Love's Trusting (The Love's Series)

by Jordan, Maryann

  Her eyes filled with tears once again, threatening to spill over. As one escaped and slid down her cheek, his rough thumb wiped it away. “No more crying alone, baby. You cry, you do it with me.”

  “I didn’t think I could possibly have any more tears.” Her face twisted in agony once again. “Brad, I try so hard to not think about the baby. But when I do…it kills me. It still kills me. For the past four years whenever I see a pregnant woman, I grieve. I constantly calculate how old our child would be and think of it when I see a child that age.” Turning her tear-filled eyes to his, she choked out, “Will it ever be better?”

  Pulling her head into his chest, cradling her once more, he made shushing sounds as he rocked her back and forth. All this time I thought she had just walked away. Walked toward something better, when she was really just running away. From memories. Our hometown. Our families. Me. Anything that reminded her of our loss.

  His voice rumbled from deep in his chest and she felt it against her cheek. “No more running baby. You belong to me and I’m gonna be here. From now on, no matter what life throws at us, we’re doing it together. Trust me.”

  She closed her eyes, letting his assurances float over her. Filling her. Settling once again into the crevices that that she kept hidden. With that, she allowed exhaustion to take over and she slid peacefully into sleep. Resting on him. In her bed. Where, if she had been honest with herself, is where she always wanted to be.

  He let her sleep, his powerful arms around her, embracing her. Then he closed his eyes and allowed the peace to settle on him as well.

  Chapter 9

  A few hours later, Suzanne opened her tear swollen eyes, blinking at the harsh mid-day light. Her head was pounding and as she tried to shift in the bed, her ribs screamed in pain. Clutching one hand to her forehead and the other hand to her middle, she tried to roll over but kept running into a large object.

  “Baby, what’s wrong? Is it your ribs?” BJ’s voice interrupted her confusion.

  Brad. Memories of the emotional morning flooded back as she gasped for breath. God, I slept with him again.

  She felt the bed move as he headed toward the bathroom and she could hear water running in the sink. A minute later she felt her hand on her forehead being lifted and replaced by a cold, wet cloth that covered her swollen eyes.

  “I don’t remember crying so much in a long time,” she confessed softly, glad that the cloth kept her from seeing his face.

  “You needed it, babe. You’d held things in far too long.” He once again lifted her shirt to look at her bruised ribs. “Keep the cloth there while I get a shower going for you.” He headed back to the tiny bathroom, looking at the shower. “Wish you had a bathtub, babe. I feel like you need a good soak.”

  “You and me both,” she groused to herself. She loved the cheap apartment that was right over the clinic where she worked, but the bathroom…well that was where she longed for a tub instead of the tiny shower. The water running invaded her thoughts and in just a moment, she felt her side of the bed sink as BJ lowered himself down next to her.

  Lifting the cloth from her eyes, he peered into her face. Her eyes were tightly shut as though she were not so much trying to keep out the light, but keep out the present situation as well. He leaned over and kissed each swollen eye. “Come on, baby. Let’s get you up.”

  Assisting her out of bed and into the bathroom, she turned suddenly proclaiming, “I can handle this myself.” Quickly closing the door on him, she stripped and stepped into the warm water. Not wanting to look into the mirror to see what he had been seeing, she wanted to wash the dog attack and the hospital smell from her body. Washing her hair, she allowed the warm water to sluice over her body, relaxing her for the first time since yesterday. Was it just yesterday that I went to visit the clients? It feels as though it was a lifetime ago.

  Drying just as quickly, she carefully saw where a clean pair of panties, her sweat pants and one of his old t-shirts were lying on the toilet seat. He knows about the t-shirts. Smiling to herself at his thoughtfulness, she dressed and then pulled her hair back into a wet ponytail.

  Walking into the bedroom, she was surprised to see him sitting on the bed. Suddenly self-conscious, she stood awkwardly at the doorway, unsure what to say or what to do. Pulling her lips in, she looked down at her feet.

