by Lovett, Jo
Josh was up early, too, Evie discovered when they made their way into the kitchen.
‘You know it’s Saturday?’ she said. ‘No work today.’
‘Ha, hilarious.’ Josh poured green juice into a glass. ‘Fergus and I are meeting some friends of his at a stately home in Surrey for the day. He’s in the shower. They have babies.’ Fergus was his latest partner.
‘Wow,’ said Evie, gobsmacked. This was so not what Josh liked to do with his weekends.
‘I know. And the amazing thing is, I’m slightly looking forward to it.’ Wow again. Maybe Fergus was The One. ‘What are you two up to?’
‘I’m playing golf,’ Matthew said, and launched into a golf anecdote. A lengthy one as it turned out.
The anecdote came to a sudden end when he looked at his watch and said, ‘So sorry, I’m late. I’ll tell you the rest later.’
He did have time for a lovely goodbye kiss at the front door. He was lovely. Evie walked back into the kitchen, smiling.
Josh coughed, ‘Boring. Just saying,’ on his way to the shower.
‘Piss off,’ said Evie. Not boring. Matthew was lovely, kind and sensible; and a strong interest in hobbies was no bad thing, surely.
Twenty-One
Now – July 2022
Dan
Dan scrunched his coffee cup and aimed at the bin in the corner of the waiting room. In in one. Nice. He looked again at the large clock on the opposite wall. 3.30 a.m. Hopefully there wouldn’t be too long to wait now. A lot of babies were born in the early hours. He remembered the midwives talking about it when he’d been on the obs and gynae ward as part of his rotation.
The baby might be a bit smaller than average because she was a couple of weeks early. He hoped she’d be okay. No, of course she would. No reason to panic.
Waiting was very stressful.
God, he was tired. And that was exactly the kind of thought that people always despised fathers-to-be for. Hannah was in the delivery room, labouring away, and had been doing so for a long while now, and his sole contribution was to stay up all night. He should really not even think that he was tired.
What if he nodded off, though?
He got his phone out and started scrolling through news feeds. It was definitely easier to stay awake when you had something to do.
* * *
What time was it now? 3.45 a.m. The minutes were barely even crawling by. Swiping through his phone wasn’t helping. He put it back in his pocket and rubbed his eyes.
What was happening in there? He did understand why Hannah hadn’t wanted him to be in the delivery room – they were still near-strangers really after their few weeks together in the autumn involving a lot of sex and huge ramifications – but he was the baby’s father and he was a doctor and he’d have happily stayed up Hannah’s head end, obviously, and he’d have liked to have been there. His own child was making its way out into the world and Hannah was labouring with her mother as birthing partner, and he was just sitting here on a tasteful grey crushed velvet sofa in the swish waiting room of the private maternity wing of his own hospital.
‘Dr Marshall?’
Dan said, ‘Mmph,’ and sat up. A midwife was standing in front of him. ‘Yes?’
‘Your daughter was safely delivered half an hour ago. Three point four kilos. Seven pounds seven.’
‘Oh. Wow.’ Wow. His daughter had been born. Wow.
He sniffed and blinked hard because his eyes were suddenly damp. ‘Could I see her? I’d really like to.’
The midwife nodded. ‘Yes. Hannah’s mum’s gone home to get a little bit of sleep.’ She indicated for him to follow her and started walking.
The baby was swaddled in hospital sheets and lying in Hannah’s arms.
Dan moved automatically to the basin in the corner of the room to wash his hands, craning over his shoulder as he squirted the soap and rubbed it off.
Then he turned around properly.
There were people and noise in the room, maybe someone addressing him, but Dan didn’t have the head space to work out what they were saying. He was walking towards the bed, towards his tiny little daughter.
Wow.
She had the most beautiful face he’d ever seen in his life. Just amazing. Perfect. There were really no other words.
‘She’s perfect. Could I hold her?’
Hannah didn’t say anything but she held their baby out to him.
Dan took her and sat down in the chair next to the bed. ‘She’s perfect,’ he said again. God, he wanted the world to be perfect for this little girl. He wanted no-one ever to be cruel to her, for her never to be unhappy in any way, for her never to be disappointed.
