Playing With Fire

by Ashley Piscitelli

  I hated that she always felt so negative about herself; she had no idea how amazing she was. “I wanted to, Maddy; please don’t feel like you’re a burden. Let’s watch a movie. I’ll even let you pick.”

  She looked up at me through her lashes. “Anything?”

  She didn’t know it, but I would give her anything she ever asked for. “Just name it.”

  We cleaned up the dinner mess and I went to go get changed before we started the movie. When I walked back

  into the living room, Maddy was curled up on the couch. I loved seeing her so comfortable in my house.

  She looked up when she heard me come in and smiled. Usually I just slept in boxers, but I knew that would make her uncomfortable. I had on sweatpants and a sleeveless shirt. I saw her looking me up and down; when her eyes met mine, she started to blush. She knew I had caught her looking, and I loved it. I knew she wanted to be with me, she just wasn’t ready yet.

  I looked at the TV and saw that she had picked “A Walk To Remember”. Normally, I would groan about having to watch a chick flick, but I didn’t care what she had picked. I just wanted to watch it with her. “Why did you pick this one?”

  “I read the book in high school and always wanted to see it. I just never got to. If you don’t want to watch it, though, we could pick something else.”

  She was so damn cute. “This is fine. I’ve never seen it, either.” I only had a loveseat because it was usually just me, so we were sitting pretty close. By the end of the movie, Maddy was snuggled up against me and crying. As much as I tried to fight it, I had let a couple tears escape, too.

  When did I turn into such a little girl? Truthfully, I think it was because Carter and Jamie were similar to Maddy and me. At first, they fought what they felt for each other, but when they finally got together, it was amazing. When the credits started running, Maddy looked up at me and smiled. She saw me crying. This is just great.

  I lifted my hand and wiped the tears from her eyes. She turned her head and kissed my palm, and all my control went out the window. I lowered my head and kissed her lips. Every time I kissed her was better than the last. I was about to pull away when she sat up and straddled me. She ran her fingers through my hair and deepened the kiss, slipping her tongue into my mouth.

  I wrapped my arms around her and held her so tight; if I could crawl inside of her, I would. I gripped her hips; I knew she could feel how hard I was. I lifted my hips and she jumped up and off the couch.

  FUCK! I am such a stupid idiot! I pushed her too far. I looked up and expected to see anger in her eyes, but what I saw was fear. Why was she scared? I know this had something to do with Chris; that motherfucker was hurting her.

  “Maddy, I’m so sorry! I got carried away! I just ---“

  “I am not one of your whores, Carter!”

  What was she talking about? I hadn’t been with anyone since I met her in September. I had tried to go home with girls after she told me we couldn’t hang out anymore, but I could never go through with it. Before then, I definitely had my fair share of girls, but I never treated them like whores. I've just never had a relationship.

  “What do you mean, Maddy? I know you’re not a whore! I don’t know who is telling you things about me, but it’s not true! I haven’t been with anyone since the first day I met you. I haven’t wanted anyone else!” I got up and made my way over to her. I kissed her; she needed to feel how I felt about her.

  She pushed me away. “Carter, I can’t do this.” Her eyes betrayed her. She wanted me just as much as I wanted her.

  “Why not?”

  “I just can’t right now.” Shit, she was crying. I held her and walked her over to the couch.

  “I’m sorry I pushed you. I’ll back off, I promise.”

  She let me hold her for a few minutes then got up. “I’m going to go to bed now. I’ll see you in the morning.”

  God, I hope I didn’t just blow it.

  Madison

  I woke up in the morning to the smell of bacon. Was I dreaming? I walked out of the bedroom and saw Carter in the kitchen...cooking. I don’t remember the last time someone made me breakfast; it had to have been before my mom died.

  I was just watching him move around the kitchen. He hadn’t noticed me yet. He was so amazing; I don’t know what I did to have someone like him care about me. I closed the bedroom door and he turned around to look at me. He gave me his to die for smile. He looked so cute, I couldn’t help but smile back at him.

  “I hope you like bacon and eggs. I made some coffee, too.”

