by Noah Harris
He could see Apollo running that over in his head. Dante knew Apollo well enough to know when his friend was taking each possibility apart carefully, attempting meticulously to break down Dante’s argument. It was the same sort of deduction that led Apollo to his simple and yet easily defended decisions. By the time Apollo chose to speak his mind, he had already managed to break everything down into its essential components and could refute or balk at the flimsiest of arguments.
Apollo sighed. “Why?”
Dante had been expecting a counter-argument of some sort, but not the soft question. He had almost hoped for a bit more of the fire and fury he’d seen from Apollo before. But that soft question, said with such tender injury, drove into the center of Dante’s heart with an icy slice.
“I could sit here all night and list all the reasons, but would it really matter? It’s not right, it’s not good, and it can’t work,” Dante said.
Apollo was everything Dante had come to respect and love about the people of The Grove. He worked hard, fought hard, and loved even harder when someone was patient enough to wait for him. Dante’s life was one constant trouble knocking down his door, or he was the one out looking for trouble. He belonged in The Grove only because Samuel had brought him in and marked him as one of theirs, but it would never make him truly a member.
Apollo stared at him. “That’s not good enough.”
Dante looked down, clenching his fist. “What do you want me to say Apollo? That you’re my best friend? That I’m not going to throw everything we have between us away on some stupid fling?”
“That…this…a fling,” Apollo said, his shoulders beginning to sag.
Hating himself, Dante nodded curtly. “It was a kiss, a good kiss at that. You’re a good kisser, and anyone who actually has a chance to be with you is going to be lucky. But I’m not that man Apollo.”
Apollo looked up at him, eyes pleading. “But you could be.”
Dante’s heart cried out to give in, to bow to Apollo’s wish and just take what was being offered to him. It was what Dante had wanted all along, and Dante couldn’t believe he was hearing those words from Apollo’s lips. It was the greatest of his dreams, and yet the worst of his nightmares.
“Look at my life, Apollo, look at what I do. I’m gone sometimes for weeks, months even. I travel around the country, and I even go out onto the other continents as well. There’s nothing about my life that leaves any room for anything else,” Dante said.
“Nothing? Not even someone who…I mean something, don’t I?” Apollo asked, voice trembling.
“Of course, you mean something. You’ve meant something to me ever since the day you came and sat down by me when no one else would. You’re my best friend, and I mean to keep it that way,” Dante told him, unsure how he felt about the steadiness of his words.
“But not…the kiss.”
Dante forced himself to speak the words. “We were nearly buried alive, and we could have still been. Like you said, you never know how you’re going to react when you’re facing down death.”
As Dante watched, Apollo’s heart broke in front of him, his shoulders sagging, and his eyes cast down to the ground. Agony tore through Dante as he watched his most heartfelt wish die on the spot, taking Apollo’s heart along with it. Dante swore to himself that it was for the best. In the end, Apollo was better finding someone who wasn’t constantly disappearing to the far corners of the country and the world to go on dangerous, solo missions he might not come back from. That Apollo was better being with someone who could be there for him, and not be the utter disaster that Dante knew he was.
“I think…I’ll turn in early tonight,” Apollo said softly.
Dante knew better than to argue, only nodding. “I’ll wake you for your watch.”
Turning his attention back to the fire, Dante let Apollo have his privacy as the man found a spot of grass to curl up on, his back to Dante. Mindlessly, Dante tended the fire as the moon began to shift its way across the night sky. He had no intention of waking Apollo, content to let the man sleep through the night without being disturbed. It wouldn’t be the first time he spent the entire night wide awake and still had to make a journey the coming morning.
Plus, he wouldn’t be able to sleep even if he wanted to.
*****
The sun took its sweet time, finally rising above the horizon, lighting the sky with its vibrant crimson and orange rays. Dante watched the light grow, filling the nooks and crannies of the forest around him. All around him, the forest came to life, with the birds having begun their songs an hour before. The fire had died down to embers quite some time ago, but even its heat and the rays of the sun couldn’t warm him.
He wasn’t sure when Apollo had finally managed to fall asleep, though Dante knew it had taken hours. His own misery had kept him awake, drifting through his thoughts constantly. Even if he’d let himself lie down, every time he thought about the crestfallen expression on Apollo’s face as Dante shot down any and all hope for anything more between them, he was snapped back to full awareness by the twist in his gut.
Apollo stirred, his sleep having been silent, but apparently, not very deep. Dante watched him quietly as Apollo pushed himself up from the grass, peering around until he spotted Dante nearby. Apollo blinked, his eyes red and his expression haggard as he looked up toward the rising sun.
“You didn’t wake me,” Apollo said, voice completely devoid of all emotion.
Dante turned his attention back to the embers in the pit, kicking dirt onto them. “It’s fine; I’ve had to stay up for longer.”
“Should have woken me,” Apollo said, pushing himself up from the ground without a sound.
Dante followed suit, kicking dirt onto the fire in earnest. “I’m going to get some water from the nearby river to put this fire out. We can grab a quick bite to eat after that and head out. We should be able to make decent time, get back to The Grove later today if we’re quick.”
Apollo nodded. “Dante.”
