by Luna Pierce
The girls gossip until I fall asleep, and then I dream about forests full of glowing flowers and pathways to wonderful places. One leads me to Cameron, another to Deghan, another to Sydney, and another to Silas. They all bring me some different level of joy, but I feel most complete when I’m with them all. I know my dream is irrational, but I can’t help but revel in the glory of feeling safe and happy for a change, like the world isn’t falling apart by the seams and sucking me into nothingness.
Just when I’m finally about to reach all of them—huddled into a beautiful meadow, waiting for me patiently—a thick haze of purple appears, and I accidentally run straight through it. I come out tumbling on the other side, shoved forcibly into a brick wall, my shoulder dislocating upon impact. I bite back a scream and shuffle to my feet, frantic to find the opening to get out of the hell I fell into.
A sliver of light appears in the distance, and I run toward it, gripping my injured shoulder. I’m nearly to the portal opening as it slams shut, throwing me back and against the ground. The vision of the guys fades, and blackness consumes the space.
A low guttural growl permeates, and I understand for certain that something terrible is about to happen. I’m going to be torn to shreds.
I close my eyes and urge every bit of me to find its strength, but opening them, there’s nothing but darkness and the approaching doom. I let out a fearful scream, and the next thing I’m aware of is Remi above me, shaking me awake and telling me I was having a nightmare.
“Willow, girlfriend, wake up,” she urges.
I snap wide awake, scooting away from Remi like she’s somehow the cause of the madness, a second or two passing until I realize I’m safe and sound. Sweat beads up along my spine, and my hands tremble against the clenched bedding.
“You’re okay,” she confirms. “It was just a bad dream.”
My head shakes, and I try to rid myself of the funk. “What time is it?” I eye her half made-up face, knowing that it must be somewhere close to morning.
“Six fifteen…”
“Christ, Remi, why do you get up so early?”
She raises her hands, trailing them along her head and down her body. “This doesn’t come easy, Miss Perfect.”
Knowing I won’t be able to fall back to sleep after that terrible dream, I throw the covers off me and hop off the bed. “I’m gonna go shower.”
“Good luck,” she mutters. “I heard crazy’s door open a few minutes ago.” She motions toward our lovely neighbor—mean girl incarnate.
Desperate for a refreshing shower, I take a chance, seizing my bathroom caddy and heading toward the women’s shared restroom. Two stalls are occupied near the end, so I go to the far corner and step inside. I undress quickly, turn the faucet, and plunge myself into the semi-cold stream, letting the water wash away my bad visions.
“Yeah, but have you talked to him?” a chipper voice from the opposite end implores.
“No, have you?” the other, more dramatic voice speaks. Psycho girl from next door.
“Mmhmm… he’s total jock. Like, watch-me-lift-weights kind of guy.”
“Gross.”
“That’s what I thought. Next, please.”
“I have my eye on someone else, anyway.”
“No way, who?”
“He’s dreamy, in like a very serious way. He hasn’t really spoken to anyone, but I’ve caught his eye a few times and I’m going to make a move at the party tonight.”
“You devil, who is it? You’re killing me, Allie!”
“Silas Harlow,” she boasts.
I drop the bottle of shampoo I had just taken hold of and frantically scramble to pick it up.
Shit, shit, shit.
“Ugh, whatever, we’ll talk later, Paige.”
I shower in a hurry, only to finish and then turn the water up warmer and stand there for an extra five minutes. I can’t believe the evil girl—Allie, I guess—has a thing for Silas. What did she mean he hasn’t spoken to anyone? He spoke to me. He carried me back from the forest when I fainted, and he brought me dinner. And he got too close, he said. As if that’s physically possible.
I get back to my room in enough time to pull out the notebook from Creative Writing and fill in the page in the daily journal that I didn’t manage to fill yesterday. I write about the décor of the school, the variety of students in attendance, and how everyone—sans Allie—seems super nice and welcoming. Harper has been a pleasant surprise. I leave out all the details, though, about my random encounters with cute boys, enchanted flowers, and creepy purple shadows. Maybe another time, Mister Journal.
