Soldier of Sidon l-3

by Gene Wolfe

  Then that she would take mine (though I do not fear her).

  After that, that she would do both.

  Weeping she spoke of all that we have been through together, of her faithful service and of the love she gave me without stinting.

  I explained that I had sensed all those things, though I could not recall the events; and I told her what is very true-that she is first in my heart. Regaining Falcata may be dangerous indeed. The men she told me of, who had taken Falcata from me and enslaved us, were my foes. I might have to fight them again, and this time they might kill me.

  She made me read the first part of this scroll, saying I would find my promise there. I read it. If I made such a promise, I did not record it. Yet her goddess had appeared to me, I had promised my protection, and the return of the singing girls was certainly implied in what the priest and the man with me had said. Further, it was implied that I would make Myt-ser'eu a suitable gift when we parted. As she said, I have none to give.

  We spoke of this, and I read to her from this scroll, turning its speech into hers as I read. She asked again and again whether I had really spoken with her goddess. All that I could do was repeat that I did not know, that it was written as I had said.

  "I have seen a god, however," I told her. "I saw the river god, and tried to give him my sword. He gave it back to me." I quoted his words to her again.

  "Are you sure he didn't give me to you then?"

  I shook my head. "Your own goddess gave you to me. That's what this says."

  "You can't protect me if you're not here."

  "I can leave you in good hands," I said, "instead of taking you into danger."

  "That ugly old man's? Listen, I know women, which is more than you do. He and Cheche will have made a slave of me before you're out of sight."

  "Have I ever beaten you?"

  She shook her head. "I don't want to talk about that."

  "Have I?"

  "Yes!"

  "Good. I'm glad to learn it. I can beat you whenever it's necessary. The priest said that. Not enough to put your life in danger, but a good beating. If you won't do as I say, I'll beat you."

  "Is that the safety you want to provide for me? A beating? I'd rather have danger, with a chance of getting home."

  There we left it, for we could not agree. I will go, and go without her. She may rage, but I will be far away. Perhaps I will leave the king and queen and return for her when I have regained Falcata, though I will have forgotten her long before that time, I know.

  A SHIP HAS come, with many on board who say they are our friends. No doubt it is true of some. Myt-ser'eu's maidservant came to tell her of it, and she ran to the riverbank shouting. I ran after her, and the men on the ship, seeing us, anchored and came to shore in a boat. Myt-ser'eu has been talking ever since. I have heard everything with interest, but I cannot write all that here.

  There is a woman on the ship who blows kisses to us, whom Myt-ser'eu says is her dearest friend. Of the men who came in the boat, I now know these: The small man, oldest of all, bearded, bald, and richly but simply dressed, is Noble Qanju. He commands the rests, and is of Parsa. The young man who helps him is of Kemet, like my wife. He is Holy Thotmaktef. The older man, not large but well muscled, is Captain Muslak. From what my wife had me read, I knew that it was he who went to the temple with me. We spoke of that. He says we are old friends, but I do not think I have known him as long as I have known the king.

  The tall young man, Thotmaktef's friend, is Kames. He owes me much, he says, and will repay when he returns to his city.

  The scholar Sahuset is tallest, lean, and older than I. The youngest is the prince. It is thought (Qanju says) that the priests will choose him if the Nubian king dies; thus the Nubian king hid him. We are not to speak of him.

  Qanju has made gifts to King Seven Lions, and the king gifts to Qanju. There will be a feast.

  When I learned that he, Thotmaktef, and Sahuset were all learned men, I asked them about the other scroll. All wished to see it, and Sahuset declared that I had promised long ago to give it to him.

  I asked whether I had promised more than that, and he shook his head. I said that in that case I would give it to him gladly.

  "You must show it to me first, Lucius," Qanju said. He says also that Lucius is my true name. The younger man agreed with him. Sahuset agreed to let Qanju look at the scroll, although with great reluctance.

  I took it out, explaining that I could not find the knot to loose its cords.

  Thotmaktef had a small knife, but dropped it each time he picked it up.

  "The cords should not be cut," Qanju said. He took the scroll (not this one) from me, and at his touch the cords fell away. They were not cords at all, but snakes, small and slender black snakes that crawled away as swiftly as a deer might run, so that I did not see where they fled. Qanju opened the scroll, shook his head, and handed it to Sahuset.

  Thotmaktef said, "Is it the character of my ancient nation? I will read it for you if you wish, Noble Qanju."

  "It is not for you to read," Qanju told him.

  Sahuset took black cords from the earth on which we sat and bound the scroll. "Neither is it for me to read at this time and in this place," he said, "but the scroll is mine. Do we agree upon that?"

  Qanju nodded. Thotmaktef nodded too, though I saw that he did not wish to.

  Sahuset said, "Latro?" (It is how my wife speaks to me.)

  "You say I promised it to you," I said. "I give it to you now and am quit of my promise."