  “Carter, that is so nice of you, thank you.” I don’t think he understood how much everything he did for me meant. I walked over to him and gave him a hug. He tensed for a minute and I second-guessed myself, but then he wrapped his arms around me.

  He was probably scared to touch me after last night. I don’t know what had come over me, but I had just heard Chris yelling in my head how he only wanted me to be his whore. “You know I don’t think anyone has ever cooked for me, at least not that I can remember.”

  I saw a look of sadness cross his face. “Well that’s a damn shame. If you were mine, I’d cook for you all the time.” He has no idea how much I wanted to be his. “It would be a very limited menu, and you would have to sign a waiver saying if you got sick you couldn’t blame me. However, if you were willing to take the risk, I would do it.”

  I laughed; he was so adorable. I wanted to cook for him, too; maybe I could help with dinner tomorrow. “You’re too good to me. I’ll have to make it up to you one night.” I just realized how bad that sounded; I hope he didn’t take it that way. I was really falling for Carter, but there was no way I was ready to do that with him.

  He put the food down on the table and then walked back over to the counter where I was still standing. “You don't have to make anything up to me. I do things for you because I want to, not because I want something in return.” He kissed me on the forehead, then went to sit at the table.

  It took me a second to remember how to walk. I had never had a relationship where someone didn’t want something in return. I went and sat down next to him and started to eat. Damn, he could cook too? “This is really good.”

  He looked up at me and smiled. “So, how about you? Can you cook?”

  Here we go. “Yeah, I actually can. When I was growing up, if I didn’t cook, I didn’t eat.” I don’t know why I was always so honest with him. I trusted Carter, which was scary because I haven’t trusted anyone in a really long time. “Does your dad cook?”

  “No, not unless you count frozen meals.” He started laughing and so did I. This felt so right and so normal. “Hey, I have an idea. We usually just do take out for Thanksgiving, but since you’re coming home with me, would you want to cook? I could be your assistant.”

  He wanted me to cook? With him? At his house for Thanksgiving dinner? I guess it would be a nice way to say thank you to his dad. “Sure, that sounds fun.”

  His smile was huge, as he went and got his cell phone. “Hey, dad…we are leaving in about an hour, but we are going to stop at the grocery store first…Maddy and I are going to make dinner tomorrow...okay, great.” He hung up the phone and smiled at me. “I think he fell in love with you already.”

  After breakfast, we cleaned up and then got in the car. I brought a notebook and a pen with me so I could use his phone to look up recipes and make a shopping list. The drive to Carter’s house was about three hours; halfway through the ride, I had the menu all figured out. I was surprisingly excited for all this. He reached over and grabbed my hand. I looked over at him.

  “Thank you for coming home with me, and for agreeing to cook dinner. I don’t think we have cooked for a holiday since my mom died.” I squeezed his hand; he doesn’t know that I am just as happy about this as he is.

  We went to the grocery store and got everything we needed. Carter seemed to always find a way to touch me, and I kind of loved it. We pulled up to his house and my nerves started to kick in. Her
e goes nothing.

  Carter

  I wasn’t nervous for Maddy to meet my family. As soon as we parked, Anthony came out of the house. He looked over at Maddy and then looked back at me.

  “Who’s the hottie?”

  Maddy and I started to laugh, “Ant, this is Maddy, a friend of mine from school. Maddy, this is my brother, Anthony.” She smiled at him. Anthony was a little shorter than me, but he played football for the high school so all the girls loved him. He had a buzz cut and blue eyes like me so he was used to getting attention, but he wasn’t going to get it from Maddy.

  “Why is she just your friend? Do you not have eyes?”

  I laughed again. I’m pretty sure when Anthony was made, they forgot to put in the filter that the rest of us have. “Is Holly home?”

  He looked and me and laughed. “Who the hell knows where that girl is.”

  “Come on. Why don’t you help me get the groceries inside.”

  We all went in and my dad was sitting in the living room reading the paper. He stood up when he saw me and gave me a hug. I really missed being home with my family. My dad was about my height, with light brown hair that he refused to accept was going gray. I pulled away and grabbed Maddy’s hand, pulling her next to me. “Dad, this is Madison Stevens. Maddy, this is my father, Michael James.

