Who Let the Gods Out?

by Maz Evans

  “What?” he cried.

  Virgo pointed ahead. Elliot could see nothing but a small black blob on the horizon.

  “Wha—?” he started again, as the sound of a distant whistle gave him the terrible answer. The black blob was taking shape …

  It was another train. And they were heading straight for it.

  “Elliot, we have to get you off this train!” screamed Virgo.

  “We can’t leave all these people!” Elliot shouted back.

  “You have to save yourself!” Virgo screamed again. “Oh … I wish Zeus were here.”

  There was a tiny jingle from Elliot’s backpack—and with a loud pop, the bemused king of the Gods appeared next to the train, flying on Pegasus.

  “What—where—Winifred … ” he burbled, scratching his bottom.

  “Zeus?” said Virgo. “How did you—?”

  “The wishing pearl! It’s in my bag—it must have heard you!” cried Elliot. He looked at his smashed watch. “We’ve only got seven minutes before he disappears again.”

  “Then hurry up and get on Pegasus,” said Virgo, watching the black blob growing on the horizon. “You can fly to safety.”

  “That’s it!” cried Elliot, leaning out of the window to shout instructions.

  “Great idea!” Zeus yelled back, spurring Pegasus on to the front of the train.

  “What are you doing?” demanded Virgo.

  “Get off!” said Elliot as she tried to stick her head out next to his.

  “I need to know the plan,” she insisted.

  “Stop it—you’re going to—”

  The train rocked violently again as it shot past another signal, and the sudden movement pushed Virgo’s hand down on the handle, opening the door and sending Elliot flying out of the train, just clinging to the window.

  “Elliot!” Virgo screamed. “Zeus! Zeus!”

  But plainly Zeus could hear nothing over the roar of the engine as he tried to secure Pegasus’s reins to the front of the train.

  “HELLLLP!” Elliot howled as the track whizzed perilously under his feet. His fingers were burning from the strain of holding on as he was slammed against the side of the train. He clung on with all his might—but his grip was starting to slip …

  Virgo searched her jeans pockets for anything that would help. The other train was approaching fast. She found her What’s What.

  “Help!” she screamed at the blank parchment.

  Help, the parchment started to scribble. The need for assistance, often urgently, from someone or something in a moment of particular need.

  “Aaaaargh!” said Virgo. “You are SO suboptimal! You’re lucky I don’t throw you out of the window! Wait … ”

  She looked at Zeus up ahead, before leaning out of the other door and taking aim at the Olympian. She hurled the roll of parchment with all her might and landed it perfectly on the back of Zeus’s skull.

  “What the blazes—?” shouted Zeus, turning to see Virgo gesturing wildly at Elliot.

  “I … can’t … hold … on!” said Elliot as his white fingers lost their final grip on the window. He shut his eyes and prepared to drop to his doom.

  “Gotcha!” boomed a huge voice as a strong arm grabbed his backpack and hauled Elliot onto the back of Pegasus. He looked at the sundial on his wrist. “We’ve only got five minutes—let’s get a move on! Virgo—tie these to the door!”

  He threw Pegasus’s reins to the Constellation, who did as she was asked in a flash.

  “I’ve done it! But I don’t—”

  “Up, up, and away!” yelled Zeus, and he spurred Pegasus up into the sky. The flying horse gave an almighty groan as he took the strain of the train, lifting the front wheels off the track.

  “Good boy!” said Zeus, patting his immortal steed’s neck. “Heave, Peg! Heave!”

  “It’s too late!” cried Virgo as they continued on their collision course with the approaching train. But Pegasus responded to Zeus’s cries with a great surge up into the heavens.

  Car by car, the train gracefully came away from the track and climbed into the air, flowing behind Pegasus like the ribbon on a kite. Zeus replaced his invisibility helmet, and the battered commuters, who had been screaming their prayers and curses, suddenly fell silent as the 6:42 to London Waterloo flew invisibly up into the sky, just missing the train that would have smashed them all to smithereens.

  Four minutes later, the invisible train made a graceful landing just outside platform ten at Waterloo station, fifteen minutes ahead of schedule. Zeus wandered through the train spraying a bottle of Aphrodite’s perfume, which immediately calmed all the passengers and made them forget the past six minutes of their lives.