  "Agreed." Sahuset put the scroll into his robe.

  My wife says these people will take her home. I HAVE SPOKEN again with Qanju. Our company was sent south by the satrap, and instructed to explore the river as far as possible. In Nubia, Qanju learned that Kames was held by the king. I and others freed him, but Myt-ser'eu and I were taken, and Qanju and the rest thought us dead.

  There is a place where the river divides into streams called Blue and White. Our ship sailed the Blue as far as it could go, and Qanju and a certain woman questioned the men of the highlands as to its origin.

  After that, our ship turned about, rowed back to the rivers' parting, and sailed up this river until it could sail no farther, seeing many strange sights and speaking with many strange peoples. Now it is returning to the satrap. THE SHIP I wrote of has been pulled on shore. We have had a great feast, with much dancing and many good things to eat and drink. All sleep. I sit by the fire to think, knowing I ate too much, and that if I had drunk as much pombe as Myt-ser'eu I would not think at all.

  She is very happy. Qanju will make a gift to her for my sake when we part, and he has much gold. The king will make her a gift, too, when he and I leave the ship. The ship will return her to her home, though the journey is long. I should be as happy as she, but am not. How can a man be happy, knowing he must part from his wives and children?

  Nor can I be happy until I regain Falcata. She was at my side before Myt-ser'eu, I know. I cannot recall Myt-ser'eu beside the river. If we were together then, I would surely have thought of her. I HAD BELIEVED myself the only person awake. There is another, a woman with a great cat. They do not come near me, but search among the sleepers. When I think they have gone for good, they return.

  The queen came to me, walking badly. She wished to tell someone how happy she was, talked much of it, and lifted her skirt to show what I might have if I wished it. I did not wish it, and returned her to the palace, making her lie beside the king. No good can come of such things.

  Is it she the tall woman and her cat seek? They came near while we spoke. Her cat is black, not spotted, though I believed such cats spotted. I must ask someone about this. I WOKE EARLY on this ship. Only my sentry and one woman were awake. The sentry saluted me, and I told him he might sleep if he could; I would take the rest of his watch.

  The woman is Sahuset's wife. He is a wise man of Riverland. I explained that I had been trying to recall how I came here. She said I forget more quickly than most men, thou
gh all forget in time, and in time everything is forgotten. She showed me the leather case that holds this, and said it held my memory. I have read enough now to know that she spoke the truth.

  I told her all that I remember-my mother and father, our house and our fields, and casting my sword Falcata into a river whose god restored it to me.

  She told me who she was, and offered to point out all the persons of importance who slept on the ship. Most, she said, were the king's warriors (men she does not know), sailors of no importance, and my soldiers, whom she said were of still less importance. I protested that since they were mine, as I knew they were, they were important to me; but she does not know their names.

  She showed me the queen, who slept in a little tent on deck with the king. She must have the queen's blood to live, she said. The queen stirred at our words, and we went away. She showed me her husband, too, and my wife.

  "I will be your wife when she has gone," she said, "and a better wife than she."

  I asked whether my wife would leave me, and she said she would, very soon.

  "It is nearly sunrise," she said, "and I must go to bed. Will you do me a service, Latro? A small favor for someone who fought the Nubians with you?"

  I said I would if I could.

  "You can, and very easily. Did you see the amulet your wife wears? The bull's head? I want you to cut the cord and drop the amulet into the water. Great good will come to you if you do this."

  I said I would never do such a thing without my wife's permission.

  "Then gain it, and do it."

  I nodded, but promised nothing. She went below-her bed is in the hold.

  My weapons lie where I slept. I have a spear, a club, and a small shield in need of polishing. I must tell one of my soldiers to do that when they wake.

  The sun is above the trees. A few stir, but most still sleep. The trees near the river are tall and thick, the home of many bright birds who call among the topmost branches. Beautiful white wading birds are everywhere, and small birds hop in and out of the mouths of crocodiles. This is a lovely land and a terrible land, but it is not my land. THE QUEEN CAME to sit with me while I wrote. We are old friends, she says. She is a handsome woman, somewhat heavier than either of us might like. Her name is Bittusilma. I asked how she had injured her arm. She said she fell on the night of the feast and cut it. I did not remember this feast, yet I was there, and danced-badly, she said-and drank and feasted with the others. She told me a great deal about it.

  After that, as the others were waking and rising, she talked of her native city. It is walled, and its walls are the highest in all the world. She told me much of it, and its conquest by the Great King-too much to write. We are going there soon, which makes Bittusilma very happy.

  33

  OUR WHOLE COMPANY

  THE SAILORS AND my soldiers, as well as the persons of greater importance, gathered in the ship's waist this morning as we lay at anchor in the middle of the river. I told them of the river god I remember so well and how he had returned Falcata to me. I told them also that I was determined to find her again and reclaim her. I said that if need be I would leave the ship and remain behind in Nubia. That I will find her or die in the attempt.

