Torn Between Two: The Torn Duet

by Mia Kayla

  I gripped the phone, pretending he was right beside me, not ready to let him go. “Okay.”

  “Bye, sweetness.”

  I miss you already.

  “Bye.”

  I hung up the phone and exhaled a heavy sigh.

  This was what I wanted, but why did I feel dread in every one of my bones?

  My phone buzzed on my desk. I had brushed my teeth, washed my face, and changed into my pajamas. The pink hearts on my cotton pants were on full display. I rushed to the phone to see Josh’s happy face on the screen, a picture he’d taken of himself when I wasn’t looking.

  “Hello?”

  It had been two days since I’d heard from him, and I missed him. I hadn’t expected to miss Josh, but I did.

  The last time I had seen him, his face had been connected to mine, lips on lips and hands on my hips. Part of me had thought our friendship was over. I had debated on calling him but hadn’t wanted to lead him on.

  “The Princess is awake.” Josh’s voice came out cheery and bright, his normal Josh self.

  My whole body relaxed. Everything was once again right in the world.

  “Yes, but I’m so tired. I have work early in the morning.”

  “It’s eight o’clock,” he countered.

  “Yeah, but I just got home from a twelve-hour shift.”

  Candice had a wedding tasting at her reception hall, and I had volunteered to work for her.

  “So, I guess a late-night taco can’t tempt you?” The hope in his voice was endearing and tempting and so sweet.

  Tacos? I sat up straighter on my bed. My stomach grumbled at the thought of warm corn tortillas, steak, and cheese melting in my mouth, sliding down my throat, and satisfying my belly.

  “I really shouldn’t.” Though I hadn’t eaten dinner. Somehow, the reality that I didn’t know when I’d see my boyfriend again had been bringing me down.

  “Oh, but you should,” Josh said enticingly. “And, since I’m down the street at Los Compadres I’ll get you some extra cheese on those tacos. I know how cheesy you like it.”

  I laughed. “Because you know I’m all about the cheese. That cheese. No lettuce,” I singsonged Meghan Trainor-style.

  He laughed. “Only for you, Princess,” he said.

  I chewed on the inside of my cheek. “Okay, come over, but I’m kicking you out at midnight.”

  “I know the princess turns back into Sam, the pastry sous chef, after midnight.”

  “Can you get me churros, too?”

  “And I would do anything for love. And I can do that. I can get churros,” he sang back, Meat Loaf-style.

  “You’re so silly.”

  After he hung up, I pushed the comforter off my legs and strolled to the kitchen. Chloe had left for the evening to hang out with her coworkers, so I got out the cutlery and plates.

  Ten minutes later, I heard my door buzzing. I pressed the intercom button.

  “Yo, yo, yo, I’ve got tacos.” Josh’s cheery voice echoed through the speaker attached to the wall.

  I pressed the buzzer to let him up.

  When I opened the door, the scent of grease and cheese had my mouth watering. Watering and wanting some food.

  “I swear, they need to have taco delivery,” he said, strolling in.

  I took the drinks and the bag from his hands. “I’m pretty sure they have that.”

  “No, I mean, everyone knows about pizza delivery. It’s a popular thing. There are eight hundred numbers and songs about pizza. I’m just saying, they need to do the same for tacos.”

  I dropped the bag on the kitchen counter and sat down, and Josh followed suit right next to me.

  “Yeah, you should start a trend or set up your own delivery business,” I said, noting how natural it felt to be in his presence.

  “I think I shall do that, Princess.” He tore the white paper bag in half and opened the foil to my taco and then his. Then, he wrapped his hands over his taco and took half of it in his mouth. “What are you waiting for?”

  I scrunched my face at him as he talked with his mouth full, and he smiled, showing his teeth full of lettuce. Only with Josh was it super cute.

  I laughed and then wrapped my fingers around the corn tortilla filled with goodness. When I took a bite, grease inched down my chin. “Mmm…” The taco was delicious. Hot, greasy, and oh-so yummy.

  “Good?” Josh’s face lit up.

