Seeing Black

by Sidney Halston

  “Unintentionally?”

  “Yeah, the way you see the future. It just blindsides you, and you see something that normally occurs a moment, a day, or a year later.”

  “And that’s not how you see, or, excuse me, saw the future?”

  “Nope. I learned to control it years ago. Through practice, we’ve been able to do what’s called psychic remote viewing or PRV for short.”

  “We?”

  “Josef and I.”

  “Who’s Josef? You mentioned him before.”

  “My half-brother, your uncle. You’ll meet him soon. I warn you now that people tend to find him intimidating. He is rather quiet and serious, an introvert, really.”

  “Shit.” She gasped and put a hand over her mouth. “Excuse me. I didn’t mean to curse. It’s just that I went to having absolutely no real family to having a father and an uncle.”

  “Well, I warn you now he’s not the lovable quirky uncle you’re probably expecting.”

  “Duly noted. I won’t dote on him when we meet.” She laughed and rolled her eyes before continuing, “May I ask you something that may seem peculiar?” Jill didn’t even wait for a response. “I feel weird even saying it, but will you please not read my mind or my feelings or whatever it is that you can do? I think you’re telling me the truth, but just in case, I had to say that. If we’re going to get to know one another, I want to have a level playing field, and you getting into my head is uncomfortable.”

  “I am telling you the truth. I cannot read minds. I never have been able to—not even yours—but you should know that you’re pretty much an open book. Since I’m able to feel your emotions, you make yourself so readable. You think I’m reading your mind, but I’m not. I can’t.”

  “Thank you for being honest about your abilities. You could’ve lied, and I would’ve never known.”

  “I would never lie to you. A lie told often enough becomes the truth.”

  “I’ve heard that before.” Jill took a moment to think where she’d heard that before. “It’s Stalin, right?” she asked.

  “Close. Vladimir Lenin.”

  Jill took a moment to process. Helen’s little quips and sayings were always perfect and optimistic, and often times, Helen used them to teach her something important about life. Those sayings had stayed with her through the years and always brought a smile to her face. They were sweet and cute and usually apropos to whatever situation she was going through at the moment. Vladimir Lenin wasn’t sweet or cute. Did her father just use the 1920s Soviet Revolutionist dictator to teach her his first little father-daughter life lesson about lying?

  “My aunt used to tell me little sayings all the time. I’ve always wondered if she and my mother shared that. Can you tell me a little about her? About my mother?” she asked, skimming right over the inappropriate Leninism.

  “Your mother was always quoting something or someone. A lot of the things I say come from her. She used to say things like that all the time. She was a Finance major but was getting her Masters in English. It made no sense to me, but that was your mother, a conundrum. If you ever hear me quote someone, know that I learned it from your mother. Even all these years later, I remember her sayings. They always came out of nowhere. But before we get to your mother, I want to know how you feel about me? Your friends are worried. Why is that?”

  She wasn’t sure how much information she should give him. He could still be dangerous. She kept the existence of the journals to herself for the time being. She wasn’t ready to lay all her cards on the table just yet. That meant she couldn’t tell him about the criminal record she found, which accused Rocco of murder. Without that, there wasn’t much to explain why he was feared. So she decided to bend the truth a little.

  “I always got the impression from Helen that my mother was afraid of you, and my friends know this. You know that Alexander and Oliver grew up with me on the island. Helen made it seem as if my mother was very afraid of you. Why is that?”

  “Helen told you this?” Rocco seemed to think about his answer for a long time before he spoke again. Jillian only nodded in the affirmative. “I never met your aunt. Your mother didn’t speak about her often. They were actually estranged. Did you know that?”

  “They were?” Jill looked at him, surprised. “I don’t understand. Helen dropped everything to take my mother to Thailand to . . .” She didn’t finish the thought.

  Rocco finished it for her. “To get away from me.” Jill nodded.