  Hearing him stand, she saw as his feet came into view. Bare feet peering out of his jeans stopped in front of hers. How can feet look so sexy? They’re just feet. But they’re his.

  “Suzy. Look at me,” he ordered gently. He waited until her eyes lifted before continuing. “Do you understand what’s happened? I’m not leaving anything to chance anymore. I’m also not making any assumptions. I wanna know that you know what we are.”

  “What we are?” she asked in confusion. Licking her lips, she said nervously, “I’m…not sure I uh…understand.”

  BJ smiled, thinking, Clueless baby. But utterly adorable.

  “You’ve been holding that shit in for a long time. By yourself. Baby, I talked to a counselor at the college and went to a couple of grief groups. Just to help. Just to process what happened. Not only with the loss of the baby but the loss of you. I grieved too and know that I always will. No one gets over grief. They move through it, working through the loss with others that can help. You, baby? You’ve carried that burden by yourself for far too long.”

  Pulling her lips in again, she said, “Then we kind of had a counseling session? This morning?”

  Closing his eyes for a second, he opened them and pinned her with his stare. “Suzy, we re-connected. Yes, I’m gonna be here to help you continue to work that shit out. But baby, you need to clue in. When I said I wasn’t gonna let you go again, I meant that I. Wasn’t. Going. To. Let. You. Go.”

  “I don’t know what you-”

  “I’ve known you my whole life. I fell in love with you about eight years ago and that never really stopped. I buried it for the past four years. Tried to pretend it was just not meant to be or that it was a teenage thing, but seeing you at the wedding brought all those feelings right back for me. And I know they brought them back for you too.”

  Narrowing her eyes, she asked, “How do you know I feel that way?”

  Smiling, he replied, “Honey, you have a drawer full of my old t-shirts that you still sleep in. And baby, you talk and you talk a lot of sweet when you have pain killers in you.”

  Suzanne’s eyes widened as the blush began at her chest and rose to the top of her head. “Oh my God. What did I say?”

  Chuckling, he pulled her into his chest where she found herself wrapping her arms around his waist. “Nothing much. Just that you never got over me.”

  “You shouldn’t listen to people’s conversations when they’re not in control of themselves,” she admonished.

  With her head against his broad chest, she felt his laughter this time against her cheek. “You’ve been hiding from everyone for so long, even your friends who worry about you. That was the only time I think you’ve been honest about your feelings.”

  Deciding that staying quiet was the best thing to do, she just kept her face pressed against his heartbeat.

  “And more importantly, you take this in and hear it well, girl. You and I are an us. As in you are with me and I am with you. We are once again together. I don’t know how to say it any more plainly but since you can be adorably clueless, I wanna make sure you are not mistaking what we have.”

  At this proclamation, she jerked her head back and peered up into his face, confusion once again warring in her eyes. “An us?” As in a couple?”

  He leaned down until his mouth was a breath away from hers. “Baby, we never stopped loving each other. Life and youthful decisions tore us apart, but those days are behind us. As of last night, we are back together. You and me. Can I make it any clearer?”

  “Brad, I don’t know about this. I don’t know…” she said, panic rising.

  “What’s flyin’ through that brain of yours?” he
asked.

  “We don’t even know each other. I mean…we did. But not now. I…I don’t know you. I-”

  “No doubt we’ve got some catching up to do, but baby, we’ve got time.”

  “I don’t want to make a mistake. I don’t want to assume that a past equals a future. Does that make sense?”

  Nodding, he replied, “Yeah, it does. So here’s what we’re gonna do. We’re gonna date. Get to know each other again. But make no mistake, Suzy. You’re mine. I’m just gonna have to take this time to prove it to you again.”

  A slow smile began to spread over her face, the first one in a long time that felt as though it was coming from her heart. Feeling him pull her head back to his chest, she allowed herself to relax…really, truly relax. Tightening her arms around his waist again, she breathed him in. Strong. Masculine. Hers. And right.

