He bent down and tugged my leg free of the sofa’s hold. Relief flooded my veins, and I laid back trying to stop my head from spinning.
“She got in the program.”
It stopped.
Everything came to a halt, including my breath. Wincing from the pain, I lifted up onto my elbows to look at him.
“I thought that would get your attention.” Edgar sighed and glanced at his watch. “Come on, let’s head out and get something to eat. I can explain it to you while we have lunch.”
Edgar helped me off the floor and guided me into my bedroom so that I could change into something that didn’t require a hazmat suit to touch.
Once we were on the street, he took me down the block to a Polish place. Due to my revulsion to light, I was thankful for the dark, old world décor. After our food had arrived, I dug into my Hunter’s Stew and realize how famished I was.
“When does Morgana leave?” I asked staring at the meat in my stew.
Focusing on my kielbasa, it was thick and some of the salty juice ran down my chin as I brought the firm meat to my lips. I moaned at having the tasty sausage fill my mouth. I do love thick, juicy meat.
My eyes darted around the room. Totally nonchalant. I didn’t care when she would leave. She could have gone yesterday, and I would have been happy for her.
I shook my head not even believing the lie I had just told myself. I needed to know NOW when she goes to New York.
“Oh no, Henrik. You don’t get that info quite so easily. Answer me this, why did you let her go?” Edgar leaned toward me while slicing a pierogi with his fork.
I stared down at the lumpy stew. “It’s not like I had a choice. She walked out.”
Edgar leaned back chewing on his food like a spoiled ancient Roman nibbling on grapes. “Henrik, you always have a choice. It may not be as easy as going to her place and knocking on the door, but you could have tried to win her back. What have you done the past few days? Nothing. Sitting on your couch, talking to Pillow, and drinking yourself stupid doesn’t count as being productive.”
My eyebrow rose at the pillow comment.
“Yes, I know about Pillow. You seem to forget that I was your roommate in college and after graduation. Don’t think I didn’t hear your long one-sided conversations with your pillow. And don’t even get me started on Captain Cock.” His laughter filled the space as several diners turned to look in our direction.
“Whatever, Edgar. Like you don’t name your junk.” I rolled my eyes and took a healthy sip of water. Most of it dribbled down my chin, spilling in my lap giving the appearance that I peed myself.
Despite my wet crotch, I couldn’t help my grin. That sort of thing always happened to Morgana.
I missed her.
“Of course I did, but that’s only for the ladies to discover.”
“Don’t you mean lady? One lady in particular. One lady who works in HR, and also was the spawn of Satan.”
I got him. Edgar was more nervous than a Cubs fan going into the seventh game of the World Series tied. Because his hand rubbed the back of his neck.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Henrik.”
“Look, Edgar, I don’t care where your mysteriously named cock wants to settle for the night, but don’t think I was oblivious to you and Evaleen.”
His eyes widened for a moment at the mention of her name. He opened his mouth to say something but then closed it just as quick. Bringing his finger up to point at me, he opened and closed his mouth once again. Finally, after a long pause he spoke, “Don’t try to change the subject. We’re talking about your cowardice with Morgana, not me and . . . um . . . not me.” His voice cracked on the last word.
I held my hands up in the air in surrender. “Fine. How was I a coward? I gave up my job for her.”
I expected surprise or confusion from my confession, but all I got from Edgar was one blink. A million things were said in that blink, none of which involved shock.
“Yes, your little take-credit-for-her-idea and then make-yourself-out-to-be-a-slimy-boss to Jacob trick didn’t fool me. Don’t think I didn’t know what you were doing with that. Evaleen told me that morning that Morgana had come up with an idea to help the company. I knew as the words were leaving your mouth, while you sat there explaining the idea after we caught you two, that you were lying.”
Edgar took a sip of water before continuing, “It wasn’t until after you left when Jacob started discussing letting Morgana into the program that I realized what you had done. Well, bravo! You helped her and pushed her away all at the same time.”
I grumbled under my breath about how she left my office. Edgar cupped his ear leaning toward me. “What was that, Henrik? I don’t think I heard you.”
“I said, she already told me how she believed we should end our relationship. I was just making it easier for her.”
“No, you were making it easier for you. Henrik, I have known you for fifteen years, and in that time, I have never seen a woman have such an effect on you as Morgana. For the past ten years, you were pretty much a robot. Come into work, bark orders, work late, go home, sleep, get up, and do the same thing all over again. I haven’t seen you laugh in a long time.”
I shook my head and turned my attention to the waiter at the table next to us, really not wanting to continue this conversation.
“I remember about a month ago we had a meeting and the client was late. Morgana had stepped out to grab something at her desk. Jacob brought up that her birthday had passed and we didn’t celebrate it as we usually had cake for our employees. You joked that she might try to elope with it. We all broke out in hysterics. It was like the old you came back for just that moment, the one who found the funny in everything. She brought that out in you.”
He’s right, I did change, but nothing could stop her from moving forward. Not even if I sobered up and made a great life for myself.