  Elliot and Virgo were tending to Brian, the conductor, who had regained consciousness somewhere over Vauxhall. As the paramedics arrived to take him away, concerned that his concussion had left him feeling like the train had been flying, the two youngsters jumped off the train.

  “Next time, we’ll take the bus,” said Elliot, pulling his father’s watch sadly out of his pocket. It was completely smashed. “Thanks.”

  “My pleasure, old chap,” said Zeus. “But you two ne’er-do-wells were supposed to stay at the farm … ”

  “We had to find you,” said Virgo. “Hypnos knows about the plan—”

  “Arghhh!” growled Zeus, bundling them both on board Pegasus. “We need to saddle up. By my reckoning, the wishing pearl runs out in three … two … one … ”

  And with a great big pop, the pearl pinged them away into thin air.

  The Tower of London rose majestically from the early-morning fog on the banks of the river Thames. Elliot, Virgo, Zeus, and Pegasus popped back to the exact spot in the sky from which the wishing pearl had snatched Zeus, and flew down to where the other Olympians were hiding by the Beauchamp Tower, one of the smaller towers that lined the main courtyard.

  “Where did you go?” said an annoyed Aphrodite. “We had to climb over the wall! I nearly gave myself a hernia getting Brainiac over … ”

  “I’m all muscle,” whispered Athene. “Why are the children here?”

  “We had a train to catch,” said Zeus, winking at Elliot. “But look lively—Hypnos is onto us. What’s the score?”

  “The crown’s about to leave the Jewel House!” whispered Hermes. “This is our last chance before it goes to Buckingham Palace! Not even joking.”

  “This is magnificent,” said Virgo, looking around the historic grounds of the fortress. “What was it for?”

  “Chopping people’s heads off,” said Elliot.

  “Urgh—mortals are barbaric,” said Virgo. “Our punishments are civilized. Fines … imprisonment … your organs feasted upon by an immortal eagle … ”

  “Shhhhhh!” chided Athene.

  They all peered out from their hiding place again. Three armored trucks stood outside the Jewel House, surrounded by heavily armed soldiers.

  “How big is this crown?” asked Virgo, looking at the three huge vehicles.

  “Only one will carry the crown,” said Athene. “The other two are decoys. We need to swap the crown before it’s loaded into the truck.”

  Nearby, four Beefeater guards were leaning on their pikes, enjoying a quiet cup of coffee: one very tall man, one very short man, one rather distinguished man, and one rather scruffy lady.

  “Right—children—you go and find Hephaestus outside and wait for us there,” ordered Athene, to an outcry from the youngsters. “No arguments! Places, everyone! Aphrodite, you create a distraction. Daddy, you and I will tackle the soldiers. Hermes, disguise yourself as a guard and swap the crowns.”

  Elliot and Virgo reluctantly climbed aboard Pegasus and strapped the invisibility helmet on Elliot’s head, shimmering them out of sight. They were about to take off over the wall when a raven swooped down and landed on Athene’s shoulder.

  “But what about me?” it whined. “I wanna play.”

  They all whipped around as Hypnos dissembled back to himself.
r />   “It’s horribly early, isn’t it?” said the Daemon of Sleep, raising his ivory trumpet to his lips and blowing a thick fog of black smoke toward the Gods. “Perhaps you’d like a little sleep?”

  The Olympians scattered away from Hypnos’s blast, tumbling across the grass on Tower Green, hidden from the soldiers’ view by the White Tower.

  “Oh, please,” whispered Aphrodite, getting back to her feet. “There’s only one of you. There are four of us. How hard do you like your butt kicked?”

  “Good point, cutie,” laughed Hypnos. “Only fair that we even up the teams.”

  The Daemon aimed his trumpet toward the four Beefeaters and blew another almighty cloud of black smoke their way. It wafted around their big navy-blue hats, splitting into four small cyclones that circled over their heads for a second before simultaneously sucking into their left ears. The strange sensation made them all instinctively put their hands to their heads, but then, as one, they snapped to attention, drew their pikes, and started marching slowly toward the Gods with their weapons aimed at their enemies.

  “Ex-e-cute,” they droned together. “Ex-e-cute.”

