Behind the Strings

by Courtney Giardina

  “Promise?” I asked.

  “Celia, where is this coming from?”

  “Nowhere.” I let out a soft laugh. “You’re really important to me, that’s all. Our lives can be hectic sometimes and I don’t want you to forget what you mean to me. So, promise me, no matter what, we’ll always be friends.”

  “I promise,” he said without hesitation.

  34

  Now that Logan had done some songwriting, it was time for him to get back on the road. His newest single was now on the charts and climbing fast, so now he needed to do a little promotion for it. With Halloween coming up, it was the perfect excuse to send himself off with a bang by hosting a barbeque.

  The day of the party, I drove down the residential street lined with townhomes until I arrived at Logan’s. My hair was covered in a red bandana. I cut up an old white crop top and wrapped my neck and wrists in an abundance of jewelry to seal off my pirate look. I was the first to enter under the brick archway of his patio and yelled out to him through the open door. When he didn’t answer, I walked in, my hands full with stacks of store-bought baked goods. Logan was well aware of my cooking skills, so he gave me the simple task of picking up some desserts. I set them all down on the counter and slid open the screen door to the back deck where the smell of good ol’ ribs over charcoal hit me as I stepped out onto it.

  “It smells amazing out here,” I said. “Whoa, look at you” His legs were adorned with green tights. A feather stuck out of the hat on his head. “Looking good, Peter,” I said with a wink.

  “Thank you, Captain Hook.”

  “Jack Sparrow, duh.” I shook my head at him. Clearly I was going for Johnny Depp. “Oh, shoot,” I said, “I forgot something in the car. I’ll be right back.”

  I ran back into the house and out the front without slowing down. I had remembered the one thing I did actually make I left in the trunk: Jell-O-shots. I was quite proud of how they came out and definitely didn’t want them to melt. I leaned into the trunk to pull them out and heard a familiar voice behind me.

  “Hey, pretty girl,” Jesse said.

  I turned around to find his blue eyes staring at me through a black mask. Zorro looked good on him. He reached out and we did that whole “let’s hug you in a way that looks like we’re just friends” sort of thing. I couldn’t really tell if he was uncomfortable seeing me or it was because we were at Logan’s house and he was still in the dark about us, but I was hoping it was the latter. With my free hand I took one of the many bags from his hands and walked with him inside.

  Jesse and Logan didn’t waste any time getting the party started. They were a halfway through a bottle of some kind of liquor when others started to arrive. Finn, dressed as a black cat, was one of the first. She went to Logan first, leaving red lips on his cheek this time before she sank her claws into Jesse. I do mean that literally, too. Her diamond-studded nails wrapped through his arm while he tended the grill and that’s where they stuck.

  I watched Jesse try to squirm his way out of her grasp a few times, but he was unsuccessful. I wanted so badly to grab her by her fake blonde hair and tell her not to touch my man, but I couldn’t because no one actually knew that. In fact, I wasn’t even sure that he was my man. So instead, I decided to go inside and pour myself a drink to drown my sorrows.

  Logan came in behind me as I was shaking my coconut rum and fruit juice concoction. That dreaded red lipstick was still stained to his cheek. I couldn’t help but laugh at him. He wiped profusely, but to no avail.

  “Get over here,” I said.

  It was a good thing we’d been friends for a while. That way it wasn’t awkward when I licked my finger and started scrubbing his cheek with it. It took a few tries, but finally it disappeared.

  “So,” I said, pouring my drink into a glass, “who is that girl, anyway?”

  “Who, Finn?”

  “Yes, Finn.” I emphasized her name on that one.

  I guess I should’ve known, but Finn turned out to be a cocktail waitress at one of the bars Logan used to play at. She was the one who always made sure his cup never ran empty while he was on stage.

  “Why, you jealous?” he asked.

  “Of Finn? No.”

  “You just rubbed your lip.”