I finish placing my journal back into my bag when Remi finalizes her outfit. A sapphire-blue shirt, skin-tight shiny black leggings, and heels. I look down at my faded skinny jeans, charcoal t-shirt, and black boots. Nothing fashionable, purely comfort, and blending in at its finest.
“You hungry?” Remi inquires while putting on a coat of bright-pink lip stain.
“I could eat.”
“Ugh, you guys aren’t going to wait for me?” Kyra urges.
“Maybe if you didn’t take so damn long to get ready,” Remi jokes.
“Look who’s talking,” I chime in.
“I’ll hang back, you two go ahead,” Lillian offers.
“Thanks, Lily, you’re the best,” Remi purrs. “I’m starved.”
I grab my bag, leaving my cell behind. The service never recovered post tumble out of the window, and the Wi-Fi seeming to still be broken makes for a heavy paperweight I don’t need around.
If I can just make it through today, I’ll be able to relax for a couple days. The real test will be next week, with a full five days to brave. I won’t be going home this weekend, given it’s a short week. Danny thought it would be best if I focused on settling in this weekend and come home at the end of class next week. During our last discussion, he tried to persuade me to only come home one weekend a month instead of every weekend like I had wanted.
If I go home right when classes let out today, though, I’ll miss the traditional Harper welcome party, and I’m not sure if that would be a good or a bad thing. I want to go, be social and do the typical teenager party on the weekend thing, but I also want to stay in and throw on comfy clothes, eat junk food, and read… not to mention, hide away from everyone.
If I stay hidden, no one can find me, no one can weasel their way in and break my heart when they inevitably leave. Even getting close to Lillian, Remi, and Kyra scares me. Brooke has always been a constant and the one person who never judged me or made me feel like the freak deep down I know I am. Not having her around is like a big gaping hole I’m endlessly unsure how to plug, but at a point, like when I had to homeschool myself, I learned to fill that void with strictly me. Sure, it’s a lot lonelier, but it’s what I grew to rely on. I found comfort in the solitude.
For now, though, I’m going to let the people at Harper in at an arm’s length, not enough to let them ruin me, but plenty to experience the happiness they bring.
I just have to be extra careful with the guys who threaten to tear down my walls one block at a time. Especially the one I feel so incredibly fated to, the one bound to ruin me the most.
Chapter Nine
Deghan greets me with open arms in first period, telling me how much he missed me and how he hates that our schedules don’t match up better. His warmth pushes the shadows away, and I don’t pay them much attention when I catch them in my line of sight. I promise him, yet again, that I’ll be at the party tonight, and he gentlemanly walks me to second period where a joyful Cameron and expectant Remi take over.
Lunch is delicious—another chicken salad, this time with sliced strawberries and walnuts, washed down with unsweetened tea.
“I don’t know how you drink that stuff,” Remi winces. “Don’t get me wrong, I get you’re saving a ton of calories, but ew, it’s like drinking dirty sock water.”
“So,” I say between bites of salad. “You’re telling me you like your dirty sock wa
ter sweetened?”
Lillian cracks a smile, and Cameron busts out laughing like I said the funniest thing in the world. He really is so adorable, and his amusement warms my insides.
“You know what I mean,” she replies.
A throat clears. “Can you keep it down over there? You’re ruining my lunch.”
Allie.
Kyra scowls. “If you have a problem, why don’t you come over here?”
Allie stands, and her friend, I’m assuming the girl from the bathroom, Paige, grabs on to her forearm and pulls her back down.
“That’s what I thought,” Kyra muses.
Allie avoids eye contact, shoving the contents of her half-eaten lunch on her tray, and gets up abruptly, dumping it into the trash and storming out of the dining hall.
“So, anyway, the party tonight?” Remi speaks. “I heard it’s in the woods behind the school?”