  Qanju said he could not stay or order the ship to, but he would give me all the help he could. We would stop at every town and village so I might search. The captain explained that he was under Qanju's orders and could not do as he might wish. Furthermore, he has been chartered by the king; when he has reported to the satrap, he will bear the king and queen to the Great Sea, and over it to the cities of the Crimson Men, from which they can proceed by an easy road to the queen's city. He would return to Nubia, however, when this voyage had ended, find me there, assist me if he could, and take me home or to Sidon, as I preferred.

  Through his queen, the king expressed his great friendship. He and his four warriors will help me search in every place we pass, and help me regain Falcata if we find her. He has given me gold.

  Kames spoke of his fear at reentering Nubia. He will not dare to show his face as long as our ship is there; but if I must remain behind-as I have sworn I will if I do not find Falcata-he will send me aid from his father's house in Wast.

  Prince Nasakhma promised to assist me in every possible way, should the gods choose him to wear the crown; and Sahuset said that he would help me as long as I remained with the ship, searching for my sword by magic and telling me everything that he discovered.

  At this Qanju said he would sift the wisdom of the stars this very night. He too will tell me all he learns.

  Thotmaktef promised to speak with the priests at the temple of Thoth in Napata (where the Nubian king's house is), describing me and my search, and ask them to help me. When he has prepared, he will bestow upon me the great blessing of his god, which he says will prompt me to write my scroll. Thus I will record much that I would otherwise forget and so lose. He will do this after the noon meal.

  At his words his tame baboon stirred and gave me a look so long and piercing that in the end it was I who turned my eyes away. I had believed that no mere animal could look me in the eye for long. I know better now.

  (It puzzles me that no one ever speaks of this baboon or pays the slightest heed to it, although it is large and would surely be very dangerous if aroused. The sailors do not tease it, Thotmaktef does not stroke it, and the women do not show the least fear of it. Having nothing to feed it, I have ignored it like the rest.)

  Thotmaktef's wife promised that she would speak with the men of her tribe on my behalf. They often come into the towns to trade in the markets, she said. She will tell them about me and ask their help in finding Falcata.

  Neht-nefret said that I must understand that she and Myt-ser'eu mean to return to the temple of Hathor in Sais. The captain agreed with this. They have been away for many months-far longer than most voyages up the Great River require. At this, Myt-ser'eu squeezed my hand and wept; but I know she feels as Neht-nefret does-she told me so before we met with the rest. Both promised to help as long as they were with me, and both hoped (Myt-ser'eu very fervently) that I would find my sword before the ship reached the border of their nation, which lies (our captain said) north of the first cataract.

  My soldiers offered to help me search for my sword as long as we are with the ship. They are familiar with her, they said, and will know her at once if they so much as glimpse her. Baginu spoke for himself as the only soldier from Parsa, Aahmes for all five of Myt-ser'eu's nation.

  In the same way, Azibaal spoke for the sailors. They will search too, and are (as he said) the most numerous group on the ship. I have more faith in my six soldiers, but hope the sailors will prove me wrong. I HAVE RECEIVED the great blessing of his god from Thotmaktef. We sang, and offered too many prayers to count-prayers I could not set down here even if I were minded to commit an act so foolhardy.

  When our ship had anchored, he and I went deep into the reeds in the boat. These marshes are very dangerous, the haunts of river-horses, snakes, and crocodiles. I thought we would remain in the boat, but we did not, leaving it to wade through the reeds in water up to our knees. It is from reeds like these that my scroll is made, as Thotmaktef explained, and it is one of those very reeds I hold to write. My ink is black with their ashes, and it clings to the papyrus because it holds their blood. Those whom the gods of Kemet find without fault at death are sent into the Field of Reeds to await new life.

  As Thotmaktef spoke of this, I saw that his baboon had followed us, or perhaps had been brought after us by the fair-haired huntress who held its paw as they walked over the tops of the thronging reeds. She smiled at me and was gone, though my heart ached for her. Now that the ceremony is over, I recall her better than any part of it, her graceful figure, high cheekbones, and smiling blue eyes. One breast was bare. Her gown* covered the other, if there was another breast there. From her side she drew the arrow that had dyed her gown with her own blood. After rinsing its head in the water, she wiped it and put it into he
r quiver. TWICE I WAS awakened in the night. I longed to write of those awakenings but could not, for I had no lamp. Now I have seen a boat bring the sun. The baboon (who brought the woman I wrote of when I last unrolled this scroll) rode in its prow.

  Qanju awakened me first. He told me his name, fearing I had forgotten it while I slept. "I have scanned the stars for you," he said, "and they speak of wars and long and hazardous journeys. For years you will walk in a circle, following the path left by your own feet."

  I asked whether I would find Falcata, and when and where I would find her if I did.

  "You will find her," he said. "I could tell you more if I knew the day of your birth, and the position of the stars at that time."