  “Why? Why, Rocco? Why would my mother be afraid of you? Please, tell me so I can feel better about getting to know you. I don’t want my friends to worry. I don’t want to worry. I hate feeling guilty.”

  “Guilty?”

  “Yeah, guilty. I mean, my God, Rocco, my mother packed up all her things to move across the planet to get away from you. That had to be more than a lover’s quarrel. I feel as if I’m going against her wishes by meeting with you.”

  Rocco leaned back and seemed to get himself comfortable. “I don’t want you to feel guilty. I do want you to visit me. I want you to do so often. I want your friends to know you are safe.” He took a deep breath and continued. “I was very much in love with your mother. Esther was a beautiful woman and very vivacious. You look a lot like her, except for your red hair and green eyes, of course. Those are from my side of the family.”

  “Yep, I noticed that.” She pulled her curls.

  “Yes, but the curls come from her.” He smiled. “Do you know how we met?” he asked. Jill shook her head. “It was love at first sight. I know how cliché that sounds, but it was. She was the research assistant of a colleague of mine, Harold Sapinski. I walked into his office in a rush as she walked out, and we crashed into each other. She had a handful of papers to grade, and they flew all over the place. When I saw her face, well, it was love at first sight. She was indignant, cursed, and yelled at me to watch where I was going. She was a fiery little thing, but after I helped her pick up and sort all her papers, she agreed to have coffee with me. I was ten years her senior. After much begging on my part, mind you, we began to date.” Jill was mesmerized by the conversation; anything and everything to do with her family was foreign to her. Rocco poured some coffee into a mug and sat back on the wrought iron chair. Looking afar, he continued to speak. “It wasn’t all roses all the time. Your mother was a firecracker. I suspect you are too.” He smiled at Jill who turned away from his intense gaze. “After a short courtship, I was able to convince her to move in with me. We were inseparable for many years.”

  “How many years?”

  “I’m not great with dates, but we were together about six years, I think.”

  “Did she know about your clairvoyance?”

  “I already knew how to control it. She wouldn’t have known unless I told her, which I did. Within a few months of dating, I felt I could trust her enough to tell her. It was a huge weight off my shoulders. I had never told anyone before. I was scared she’d think I was crazy.”

  “A freak.” Jill chimed in.

  “Exactly. A freak. That’s how I felt for many years, until I learned to embrace it. It isn’t a bad thing, Jillian.”

  “How can you say that. I dread it every day.”

  “There were years, decades, actually, where I would dread that the knowing would return. I just wanted to be . . .”

  “Normal.” Jill finished his thought.

  “Yes. Exactly. Normal. That’s all I wanted, but what is normal, Jillian? I mean some people have curly hair, some straight; some people are good at sports, and some are good at math. If you think of your visions, of your ‘knowing,’ as a skill and learn how to use it, how to make it something you can use instead of something that consumes you, it is wonderful. Imagine the possibilities. You would be able to know the future. A true psychic. Things you actually want to know. It won’t creep up on you. You can sit in the comfort of your home, at whatever time you want, and make it happen to your benefit.”

  Jill didn’t speak. She needed tim
e to think about it. For her whole life, this so-called skill had been the bane of her existence. It was an affliction for her, not a blessing. It made her fearful of driving because, hell, what if she had a spell while she drove? She’d normally know it was coming and could pull over in time, but that wasn’t the point. It made her nervous to drive. It made her nervous being with a man. It made her scared of so many things, and she had always wanted the spells to stop inhibiting her life. Being normal always seemed so out of reach that she couldn’t even fathom hoping for it. Being normal was all she longed for. But, normal was the furthest thing she could be because, damn, she was psychic. It was more than a little ESP. It was worse than the hocus pocus stuff that was found in strip malls or crystal balls or tarot cards. If any of these so-called clairvoyants actually had any sort of real psychic ability, they could control it by looking in their crystal balls or tarot cards. For Jillian, it just came head-on and hit her like a ton of bricks without warning.

