by Luna Pierce
Thick silver hair in a perfect beach wave form, sitting gently on my shoulders. The very simple tight black tank top hugging all of my curves, showing off a few inches of my midriff, leading down to an even tighter pair of onyx leggings. After a heated debate, I managed to convince the girls to let me wear my black boots. I take a step closer, examining my makeup in the mirror. Kyra darkened my brows and gave me smoky eyes—definitely more makeup than I’m used to wearing, but despite the drastic difference, I find myself liking what I see, although its only temporary.
I shove the remainder of the sandwich Lillian ran down to grab from the dining hall into my mouth and let Kyra apply a layer of lip gloss. Immediately, I have regrets.
“This stuff is sticky. Can’t I wear ChapStick?”
“You’re going to ruin the entire look because of a bit of stickiness?’
I smile my most angelic smile and bat my eyes.
“Whatever, it’s going to be dark anyway,” she finally replies.
Lillian takes her place in front of the mirror, and we all beam, watching when she takes herself in. Her simple brown locks are curled elegantly and tied halfway back with two braids on both sides meeting in the middle. The deep-red tank that hugs her body leads to a pair of faded skinny jeans. To anyone else, this look might be an everyday thing, but for Lills, it’s a bombshell knockout, and she pulls it off tremendously.
“You’re welcome,” Kyra smirks and leans into Remi, who’s smiling right back.
Those two appear nothing shy of models, putting Lillian and me to shame. Remi sports a black crop top, with silver super-snug pants, stiletto heels to go with. Kyra has on an adorable white bodysuit with a high-waisted, hella-short bright-pink miniskirt. Two of us might draw less attention than the other two, but together, though, we’re bound to turn some heads and cause some trouble.
Let the fun begin.
Chapter Ten
We leave the safety of our dorm room, and butterflies flutter throughout my insides. Nerves unsettling and daring to unravel my seams. Lillian grabs on to my hand, and like she’s done over and over again, she anchors me from floating away. In such a short period, I mean legit a matter of days, these girls have become such great friends, and it’s been nothing shy of wonderful. Maybe this is what being a normal person my age is supposed to be like. Classes and boys and parties and friends.
No matter how much I allow myself to enjoy my stay here, there’s still always the nagging thought that I shouldn’t be here. That I should be at home, caring for my mom. Working my part-time job to cover my expenses and making sure my mom takes her medication. I could have tried to take online college courses, but most of the schools were out of my budget, and regardless my aversion to college in general, Danny insisted I do this.
He didn’t want me to be resentful. Of him, myself, my mom, my dad.
Danny wanted me to give college life a solid opportunity, especially if I’m going to take right back over when I’m finished. At least I’ll get these few years to enjoy life before becoming a full-time mom to my mom. I guess you could call this my Rumspringa… sans the being Amish.
At least college will help me get a better job so I can afford to find my mom better doctors to help figure out what happened to her. It was so sudden, her mind deteriorating and weakening. She became unable to see clearly and was often caught blinking rapidly like she was trying to wipe away sludge from her vision. I found her in the garden on many occasions, talking to her plants like they were her friends, and she told me she sent the rabbits on a mission to deliver messages to the trees.
She also told me I wasn’t safe, and that scared me. Her face paled and stilled, and she’d looked me deep into the eyes and said, “They’ll come for you, Willow.”
I didn’t really know what to make of it, being at such a young age. Once, I had told social workers of her ramblings, and they threatened to take her away from me, or well, me away from her. But I couldn’t have the one person I cared most about in this world taken from me, so I lied and told them I must have misunderstood what she said, and never brought it up again. The workers came to do house visits and I made sure Mom had taken her medicine and was on her best behavior.
I fixed the problems as best as a kid could do. And to this day, I focus on eliminating risks and mending problems if they arise. I try to think multiple steps ahead, at what could go wrong, and have backup plans for the chance they do. Call me overkill, but it’s been so effective every time shit did go wrong, so I’ll maintain my overanalytical mindset.
Lillian squeezes my hand, and I mirror the pressure, both of us walking behind Remi and Kyra who lead the way to the party. It’s only another minute, and we arrive at the clearing. A flash of the memory of Silas standing inches away hits me, only for me to be disappointed it was just in my head.
In the center of the clearing is a large bonfire, with at least thirty students standing around, most of them holding red cups. Music plays from an unknown source, something I’m unfamiliar with but has some people dancing in little groups. Bales of hay, or straw—I’m not really sure the difference between the two—are circled around the fire, a few feet back.
“This way,” Kyra commands.
We follow obediently.
She leads us to a shiny contraption with a hose and a stack of cups. This must be a keg. I’ve never seen one of these, but Brooke has told me about them from parties she’s been to. Beside the keg is two coolers, a dark-blue one and a white one.
Remi peeks inside both of them. “All right, we’ve got bottled water and soft drinks in the white one… and wine coolers in the blue one. Pick your poison.” She grins.
“Water,” I say confidently.
“I guess too much of it could be a poison.” She shrugs and then points to Lills.
“I’ll have a Coke.”
“Ohh, we’re getting feisty.” She hands me a water and Lillian a can of Coke.