“Fine, I love her and she helped melt my icy façade. It still doesn’t change the fact that she wants nothing to do with me. The damage is done, Edgar. I screwed with her too many times. It’s best if I just let her live her life.” I sank back in my chair as a wave of defeat sobered me.
“Do you really think winning over a woman like Morgana is easy? That it’s not going to take walking over burning coals and falling on your face a few times before she comes around? I don’t want to have to go there, Henrik, but you are forcing me to take drastic measures here.” Edgar leaned forward lowering his voice and continued, “Henrik, what would Hi do?”
My eyes flickered at his question. I immediately pictured Morgana as Holly Hunter’s character Ed, crying because her fy-ance left her. Instead of the fy-ance causing the pain, it was me being a dick.
“He would go after her. You know I hate when you’re right, Edgar.”
Edgar’s gleaming white grin that ate up his face was sickening and heartwarming at the same time. “Yeah, but I give you the sexy tingles so you can’t stay away.”
I nodded. “Yeah, I’m all tingly for you, Edgar. Now would you finally tell me when she leaves?”
“Tomorrow.”
TWENTY-EIGHT
Payne’s Rule
Look with your eyes but react with your head.
The plane ride to New York was short.
No luggage, so in and out.
The cab ride was long but I made it.
Standing in front of the building where Morgana was staying for six weeks while in the program was torture.
I was across the busy street at rush hour and in the one hour I had been standing there, no Morgana. Not that I expected her to just sense me outside and come running to my arms like some deodorant commercial, but I did hope for that. I would have settled for a shoulder bump in the street as we crossed paths. Her excitement so palpable she jumped on me not caring that people stared.
Maybe she was there waiting for me in the lobby. Drooling and thinking of my cock.
Yeah, she was probably drooling right now.
My heart leaped in my chest, surprised by the happiness I found in watching her walk through a door. But then it crashed to the street. My once beating heart, joyful one second was now lifeless as I noticed Morgana was not alone.
There was a man with her. Touching her. Placing his hand on her back in such a way I wanted to rip it from his body. His shaggy blond hair kept drifting into his eyes, making him fling his head back like a moron.
He was skinny too. Not crazy skinny but probably a meth addict, maybe even crack. Obviously, I should keep an eye on Morgana to make sure he didn’t hurt her.
They made their way down the street at a surprisingly brisk pace given his grabby hands. I almost lost them as they turned a few corners but managed to catch them right before they ducked into some dive bar.
He was probably going to sell Morgana to the slave trade, or worse, try to kiss her. Just thinking of his thin, cracked lips on her had my jaw tightening to the point I think I broke a molar.
The establishment was dark, muggy, and the door was propped open to let in the cool, dry air. They took a seat at a table next to an old wood-burning stove. Everything about the place was like a throwback to the nineteenth century. Dark wood paneling, old newspaper clippings hung on the wall, and a piano player spilled music from the back.
I took a seat at the bar with my back to their table. There were a few words I caught from their conversation and it was enough to make me want to throw that guy at the piano.
Morgana mentioned something about “feelings” where he responded with “body” and “together” as the waiter brought them food and they ate. I’d bring his body together like a fucking taco and stuff him full of my fist.
While they ate, I sat and seethed. Just as I was about to get up and confront the loser, I heard them move. They made their way down the narrow dark hall and out into the bright busy sidewalk. I dropped a five on the bar for my sobering juice, but my feet refused to move as I watched that jackass push some of Morgana’s hair that blew onto her face and glide his fingers down her arm.
“Son of a bitch.” My voice rose and the entire bar turned to watch me.
Even Morgana turned, her glittering eyes narrowed as they landed on me. I wanted to call out to her, tell her to get back from that lecherous thing. Explain that I never meant to hurt her. Show her that I lost my job so she could succeed. Maybe then she won’t want to be with him, but with me. I wanted to tell her I missed her. That I dreamed of her soft skin. In those dreams, she whimpered my name and laughed at my jokes and drooled for my cock.
In my dreams, we were walking hand in hand, and it was wonderful. But even as I slept and my head made up that perfect world for us, she was still nowhere as beautiful as she was in real life. Every time I saw her, my breath caught like the first time I took in her beauty.
But all that wasn’t real. It hit me harder when I realized how much of a dream I was living in.
As Morgana’s eyes fell on me, she shook her head. Telling me no. No to the perfect dreams I wanted. No to ever being able to touch her lovely skin again.
No to me.
I stood there in the old bar that smelled of stale beer and my dead grandmother’s basement and tried my best to accept her answer. She walked off with the skinny guy who could have easily fit into Morgana’s dresses and probably would.
This was it. I did as Edgar said and went after her, but she moved on. Morgana told me no and went with Mr. McSkinnyPants.
I guess I deserved that. After how much I had fucked up in life it was best that I was alone.
My phone vibrated and I reached into my pocket to see Tiffany was calling.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Henrik. I wanted to invite you over for dinner tonight. Evaleen mentioned you got fired when I went out for drinks last night. I’m sorry.”
“Leave it to Bechmann to tell the world that I was jobless. She probably had a banner fly over Lake Michigan with the news.”
“Well, I still wanted to invite you over. I’m making chicken pot pie.”