Dante stopped, his back still to Apollo. “Yeah?”
“About last night…”
Dante took a deep breath, turning himself around to face Apollo and whatever he had to say. “What?”
Apollo’s eyes swept over him, taking in his dirty, tired appearance without so much as a flicker of emotion. Dante realized, with no small amount of horror, that he was witnessing the distant and chilly demeanor so often attributed to Apollo by others. There was no twinkle of amusement, no warmth or understanding, just a brick wall of zero emotions, with a slight chill at the edges.
Apollo snorted, turning away. “You’re full of shit, that’s what.”
Chapter 10 – Apollo
~~*~~
Twisting around, Apollo drove his fist forward, forcing his opponent to dodge to the side with wide eyes. A growl of frustration bubbled out from between his lips, and he shoved his elbow toward them instead. A sense of satisfaction flashed through him as his elbow slammed into his opponent’s hands as they hastily tried to block his blow. It was enough to knock them off balance, and Apollo leaned back as they stumbled away, kicking out and catching them in the same place.
Kat was lifted off her feet as Apollo’s blow picked her up and tossed her several feet away. With a grunt, she slammed into the ground, rolling backward and nimbly slamming her feet to the earth to prevent herself from going further. Her back rose and fell as she huffed for breath, watching Apollo with huge eyes.
“Shit, Apollo.”
He bounced from one foot to the next, cracking his neck. “We’re supposed to be training, right?”
Kat rubbed at her chest. “Yeah, that’s kind of my point. We’re supposed to be training, not trying to beat the living shit out of each other.”
“I had been led to believe you were the toughest, most skilled fighter our pack has. If we’re going to be trained, it’s going to be by the best, and that’s supposed to be you,” Apollo told her.
Kat stood slowly, watching him warily. �
�Yeah, that’s true, and I’m all for going full out in your training, but this is…”
Apollo froze. “What?”
“Ever since you came back a few days ago, you've been different. Quiet.”
Apollo snorted, bringing his hands up into a ready stance. “I’m always quiet.”
“This is a different sort of quiet. Normally you’re the ‘I’m perfectly happy to be in my own little world and think quietly’ quiet type. Whatever you are now feels like you’re just looking for a reason to explode,” Kat said, taking a step back.
Apollo frowned. “There’s nothing to be worrying yourself over.”
Kat scoffed. “You’ve been hanging around Dante too much; you’re even starting to sound like him. I’ll tell you what I told him, I’m not stupid, and it’s obvious something is wrong.”
The name sent a ripple of agony through Apollo. Apollo had been able to block out the worst of what he was feeling so long as he didn’t have to see or hear about Dante. The tracker had only hung around long enough to give his report to Samuel before disappearing again. Apollo had considered asking Samuel if he’d sent Dante off on another off-the-books assignment but chose to stay away from the alpha instead.
“I’m perfectly fine,” Apollo repeated.
“Yeah, and you didn’t just try to cave my chest in.”
“I didn’t.”
“Apollo, you’re a hulking brute, even by werewolf standards. You’re one of the strongest werewolves we have, and with a kick like that, you could have easily done some real damage. Like I said, I’m here for training, but this isn’t training on your part. You’ve got some issues to work out, and until you figure your shit out, we’re done training,” Kat told him, shaking her head.
Apollo growled. “There’s nothing wrong.”
Kat nodded slowly, her mouth pressed into a thin line. “Right. Well, you can take it up with my dad.”
Apollo froze again. “Pardon?”
“You heard me, go take it up with him. He’s noticed that you didn’t stop by to tell him about whatever the hell you went off to do, and he told me to send you his way after you were done here today. And for the record? We’re done here for a bit. You can talk to me about anything you want Apollo, but I’m not going to be your personal beat-up doll either. Come back when you want actual training.”
Apollo stood motionless as Kat backed away, only turning her back on him when she was several yards away. He couldn’t believe that Katarina, the toughest and most capable fighter they had, wasn’t willing to train him just because he’d gotten a little rough. Certainly, the last few blows might have been a tad too aggressive for what would have been acceptable for a sparring match, but that was no reason to back out and leave him with nothing.
“There’s nothing wrong!” Apollo shouted after her.
With a snarl, he turned his anger on the nearby training dummy. The thick wooden arm of the human facsimile snapped the instant his foot drove into it, flipping up into the air and crashing down into the brush. Apollo stared at the spot where the arm had landed, his chest heaving as he tried to steady himself.
Perhaps he was a little worked up.
And he knew just who to aim his energy at.
*****
Without a care toward standard decorum, Apollo shoved his way through the front door of the Main House. The door swung hard, slamming into the wall before bouncing back at him. Apollo caught it, looking around the large receiving room.
“Hello?” Apollo called, closing the door behind him with marginally more care than he’d opened it.
The fabric covering the doorway to the living quarters billowed as Samuel appeared. As per usual, Samuel’s features were unreadable, save for the frown of intense concentration. It was an expression Apollo had grown used to seeing on his alpha’s face, all the way through his life. Even his parents, before their deaths, had commented that they rarely saw a pleasant expression on Samuel’s face.