“And for you, princess?”
“Whatever you’re having,” Kyra confirms with a wink.
Remi grabs two red cups and hands them to Kyra. “Here, hold these.” And then she grabs the hose and holds down the little lever to fill their cups with whatever nastiness that is.
A hand on my waist startles me almost enough to drop my water.
“You made it!” Cameron cheers.
I relax when I register it’s him.
“Sorry, again with the handsy. But anyway, you girls made it. And I see you found the drinks. Want to meet my friends?”
Kyra and Remi exchange a glance, raising their eyebrows at each other. Those two.
We follow Cameron to a group of guys, and he goes down the line, naming them all, only for me to immediately forget, except for the guy named Parker, because it made me think Peter Parker. Now I just hope I don’t mistakenly call him Peter.
Cameron nudges me and leans into me to say, “You look great tonight.”
“Thanks. Not so bad yourself,” I tease.
“I’m glad you didn’t have a headache or anything… I was worried you might not be feeling up to coming tonight.”
I take a drink of my water and put the cap back on. “I’m feeling much better actually.”
“That’s great to hear.”
Glancing to Remi, I see that she’s made friends with one of the guys not named Peter, I mean Parker. Damn it, I knew I’d do that.
“We should have worn name tags. I’m never going to remember everyone’s names.”
I scan the crowd swiftly, hopeful to see another familiar face but am met with strangers. A few minutes pass of casual conversation, and a gorgeous brown-eyed guy catches my eye.
He smirks and clears the space between us. “So, you’re not a liar,” he says. His gaze shifts to the rest of the group, and he smiles kindly. “Hey, everyone, I’m Deghan.”
The group welcomes him warmly, and people go through and introduce themselves. I’m determined to remember more than just Peter, err, Parker’s name, and latch on to a short-haired, gl
asses-wearing Dalton. I can do this, one by one. Now if they can tell me their names like six more times, maybe I’ll have them all straight.
For a momentary second, Cameron and Deghan have a weird standoff but then grip each other’s hands in a firm shake and chat like old friends. It’s equal parts terrifying and gratifying all at once. Maybe having more than one guy fawning over me won’t be such a bad thing? Speaking of guys, I’ve yet to see Silas, which confirms that maybe I was right in my assumption that he wouldn’t be in attendance. Perhaps he’s sick, and that’s why he wasn’t in class today. Still, though, the desire to see him, to just be in his presence, calls to me.
I do one more scan of the crowd and notice the handsome, yet totally pissy Sydney, holding a can of pop I can’t seem to make out and muttering something to the two people next to him. He catches my gaze, looking me over, and then focusing back in on his friends. There’s something off about him—his massive rudeness all of a sudden—like he didn’t feel the power surging through our hands into each other. Plus, he still has my pen.
An hour flies by in a rush, and somehow Remi convinces both Lills and me to dance with her and Kyra. Even though she’s super outgoing, she’s got liquid courage surging through her veins, so she’s not half as embarrassed as me. That whole ‘drawing attention to myself’ thing I try to do, not going over so well but not really caring.
“Remiiiiii,” Kyra slurs.
“What Ky-Ky?”
“I have to peeeee… go with meee…” she whines.
“I can’t stop dancing, take someone else.”
Like the natural nurturer I am, I take Kyra’s hand, telling Lillian to keep an eye on Remi and leading Kyra into the forest a bit to find her a place to relieve herself.
“You’re too pretty,” she mutters.
“You’re just drunk.” I laugh. “Here, pee right here. I’ll watch out for you.”
She manages to take a leak without a second thought, somehow in her drunken state, totally capable of not falling over into her own piss. She finishes and takes off into a sprint toward the campfire, leaving me in a trail of dust.
“Wait for m—” It’s useless, she’s intoxicated and gone by now.
I take a step, a whoosh of wind coming from behind, a smile creeping its way across my face before I manage to turn around. I don’t know how, but I know it’s him.
“You really probably shouldn’t stalk drunk girls while they pee in the woods.” I place my hands on my hips and watch him lean against a tree a measly few feet away.
“It’s not safe out here,” he says solemnly.
“I’m starting to think that’s because of you… you’re the only one lurking in the shadows.”
I attempt to clear the space between us, but he stands stiff and matches my step one by one backward.
“You have to keep your distance,” he urges.
“What if I don’t want to?”
“You have to, Willow.” His eyes display a sadness I can’t quite comprehend.
“Okay then.” I motion in front of me. “But this is acceptable?”
“This is probably a risk, too.”
“A risk of what? Are you afraid of me?”
He exhales and looks down. “Something like that.”
A million questions fill my head. Why am I so drawn to you? Why are you so familiar? Why are you keeping me at a distance? What has hurt you so terribly that I can feel your aching soul? And why does my soul want to comfort yours?
Instead, I ask, “Are you okay?”
His expression changes. “What do you mean?”
“You… you missed class today. I thought you might be sick or something.”
He uncrosses his arms and wiggles a foot into the ground, almost like he’s nervous.
“You were worried about me?” he questions.
I move from where I stand, and when I do, he stiffens and strides farther.
