Behind the Strings

by Courtney Giardina

I nodded and turned toward the door, but I wasn’t fast enough. An innocent, friendly gesture had caught the eye of none other than Hunter Jennings. He had fled his way through the crowd of people and called out Logan’s name right as I was about to leave.

  “Logan, how about a picture with you and your girlfriend?” he said.

  He lifted the camera up and waited. I could see the annoyance in Logan’s eyes. This was his night, his party, his celebration, which for him meant he had the right to say or do whatever he wanted.

  “Celia,” he said, reaching for me, “is a dear friend of mine. So even though your television drama likes to think there is, there’s no story here. No relationship. We’re friends, and she was just leaving.”

  Hunter set his camera back down to his side and apologized before walking away. I smiled thankfully at Logan and he winked back. Before anyone else tried to stop me, I quickly turned again to leave. I was exhausted. I was tired of these heels. I was tired of these bobby pins that were tugging at my head and I needed to get out of there, away from Jesse. As soon as he grabbed my hand, that feeling from the other night flowed through me, and I couldn’t do it. I had to go. It didn’t, however, stop me from turning around to look back one more time before I stepped into the street.

  23

  The next morning, I took advantage of my close proximity to Soulful Grinds. Before I even washed my face, I threw my hair back, pulled on a pair of jeans under my oversized nightshirt and hobbled over. I had tossed and turned for most of the night, and I was pretty sure I hadn’t actually fallen asleep until after the sun started to gaze through my window, so I wasn’t exactly coherent as I pulled the door open to the heavenly smell of dark roast.

  The warmth of the cup took the chill from my hands on what was a brisk morning in early October. I made myself comfortable back on my porch swing and rested my eyes between sips of my latte. The cool breeze massaged me to sleep, still holding steadily onto my half-empty cup.

  It had to have been a good thirty minutes or so before I awoke again to the settling of the swing. My eyes shot open and what was left of my latte had splashed onto the planks below as the cup flew from my hands. I could hear the sound of Logan’s voice chuckling while I gained my composure.

  “I think you have a little bit of drool on your face right there,” he said, pointing to his chin.

  “You’re hilarious,” I said.

  “I’m a pretty funny guy.”

  A laugh came out of me as I smacked his knee. We went inside my place together, and I offered up my cooking expertise and popped four frozen waffles into the toaster oven while Logan filled me in on the rest of his night. Of course there were press interviews and lots of pictures. He even did a spontaneous acoustic version of “That Was Yesterday,” his current number-one hit. I kept repeating that as the toaster sizzled: “number-one hit.”

  We both leaned on the island in the kitchen and munched on our perfectly cooked waffles while Logan showed me the video of him singing. My best friend, my lifelong companion, had the number-one song in country music. It was so insane to think of where we were at that moment: both living in Nashville, doing what we loved, and being pretty darn good at it.

  “I’m seriously so proud of you, you know that, right?” I asked.

  “Of course I do.”

  “When you walked over to make your speech, I thought you were either going to throw up or faint. The look on your face was priceless.”

  “Uh-uh, no way,” he said as he moved into the living room. He plopped down on the couch and rested his feet on the coffee table.

  “I swear. If you want to scroll through my phone, you’ll see the pictures. I caught you red-handed.”

  He reached over to the other side where the phone sat and scrolled through the camera roll. I could see his reaction as he swiped through the photos I’d taken. I took the last bite of my waffle and threw the dish in the sink.

  “Ha, I do look like a deer in headlights, don’t I?” he asked.

  “Yes, yes you do, but then came this one.” I sat down next to him and swiped a couple more times to the right where Logan was confidently giving his thank-you speech.

  “Great recovery, look at that,” I said. “And the way you handled Hunter Jennings last night? Priceless.”

  Logan rolled his eyes. “I hate that guy. If every story he wrote about me was actually true I’d have dated more girls in the last six months than I have my whole life.”