  I had no idea what that had to do with anything, but it seemed that it was a thing Logan remembered about me while we were growing up. He said I always did it in front of my mom when I was trying to lie my way out of something. I certainly wasn’t jealous of Finn, but I know I wasn’t doing a good job at hiding the fact that she got under my skin. The problem was that because Logan didn’t know about my recent relationship drama, he thought my issue lay with her and him.

  “I’m not jealous of Finn,” I said, “she just sort of came out of nowhere, that’s all.”

  “We all used to hang out every now and then back in the day,” he said. By all, I realized he meant Jesse too. “She doesn’t live here anymore, actually. Moved to California to make it in Hollywood. She’s back visiting family for a couple weeks and wanted to catch up. She’s harmless, I promise,” he said, “and she’s got nothing on you.”

  I didn’t really know how to take that, but before I could react a few others passed by from outside followed by Jesse.

  “What’s going on in here?” he asked as he reached for a handful of chips from the counter

  “Celia’s jealous of Finn,” Logan said.

  “Of Finn, huh?”

  “Yeah, she thinks she’s trying to steal me away from her.”

  Logan stepped closer and put his arm around me. I could smell the alcohol on his breath, and from the way most of his weight leaned against me, it was clear he was closer to drunk than sober. I slapped his hand off my shoulder and said again that I was not jealous of Finn.

  “There’s no need to be embarrassed, everyone in here knows you love me,” Logan said. “Right, Jesse?”

  He choked down a mouthful of chips before he mumbled, “Yeah, right, of course.”

  Jesse quickly excused himself and walked out into the hallway. I shot Logan a fiery glance, but all he did was laugh. Not wanting to be incredibly obvious, I wasted a few minutes throwing away cups and wiping countertops before I walked out of the kitchen to find Jesse wandering the front sidewalk with a cigarette in his hand.

  “You don’t smoke,” I said as I walked down to meet him.

  “Not on most days,” he said.

  “Are you mad?” I asked.

  He shook his head and blew a cloud of smoke from the side of his mouth. I faked a cough; he laughed, tossed the cigarette from his hand, and reached out for me. I walked in close to him, lifting my chin up to his, and when I got close enough he bent down for a kiss.

  “I have wanted to do that all damn day,” he said.

  We had time to sneak in a few more before my new best friend pulled open the front door and gestured for us. Finn called Jesse in to be her partner in a game of cornhole, but he slyly offered a guys-against-girls challenge and winked at me.

  “I hate you so much right now,” I said quietly, punching him in the stomach.

  “I’m highly offended,” he said as he pushed me inside.

  Of course Finn insisted Jesse play on her side of the board, so I stood on the far side with Logan as he took the first shot. Every attempt hit the board, but none went in. Finn wasn’t close to hitting where she should’ve, but I’m pretty sure she wasn’t even actually trying. Every other throw she would look at Jesse and ask if she was doing it right. I had to look away during the times he’d give her instruction before I got sick.

  “Wow,” Logan said, “she really does get under your skin, doesn’t she?”

  “I just don’t know how a girl like that survives in the real world, that’s all.”

  I must have said that a little too loud, because within a few seconds I found myself ducking at the final beanbag she threw our way. Jesse tried hard to hide the humor he found in it, but I could see through the hand he had in front of hi
s mouth.

  I tossed the beanbags back in their direction, one in the hole and two on the board. I whipped the final one across the yard and it easily made it over the board, perfectly aligned in Jesse’s direction. He jumped to the side and it landed right where he had been standing.

  “All right, all right, I see what we’re doing here,” he said. “Logan, my man, we are taking no prisoners today.”

  I wouldn’t call the rest of the match much of a game, but it was done in style and good fun. All of us had to duck a few more times at flying objects and waited out the other team with sips of beer that rested in our free hands. Logan and Jesse won with flying colors. I’d like to think I would’ve had a fighting chance should I have had a different partner, but losing actually turned out to have its advantages.