  I took another bite, puffing out my cheeks and nodding. “Like an orgasm in my mouth.”

  The side of his mouth tipped up, and his eyes dropped to my lips.

  I stopped breathing.

  He stopped breathing.

  His tongue swiped over his full bottom lip, and I inhaled deeply.

  I blinked, swallowed, and dropped my head back into my taco. A shyness bubbled up inside me, and my cheeks warmed. “I’m sorry.” I didn’t know what I was apologizing for.

  I hadn’t meant for those words to slip out. It was so effortless, being around Josh, that a part of me forgot sometimes that he wanted more from me than I was willing to give him.

  He nudged his shoulder against mine. “Don’t be. I like how I caused the orgasm.” He winked. “Even if it’s just in your mouth.”

  When I didn’t laugh at first, he pinched my side until I started to.

  I slapped his shoulder, thankful for his humor and his ability to make me smile so easily. “You’re horrible.”

  “You’re beautiful.”

  When he said these things along with the intense look in his eyes, I couldn’t help but blush. I shifted, feeling guilty for enjoying his attention when I was committed to someone else.

  I grabbed my horchata from the table and slurped it down through the straw to deter the attention from his words.

  “So, I guess the rock star is gone?”

  “Yeah, back on tour.”

  “Do you know when he’s coming back?”

  “No.” I tried to shake the disappointment in my heart, but it was there, clear and inevitable.

  “So, did he like that friendly kiss I gave you?” A devilish glint sparked in his eyes, humor heavy in his voice.

  My eyes widened, my taco held midair. “What the heck was that?”

  His eyes twinkled with mischief. “So, did he?”

  “Yeah, so much so that he’s my boyfriend now.”

  The spark instantly dulled, and his smile faded. “Oh.” He blinked and focused on my face. “The kiss was that good, huh?” There was a lightness in his words, but it didn’t resonate in his tone.

  My chest tightened. Why did I say that?

  “Why did you do that?” I asked, dipping my head back into my taco.

  He shrugged. “Just a friendly kiss. It’s not like our lips had never met before. Actually”—he pointed a finger for emphasis—“I believe you like my lips on you. They saved you. Me and my powerful lips.”

  “Uh-huh.” I took another bite of my taco.

  He let out a low breath. “I didn’t think he was the settling-down type,” he said quietly, mostly to himself.

  He turned to face me, his knees hitting mine. “Why are you with him, Sam? You’re beautiful and talented and sweet, and you can have any guy.” His eyes searched my face, trying to look for an answer.

  I paused before speaking, gathering all my thoughts, and I answered him the best I could, “Because the rock-star persona is not who he really is.”

  I knew Hawke’s flaws and the depth of his character, and I still wanted to be with him. This wasn’t going to be an easy relationship. If anything, it was going to be a long trek to keep us together, given the distance between us, but all of me wanted to at least try.

  Josh bit his lip and nodded, turning away. I hated that I was hurting him, hated that this was ruining our evening and possibly our friendship. I didn’t want to lose him.

  “I don’t want to hurt you, Josh,” I finally said after a long moment of silence.

  He picked up his taco, looking resolute, like he had figured som
ething out. “Being your friend and having you in my life is enough for me.” His eyes perused my face, and then he added, “For now.”

  We stared at each other for several long seconds. I was going to ask him to clarify when his phone buzzed in his pocket, and he picked it up.

  “Casey?” he answered.

  It was his sister.

  “Yeah.” With one hand, he rubbed the back of his neck, and by the drop in his tone, I knew something was up. “When did he fly in?”

  He stood and paced the room, continually rubbing at his neck. “No, he’s our grandfather. It wouldn’t be right if I’m not there. I’m with Sam.” He glanced over at me and laughed. “Nope. Not yet but soon.” His walked back to me, picked up a piece of steak from my taco and stuffed it into his mouth.

  “Hey!” I playfully slapped at his shoulder, but that didn’t stop him from picking up another piece.

  “Yeah, maybe I will. I’ll ask her. Thanks, Casey. Love you, too.” After he hung up, he grimaced. “Guess who came to visit?”