  She gave my dad one of those smiles, and he was a goner. “It’s so nice to meet you, Mr. James. Thank you so much for inviting me this weekend. It really means a lot.”

  My dad was a hugger so he wrapped his arms around her. When he let go, he looked at me and gave me a look that said he knew I wanted to be more than just friends. “It’s very nice to meet you, too. Don’t think twice about making yourself at home here.” He sat down and went back to reading his paper.

  We got everything put away but, unfortunately, my house only had four bedrooms; One for my dad, and one for each of us kids. Dad didn’t believe me on the phone when I said Maddy and I were just friends, so he planned for us to stay in the same room.

  Most parents would never allow that, but my dad was realistic and knew if we had wanted to do anything, separate rooms wouldn’t have made a difference. I could tell she was uncomfortable. I walked her to my room and shut the door. “I’m sorry about this whole room thing, I’m gonna sleep on the couch.” Maybe it was just my imagination or wishful thinking, but I thought she looked disappointed.

  “Um…okay.”

  We spent the rest of the night prepping things for tomorrow. My dad was watching the news so I asked Maddy if she wanted to go watch a movie with me. She thanked my dad again for inviting her and walked off to my bedroom. I was about to follow her, but my dad called me. “Carter, wait a minute; come here.”

  Maddy looked back at me as if asking what she should do. “I’ll be there in a minute, okay?” She nodded her head and went into my room. “What’s up, dad?”

  He leaned forward and shut off the TV. This was serious. “What’s going on with you and her?”

  Well, isn’t that the million dollar question. I decided to be completely honest with him. I really needed some advice. “I don’t know dad. I think I’m falling in love with her.” There, I said it.

  “You think? Son, you've already fallen and so has she. So what’s the problem?”

  He thought Maddy was in love with me? “No, dad, you’re wrong about her. She has a boyfriend.”

  “I see the way she looks at you and that girl is hung up on you, boyfriend or not. Can I ask why she isn’t with him and his family? Not that I’m complaining because she’s a great girl.”

  “He didn’t want her there. God, I hate him so much and I think he is hurting her. I don’t have any proof, but I know something is wrong.”

  My dad looked at me for a second, then shook his head. “Well, what are you gonna do about it? Your mother always said, ‘The choices we make and the chances we take determine our destiny.’ What do you want your destiny to be, Carter?”

  I already knew the answer to this; I had been thinking about it all day. “I want to tell her how much I love her. I want to be with her, make her laugh, be able to be the one to hold her when she is upset. I want to show her how amazing she is and be the first person in her life to treat her like that. Every time she comes in a room, I can’t take my eyes off of her. When she touches me, sometimes I need to remember how to breathe.”

  He smiled at me. “Well, you have four days with her to show her how it could be. I would take advantage of that if I were you.”

  He was right. I needed to show her how it feels to be loved. I know she hasn’t had that since her mom. “Thanks, Dad. You really helped.” He sat back in his chair and turned the TV back on.

  Tomorrow was going to be day one to make Maddy mine.

  Chapter 4

  Madison

  I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth and heard Carter talking to his dad. I know it’s wrong to eavesdrop, but I had to know what he was saying. He loved me? He wanted to be with me? He said more nice things about me in those couple minutes than anyone has my whole life. If I was being honest with myself, I had fallen for Carter, too.

  Just then, he walked into the room and I couldn’t contain my smile. “So, what do you want to watch? I looked through the channels, but there wasn’t much on.”

  He smiled at me and went to get something from his bag. “When you went to get the turkey, I snuck a little surprise in the cart.” He turned around holding the DVD of “The Notebook”. He bought this for me so we could watch it together?

  There went another little piece of my heart to him. I barely had any of it left; he had been taking it piece by piece ever since we met. I just prayed that, one day, he wouldn’t tell me he didn’t want it anymore. “If you don’t want to watch it, that’s fine.”

  Shit, I hadn’t said anything. “No, Carter, that was so sweet of you to get that for me. I’ve wanted to see it.”