  “Jillian?” A voice took her out of her head.

  “Oh, sorry. I drifted off for a minute.”

  “Yes. I noticed.”

  “You were telling me about my mother. How did she react to you telling her about your skill?” She air quoted the word skill.

  “She was amazing. I doubt she ever told my secret to anyone. She did research. She thought it was the coolest thing ever. She never once made me feel like a freak. She embraced it and helped me become even better at PRV.”

  “What’s that? You’ve said PRV a few times.”

  “There is so much to learn, and we are going all over the place.” He seemed annoyed all of a sudden. “Do you want me to start in the middle, or do you want to know from the beginning? I can’t rush this, and you’re in a hurry to leave.”

  “Stop reading my mind! Or my feelings or whatever!” Jill crossed her arms, indignant.

  “I am not reading your mind, child. You’re tapping your foot. You’re anxious. I don’t need to be a mind reader to know that. Plus, you keep glancing at your watch.” He took a deep breath before he continued. “Psychic remote viewing, or PRV, is something I practiced and learned how to do many years ago, something you would greatly benefit from. When I was about your age, gripped with worry over having a spell and everyone finding out my big secret, Josef and I figured out that if we practiced and perfected meditation, we could control our visions. Eventually, I was able to completely control them. It is a strange thing, though, a philosophical issue of sorts. If I have to look for it, am I really psychic anymore? I had so much control that I didn’t see things coming anymore, not organically at least. I had to channel my thoughts to what I was looking for, so I had to know what to look for.”

  “Is that why you didn’t know about me?’

  “Yes. I believe so. I knew your mother was pregnant, but I thought you died when the plane crashed; therefore, I didn’t have any reason to seek you out. Since I can only see things I seek out . . . Well, I didn’t think to look for you.”

  Jill took a sip of her coffee. “How did you learn about me?”

  “That’s an interesting question. A few months back—I am assuming it was when you came down to Texas to begin your studies—I began getting glimpses of this beautiful redheaded girl with piercing green eyes. These glimpses were not something that had ever happened to me. I had always either gone into full blackouts or deep trances, but these uncontrolled little snippets were strange. It was as if you were right there,” he pointed to his side, “in my peripheral vision.”

  “That’s how you were to me too. I kept seeing you everywhere. It was driving me crazy.”

  Rocco laughed. “Yes. It drove me mad as well. Josef also experienced some of the same thing, but not as often nor as vivid. Everywhere I turned, you were there, and as the time passed, the visions intensified. Once I was able to really see you clearly, I couldn’t deny the resemblance and the feeling I got that we were somehow related. I began digging and doing research. After I saw a quick vision of you walking into the university, I was able to get your name. Before these little episodes, I hadn’t had any visions in two decades.” Jill looked at him with eyebrows furrowed. Rocco chuckled. “I am a benefactor at your university, so it wasn’t too difficult to find you once I saw you.”

  Jill leaned forward, taking a moment to think about what she was about to say and how she would say it without sounding too harsh. “Rocco. I have been alone for a very long time. I would appreciate it if you didn’t sneak around. If you have something you need to know, please ask. Don’t betray my trust by going around and looking things up about me behind my back. The few people in my life aren’t too happy that I’m here, but I came anyway. Please, don’t make me regret it.”

  “I understand, dear. Now that I’ve found you, I wouldn’t want to lose you. I want to get to know you. I had to do some digging to find you. It was the only way.”

  “I understand, but please, don’t do that again—the sneaking behind my back—I don’t like it. I want to get to know you, too, but I need to trust you. Everything I’ve heard about you so far hasn’t really given me reason to trust you, and I do want to learn that PRV thing you were talking about.” Jill quickly replied.