  We both laughed. I felt Logan’s hand slowly move over mine. He lifted his other and rested my cheek on it. I didn’t know what he was going to do. He sat there, rubbing his fingers across my cheek. Slowly, he leaned in towards me and just before our lips met, I softly whispered his name and pulled back. I couldn’t let getting caught up in a moment happen again.

  “I know,” he sighed heavily.

  “I finally have you back. I don’t want to screw it up, you know.” We sat there glumly, confused in a way we had never felt with each other before.

  “Why do you think we would screw it up?” he asked. I looked over at him, puzzled. “Why would you and me together be so wrong?”

  “We’re supposed to be celebrating an amazing thing. Can we not talk about this right now?”

  “Then when are we going to talk about it?” he snapped. “You didn’t want to talk about it five years ago and you don’t want to talk about it now.”

  “Fine, I’ll talk about it. The truth is, I’m not ready for that and I don’t know when or if I ever will be. I don’t know what I would do if I ever lost you again and I cannot take that risk. I’m sorry. You told me the morning after your concert, right out there on that porch, that you would rather have me as your friend than nothing at all, right?” He nodded. “Then please, Logan, just be my friend.”

  “I am your friend. Come here.” He pulled me close to him and kissed the top of my head. “You’re stuck with me until the moon no longer says goodnight to the sun.”

  We both laughed. Logan held on to me for a bit longer until I had an idea that finally broke the silence.

  “You know what we should do?” I asked. “We should celebrate this like old times. Remember our sophomore year in high school after Mr. Peterson’s algebra final?”

  There was no way Logan could’ve forgotten that. He spent every night at my house the week before preparing for it. Both of our grades depended on it. I don’t think we slept for at least 48 hours before the day came until about half an hour before the alarm went off on the morning of the test. I woke up to find my head on Logan’s chest and one of his arms hanging off the side of my bed. I shook him awake and he sluggishly rolled himself out from under me to head back home and get ready.

  Both of us felt confident as we completed problem after problem, and when the tests came back a few days later we each flipped our papers over to see a big fat B+. This meant there was only one thing left to do.

  “Laser tag!” he crowed as he jumped up off the couch.

  We may have now been legally able to drink alcohol and rent a car, and to the rest of the world we were full-grown adults, but when it came to laser tag, we were never too old. That morning in my house, I swear I could see that sixteen-year-old Logan standing in front of me with the same kind of excitement in his eyes, like he had not a care in the world.

  24

  Logan and I both started hidden in opposite corners. It was every man (and me) for themselves. I had never been quite good at this game, but I sure did love it. I tiptoed out of the corner with my back to the wall just as someone came around it. I started shooting, and shooting, and shooting, but I missed my targets every time. It was like that for the rest of the round. I found Logan a few times and he of course tried to kill me, and succeeded more than once. I found myself laughing the whole time. A far cry from the sleepless, worrisome night I’d woken up from.

  When the time was up and the results were in, there were more people ranked before my name than after it. It was the opposite for Logan. I looked at him and shr
ugged, my admission of defeat.

  “Next time, kid. You’ll get ‘em next time,” he said, patting me on the head. I punched him in the stomach and even at half-strength it probably hurt me more than it hurt him. “I know exactly where to go next.”

  “Where?” I asked.

  He didn’t answer, only smiled and said I’d have to wait and see. We returned our gear to the front desk and walked arm-in-arm to that old pickup. He put it in drive and away we went to whatever destination it was he had in mind.

  We pulled up behind a line of cars parked on the side of the road. A crowd was gathered all down the sidewalk. I had never been on this side of Nashville before and had no idea what we were doing here. I must’ve been looking at Logan like he was crazy because the first thing he said to me once he put the truck in park was, “Trust me.”

  “If you say so,” I said.

  I slid out of the passenger seat and as we walked closer to the commotion, I was still confused. All I could see was the front of a vintage van that looked like it had been driven through someone’s front porch. With every step we took Logan would ask if I’d figured it out yet, but it took me until I saw the oversized hot dogs right smack dab in front of me to realize where we were.