“Yep, that’s what I heard, too. There are three paths tucked into the forest, and the party is down one of those. I didn’t catch which one,” Kyra answers.
“Far right,” Lillian whispers.
The one I met Silas in. Where I felt the near warmth of his touch, where the flowers lit up then dimmed to let him through, where I experienced something so intense that I quite literally passed out from it. I can’t help but wonder if he’ll be there tonight, at the party. But if what Allie said is true, and he doesn’t really speak to anyone, why would he go to a social event? Didn’t he say the forest wasn’t safe? Why would people have a party out there? Maybe it’s a safety in numbers type thing.
I already have my hands full with the girls, let alone Cameron and Deghan, so I really shouldn’t be wishing for Silas to be there, too. That would just be too much. Or maybe it would be enough. I could simply ask him in Accounting and have a for sure answer. Yeah, that’s what I’ll do.
“Earth to Willow.” Kyra throws a wooden fork at me, startling me back to reality.
“Ow!” I throw it back at her.
“Remi asked you what you’re wearing to the party.”
I glance down at my outfit and shrug. “This?”
“Girl, you’re going to be the death of me.” Remi sighs and lowers her head.
“What does my outfit have to do with you?” I ask, confused.
“Ev-er-ry-thing!”
“Why aren’t you grilling Lillian then?” I shift my stare across the table.
Remi interjects, “Because she’s not going, duh.”
“Oh, no, no, no. If I’m going to this party, and if you’re dictating my wardrobe, Lillian is most definitely going.”
I deadpan, crossing my arms and putting on my best I’m-not-giving-in look.
“Fine,” Lillian puffs out an exasperated breath.
“That was intense,” Cameron says while scraping the bottom of his yogurt container with a spoon.
His friend sitting to his right, which I haven’t caught his name yet, adds, “Yeah it was. I miss the guys. Can’t we go back and sit with them?”
“And miss all of this.” He motions to us girls.
The friend shakes his head and takes a big bite of his cheese and mushroom pizza.
Following lunch, I head to the north wing, ignoring the shadows and claiming a worthy seat in Ethics. Not too far up that many people are sitting behind me, but not too far back that I can’t make it around said people in case of an emergency. Always be prepared.
Sydney strides in, staring intensely at me and making his way to the opposite side of the room. What the hell did I do to piss him off? The energy between us flickers, and I chalk it up to another thing I need to block out to get through the day. This whole ‘not focusing on the weird shit around me’ is really doing a number on my sanity. At this point yesterday, I was dreading the rest of the day, but it’s like I’ve shut it out enough, or become immune to the strangeness to not let it drain me.
The class goes by, and I don’t bat another eye at Sydney. Whatever I did to make him hate me isn’t important, and if he’s going to be like that, then I’m not going to play his game. I have plenty of other things to be worried about. Like getting through the next two lectures so I can see if the school has a landline phone I can call Danny from to check in. Not to mention starting my weekend and detoxing from the chaotic first couple days.
Cameron is his total charming self in Psych, holding out my chair as I sit, making me feel things I’ve never felt. I skipped the whole high school experience, so being courted by a guy is new territory to me. But boy am I thoroughly enjoying it. He’s kind and compassionate and massively considerate despite me being off. His aura is fascinating, so pure and wholesome.
The exact opposite of Silas, who is shut off and distant, cold, but with glimpses of warmth dying to show through. I’m determined to make that happen.
I half expected to see him lurking in the shadows at some point today and have been disappointed to not catch his stare, or more like glare, from across the room.
With another goodbye to Cameron and a bathroom break like I had done yesterday, I head to the west wing for Accounting. I walk into the room, my gaze settling on Lillian, and then scanning the room to no avail. Silas must be running late.
Our teacher begins attendance, and when his name is called, Silas is still nowhere to be found. So much for asking him if he’ll be at the party tonight. I hope he’s okay and I didn’t freak him out, given I collapsed in front of him and all. The last thing I want to do is scare him off, but maybe that’s exactly what I’ve done.