It was like his heart was going to burst with love and fear all at the same time. How could you love someone so fiercely so fast? He’d only been in the room for a couple of minutes.
He looked up at Hannah. He knew that she hadn’t been seeing anyone else since they’d split up straight before she found out she was pregnant. And he was single. So he hoped they could spend some proper time together as a family.
‘Thank you,’ he said, suddenly overwhelmed by the miracle of women being able to grow babies. ‘So much. For having her. Thank you.’
‘She’s worth it.’
‘Yeah.’
They smiled at each other.
Dan looked back down at the baby and stroked her tiny hand.
‘Do we have a name?’ he asked. They hadn’t discussed anything before the birth. Hannah had been too busy at work.
‘Katie.’
He nodded. ‘I love it. Katie. Wow.’
He didn’t want to leave. Ever. He wanted to be around Katie as much as possible.
Katie was having a little wriggle in her sleep. Was it possible to actually melt with love for a person who’d only been born for less than an hour?
‘I’d like to see her as much as possible,’ he said. When was Hannah going to make her final decision on New York? She’d said recently that as they all got to grips with new hybrid working practices it still wasn’t clear-cut where senior staff should be based. ‘If that’s okay. I mean, whatever you think. But I’d love to spend time with her.’
‘Yes, of course,’ Hannah said. ‘I’d like that too.’
The thought of them leaving London, the country, was terrifying. What if he hardly ever got to see Katie? That would be devastating.
He was spiralling, he realised. But he just hated the fact that he had so little control over the situation.
He looked down again. Katie had a very symmetrical face. Maybe that was what made her the most beautiful baby ever born. She wriggled and gave a tiny mewling cry and moved her little head from side to side.
‘She’s rooting, isn’t she?’ said Hannah.
‘I think so.’ Dan nodded.
‘Oh, God. Breastfeeding. What if I can’t do it properly?’
‘You’ll be brilliant. I mean, you’ve just given birth to the most amazing baby ever. You are brilliant.’
‘Thank you.’ She smiled, a bit tearfully. ‘Do you think a midwife would help me?’
‘Definitely.’
When the midwife arrived, Dan said, ‘So, I’m going to leave you to it.’ He looked at his watch. ‘It’s five thirty. You must be exhausted. Would you like me to keep an eye on her while you get some sleep after you’ve fed her?’
The time that Dan sat with and cuddled and watched and marvelled at Katie in the visitors’ room along the corridor from Hannah’s room were possibly the shortest two-and-a-half waking hours he’d ever experienced. He now knew that you’d literally be able to watch a baby twenty-four/seven and not get bored. Well, not any old baby. Your baby.
At around nine o’clock, Julia showed up.
‘Good morning,’ she said. ‘I don’t want to intrude, so please do just tell me to go away if that’s how you feel, and I also don’t want to be rude, but you do look tired, so would you like me to take my beautiful granddaughter while you go and get some sleep?’
/> Dan didn’t want to relinquish Katie but he had in fact now been awake most of the time for twenty-six hours. It would probably be better for everyone if he had a rest and came back later. He also needed to take a few minutes to tell everyone he knew about his daughter. Shout the news from the rooftops, basically.
‘That’s such wonderful news,’ his mother said. He’d called her the second he left Katie. ‘I can’t wait to meet her. Tell me everything.’
At the end of the call, she said, ‘Darling, I don’t want to interfere, but I just wanted to let you know that I do think that for your sake you should probably tell your father, even if you don’t really want to speak to him.’
Yeah, Dan had been thinking about that. ‘I might text him,’ he said. ‘With a photo.’
‘That’s a good idea,’ his mother said. ‘Perhaps do it this morning? Do you think?’ Yep, she was probably right. So right that he wasn’t even annoyed that she was interfering so much. While saying that she didn’t want to interfere. He’d include his father on the group text he was going to send to friends.