  “Look—the crown!” whispered Elliot to Virgo. “It’s coming out of the Jewel House!”

  They both strained their necks to see the Imperial State Crown as a security guard carried it out on a red cushion. The purple velvet cap at the center was encased by a frame of gold, platinum, and silver. Every kind of gemstone covered the crown—rubies, emeralds, pearls, and sapphires. And in the center shone the most brilliant diamond.

  “There’s the Earth Stone!” gasped Elliot.

  Even in the morning mist, the diamond outsparkled its companion gems with a penetrating, otherworldly light.

  “Ex-e-cute,” moaned the Beefeaters as they marched on the Gods. “Ex-e-cute.”

  “What’s he done to them?” asked Hermes.

  “They’re sleepwalking,” said Athene.

  With the Gods rooted to the spot, Hypnos raised his trumpet to his lips to blast them again. Elliot dug his heels into Pegasus’s side and cantered toward Hypnos.

  “I’ll have that, thanks,” he said, and snatched the trumpet from Hypnos’s hands.

  “Wha—? Who’s there?” hissed the Daemon of Sleep as his trumpet vanished into thin air. “Don’t play with me … ”

  “Where’s the crown?” said Elliot, making Hypnos spin around to find the direction of the unseen voice.

  “I can’t see,” said Virgo. “We need to get closer.”

  “Is that you, child?” Hypnos grinned. “So you wanna game of hide-and-seek? You’re it.”

  Elliot put his fingers to his lips to silence Virgo as Hypnos put his hands in front of him to feel for the invisible thieves.

  The Beefeaters were now just feet away from the Gods.

  “Looks like it’s time for some good old-fashioned fisticuffs,” said Zeus, rolling up his sleeves. “Back in the day we enjoyed a good scrap.”

  “We have to be gentle with them,” said Athene. “They don’t know what they’re doing.”

  Elliot smiled as Hypnos walked straight past him. The Gods were going to nail this.

  “Forget fisticuffs,” said Hermes, drawing his lean body into a low crouch with his hands raised. “I can handle this … Beefeaters! Hold tight! I am the Karate King! I am a trained master in kicking butt and taking names! Though I already know what to call you, so let’s get right to the kicking of butts! Bosh!”

  Hermes performed an elaborate series of martial-arts moves, kicking and lunging with a chorus of high-pitched cries.

  “H-iiii-ya!” he yelled each time, kicking his right leg higher with each shout. “H-iiii-ya! H-iiii-ya!”

  The Beefeaters stopped and stared.

  “Scared now, aren’t you?” shouted Hermes, drawing his leg back for even bigger kicks. “Well, then check this action out—H-iiii-ya! H-iiii-ya! H … AMSTRING! HAMSTRING! OW! OW! OW!”

  Hermes yelped painfully across the grass, clutching his injured thigh.

  Elliot gently urged Pegasus on to get a better view of the crown. But the moment the horse’s hooves hit the cobblestones, Hypnos flew over. They froze as he felt around, barely a few feet from Pegasus’s head.

  “Here I come, ready or not … ” sang the Daemon.

  Elliot looked to the Gods for help, but the Beefeaters had their full attention.

  “Theney—we’ve got this,” said Aphrodite, signaling to her sister as two of the Beefeaters reached them. “Remember the old routine?”

  “As if it were yesterday,” said Athene confidently, retreating across the grass to give herself a long run-up. “You throw me up, I’ll take two of them down with a flying somersault before you cartwheel over and flip the other two over your head. Ready?”

  “Ready,” said Aphrodite, kneeling down and cupping her hands.

  Athene sprinted toward her sister, ready to be boosted into the air. But halfway there, confusion clouded her face.

  “We use my right foot? No, my left, right?” she called as she hurtled toward her sister.

  “Right!” shouted Aphrodite.

  “Right as in the foot, or right as in ‘Yes, it’s your left’?”

  “Right!” yelled Aphrodite as Athene charged on.

  “Which right?” screamed Athene. “You need to give clearer instructions!”

  “Your right!”

  “I’m right about what?” screeched Athene. “Too late!”

  She put her left foot in Aphrodite’s hands.

  “Seriously!” Aphrodite groaned as she attempted to fling her sister into the air. “What have you been eating?”

