Finding Christmas

by Gail Gaymer Martin

  “You have every right to be, but don’t be angry at yourself.” He stretched his arm toward her. “Come here.”

  Her look softened as she walked across the room, then sank beside him on the sofa.

  “Don’t forget, if it continues you can do something,” he said. “You can change your telephone number. Have it unlisted.” A new thought struck him. “You have caller ID, right? Did you notice—”

  “It was blocked. Both times. I looked.”

  “It’s frustrating.” He shifted his hand and rested it on hers. Her fingers felt as cold as his had been when he arrived. Benjamin pressed his warm palm against them. “I wish I had better news, but unless you’re threatened or continue to be harassed, like the officer said, you can’t do much about it. It’s one of those things.”

  Joanne gave a faint nod. “I know that now.”

  “People call wrong numbers all the time, and then they’re careless enough to try the same number again. Not bright, but not uncommon. I’m sure there’s a reasonable explanation.”

  “I hope so,” she said, but her voice didn’t sound convincing.

  “Have faith, Joanne.”

  On Sunday morning, Joanne slipped into Benjamin’s car.

  “Feeling better?” he asked.

  “Not much, but let’s not talk about it now,” she said.

  He gave her one of those looks that let her know if she were a witness in court he wouldn’t let her get away with it, but today he would. He backed out of the driveway and headed toward the church, talking about the weather and any mundane thing that came to mind.

  “How’s work?” he asked.

  “It’s suffering. I’m the head of a think tank, and I doubt that I could find the solution to punch my way out of a paper sack. My co-workers are giving me strange looks.”

  Benjamin didn’t respond as he nosed the car into the church parking lot. He supported her elbow as they ascended the church steps, and she gave him the best smile she could muster to reassure him that her mood had nothing to do with him. Joanne wasn’t even sure what bothered her. The woman hadn’t called since Friday night. She should be pleased, but she wasn’t.

  Joanne had a difficult time thinking the woman’s calls had been a wrong number. She sensed that, like the voice, the calls meant something, but church wasn’t the place to dwell on it. Today, she needed strength and rejuvenation.

  As they settled into their seats, the service began. Music rose and the congregation lifted their voices in praise. Benjamin smiled as if he was glad he came. He’d mentioned he hadn’t been to church since he’d moved back from Seattle.

  Church had become a difficult place for Joanne after the funeral. Joanne knew that might sound strange to most Christians, but she and Greg had shared so much there. They’d been married and had had Mandy baptized at the same church. They had been at worship each Sunday. After he was gone, she felt abandoned by Greg and by God. Now, with Benjamin beside her, she felt complete again.

  When the sermon began, the message startled Joanne. As if the pastor knew her need, he spoke about evil attacks on God’s children. “It’s like a war, a battle of good and evil. God cries to us in one ear while the sin beguiles us in the other. We need selective hearing when it comes to good and evil.

  “But those who are victims of evil, remember this from Deuteronomy 23: ‘For the Lord your God moves about in your camp to protect you and to deliver your enemies to you.’ God’s children are never alone in the fight. Though all seems lost, keep your eyes pointed to heaven and your ears tuned to God’s Word. He might speak to you in a whisper, but His power is almighty. Let these words from Psalms be your prayer as you face the powers of evil. ‘God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.’ Amen.”

  As she rose for the prayers and final hymn, Benjamin glanced at her as if wondering if she’d been listening. She would assure him that she had. Having heard the message, Joanne knew she had to let God be her strength and refuge. Thank you, Lord, she said in silent prayer.

  The last hymn began, and Joanne was surprised to hear Benjamin’s rich baritone voice as he belted out the last verse of “Stand Up, Stand Up for Jesus.”

  “I needed that,” Joanne said minutes later as she slipped from her pew into the aisle.

  “I did, too,” he said, sending her a tender smile.

  He walked beside her into the cold, and she shuddered as they turned into the wintery wind.

  “Want to stop for coffee?” Benjamin asked, slipping his arm around her shoulders as if to ward off the cold.