  “Who?”

  “My grandfather.” The tightness in his eyes and the shift in his demeanor showed me how he felt about his dear old grandpa.

  My fingers automatically reached for him, resting on his shoulder. “Just for a visit?”

  He scoffed and dropped to the seat next to me. “Albert Stanton the 2nd coming to visit for no reason at all other than to see his family? Of course!” Sarcasm was etched in every word. “He’s here to convince me to change my mind.” He huffed and ran one hand through his hair, making it fan out in the front. “I guess he figured, since I’d been ignoring his calls, he’d just hop on the jet and stop on by.”

  “I’m sorry.” That was all I could say.

  My mother had been supportive since the day I was born. I hadn’t known how to disappoint her because everything I did was perfect even though I was far from it. It was only after the end of her life that I had wondered why I hadn’t been good enough for her to decide to stay.

  “Maybe you can come with me?” His tone softened, and his eyes begged me to agree to his request. “We’re all getting together for dinner tomorrow night. I mean, my sister suggested it. She thought maybe having someone there that he didn’t know would make him think twice about laying it on thick about the company. Maybe it wouldn’t get as heated.” He stared blankly at the countertop, his fingers twitching at the edge of a napkin. “I just hate this guilty feeling I get every time I see him.”

  I inched closer, hoping my sincerity came across in my words. “What do you want, Josh? Not your grandfather, not your father, just you?”

  One side of his mouth lifted into a sad smile. “I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me.”

  I shook my head. “That’s what you don’t understand. I’ll always worry about you, Josh. I want you to be happy.”

  He swallowed hard and pulled my hands onto his lap, examining my palms, lightly tracing the lines with his pointer finger. “This is your life line. Your head line.” His touch brought tingles that traveled up my arm. “You’re a highly creative individual, headstrong, determined.” His voice lowered, sounding distant. “This is your heart line. You love fully, unconditionally.” He swallowed hard, getting emotional.

  I hated his withdrawn tone, the vacant look in his eyes.

  I ducked my head to get into his line of sight. “You need to be happy. You can’t live life making others happy because, at the end of the day, you’re only accountable to yourself.”

  “Life’s a box of shit sometimes,” he murmured. “Seriously. It’s like my grandfather wants me to be this big power exec and make millions. Do you know he threatened to take away my trust fund?” He stood from his seat and clenched his fists, like he wanted to punch something. “Like I care about my trust fund. Shit, I’ve been selling shoes, so I can pay my own way.” He gripped the top of his head, looking like he wanted to pull his hair by the roots. “What I care about is what it’s doing to our family. More importantly, what it’s doing to my dad.”

  I stood and approached him, and when I extended my hand, he pulled me into him. I wrapped my arms around his waist and rested my head against his chest, the place that comforted me but the same place I was now comforting him.

  “Josh, be happy,” I begged him. “Whatever gets you there, make it happen.”

  He rested his chin on top of my head and wrapped his arms around my waist. A slow exhale escaped him, and he dropped his shoulders, sagging into me.

  “What will make you happy?” I asked.

  “Whatever I choose, it won’t make everyone happy. Maybe that’s just how life works.” He blew out a breath. “I see myself as a lawyer. I don’t want to make millions. We have millions. That didn’t save my mother. That’s not going to save me.”

  “Then, do it,” I said passionately.

  We held each other in silence for a few seconds, and then he pulled back and asked, “Will you go with me to tell him?”

  His hopeful eyes met mine. I was unsure of what to do. I wanted to be there for my friend, but I didn’t want to give him the wrong idea.

  In the end, I decided that this was what friends did. Josh had been there for me in the alley. He had been there for me when I wanted to talk about my mother. I needed to do this for him.

  I nodded. “Okay.”

  The exuberance on his face was uncontainable. In the next second, his arms were squeezing me again. The inhale and exhale of his breaths pressed against my cheek.

  “Thanks, Princess,” he whispered.

  My whole body relaxed into him, and my arms pulled tighter at his waist because, although it shouldn’t have, it felt so natural to be in his arms.