  Rocco reached over and placed his hands over hers, “There are so many things I can teach you. I’ve never had much of a family either. After your mother passed away, I became somewhat secluded, and I never had another real relationship.” Jill’s heart hurt for the man who had clearly suffered. It was a strange feeling to feel so much for someone so fast. Even though he was her father, he was really just a stranger, yet she had this innate connection to him that she couldn’t shake off. “I let my personal life fall by the wayside. I regret a lot of things that happened with your mother. I wish I had known she was leaving. I would have chased her to the ends of the earth. I wish I hadn’t already been so good at PRV. Perhaps I would have seen her leaving through a vision or at least seen the crash before it happened.” Rocco’s eyes watered. His look of guilt and sorrow overwhelmed her. Her hand gripped his.

  “I still don’t really understand why she left or what exactly you want from me, Rocco? I get the feeling that I’m missing something.”

  “You’re a clever girl.” He squeezed the top of her hands and leaned back into his chair. “I would like your companionship. You and I share a gift. We’re special, and I want you to understand that. I’m not sure how strong your gift really is yet. I’ve searched the world over for other clairvoyants and have never found anyone. It’s just you, Josef and I. If you will let me, I would like to teach you how to use it and control it.”

  Jill leaned back. “Why?”

  “Why what?”

  “Why do you care whether I’m psychic or not.”

  “I don’t. I just want to help you, teach you what I wish someone had taught me. I really just want to get to know my daughter. My only child. I want you to tell me all about your time in the island. I want to know about Helen and what she told you about your mother. It will be a mutually beneficial relationship. I get companionship, and you get to learn about your mother and your gift.”

  “Bullshit. I don’t believe that for one second. That seems very one-sided. I spend a little time with you in exchange for so much? You’re a wealthy and powerful man. In fact, I’ve heard you can be ruthless and cutthroat. I don’t believe you would do anything just out of loneliness.”

  “Fine. I’ll be honest with you.” He hesitated a moment and then began speaking again. “I’ve never studied a female clairvoyant. Let Josef and me study you. My dream in life was always to learn why Josef and I are psychic. At one time, I worked with the United States Government in some secret studies on paranormal warfare. I always felt I missed something, but I never had any test subjects because it was only Josef and I. Let us study you.”

  “Wait? What? Study me? Like how?”

  “Nothing major. Let us draw some blood, run some scans, play—”

  “What?” Jill yelled. “Are you being sarcastic? That�
�s not major?”

  “Please, don’t be scared. It sounds worse than it is. We’ll just draw blood one time. It’ll be as if you were having your yearly physical and an MRI. It’s nothing to get all worked up about. It will make an old man so happy. I may finally get an insight into why we are what we are. I’m getting old. Flatter me. There are so many things I will teach you in exchange. Plus, I am very wealthy, and you are my only child. Who will I leave my wealth to? My knowledge?

  “I don’t need your money, Rocco.”

  “I know you don’t. You received a handsome settlement from the plane crash, but I have more, a lot more. And I have knowledge. How long can you live in seclusion? I know you want to control your visions. How can you not want that? All I am asking for is a few hours one day, and you get so much in return.”

  “It would be nice to be able to control my visions, but I don’t live in seclusion!”

  “You have three friends, one of whom you just met a few months ago. You avoid relationships and outings because you are scared people will find out about you.”

  He was right. Jill fumbled around with her fork. Her food was untouched. Getting to know her father was something she had only dreamed about, but learning how to control her ability, well, that was something she hadn’t even bothered dreaming about because she never thought it would be possible. She didn’t trust him just yet, but she didn’t fear him either. In fact, she felt rather comfortable with him. Jill looked at her watch and noticed it was time to go. She pushed her chair back and stood; Rocco immediately followed suit.

  “Okay.”

  “Okay?” Rocco asked.

  “Yes. Okay. I’ll agree to get to know you better, and I’ll agree to your medical thing, but nothing more than a little blood and a scan. I want to know more about my mother, about you, and about this psychic connection we have. All of it.”