.”

  “I do, but not when you’re using a tragedy to your advantage.”

  He crossed his arms over his chest. “I’m not doing that.”

  “You are. You’ve done it every single time.” She drew her lips into a thin line. “You bring up the past as if that decides not only the present, but also the future. You need to get over whatever is keeping you from moving forward.”

  “I’m fine.”

  She gave him a look. “So much for being honest.”

  Zack started to speak, then stopped. Uncertainty pressed against his breastbone. “I’m not lying. I’m… confused.”

  “So am I. I get I kissed you the first time. I take full responsibility for that.” Her eyes darkened. Her voice grew stronger. “But the other times… the hot and cold action. Do one thing, then say another. That’s on you, bub.”

  “It’s not like that.”

  She looked upward at the sky and exhaled slowly.

  “I care about you.” He scratched his cheek. “But you want something I can’t give.”

  “That’s because you choose not to give it.”

  “This is for your own good. You deserve better.”

  She shook her head. “Don’t pretend you weren’t aware of what you were doing. You led me on. More than once. Whenever it was convenient or you wanted a kiss. And you’re right, I do deserve better.”

  Ashamed he wasn’t able to deny her words, he hung his head. “Maybe I could have done things better, but I was doing the best I could. For you. All I wanted… still want… is for you to stay at the Bar V5.”

  “Why?”

  “I told you. We’re a family. I don’t know if my parents are alive or dead. You and the wranglers are all I have. I was trying to keep my family together. Maybe that’s selfish. I won’t disagree with what you said. But doesn’t family matter to you?”

  “Yes, but what you’re doing isn’t how family treats one another.”

  His chest tightened. “I don’t know how families are supposed to work. My parents are… were the poster children for dysfunction.”

  “Here’s the deal.” Her steady gaze remained on his. “Family is supposed to want what’s best for the other person, even if that means being apart. Look at my mom and me. Distance doesn’t change how you feel about each other.”

  “You’ll forget—”

  “Not forget. Miss. Big difference,” she explained. “Doing what’s best for oneself and holding everyone else back so they can’t pursue their dreams is not being a family.”

  “I haven’t—”

  “You’ve thought only about yourself, what you want and need. Not anyone else.”

  Zack tried to come up with a defense, but couldn’t think of one. He rubbed his aching temples. Did that make him guilty?

  “You had a rough time growing up, but having jerk parents doesn’t give you the right to manipulate people so they do what you want. Stop hiding behind the past and deal with your feelings.” She squared her shoulders. “It’s advice I need to follow. I haven’t been honest about my feelings. There’s something you should know.”

  The hairs on the back of his neck prickled. “What?”

  Charlie’s eyes dulled. “That night you found out Davey had been killed and we kissed, I fell head over heels in love with you.”

  The words echoed through Zack’s brain. He tried to make sense of what she said, but failed. “You fell in love with me?”

  “Here comes the bride, naming our kids, crazy in love with you.”

  Damn. He swallowed. Rocked back on his heels. Thought about bolting. He scratched the stubble on his chin. “Why didn’t you say something?”

  “What could I say after learning about your rule? Crazy. Insane, I know.” She half-laughed, then clasped her hands together. “Worse, I couldn’t figure a way to get over you. So I went to Colorado for the winter.”

  He cursed. “You should have told me.”

  “Would anything have changed?”

  A beat passed. And another. “No.”

  Her mouth twisted. “Then why have you kissed me when you have your rule and don’t want a relationship?”

  Zack felt heavy, as if he was wearing body armor. A part of him didn’t want to answer, but she needed to hear this and he wanted to say the words aloud. “You’re an amazing woman. Beautiful.”

  Charlie’s facial expression didn’t change. “There are lots of women like that.”

  Not like her. A lump burned in his throat. He’d screwed up. If he wasn’t careful, he was going to lose… everything. “At the concert, I lost control. That’s why I kissed you. In the meadow, I wanted to catch Arrow, but I wanted a kiss as much or more. I was thinking about what I wanted, being selfish, when I kissed you.”

  She stared at the river. “Did what I want or need ever enter in the equation?”

  “No.”

  “Not surprised,” she mumbled.

  “I’m being honest.”

  “Me, too.” She moistened her lips. “When I left last winter I wanted to see if distance would get me over you.”

  “Did it?”

  “Yes. Until a couple weeks after I came back.” Her gaze met his. “It’s been hell ever since.”

  The anguish in her voice was a slap to his face. She’d been the one person who’d been there whenever he needed someone, and he’d hurt her. Unknowingly. But that didn’t matter. He’d toyed with her emotions and her heart, all for his own se
lfish needs. Inexcusable.

  “I had no idea. But what I did was wrong. I am sorry. Truly, I am.”

  He meant each word, but she didn’t show any reaction. Her face remained blank, no emotion visible. His insides knotted.

  “I don’t know how I’ll make this up to you, but I will. I promise.” He reached for her.

  She jerked away. “I can’t do this anymore.”

  “Do what?”

  She blinked. Once. Twice. “When Caitlin got engaged, I realized I didn’t want to move to Colorado. But I was stuck here at the Bar V5 in a miserable state. I thought another man could get me over you, and lucky me, you had offered to help.”

  Damn. He couldn’t imagine how that must have made her feel. “Charlie.”

  “Charlotte,” she corrected with zero hesitation. “When you kissed me, I thought things might work out, but I see now that’s not possible. You’re the one who’s stuck. Let’s hope a new job gets me over you once and for all.”

  “No. I’m not stuck.” The words shot out of his mouth like machine gun fire. He needed to make her understand what he was doing. “I’ve been trying to protect you.”

  From me.

  A collage of his parents’ mug shots, friendships with bail bondsmen, never knowing what would happen and who might not come home played in his mind like a slideshow.

  “I never meant to hurt you or put you through hell.” His heart wanted to explode out of his chest. He forced himself to breath. “Don’t leave the Bar V5 because of me.”

  “I’m not.” Her gaze never wavered as she moved toward her horse. Charlie grabbed the reins and mounted Sierra. “I’m leaving for me.”

  *

  Sunday afternoon, the awards had been presented to the champions, and the closing ceremony finished. The 76th Copper Mountain Rodeo had come to an end. Cowboys loaded trailers. Vendors packed up their booths. Tourists hit Main Street.

  Waiting for Dan and Allie, Charlie stood next to one of the Bar V5’s vans. She noticed the couples walking hand in hand. Was she the only single person in Marietta?

  The ache inside her grew.

  She was likely the only non-engaged woman in town with a stack of bridal magazines to review. Caitlin had given them to her earlier with Charlie’s first maid of honor assignment—make notes and flag pages with western and Christmas themed wedding ideas.