  My little bladder could only hold that many beers for so long. I ran inside to the bathroom and right as I was about to come out, the door pushed back at me and Jesse stepped inside. He closed it behind us, cupped his hands around my face and before I knew it his tongue was dancing with mine and he pulled me by my waist up onto the countertop. My hands slid around him and I grasped firmly at the layers of black over his skin, but just as fast as it had started, Jesse pulled away.

  “That’s it?” I asked breathing heavily.

  He winked at me. “Well, I felt bad, you know, beating you and all.”

  “Oh, so that was my consolation prize?”

  “You could look at it that way.” I could sense his sarcasm. I smiled and grabbed the front of his cape to pull him in for one more kiss.

  I hopped off the counter and unlocked the door, slowly peeking into the hall. When we were clear, we both left the bathroom and rejoined the party.

  Most of the partygoers had cleared out by the time the sun went down so I started cleaning up and washing dishes to somewhat reorganize the house before I left. Jesse pulled the leftovers off the grill and Logan helped the best he could considering the state that he was in. The house was pretty much back to normal once it was finally empty of all its guests. I found Logan though still awake, slouched down on the couch. He had offered to walk me out, but Jesse said he would do it.

  “Thanks, man,” Logan said, slapping him a handshake.

  I leaned down to hug him. His arms held me tightly as he kissed my cheek and whispered in my ear.

  “I’m going marry you someday,” he said.

  I pulled back, alarmed but trying to keep my cool. “You’re so funny, drunky.”

  “I mean it; we even have a witness, see?” He pointed to Jesse, “I’m going to marry this girl. You just wait.”

  I didn’t give either of them time to keep the conversation going. Quickly I said goodbye and told him I would call to check on him in the morning. Jesse locked the door behind us and we walked outside.

  “Can I ask you something?”

  Jesse held me closely against the driver-side door of my car. He looked into my eyes with a serious expression I hadn’t seen before. I nodded, clasping my hands behind him.

  “Logan…he’s a much better guy than me.”

  “Jesse...”

  “I know you already said you don’t have feelings for him, but Celia, what do you think he would do if he finds out about this?”

  I opened my mouth to answer, then shut it. I really didn’t know. I hoped he would be happy for us. He’s already been able to see how happy I am with Jesse in my life even if he didn’t know the reason.

  “It’s just, Logan’s been really good to me and I don’t want to do anything to step on his toes, even though I…”

  “Even though?” I asked.

  “Even though I like you. I like you a lot.”

  “How much is a lot?” I asked sarcastically. He laughed. “Look, Logan and I we’ve been through a lot together and I would be lying to you if I said there wasn’t a time that he wanted something more from me. But, my intentions for Logan have been made very clear. We are friends and that’s all. You and me, this thing we have, there’s still a lot to figure out. Until the two of us really know what this is and where it’s going, I don’t want to bring anyone else into it. I feel like that’s the best thing for everyone. Don’t you think?”

  “I do,” he said opening my car door.

  “Am I going home by myself tonight?” I asked.

  “I don’t know,” he said, “are you?”

  “I hope not.” It was my turn to wink.

  That was all I said before I closed the door between us. I turned the key slowly, giving him enough time to get back in his car. Then I pulled out and watched closely behind me as I went through the light where he would turn to head home. I took my foot off the gas and watched. There was no blinker, no deceleration and no turn. I smiled as my eyes reflected in the rear view mirror. There was no need to hope anymore; I was surely not going home alone tonight.

  35

  I woke up the next morning with only pieces of my costume strewn on the floor alongside my bed. I could feel Jesse’s chest pressed firmly against me and his arms held tightly around my bare chest. This time we hadn’t even made it to the bedroom before I had tugged at his belt and my jeans were on the floor. We started on the island in my kitchen before moving over to the arm of the couch. We finished in the bedroom before we both fell blissfully asleep, stuck to each other like glue.