  “I’m the perfect weight for my—aaargh!”

  With a heave, Athene tried to leap gracefully into the air. But on the wrong foot and with all momentum lost, Athene splatted backward onto her bottom, kicking her sister in the head with her right foot. The two Goddesses sprawled across the green.

  “Come out, come out, wherever you are … ” cooed Hypnos.

  As the Daemon groped toward Pegasus, Elliot tapped the horse’s neck and pointed to the sky. Pegasus winked and, lightly as a feather, leapt into the air, just as Hypnos grabbed at the empty space in front of him.

  “You … boron!” yelled Aphrodite, holding her hand to her swollen nose, forgetting all about the Beefeaters.

  “They seem a little … suboptimal,” whispered Virgo, looking down on the Gods.

  “They suck,” groaned Elliot, as the Imperial State Crown started its solemn procession toward the trucks. “And they need to hurry up.”

  The female Beefeater marched toward Zeus.

  “Ex-e-cute … Ex-e-cute … ”

  “I will not fight a lady,” said Zeus, snatching her pike and throwing it down. “It would be unfair, unchivalrous, and un—”

  The lady Beefeater grabbed Zeus by the chest, lifted him over her head like a paper dumbbell, and threw him to the floor with a thud.

  “And quite uncomfortable,” he groaned as he crashed to the ground. “Ooooof—my back … ”

  “Listen up,” said Athene, holding Aphrodite’s head at arm’s length. “We’re out of shape. We’ll have to do this another way. We need to get into their minds, break the sleepwalking spell … ”

  Elliot stifled a frustrated groan. He checked that Hypnos was still creeping around below. Maybe he could snatch the crown himself? He looked at the team of soldiers and their machine guns. Maybe not. But as long as he kept his eye on where the crown was, the Gods would still be able to swap it.

  “Ex-e-cute,” droned the older Beefeater, lifting his pike and aiming it at Athene.

  Athene put her hands to her brilliant head, searching her brain for a solution.

  “When was the Tower built?” she suddenly shouted.

  The Beefeater immediately snapped to attention and instinctively launched into his guided tour.

  “The Tower is believed to have been begun in 1078 at the behest of William the Conqueror,” he recited, still keeping Athene
at the end of his pike. “The first building was the White Tower, which is an impressive thirty yards high. Now if you’d like to follow me, the toilets are this way … ”

  With Hermes still rolling around clutching his hamstring, the tall and short Beefeaters marched on Aphrodite.

  “Ex-e-cute … Ex-e-cute … ”

  Inspiration struck the Goddess of Love. She blew two kisses. The kisses floated through the air as pink wafts before settling gently on the Beefeaters’ lips. They stopped and inhaled the sweet scent of pure love.

  “Jim—in all the years we’ve been working together, I’ve never told you what a great friend you are,” said the taller one. “I don’t appreciate you nearly often enough.”

  “Oh, stop, Steve,” blushed Jim. “You’re my best mate. I don’t know what I would have done without you when Fulham were relegated out of the league last season.”

  “There’s something I need to say to you,” said Steve, welling up.

  “There’s something I need to say too,” choked Jim.

  “I really love you, man!” blurted Steve.

  “I really love you too!” sobbed Jim. “We don’t spend enough time together. Let’s call the wives and arrange a holiday for the four of us!”

  “Great idea!” howled Steve. “Is the house next door to yours still up for sale?”

  “It is,” sniffed Jim. “Wonderful loft conversion … ”

  “I’m gonna move in!” cried Steve.

  “LET’S BUY A CARAVAN TOGETHER!” cried Jim, pulling Steve and Aphrodite into a huge, bromantic hug.

  With Aphrodite trapped between the two sobbing Beefeaters, Elliot looked down to see the crown being loaded into a big black box. Hypnos was directly beneath him, pouncing intermittently at thin air. Zeus was still on the ground, with the lady Beefeater ready to spear her prey with her pike.

  “Ex-e-cute!”

  “Stop!” cried Zeus, holding his hand to the end of her weapon. “In the name of love!”

  She halted as Zeus stared longingly into her eyes.

  “Speak to me, my darling,” drawled Zeus. “Tell me what name the angels gave you when they crafted you from starlight?”