He called Lucie and Sasha to tell them in person, and then Max too. He always found it hard to talk to Max but that wasn’t Max’s fault and Dan would never want to hurt his feelings. By the time he’d finished the three calls, his ear was almost ringing from his siblings’ loud excitement.
Going through his phone to decide who to include in his group text, he hesitated on Evie’s name. It felt like she was someone who he should tell about such a big event. Given that he had her number. But at the same time… she wasn’t exactly his friend; she wasn’t even really an ex. Sasha would tell her, anyway. He carried on scrolling down without adding her to the list.
The congratulatory replies started flooding in pretty much immediately, obviously.
There was one from Max.
So many congratulations!!!!!!! I was too overwhelmed on the phone to say that Greggy and I would love to visit SOON to meet my NIECE!!!!!!! Today????? Let me know when would suit.
And one from his father.
Congratulations.
Quite a contrast. Dan bashed out lots of replies – other than to his father – and then put his phone on silent to grab some sleep.
Sasha was FaceTiming him when he stepped out of a fast shower after a three-hour nap.
‘There’s a group of us here having lunch,’ she said. ‘We had to phone and congratulate you again. My first niece! I’m putting the phone in the middle of the table so everyone can say hi.’ She disappeared from view and was replaced by first a pepper pot and then a view of several faces, including Evie’s, which gave Dan a jolt.
He said a lot of thank yous and then set off back to the hospital.
Becoming a father was mind-blowing.
Twenty-Two
Now – August 2022
Evie
‘Are you all ready?’ Tiff, the wedding boutique owner, poked her face out from behind the changing room curtain.
Lucie, Fiona, Evie and Dervla, Sasha’s university friend who was the other bridesmaid, all nodded.
‘Okay then, she’s coming out.’ Tiff pulled the curtain sideways and up, and Sasha stepped out.
‘Oh my goodness.’
‘Wow.’
‘Gorgeous.’
‘You look amazing.’
Sasha’s dress was sixties-style simple in cut, in a warm ivory fabric, which set off her slim figure and strawberry-blonde hair and pale skin to perfection.
Fiona dabbed delicately at her eyes with a sparkling white handkerchief. ‘My baby girl,’ she said.
Evie could do with a tissue herself. It wasn’t every day that you saw your best friend in her finished wedding dress for the first time.
‘So, obviously,’ Sasha said, ‘I can’t eat anything for the next ten days.’
‘No, no, no,’ Tiff said. ‘Don’t stop eating. We don’t want a shrunken-bride situation. I don’t want to be taking this dress in next Friday. I want you to stay exactly the same size until then. You wouldn’t believe the number of women who over-shoot on their pre-wedding diets.’
‘Okay.’ Sasha nodded, eyes wide. ‘Bloody hell. One more thing to worry about. I hadn’t thought of that.’
‘You’ll be fine,’ Lucie said. ‘We’ve all been there. And it’s always perfect in the end.’
‘You will, darling,’ Fiona said.
‘You will.’ Dervla nodded earnestly.
‘Totally,’ Evie said, feeling like a fraud. The other three all had actual being-a-bride-in-a-wedding-dress experience. All Evie knew was how not to be a bride. In the red knee-length dress she’d worn for her Vegas wedding. Oh, for goodness’ sake. Her mind had wandered to Dan again. She should stop thinking about what had happened during their car journey after the quiz night, and seeing him at Sasha’s wedding and wondering if he would get back together with Hannah, and focus on Sasha. ‘Honestly, Sash, you’ll be fine. You know you will. You always look amazing and you always weigh the same no matter what you eat.’
* * *
A week later, Sasha was saying, ‘Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. I shouldn’t have carried on eating normally. Maybe it was that curry at the weekend. And bread. Too much bread. So hard to resist.’ She took a deep breath. ‘Okay, try again.’
Tiff pulled the two halves of the back of the dress in towards the centre, hard, and Sasha squeaked.
‘Are you alright?’ Tiff said.
‘Fine.’ Sasha sounded like she was being strangled.
‘Are you sure?’ Evie asked, worried.
‘Totally fine.’ She was so not fine. She was talking the way Evie’s mum had when she’d had tonsilitis.