  “That would be nice.” She glanced at him, afraid to gaze too intently. His closeness affected her in a way she hadn’t expected. She felt a familiarity she hadn’t felt since Greg died.

  Benjamin nosed the car onto the highway and soon a small coffee shop appeared on the right. He pulled into the parking lot. “Is this okay?”

  “Anything’s fine,” she said as she opened the door.

  They hurried inside, and a waitress waved them toward a table. They ordered mugs of coffee, which were brought to their table immediately. Benjamin sipped the hot brew and Joanne lifted the cup and let the aroma surround her.

  “Thanks for coming to worship with me today. I felt less lonely than I have in a long, long time.” She paused, then decided to continue. “I like the feeling.”

  “So do I,” he said.

  “I was thinking that you’re a glutton for punishment, though. I’m not the greatest company lately.”

  She took a sip of the coffee and looked at him over the edge of the cup.

  “You’ve always been good company, Joanne. You and Greg.”

  “Thanks,” she said.

  He set the mug on the table and leaned forward. “I think we’re avoiding something, Joanne. What’s on your mind?”

  “It’s the same.” She gave a shrug. “I’m worried about the calls, yet disappointed she hasn’t called again. I need three, remember.”

  He seemed to study the murky pattern in his mug.

  “If I only knew what she wanted.”

  He looked up. “It might have been a wrong number, and you can’t assume it’s a she, Joanne. People sometimes change their voices for crank calls.”

  She saw the flicker of frustration in his eyes and felt the same emotion.

  “Remember the sermon today,” he said. “God is in your camp. The Lord is your ever-present help in trouble.”

  “I heard the sermon.” She immediately regretted the edge in her voice.

  “I know, but believe it.”

  Her terse comment hadn’t swayed him, and she felt good knowing he cared that much. She’d hurt him with her abruptness, and she longed to smooth the concerned look from his face.

  “I’m so afraid when it all pans out to be nothing that you’re going to be hurt,” he said.

  His hand slid over hers, and the warmth rolled up her arm. She sat a moment in silence, then drew back her shoulders and sent him a brave smile. “I’m making a big deal out of two calls. Maybe wrong numbers. Forget it. I will, too.” She rested her free hand on his shoulder. “I should have listened to you. You said tomorrow will be better. Maybe it will.”

  Hearing her sound more positive lifted Benjamin’s spirits. “Good for you,” he said, tapping his index finger against her hand, hoping she’d smile. “You need a break from all of this tension. “Let’s do something fun, Joanne. Let’s be kids again and enjoy one day without thinking about all of this.”

  Her brow wrinkled and her eyes narrowed, but he didn’t let the look stop him. “I’m not kidding. It’s Thanksgiving. Let’s go downtown to the Thanksgiving Day Parade.”

  She gave him a disbelieving grin. “Are you sure you’re not kidding?”

  “I’m not. How long has it been since you went?”

  “Four years, I guess. We took Mandy when she was nearly two, but she was too young to enjoy it.”

  “But did you?”

  “Enjoy it? Sure. Who doesn’t love a huge parade
like that one.”

  “Then it’s time to go again—giant helium balloons, marching bands, floats, clowns. What do you say?”

  “I say you’re ridiculous. Two adults going to a kids’ parade?”

  “Let’s be kids for a day. Come on.” He chucked her under the chin, and she laughed.

  “Okay, but if it’s freezing cold you’d better bring along a thermos of hot chocolate.”

  “I’ll do better than that.”

  Donna sat in the living room and watched Connie concentrate on her toy house. Sometimes she was amazed at the depth of love she felt for the child. She’d been her stepmother for less than three years, but time didn’t matter. Connie fulfilled her longing to be a mother, a pleasure her body would never allow her.

  She remembered that when she met Carl, one of the draws for her was the child. Connie seemed so lost and so in need of a woman’s touch. Carl said he’d hired sitters to care for her, but that wasn’t a mother’s love. Donna had opened her heart to Connie.

  “Can we go to the parade?” Connie asked, looking up from her playhouse. Plastic furniture and plump, molded characters were strewn across the floor.