  Thankfully I wasn’t a late sleeper, because I woke up just in time for Jesse to remember he had a gig later that afternoon. He rolled me over to face him and kissed every other part of me before he came to my lips. He lingered there, savoring the moment before slowly pulling away.

  “You’re a bad influence, you know that?” he said as he threw the covers off of him and swung his feet to the floor.

  “Me?” I said with a laugh. “Why?”

  “Because you make me want to forget all of my adult responsibilities every time I’m with you.”

  I watched him as he left and then returned to the bedroom with his shirt in hand. I watched him pull it down over his head, sliding it past every ripple of his abs. I reached out my hands to him once his pants were fully zipped and he laid himself on top of me.

  After another minute, or two, or maybe three of my lips playing with his, he had to go. He wouldn’t let me walk him out. He said I was too cute lying there naked for him to disturb me. Instead, I watched the curly black flyways on the back of his head disappear through the doorway. When I heard the front door click, I pulled the covers back over my head and closed my eyes.

  It couldn’t have even been five minutes later when a knock at the door forced them back open again. I hopped out of bed excitedly and covered myself in a black silk robe before prancing down the hallway. I wasn’t sure what he forgot, but I would use whatever it was as an excuse to kiss him one more time. I swung the door open and felt the smile on my face fade quickly when I realized it wasn’t Jesse in front of me.

  “Logan.” I jumped back in surprise, pulling closed the top of the robe.

  “Expecting someone else?” he asked curiously.

  “Oh no, I’m just surprised that you’re up and functioning, that’s all.”

  “Ha, me too, actually, but my manager called bright and early so I didn’t really have a choice. I wanted to stop by and say hi before I headed out. We’re leaving earlier than planned.”

  “Like, today?” I asked.

  “Like, in an hour.”

  “Story of your life, huh? In one day, out the next.”

  We both stood on opposite sides on the door for a little more conversation before Logan finally asked if he could come in. I was so caught off-guard by his presence that I hadn’t even bothered to offer.

  “Yes, of course,” I said, moving aside. “Are you hungry?”

  “Starving, actually, but I’m kind of in the mood for something that doesn’t take 30 seconds in the toaster to be ready.”

  “You definitely came to the wrong place, then,” I laughed.

  “Ha! That is true. How fast can you get ready?”
/>   I turned to look at my reflection. My hair was all sorts of crazy and I could see yesterday’s eyeliner underneath my eyes.

  “I guess that depends on how embarrassed you are to be seen with me like this,” I laughed.

  “I will never be embarrassed to be seen with you.”

  “Okay then, give me five minutes.”

  I darted off to the bedroom, pulled a comb through my hair and threw it up in a ponytail. I replaced last night’s eyeliner with a fresh coat and daubed a bit of mascara on my lashes before I pulled on a floral print jumper and slid into some sandals.

  “Okay,” I said, returning to Logan. “Now if I could just remember where I put my purse.”

  I followed Logan’s finger as he pointed by the front door. There it was, on the floor by my shoes. My lipstick had rolled out of it along with my keys and a few other things.

  “In a hurry to get to bed last night?”

  I let out a nervous laugh as I bent down and tossed everything inside the purse. Vaguely I remembered coming into the house last night and tumbling as I tried to slip off my shoes with occupied hands. My purse had slipped off my shoulder as I caught my balance with the wall. Yup, I was in a hurry last night, but bed was the last thing on my mind.

  36

  I was not at all prepared for why Logan had brought me out to breakfast that morning. He barely looked at me once we sat down and spent most of the meal with his mouth full. I was so uncomfortable with the whole thing that I barely took two bites of my own. I knew he was in a hurry, but something told me that’s not what all of this was about. It wasn’t until we were back outside of the restaurant that we exchanged our first set of real words since my house.

  “Logan, are you alright?” I asked.

  He said nothing. I could tell he hadn’t heard me so I called out his name again, a little louder. This time he snapped out of the trance he was in and stopped walking towards the car. He took both of my hands in his and actually looked up at me, but still said nothing.