‘Sasha, you can’t breathe in for your entire wedding. It’ll ruin the day for you. We’ve got to do something. Tiff, can we take it out a bit?’
‘Well, we really don’t have much time.’
‘Could we add an extra panel or something?’ Evie asked. ‘Like down the sides? Would that be quicker?’
‘But that would ruin my beautiful dress,’ Sasha wailed.
‘Laxatives,’ Tiff said.
It wasn’t the right time for weak jokes, but Evie laughed politely anyway, while Sasha sniffed.
‘I’m not joking,’ Tiff said. ‘It’s a tried-and-tested method.’
‘Great,’ said Sasha, ‘I’ll do that.’
‘What? I really think that’s a bad idea.’ Evie didn’t like being rude to relative strangers, but this was her best friend’s wedding.
Tiff shook her head. ‘It always works. Why don’t you take the dress off, now, Sasha, and I’ll get it all packed up for you?’
‘You’re actually suggesting that Sasha should take laxatives three days before her wedding? Strong enough ones to make her lose actual noticeable amounts of weight?’ Evie said. ‘What if they work too well? What if they keep on working? What if they’re still working on Saturday? During her wedding? Also, I’m pretty sure it’s not, like, medically advisable to use laxatives for weight-loss purposes? If anything, maybe just a strict diet for three days. But wouldn’t it be a lot better to just let it out a bit now?’
Tiff shook her head again. ‘Laxatives,’ she said.
‘Let’s go.’ Sasha pulled on Evie’s sleeve.
‘Could we maybe reconvene on Friday morning, Tiff, and if necessary let the seams out a tiny bit?’ Evie said.
‘There won’t be time then.’
‘Well, let’s start now then,’ Evie said.
‘Laxatives,’ Tiff said.
‘Let’s go,’ Sasha said again.
‘I’m going to get laxatives,’ Sasha said the second they’d closed the boutique door behind them.
‘No, Sash, you can’t,’ Evie said. ‘Honestly, I do think Tiff’s lovely—’ she wasn’t; she was a dragon in fluffy-wedding-boutique-owner clothing ‘—but I also think she’s gone mad in this instance. It’s like she’s promoting eating disorders. It’s a ridiculous suggestion. And what if you’re still going, post-laxatives, on Saturday? It do
esn’t bear thinking about.’
‘I can and I’m going to.’ Normally, Sasha was one of the most reasonable people Evie had ever met, just one of the reasons that Evie loved her. ‘Oh my God, Evie, this is a disaster.’
Evie pulled her into a hug. ‘Listen. It’s going to be okay.’
‘My dress is too small. My beautiful, perfect wedding dress is too small. And the wedding is in two days and twenty-two hours’ time. How is that going to be okay? I’m getting laxatives.’
‘I think we should go back in and insist that Tiff take it out slightly,’ Evie said.
‘No. She clearly doesn’t want to.’ Several tears rolled down Sasha’s cheeks. ‘Let’s go to the pharmacy.’
‘There must be someone else we can talk to about this,’ Evie said.
‘You can’t tell Angus. Or Mum. Or anyone.’ A lot of tears were pouring down Sasha’s cheeks now. ‘But maybe we should call Dan. He’s a doctor. He’ll know the best laxative to take.’
‘Will he?’
‘Yes, think about it,’ Sasha sobbed. ‘You probably get severely constipated people in A&E all the time. Let’s call him. Could you maybe ask him for me?’
Evie really didn’t want to speak to Dan because of their argument after the quiz night but she obviously couldn’t let her best friend down in her hour of need. And, also, this was a crisis, and Dan was good in crises, and hopefully he’d talk Sasha out of the laxative idea and into the getting-extremely-firm-with-Tiff-and-letting-the-dress-out idea.
She took her phone out. He didn’t pick up. Which felt like a bit of a relief, even though she could do with some anti-laxative backup.
‘Hi, Dan,’ she said into the phone. ‘It’s Evie. Sasha has a wedding dress emergency and she wanted to ask your advice about laxatives.’