  “You mean the Thanksgiving parade?”

  Connie nodded. “My friend Sarah is going. Can we go?”

  Donna had never taken Connie to the parade. Carl wouldn’t take the time or effort to fight the Detroit traffic, then stand out in the cold to see the gigantic helium balloons and the floats or listen to the bands. “I’ll ask your daddy.”

  Connie hung her head.

  Donna realized the child knew her father too well.

  “Could we go?” Connie asked.

  “You mean just you and me?”

  Her face brightened and she nodded.

  Donna knew there were shuttle buses. Maybe if they went to Fairlane Town Center they could take public transportation. “Let me think about it, okay?”

  “Please.” Her blue eyes shone with excitement.

  “I’ll do my best. That’s all I can do.”

  Connie accepted her offer and went back to her play, while Donna closed her eyes to think. Every child deserved to see the Michigan Thanksgiving Day parade. It was televised in cities across the U.S. It seemed unfair for Connie not to go. But Carl? He wanted his Thanksgiving turkey.

  Carl wanted a lot of things—and gave so little.

  Donna’s thoughts slipped again into escape mode. She had made two calls to Joanne Fuller, but she’d lost her nerve. When she’d opened her mouth, her voice froze. She’d been disheartened by her actions. Donna needed to know if Connie was truly Joanne Fuller’s daughter.

  She sensed Carl was having business trouble. Or he was in trouble. He would never tell her, but she’d seen his behavior change for the worse these past few months. She was certain he’d gotten into some kind of racket and that it had backfired. When Carl had problems, Donna had greater ones.

  Escaping had preoccupied her mind because she feared for her life. It seemed as if Carl took out his anger and frustrations on her. Now she feared for Connie, too, and she needed to make sure she’d found Connie’s real mother. It was beyond her comprehension how Carl came to have Connie, but she felt certain she had deduced correctly. After she made sure, she would devise a plan—a plan to escape.

  Wouldn’t a mother pay a great deal of money to know her daughter was alive? Money would mean nothing with a child at stake. If Donna had cash, she could get away. She could even take Connie with her. Her love for the little girl had grown as deep as if the child were her own, and she couldn’t bear the thought of losing her.

  If she made Joanne Fuller believe she would lead her to her daughter, the woman might be willing to pay her, but instead of leading her to Connie, Donna could take Connie and leave the U.S. She could go to Canada or Mexico—anywhere to be free of Carl’s cruelty.

  She had to think her plan through carefully. One mistake and she could scare off Joanne or get the police involved. Or worse, Carl could find out and she’d be a dead woman.

  Chapter Five

  Joanne sat beside Benjamin as he drove down the side street off Woodward Avenue and took the ramp into the underground Cultural Center garage adjacent to the Detroit Institute of Arts. Traffic had bogged down as soon as they reached the downtown area as nearly a million people crowded into the area.

  “Are you sure this is worth it?” she asked, as Benjamin pulled into a parking spot stories below the city.

  He gave her a smile and turned off the ignition. “You tell me once we’re there.”

  She swung open her door, and he met her as she stepped out. As they passed the trunk, he lifted the lid and pulled out two seat cushions with handles, and a car blanket.

  “This won’t keep us warm, but it might help.”

  His thoughtfulness impressed her, but she teased him anyway. “You forgot the thermos.”

  “I told you I’d do better than that. Remember?”

  He’d piqued her curiosity. She waited with him for the elevator to street level, and when they saw daylight, she realized they were at the front of the parade. The wind struck them as they exited, and she tugged on her gloves, then adjusted her scarf, wishing she’d worn a cap.

  Benjamin motioned her to follow and they struggled through the crowd along the sidewalk. She wondered how they would see anything with such a bustle of humanity.

  To her surprise, Benjamin reached a roped-off area near the grandstands and handed passes to a ticket-taker.

  “Grandstand seats?” she asked, amazed he had such pull.

  He gave her a wink. “I told you.”