My stomach grumbled, and I gazed over to the chalkboard hanging over the bar that read, “We only serve Hamburgers and Hot Dogs. You don’t like it then get lost.”
“Well, I’m in New York right now, but if I get a plane home soon I could come over for dinner.”
“What? New York. Was it, um, a job interview?”
As awful as everything was right now, it’s nice to know someone wanted me around.
“No. Something personal but important. Or, something I thought was important. Anyway, I’m leaving now. I’ll give you a call at the airport and let you know if I can make it.”
“Okay. If your plane arrives late, we could just have a late dinner. I know David would be willing to stay up to see you.”
I rubbed my face, especially my eyes as they pricked with warmth.
“How is he doing?”
“Since he came home from the hospital a few weeks ago, he has been progressing tremendously. You have to see him, Henrik. He is starting to use a walker. He can only do a few steps on it now, but I am . . .” she trailed off as emotion had gotten the better of her.
“I know, Tiffany. I know. I can’t wait to see him and you.” My voice was low and gruff, but we both understood there wasn’t much more to say. I sighed, “Good-bye, I’ll call you from the airport.”
“See you later, and Henrik?”
“Yes?”
“Thank you for being you.”
She hung up before I had a chance to tell her she was mistaken. She shouldn’t thank me for anything, especially being who I was. I caused pain and heartache and ruined lives.
As I made my way out of the bar and hailed a taxi, I reviewed the past several months in my head. It was like watching someone ride a roller coaster only it’s your life. It was crazy, and the only good thing to come out of all of that was David beginning to walk. Something I had nothing to do with.
Sure I found the doctor, but I didn’t perform the operation or keep a vigil by his bed for the week he was in a coma or help him to recover with therapy. Other people did those things. I just threw money at them when it was needed.
A rich monkey could have done that.
As the cab pulled up to the terminal, I threw some more money at the driver. Was that all I was good for? The past few months, years, had been all about money. Either making it for Mimir or spending it.
No wonder Morgana moved on so quickly. How could any woman love a man so shallow? Now that I didn’t even have money, well, nothing coming in at any rate, what did I do?
Once I got my ticket for a flight that left in less than an hour and made it through security, I took a seat by my gate looking out to the planes rolling by. They had purpose. Everyone here was striving for something, whether it’s just a destination or to see a loved one or some business trip to help their company. They all were striving for joy or working to bring it to others.
I didn’t do that. I wondered if I ever did that.
Someone stumbled in front of me trying to juggle their luggage and the book they were carrying. The book fell at my feet. It was well made, leather bound, and I picked it up with care. Handing it back to the older man whose smile reminded me of my father, he took the book and shook it for emphasis. “There is no greater joy than learning and no greater annoyance than air travel.”
He chuckled at his joke and I laughed too, thankful for that tiny comic relief from the bad week. As he strolled away, I couldn’t help but watch him.
He was right.
That man with his book was the answer that I had been searching for for so long. So simple and yet it took a plane ride to another city and book to fall at my feet to figure out.
I mumbled to myself, “I miss you, Dad.”
TWENTY-NINE
Morgana’s Problem
The Program
I was living my dream.
In just three short weeks when I finish the program I will be an executive at Mimir.
The weather here in New York was turning warm, flowers were blooming, and everyone was being nice to me. A little too nice.
My roommate to be precise. Jamie Novak. He liked to use his hands a lot to express himself, especially if they involved touching me.
The ten of us that entered into the Executive Development Program at Mimir were assigned an apartment to share for the duration of the six weeks in pairs of two. They thought there were four females and six males in the program, so the pairing seemed to work out perfectly. Only, Jamie wasn’t a woman but a man. An attractive man with blond hair that I admit, I wasn’t all that disappointed when I found out I was stuck as his roommate.
Until I realized he flirted with anything that moved.
My parents, my grandma, and Aria came to visit at the halfway point in the program. I got to hang out with my loved ones and didn’t have to see Jamie, bonus. My parents decided since they never travel, they would splurge on the trip to New York. We went to lunch at a restaurant in a swanky hotel.
Lifting my eyes from my menu to the dark gray circle patterned wallpaper along the wall and the deep burgundy leather upholstering that my mother was leaning against, I sighed.
“Oh, sweets, are you tired? I hear people in New York never sleep. Were you having trouble with rest?” my mother asked as she reached for my hand and gave a firm squeeze.
“No, I’m sleeping fine. I guess the program is a little harder than I expected.” I gave a weak smile before returning my attention back to the paper menu delicately placed in a black leather binder.
It’s true. I naïvely came here believing this would be challenging but nothing I couldn’t handle. Yet, I find myself second-guessing every answer I give to the instructor or rewriting every assignment at least three times before handing it in. I think if they gave grades I would have been lucky to get Cs, maybe even Ds.
I wondered if it was just luck that the distribution idea came to me. Perhaps I wasn’t built to lead, to make decisions that affected hundreds or thousands. Henrik knew what he was doing, that’s why he was the Executive Vice President. As much as people resented him, and even though he toyed with my heart, he was good at his job.
Rules of Payne (Cake Love Book 1) Page 16