I raise my hands in surrender. “I only want to sit down; I won’t come any closer. Can we just sit and talk?”
“I’ll try,” he finally admits, claiming a spot on the ground, not close enough, but it’ll have to do.
I slide my watchful gaze over him, sensing him tense.
He’s a secret I’m dying to explore.
“Why can’t we be any closer?” I hug my knees to my chest, leaning against the aging oak, a plush seat of barely-tall-enough grass beneath me, the richest scents of summer lingering.
“We can’t… I can’t really explain it to you. It wouldn’t make sense.”
I swallow. Why is he so intense? “Can you get close to other people?”
“Yes.”
Internally, I frown. What did I do to be kept at a distance? “Is it something I did?” It’s hard not to feel defensive and hurt.
“Not purposely. It’s… it’s who you are.”
“Who I am? What does that mean?”
“Can we talk about something else?” he begs.
I could ask him if I freaked him out yesterday, if I scared him away. I could pry on why we can’t be any closer. But the resistance he shows worries me that I might push him away if I force it, and the thought of him disappearing again unsettles me for reasons I can’t quite figure out.
“Okay then… what’s your favorite color?”
He cracks a smile. “Something simple, I can work with that. Black.”
“Same.” I go with something easy again. “What about favorite food?”
“Cheesecake, for sure.”
“I like cheesecake, but I love brownies.” The brownies.
He flinches like he’s waiting for me to say something about the two, but he quickly rebounds and asks, “Next?”
“What are you most afraid of?” I mutter, unsure if I’m testing the waters too much.
“Being forgotten…”
“How could you think for one second that anyone would forget you?” I almost whisper, pleading with him to comprehend how that could never happen, at least not with me.
He shakes his head but doesn’t elaborate. “What about you? What are you afraid of?”
My jaw clenches reflexively like it’s trying to stop the words from coming out. “Being abandoned.” I pause briefly and continue, “Let’s go with something easier this time. What’s something you wish you knew more about?”
Without hesitating, he mutters, “You.”
A moment passes, and after I let the wave of heat float by over me, I reply, “Says the guy trying to avoid me.”
“You’d be surprised… what about you, though? What’s your something?”
“Um, my family. I don’t know much about my dad, or any of my grandparents, really. I just have my mom and my Uncle Danny.”
He frowns and traces his finger along the ground, picking a blade of grass and tossing it to the side. “Maybe with time, you’ll find some answers.”
I mimic his movement and fidget with the ground. “Yeah…”
“I can help you,” he offers.
“How, you won’t even get near me?”
“We can do it from a distance. You deserve that.”
Without thought, I blurt out, “How do you know what I deserve? I could be a horrible person for all you know.”
“You’re not, and you’d be lying if you said you were, Willow.” His stare melts into me.
I run my finger on the ground, not saying anything, a sadness consuming me I can’t control.
“You really think the worst of yourself, don’t you?”
I shrug. “What else am I supposed to think? I don’t think my life is any worse than anyone else’s, but the hand I’ve been dealt… it sucks. I’ve had no one to rely on other than myself, and it’s fucking lonely.” I can’t believe the words leaving my mouth, that I’m confiding in basically a stranger, some of the things I’ve never told another soul.
“I’m sorry,” is all he says.
He exudes an energy so potent I can tell he means it.
“Willowwwww,” a voice calls out. “Wil
low, are you out here?”
I turn toward the voice and then back to Silas. “Will I see you again… between now and class, I mean?”
“Willow, you’re freaking me out!”
“I’m coming,” I shout into the void. I take my eyes off him for a second to call out, and when I look back, he’s gone, my question lingering in the air.
Chapter Eleven
Remi all but drags me back to the party, her sloppy arm looped through mine. I think this is probably the point where I cut her and Kyra off.
“Look who I founddddd,” Remi calls out to the group.
Lillian and I exchange a glance like she’s mentally asking me if I’m okay, and I telepathically confirm I am. At this, a bit of tension leaves her body, and she tosses me my bottle of water.
“Thanks, Lills.”
Warm, large hands come at me from behind and lift me into the air, spinning me in a circle and setting me on the ground.
“Where did you run off to?” Deghan asks, his kind eyes meeting mine.
“Let’s dance!” Kyra commands, extending her stance and throwing her arms wide in a drastic attempt to get all of our attention. She’s super drunk.
Knowing I have nowhere else to be, and although my bed and a good book calls my name, I decide to let loose a bit and take Kyra’s hand, leading her to where other people are dancing. The rest of the gang joins us, and in a matter of minutes, we’re all bumping into each other and laughing and smiling and having a wonderful time.
Even the grouch-ass from next door, Allie, doesn’t make an attempt to ruin our night. She keeps her distance, still enjoying herself but not saying a single word to any of us. It’s quite nice.
Deghan and Cameron don’t shed the tiniest amount of jealousy toward each other, and for the first time in a while, maybe ever, I have one of the best nights of my life. There are moments I get to dance with Deghan, with Cameron, with the girls. The only thing missing is a broody Silas, but deep down, I have a feeling he might be prowling close by.