  “Are you ready to put Louie’s to the test?” he asked.

  I read over the menu while we waited. So many of the options sounded worth trying, but I knew that neither of us could venture away from our traditional chili cheese dog. We ordered two of those and once I had mine in hand, Logan counted down.

  “Okay, ready?’” he asked. “3…2…1…take a bite!”

  And take a bite I did. One bigger than my mouth could really hold, but even as I struggled, I had to admit it was pretty damn good. I think Louie’s would have some serious competition should it ever come to good old Hamden.

  I finally swallowed my first bite and as I took my second Logan began to laugh.

  “I have something on my face, don’t I?” I asked.

  He nodded, pulled a napkin from my grasp and folded it up. Slowly he reached it to my face and wiped the oversized glob of cheese from it.

  “Didn’t even mess up your makeup,” he said.

  I smiled as he tossed the napkin into the garbage and took the first bite of his dog. The place may have been different and we may not have been those kids anymore, but for a split second, as I watched him take that bite, I remembered just how good it was to be Celia and Logan back then and how it seemed to be even better to be us now.

  That intimate moment between the two of us was short-lived. Right as Logan was about to take another bite he looked over my shoulder and groaned. I followed his gaze, but didn’t find what he was looking at.

  “Here we go,” he said.

  “What?”

  “We’re being watched.”

  I looked again over my shoulder. I saw a couple kids playing ring-around-the-rosie while their mothers chatted under a neon pink umbrella nearby. A few businessmen dressed in suits were busy on their cell phones. It wasn’t until the kids “all fell down” that I could see what Logan did.

  That man was like a parasite: everywhere no one wanted him to be. Right in my direct gaze, I saw Hunter Jennings. He sat at one of the picnic tables across the way. His phone was elevated to eye level and it was pretty obvious what he was doing. I rolled my eyes and looked back at Logan, motioning for us to leave.

  “Not yet,” he said.

  There was a look in his eyes that I couldn’t quite make out, nor did I have time to try before he started walking in Hunter’s direction.

  “Logan, where are you going?”

  He didn’t answer. His pace quickened and even as I followed he grew further away from me. I didn’t hear his first words to Hunter, but I saw the surprise on his face when Logan placed his hand in front of the lens. He stood quiet long enough for me to catch up.

  “You know, buddy, if you’re going to invade someone’s privacy, the least you can do is get my good side. This is not my best angle.” He traced his profile of his left side with his finger as Hunter slid his phone softly on his lap. “Go ahead, I’m ready now. Come on, take it.”

  “Listen, pal, I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Hunter said unconvincingly.

  Logan raised his voice a few decibels, “Don’t you have anything better to do than follow me around today?”

  “Don’t flatter yourself,” Hunter said, “I’m out enjoying the sunshine.” As a reporter I could’ve guessed he’d be fast on his feet with some kind of excuse, but Logan didn’t buy it.

  “I’m gonna tell you right now, if any of this ends up on that damn soap opera of yours…”

  “Is that a threat, Mr. Kent?” Hunter said tauntingly.

  By that point more and more people were following his voice and it only took a minute for a few of them to realize who he was. I cut in before it got any worse. “Logan, let’s go,” I said, grabbing his arm, “it’s not worth it.”

  He looked around at those staring back at him and reverted. He shook his head in frustration before he placed his hand around my shoulders, waved at the onlookers and began to walk away.

  “If you’re looking for a story, you’re not going to find one here. Got it?”

  Hunter nodded and then stood up to leave. Logan watched him until he was no longer in our sights. Then he smiled politely at the few people who were still looking in our direction because he pulled me into him and walked toward the car.