  * * *

  BJ insisted that she rest most of the day while he made some phone calls. First call was to Matt and Lily. He talked to Matt to give him a few more details that she had been able to tell him about the dogs and the attack.

  “Is there any way we can have the two older gentlemen questioned?”

  “There’s no reason, BJ. We’ve got nothing to question them about. Their dogs weren’t involved in her attack and a citizen doesn’t have to report something that happened to them.”

  “Damn. I was afraid of that. What about the creep that she says identified himself as the nephew?”

  “Still nothing we can do. If the man wasn’t in danger or asking for help, we can’t do anything about who he has in his apartment, real nephew or not.” Matt paused for a moment before asking, “You still at her place?

  “Yeah. I didn’t want to leave her alone while she was hurting.”

  “Uh huh. You sort your shit out yet?”

  Silence hung between the two men.

  “If that’s your way of asking if we are together, then yeah. We are. But don’t have Lily go throwing a party. We’ve got a lot of history and a lot of stuff to sort out and I don’t want Suzy’s head anywhere but with me right now.”

  Matt chuckled over the phone. “Gottcha. Lily was planning on coming by today to check on her. I gather that you’d like me to tell her to hold off?”

  “That’d be good man. I want some time with just the two of us. You know some of that history is not good and I’d still like some time to help her with that.”

  “No worries. Give her my best and tell her that Lily will see her this week.”

  Hanging up, he called Shane next. “Just got off the phone with Matt so he can fill you in on the details I was able to get out of her. But just know that we’re together again and tell Annie that she’ll see her on Monday back down in the clinic.”

  “Done, bro. Glad to hear you and Suzanne are tight again.”

  “Well, we’ve got stuff to work out and work on, but yeah it’s all good. For right now, I’m staying here to keep an eye on her but I’ve gotta tell you I’d like to see her out of this apartment and in mine. It’s safer by a long shot.”

  “Yeah, I couldn’t wait to get Annie moved out of that apartment.”

  Saying goodbye as Suzanne walked back into the room, he patted the sofa saying, “Baby come here.”

  She looked at his face, then moved toward the sofa. As soon as she was within arm’s reach, he gently pulled her onto his lap, cradling her once again. It had been so long since she had wanted to snuggle with someone.

  “How are you feeling?” he asked.

  “Sort of like I was hit by a truck,” she joked.

  He pulled her head back away from his chest so that he could see her face. Smoothing his thumbs over her cheeks, he leaned in and gently kissed her. Soft. Gentle. Full of promise.

  “Who were you on the phone with?” she asked.

  “I called Matt and Shane. I needed to let them know what was going on and what the next step might be. I also asked them to let Lily and Annie know that we didn’t need them to come over today.”

  “That was presumptuous,” she huffed.

  “Suzy girl, I just got you back in my arms after four years of missing you. Do you honestly think I am ready for a girl-gang invasion into our space?”

  Giving a joking snort, she retorted “Girl-gang?” Then sitting up straighter she added, “Our space?”

  Holding her face carefully, he reiterated, “Yeah, girl-gang. You know when a bunch of chick friends get together to hash out everyone’s problems when the only two people who know what is going on is the actual couple.” Leaning over to place a whisper soft kiss on her lips, he continued, “Your friends are great and loyal. They care and I think they’ll be thrilled we’re together. But we need some time to ourselves.”

  Feeling the touch of his lips against hers, her kiss-fogged brain moved to the next thought. “Our space?” she asked again.

  “Babe, I have no idea what is going on around here and I know that Shane made this place as secure as he possibly could, but this neighborhood is not where I want you alone. So until we get you moved to my place, I’m staying here.”

  “Your place? I’m not moving in with you!”

  “Why the hell not?”

  “Brad, we’re not ready for that.”

  “Suzy, we’ve known each other forever. We dated for several years. We’ve just had a breakthrough in dealing with the shit that kept us apart for four years. Now that we’re together again, I’m not wasting any more fuckin’ time.”