“Apollo, I see you can come when you are summoned,” Samuel began, stepping up onto the dais where the sitting pillows sat.
Apollo stiffened. “You called, and so I’ve come.”
“But not before that, when you should have reported alongside Dante,” Samuel noted, sitting himself down on the cushion that was customarily his.
“My report wouldn’t be any different than the one Dante gave. And if you’d wanted my version of events, you would have called upon me, which you’ve done,” Apollo told him, voice rigid.
Samuel settled himself until he was comfortable, eyes searching Apollo’s face carefully. Apollo could remember being a boy, and how terrifying it had seemed to be under the scrutinizing and uncompromising stare of the man who was his leader. Apollo wasn’t a child anymore, however, and Samuel’s unrelenting gaze no longer struck fear into his heart.
In fact, it only served to stoke the flames of his anger.
“It’s been a very long time since you’ve looked at me like that,” Samuel said softly.
Apollo’s face tightened. “Like this?”
Samuel nodded. “It would have been…hmm; it would have been nearly fifteen years ago, wouldn’t it? When you and Artemis were brought into this room.”
Apollo snorted. “Yes, I recall. It was the day you learned our parents had been killed while out doing your dirty work. And you thought it was a grand idea two drag to ten-year-olds into your official receiving chamber and inform us of it.”
“Yes. Not my greatest moment, and one for which Matalina gave me an earful for quite some time,” Samuel said.
“Good,” Apollo growled.
The day had been plagued with a terrible storm, and Apollo remembered the walk through the downpour to the Main House as though it had only happened the day before. They had been brought to the place below the dais where only Samuel had sat. Without pretense or hesitation, Samuel had laid out the facts for them; their parents had been killed while performing their duty.
It wasn’t until years later that Artemis discovered exactly what their parents’ duty had been. For years, they had been performing the exact same role that Dante now filled. It was their job to slip into places they weren’t meant to be, dig up information, sabotage a potential rival’s efforts, and worse yet, eliminate a rival before they became too great a threat. Apollo had never known how Artemis had found out, but he’d never doubted his sister for a moment, and it was a secret he’d kept locked away in his mind for all the years since she’d told him.
Samuel cocked his head. “Is that the reason for your anger with me? You somehow managed to find out what your parents were doing all those years ago?”
“I never found out exactly what they were doing on that night. I’ve known about what they were doing for you for years, so no Samuel, I am not furious with you over their fate,” Apollo said between his clenched teeth.
Samuel raised his brow at the use of his name. “Then enlighten me.”
“You brought me here for my report,” Apollo said.
“I brought you here because I wanted you here. Now answer the question.”
Apollo’s lip curled, his chest burning as he fought the urge to launch himself across the room. Instead, he whirled on one heel and made for the door. As much as he wanted to let loose with the full torrent of his fury and pain, he knew better. Even if Samuel forgave him for such an egregious assault, Apollo would never have forgiven himself for losing control.
“Or is this about Dante?” Samuel called after him.
Apollo’s hand froze on the handle of the door, his fingers twitching. Once more, he felt the blade of Dante’s name drive straight into his heart. Once more, he faced down the memory of Dante staring him in the face, bound and determined to tell Apollo they were nothing and could never be anything more. Yet for all his cruel words and hard voice, Dante hadn’t been able to conceal the pain and fear in his eyes, nor the self-loathing on his face when Apollo had awoken the next morning.
Apollo whirled around, shoulders squaring as he stepped
forward. “You mean the next person in line to die for your dirty jobs?”
“So you know about that as well,” Samuel said, voice soft.
Apollo snarled, his fist lashing out to slam into one of the nearby pillars, cracking the outer layer. “You’re damned right I know about it! How many people are going to die because you ordered them off on their own, Samuel? How many people am I going to lose to your ambitions, to your needs? Isn’t it bad enough that your stupid orders got my parents taken from me? They weren’t even there to see Artemis and I shift for the first time! All I had was my sister, my twin, the sole thing left in this world that I could call mine and mine alone and now she’s gone too.”
Dead and ripped away from his life, and Apollo was left as the sole survivor, the only one to carry on a legacy he knew so little about. All that had been left to him of his world had been Dante. His friend, who had been there ever since Apollo was a small child, bound together through the bond of being outsiders, strange even to their own kind. His stupidly noble, endlessly self-sacrificing friend, who tore himself apart piece by piece, all for the sake of other people’s happiness and safety.
“And now you’ve got your hooks into Dante! What else are you going to take from me, Samuel? How much of Dante are you going to claim until there’s nothing left, and he’s either a husk of himself or a corpse like my parents?” Apollo demanded, not caring that he was practically howling in his rage.
Samuel watched him, his features remaining stony and motionless as Apollo swung once again, slamming his fist directly into the pillar. Pain flared in his hand and was promptly ignored as Apollo drove his fist forward again and again. The cracks in the pillar spread outward, spider webs of shadow at first, and spreading further. Watching them widen, Apollo couldn’t help but remember watching the same cracks in the ceiling of the tunnels, and of the kiss that had been everything he’d had, poured into one moment.
And the agony on Dante’s face as he turned Apollo away.