  He smirked at me. “Okay, great, on one condition.” Uh-oh. “You don’t think any less of me if I cry again. I heard this is worse than the other one.”

  I couldn’t stop myself from laughing. He was perfect. “I promise.”

  Carter put the movie in and then came over to the bed. He stood there, unsure for a minute, then grabbed a backrest and laid down against it. I was sitting Indian style on the bed, but about ten minutes into the movie, I couldn’t help myself. I scooted over to where Carter was, laid down next to him and put my head on his chest.

  I felt him release a breath I didn’t know he was holding. Should I not have done this? What if he doesn’t want me on him? Just then, he put his arms around me and gave me a squeeze. This was where I wanted to be.

  I cried at the movie and as much as Carter will deny it, I felt him reach up to brush a tear away. He grabbed the remote, shut off the TV, and we just lay there together. He began stroking my hair and I let out a sigh of contentment.

  “If I lay here any longer, I’m going to fall asleep. I’m going to go out on the couch now.” I could hear the reluctance in his voice.

  “Carter, you shouldn’t have to sleep on the couch.”

  “Maddy, I’m not going to have you sleeping on the couch. One, I wouldn’t be able to fall asleep. Two, my father would probably kick my ass.”

  I can’t believe I was about to suggest this. “Maybe you could stay in here.” I felt his whole body tense up. I read this situation completely wrong. He didn’t want me this close to him. I was crowding him, just like I do with Chris. Shit. I was going to cry. I got up from the bed. I needed to go to the bathroom; I didn’t want to cry in front of him.

  Carter beat me to the door. “Maddy?...hey, look at me.” I just shook my head. I had enough embarrassment for the night. He lowered himself so he could see my face. “Hey, what’s wrong? Please talk to me.”

  I hated how weak I was, and I hated how much I felt like I needed him right now. “I’m sorry, Carter. I guess I made an assumption I shouldn’t have. It’s okay. I understand that I’m a lot to handle. Chris
told me before that I crowd him, too. I’ll give you your space.” I felt him tense again.

  He started pulling me towards the bed. What was he doing? At this point, I was too tired to care. He laid back down and pulled me with him. The way that he did it, I ended up straddling him. He took my face between his hands. “Listen to me, Maddy; you are NOT crowding me. I love being around you and if you would let me, I’d never leave your side. I hate that you are so negative about yourself. Also, that asshole doesn’t know what he is talking about. You deserve so much better than him, baby. And I just ---“

  I crashed my lips into his and he let out a low moan that was by far the sexiest sound I had ever heard. He dropped his hands to his sides. He was probably afraid to touch me after last time. “Carter, put your arms around me; please, I need you.”

  He wrapped me in an embrace so tight, and I had never felt so wanted. When he kissed me, it was almost like I could feel his love pouring into my veins. I felt him getting hard underneath me and I pulled away.

  I wasn’t ready for this.

  I felt like the walls were closing in on me and I was struggling to catch my breath. I felt like I was spinning in circles. I can’t believe I'm having an anxiety attack right now. When Carter realized what was going on, he laid me down on my side next to him, turned to face me, and I buried my head in his chest.

  It took me a few minutes, but I finally calmed down. I pulled my head back and looked up at him. He looked so worried that I was finally starting to understand that he really did care about me.

  “Maddy, please talk to me. I’m not mad at you, I promise. I really need you to tell me what’s going on, though.”

  “I don’t think I can.”

  “If this is about Chris, I can handle it. Just, please, don’t shut me out. I’m here for you. All you need to do is let me in.”

  “It isn’t about him.” This time my problems had nothing to do with Chris. I can’t believe I was about to tell him this. “The first foster home I went to, my foster father abused me. He used to come into my room at night and make me touch him when he was hard. He used to tell me that once I got a little bit older, he couldn’t wait to play with me. It started to get more frequent and I started to get really scared. I told my teacher at school, and they called the state. He denied it, but they relocated me immediately. I’m sorry that I freaked out on you.” He didn’t say anything; I probably disgusted him now. “I understand if you don’t want anything to do with me anymore. I know I’m damaged goods.”