  Looking around at the tiny apartment, she admitted, “But I like my little place. It’s the first place that was just mine. And it’s above my work.” Looking back up to him, she said, “I don’t even know where you live.”

  “I’ve got a two bedroom apartment over in the Kent side of town. It’s not upscale, but it’s a nice place. I use one of the bedrooms for a study. It’s only about a ten minute drive from here so work’s not a problem for you.”

  She placed her small hand on his cheek, feeling the rough stubble underneath her fingers. “I just need a little time, honey. Give me a couple of days to wrap my mind around everything.”

  Touching his lips to hers once again, he nodded. “Whatever you need, baby, you got. But as long as you’re here, I am too. I want you safe.” And he added with a grin, “I want you.” Taking the kiss deeper, he slid his tongue along her lips then delved in as she opened for him.

  Her taste was intoxicating. Not intending to take the kiss where it was going, he felt unable to stop. His tongue explored her mouth, capturing her moan as she melted into him. His hands slid around her back, pulling her tighter. Hearing her grunt he jerked back.

  “Oh shit, babe. I forgot about your ribs.” Cursing himself, he gentled his hands along her sides.

  “It’s okay,” she admitted grinning. “I actually forgot about being hurt for a moment.”

  Knowing if they continued to kiss he would lose all control, he stood taking her with him until he could place her feet on the floor. “You stay here while I run to the grocery store. If I’m staying here for a couple of days, we need more food.”

  Suzanne agreed, knowing from his breakfast that a trip to the grocery story was going to be necessary. She walked over to her purse calling over her shoulder, “Let me get you some money.”

  “Babe.”

  She turned at the sound of his voice. It sounded pissed. Looking at his face, it looked pissed. Before she could comment, he walked over to her.

  Lifting her chin with his fingers, he growled, “You don’t pay for me. It may sound chauvinistic, but you’re mine. That’s mine to care for. Mine to see after. And you don’t pay for my groceries.”

  “I’ve been on my own for a long time, honey,” her soft voice floated over him.

  Whispering a breath away from her, he said, “No more, Suzy girl. No more.”

  Turning, he headed out of the apartment and returned an hour later with bags of groceries. That afternoon, piled up on the sofa watching TV, he kept his arm wrapped protectively around her as she sl
ept once more.

  * * *

  “What the fuck went wrong?” Jorge growled to the two men in front of him. Their silence did not appease him. “She was supposed to be chased. Scared. Not attacked.” His glare pierced them but they continued their silence, knowing the boss was not wanting to be interrupted with excuses. “Now the police are watching and a fucking guard has moved in with her.”

  “We whistled. Two of the dog came back. Devil’s Spawn didn’t. It took several whistles to get him off of her and back into the van.”

  At this, Jorge’s attention re-focused on the dog’s blood lust. “Pull him off of the guard fence. We can’t take a chance that he’d escape and attack someone.” At that the two men turned to quickly leave, relieved to be dismissed. “Oh,” Jorge continued, “bring me his trainer.”

  The men nodded, avoiding looking at each other until out of the room. Jorge walked over to the window overlooking the city. A dog that strong with a blood-lust that powerful… that combination could bring him a lot of money in the fighting arena. He’d come a long way since his upbringing by a junkie, prostitute mother, and his early initiation into the neighborhood gang at the age of eleven. Marcel paid well. But it never hurt to have money on the side. Money just for a time when he might want out. Or when Marcel may need to move aside. A cruel smile slid across his face as he continued to stare out onto the city night-scape.

  Chapter 10

  The dawn peeked in through the blinds, sending shafts of soft light across the bed. Suzanne, always a light sleeper, felt the heavy arm across her waist and the firm chest against her back. The weekend had passed quickly and now it was time to face the world again. Trying to slide out of the bed quietly, she felt herself pulled back.

  “Um, where are you going?” BJ’s sleep gravelly voice asked.