  After ushering Josh out, I went straight to the bathroom to get ready for bed again. After brushing my teeth, I slipped under my comforter.

  Given the anxiety that Josh exuded just by uttering his grandfather’s name, I wondered what would happen when they were in the same room.

  He seemed so carefree, but I knew his family problems plagued his life.

  They were family, of course, and from when I was younger, my mother had instilled in me that family was important. To my mother, I could do no wrong. I walked above water and most likely shit gold. She’d loved me beyond words, maybe overcompensating for my father, but I had known no different and only felt love.

  That was one of the main reasons I couldn’t understand for a long time why my mother had taken her own life. She had been a lover of life. And a lover of everything that was me until she hadn’t been anymore.

  The glint of my secret phone flashed on my side table, and I reached for the cell.

  I bit my bottom lip and wondered where Hawke was. He hadn’t called me all day, and I’d already left him multiple messages. I pushed in my pouty lip. This was his life, the lifestyle of going nonstop. It was how I’d met him, as a rock star, and to be with him, I had to accept this aspect of his life.

  Should I call him again?

  I decided I would, and if he didn’t answer, I’d hang up and not leave another message.

  Hawke answered on the first ring, which was a surprise for me. What wasn’t a surprise was the noise of a party going on in the background.

  “Sunshine.” The way he uttered my name screamed everything sexual.

  Having him on the phone had me sporting a smile that could not be contained. Cheesy smile was an understatement.

  “Where are you now?”

  I loved hearing the sound of his voice, even knowing the distance between us. His voice was what I hung on to.

  “We’re on the party bus. Guys, say hi to my girlfriend.”

  Girlfriend. Gah!

  I sighed at those words falling from his lips, and my heart soared to unbelievable heights, higher than a helium balloon in an endless sky. I was Hawke Calvin’s girlfriend. I belonged to him, and he was mine. I still couldn’t wrap my head around the thought.

  Coos of, “Hey, Sunshine,” echoed through the receiver.

  “I mi
ss you, baby. I especially miss your wet—”

  “Hawke!”

  I wasn’t a prude. Hell, last time he had been in town, I’d ridden his dick, as though he were my own personal bull, and we’d had numerous phone-sex rendezvous since then, but I didn’t appreciate his whole band knowing about our sex life.

  “What, baby? You miss me, too?”

  “I do,” I said, a lot breathless. “Did you figure out when you can sneak away, so we can choose what you’re going to wear for Candice’s wedding?” My chest bubbled with excitement.

  Hawke had promised he’d come to Chicago when he was free to look for a suit for Candice’s wedding. I’d decided that since he was officially mine, it would be wrong to take anyone else. Now, I was counting down the days.

  Most likely, some high-end department store would be closing just for us to peruse. That was the only way he would be able to get out without getting mobbed.

  “Yeah, I think I have some time in October. A little break for a couple of days.”

  I gripped the phone closer to my ear, like a deprived woman needing to get closer to her man.

  “If you come tomorrow, I’ll make it worth your while.” Yes, I was using my body as persuasion to see him sooner. Bribes for my Hawke. I wasn’t ashamed.

  He groaned. “Give me a peek, sweetness. I’ve been a good boy on tour, like I should. My hand has had its workout lately. But it’s nothing like the real thing.”

  I shifted with unease, knowing he was in a tour bus full of people who could hear him. “Hawke, the band is right there.”

  The chatter of the guys echoed loudly through the receiver, and then it stopped. When a door slammed shut, I knew he was alone.

  “They’re gone.” The sound of his zipper being pulled down shot a shiver right to my core. “Don’t make me beg for it baby ’cause I will. Give me what I want.”

  “I thought no one made Hawke Calvin beg?” I whispered, my voice seductively low. My hand slipped to the waistband of my PJs as a deep hunger took over, and heat spread throughout my limbs.

  “You’re the exception.”

  I tried to shimmy off the cotton pants, but they got stuck above my hips. The drawstring was tied into a triple knot that made me unable to chuck the pants off. I huffed as my fingers worked at the knot.