  25

  I felt bad that Logan’s day of celebration had ended on a sour note. Since he was staying in town for a bit to do some songwriting, later that week I thought it would be the perfect time to take Jaycie up on a trivia night. It would help all of us let loose and have some fun. I told Logan to invite some of his friends to meet up with us at our favorite trivia spot downtown. That was pretty much a guarantee that Jesse would be there, so I overly prepared myself both mentally and physically. I put on a pair of jeans that were just the right kind of tight and spruced up my normal barely-there look with a little eyeliner and pink lip gloss.

  A little before eight, I stepped out of a cab with Jaycie and onto the streets of my lively city and through the doors of one of its many bars for a night of pop culture, beer, and in typical Nashville style, live music. I noticed Logan sitting at a table across the room, leaning in closely to the girl standing next to him.

  “Hey, you,” I said, leaning my forearm on Logan’s shoulder. I smiled at the both of them as they halted their conversation to look at me.

  “Hey,” Logan said, “Celia, this is my friend Finn.”

  “Very nice to meet you, Finn,” I said, “This is my friend Jaycie.

  Jaycie gave a wave to Finn and stretched her hand out to Logan. I watched the smile on her face grow once his hand touched her. It was hard not to laugh after the conversation the two of us had about his ass, but I felt I played it off well. I covered my mouth and pretended to cough until I regained my composure.

  “The infamous Logan,” Jaycie said, still holding tightly to his hand. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

  “All good things, I hope,” he said.

  “Oh, of course. Good from every angle.”

  I jerked my head at that comment and went back into fake coughing mode. Once Jaycie was able to release her grasp from Logan we settled into a couple of stools at the table. I watched Finn intently as she whispered into Logan’s ear. She’d laugh every time he would respond and pat his shoulder as a way to pull herself in closer.

  “Is that ridiculous laugh necessary?” Jaycie whispered curtly, rolling her eyes, when Finn stepped away for a minute.

  I shrugged. “Oh she’s harmless,” I said.

  It was clear Finn had gotten under Jaycie’s skin, but I had no reason at that point to judge her laugh. No reason not to like her. Not until Jesse came strolling in with a couple of friends did I start to share Jaycie’s sentiments. Finn noticed him before the rest of us. A shriek pierced my ears as she ran to him and threw her a
rms around his neck. I watched her kiss his cheek and nuzzle her head against his shoulder.

  When she finally let go of him, they walked towards the table. I could see the stain of red on his cheek where her lips once were. I cringed at the sight of it. My body tensed up and out of the corner of my eye I could see Jaycie eyeing me.

  “Harmless, huh?” she said.

  It was my turn to roll my eyes. She had now moved from Logan closer to Jesse and I didn’t one bit like her intentions for either of them.

  I usually was quite tolerant of most of the girls who hung around Logan even if I didn’t like then, but I knew what heartbreak looked like for him, and it wasn’t something I wanted him to go through again if I could help it. And right now, she screamed “heartbreak.”

  Back in 7th grade he “went steady” with a girl named Jacqueline. Ninety percent of the time I wanted to punch her in the face. Their relationship consisted of him carrying her books to every one of her classes, standing in line for her lunch, and holding her backpack all the way home. Then there was Katherine, freshman homecoming queen and aspiring model. She made sure Logan always knew how lucky he was to be dating her.

  And I certainly couldn’t forget Lyla. She transferred to Hamden from Florida midway through our junior year. They didn’t last even a few months because her insecurities about my relationship with Logan drove her to the loony bin. She expected him to be with her 24/7, and the times he couldn’t she was convinced it was because he was cheating on her with me. That got old real fast.

  That was the last real girlfriend that I remember. He liked a girl named Hannah our senior year, but they were never really together. She was a very quiet brunette who transferred from the private school up the road. I’m still not sure what made her join us in her final year of high school, I couldn’t imagine starting over so late. Logan sat behind her in physics and economics and I would watch him smile every time she’d answer a question from the teacher. It took a couple months of me nagging him before he finally asked her to hang out. She came to a bonfire down by the lake and kept close to Logan most of the night. Once he pulled out his guitar I sat down on the rock next to her and listened.