A slight tinge of abandonment hits, and I force back the depressive feelings. Silas isn’t mine to claim, and he owes nothing to me to show up to class, so why do I long for him so damn much? I push away the thoughts of him that creep in and remind myself he’s not there every time my eyes wander to where he sat yesterday.
Lillian places her hand on my desk and drops a bar of chocolate without saying a word. I love this girl. She gets me.
“Thanks, Lillian,” I say once class is dismissed and we’re packing our bags.
“No worries, I thought you might need it.”
“Do you prefer Lillian or Lily?”
She zips up her backpack. “Either is fine. I’m not picky.”
I tilt my head in thought. “What about Lills?”
She smiles. “Lills it is. What about Wills for you?”
“We have matching nicknames, I love it.”
“Are you ready for this?” Lills sighs.
“Ready for what?” I question.
“Remi and Kyra playing dress-up.”
“Ohh, right. No, not really. But I’m sure there could be worse things in life.”
“True.” She nods, stepping into the foyer.
I point toward the indoor garden. “Isn’t it so fascinating?”
Her eyes light up. “Absolutely. Have you been in there yet?”
“What? That’s a thing? I had no idea.”
“Yeah, there’s a door. It’s just glass and sort of hard to locate. It blends in well.” She motions and continues, “Come this way.”
We walk around the side, and she studies the enclosure intently.
“Ah, here it is. The handle is the tricky part to find.”
She latches on to it and opens the door enough for us to squeeze inside. The aroma hits me immediately, scents of dirt and bark and grass and elegant floral arrangements.
“Crazy, right?” Lills asks.
I let my gaze roam, trailing the ground and up, up, up, to the glass ceiling where students on the second level walk. My heart nearly lurches out of my chest the moment I lock on to his eyes—Silas, staring down at me with his typical serious demeanor.
Lills follows my observation. “What’s with you two? You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”
“I’m not sure,” I mutter honestly, still meeting his stare.
“Have you talked to him since… well, the thing?”
“Nope, I was hoping to catch him in Accounting.”
“
Maybe he’ll be at the party,” she offers.
A dull thud breaks my concentration from Silas. I locate the source, a disheveled Remi waving her arms for us to come on. I glance back to Silas and he’s nowhere to be seen. That dismal ache fills my chest again at the longing.
“I guess there’s no more putting it off. You ready?”
I shrug, and we head back to the door. I have to pause and concentrate to find it. This place is like a trap if you don’t know where the exit is. Sort of terrifying and wonderful if you think about it. The coldness of the glass seeps into my palm, and we step through, sluggishly making our way back to our dorm where Remi and Kyra are about to torture us.
We make it back and my eyes go wide the second I get to my bed.
“No way in hell I’m wearing that,” I blurt out, gawking at the red sparkly club dress lying on top of my comforter.
“Ah, come on, Willow. You’re no fun,” Remi says.
“Do you want me to go?”
“Yes, of course. Why would you ask that?”
“Then choose something else. No dresses, no heels, nothing sparkly or sequin. And the same goes for Lills. I’m putting my foot down for the both of us.”
Remi throws her arms up, and Kyra puts a hand on her hip.
“Those are some serious demands,” Remi huffs.
“Those are my terms, take it or leave it.”
Remi sighs. “Fine.”
Lillian winks from across the room, shoving the insane dress that the girls picked out for her to the side. “Thanks, Wills. No way in hell I was going to wear that.”
“Wills and Lills, you two have officially ganged up on us. Not cool,” Kyra replies.
“Like you two haven’t ganged up on us?”
“No worries, Ky-bear, I got this. You start on Willow’s hair. I’m going to tackle the wardrobe.”
Kyra smiles devilishly and strolls across the room, pushing me onto my bed and plugging a curling iron in the closest outlet.
A torturous yet somehow enjoyable two hours pass, and I find myself standing in front of the full-length mirror on Kyra’s side of the room, gawking at my reflection.