  She gazed in delight at the bleacher seating that would raise them above the crowd for a full view. As she headed up, her focus settled on the stage where Santa would speak with the children. Santa. Her heart gave a kick as her thoughts flew to Mandy. She’d never had a real kid’s chance to enjoy the bounty of Santa’s gift bag.

  But Joanne had told her little daughter about Jesus. Joanne had sung her children’s hymns and told her stories about the Savior. Joanne had always been confident that Mandy was in heaven—

  Her thoughts stumbled. No. Joanne didn’t know that for sure anymore—not since the voice. She tugged her heavy coat around her more tightly.

  Benjamin gave her a questioning look, and she realized she’d fallen silent. “I was thinking,” she said without any more explanation.

  Benjamin seemed to understand. The Thanksgiving parade was for children more than adults. It was natural her thoughts would be of Mandy. Filled with a sudden melancholy she climbed the stairs.

  When they’d found a good spot about halfway up, Benjamin dropped their gear and glanced at his watch. “Let’s leave the blanket and cushions here to hold our spots. We have time to go inside.”

  “Inside what?” She didn’t let him answer because she had another question. “How did we get grandstand seats?”

  “I know people.” He grinned.

  “So do I, but I guess it’s who you know.”

  He put his hand on her back as they descended to the ground again. “I have a client who’s a sponsor. He gets sets of tickets and can use them as he wants.”

  “And you’re one of the recipients,” she said over her shoulder.

  He chuckled. “Along with the real bonus we’re about to enjoy.” He motioned for her toward the Detroit Institute of Arts sidewalk.

  “We’re going to an art show?”

  “No, but they have free coffee and muffins inside. We can come into the building to get warm and to use the rest room. Plus it’s much nicer than standing on the street, craning our necks.”

  “I won’t argue that,” she said.

  They ascended the broad stairway into the museum and warmth greeted Joanne when she stepped inside. The scent of fragrant coffee filled the air and a bounty of pastries were spread out for the guests. Benjamin guided her forward, and after they’d filled their cups and grabbed a pastry, he pointed her toward a table for two.

  She set down h
er cup and shifted a chair. Before sitting, she slipped off her gloves and loosened her scarf and coat. She took a sip of the warm drink. “Yummy. This makes up for having to get ready so early.”

  He grinned and took a bite of a Danish pastry, then followed it with a swig of coffee. His eyes smiled, and she couldn’t help but smile back. Today Benjamin, the respected attorney, had become a child. His cheeks glowed from the cold wind or, even more, his excitement being here.

  Outside, her heart had melted when he’d pointed to the children’s gleeful faces as they waited for the parade. Little tots bundled up in outerwear doubling their size—boots, snowpants, jackets, caps, mittens, and scarves wound around their noses.

  “You like kids,” she said.

  “I do. Very much.”

  The question she’d longed to ask made its way to her lips. “Why haven’t you married, Benjamin? You’d make a wonderful father.”

  The glow in his cheeks deepened, and Joanne realized she’d asked a sensitive question. She held her breath, fearing she’d put a damper on their morning.

  After a moment he gave her a crooked grin. “You’ve never asked that before.”

  Her pulse skipped. “You’re right. I hadn’t thought of it until recently, and then I figured it was none of my business.”

  He chuckled. “But it is today?”

  “My business?” she asked, catching his little dig. “Not really, but we’re friends, so I’m asking.”

  “Fair enough.”

  She waited, but he seemed to drift away in thought. Finally he looked her in the eyes. “I fell in love once, and since that time no other woman could compare.”

  The candid statement answered her question, but again she couldn’t stop herself. “Did she die?”

  He lowered his gaze and shook his head. “No. It was one of those impossible things.”

  His face looked strained, and she knew she should stop. “She didn’t love you?”

  “She did, I think, but not the kind of love I wanted.” He lifted his cup and drained it. “Are you ready? We don’t want to miss the parade.”

  Joanne looked down at her barely nibbled pastry and realized she’d forgotten to eat. “Sure,” she said, taking another sip of coffee before rising.