Going Home

by Judith Keim

  ###

  After several attempts to reason with Autumn through the spring term, Lettie finally turned to her friends for help. Both Abby and Terri suggested that a private school with strict rules might be an answer. They knew of a friend who taught at a small school in California and thought they might be able to help Lettie get her daughter accepted.

  At the end of the summer, and with arrangements made for her to start the fall term at the school, the three of them sat down with Autumn to convince her to give it a try. They hadn’t brought it up earlier for fear that she’d turn it down, but the summer had mellowed her a bit.

  “What have you got to lose?” Abby asked Autumn, who sat on the couch facing them with her arms crossed.

  “My friend who teaches there is really cool. You’ll like her, and she says the kids are great,” added Terri, smiling.

  “I think you’ll be happier,” said Lettie quietly. Though Autumn acted as though things were fine, Lettie knew they weren’t. Her old friends, like Isabel, wanted nothing to do with the wild girl she’d become, and it was becoming harder for Autumn to hide the hurt.

  “Okay, I’ll try it,” said Autumn. “I hate living here.”

  Lettie stopped herself from rolling her eyes and prayed it would be a good move for all of them. Trying to keep an eye on her daughter and fighting with her daily had become exhausting.

  ###

  With Autumn’s departure, life at Chandler Hill settled down into a quieter routine. Lettie was able to sleep through the night without worrying about her meeting a curfew or arriving at the house drunk or stoned. But the freedom from worry emphasized how alone Lettie was.

  Abby and Terri still lived and worked on the property, but they needed time together. Paloma, a widow now, was busy with her own children and a new beau. The rest of the staff was either younger or tied up with families of their own.

  In desperation, she accepted an offer of dinner with Scott Kurey. But while she enjoyed working with him, they both realized there was no real romantic spark between them. A few other dates followed, but Lettie grew weary of trying to make herself feel something that wasn’t there.

  When Autumn returned home for the winter holidays, Lettie swept her daughter into her embrace with genuine joy. “I’m so glad to have you home, Autumn! I can’t wait to show you how we’ve decorated for Christmas! It’ll be fun to have you be a part of the holidays. I’ve missed you so much!”

  Autumn stepped away and looked at her with chagrin. “Mom, I hope you don’t mind, but I promised Tiffany, my roommate, that I’d go skiing with her at Vail right after Christmas. I know I should have asked you first, but I knew you’d be busy with the inn. Her father will be calling you to confirm.”

  “Oh?” Lettie struggled to hide her disappointment. “That was nice of her to invite you. Sounds like fun.”

  “Yeah, well the kids my age around here are boring. Most of the girls at school have been to Europe several times and have lives these kids would never even dream of.”

  “Because someone hasn’t the money to travel doesn’t make them boring,” said Lettie. She bit her tongue at the eyeroll Autumn gave her. In time, she hoped her daughter would be kinder, more willing to let go of the wall of superiority she’d recently built around herself. For now, Lettie wanted to try to make the holidays as pleasant as possible. Autumn was her daughter and even if at times Lettie didn’t like her attitude, she loved her.

  ###

  On Christmas morning, Lettie rose early. Christmas Day was the one day of the year the inn was closed, and it had become a tradition for Lettie to fix breakfast for Abby and Terri. She normally served mimosas along with eggs benedict and the hazelnut muffins for which the inn had become famous.

  Lettie could hardly wait for Abby and Terri to arrive with the packages she and they had bought for Autumn.

  At the noise of their arrival, her sleepy daughter padded into the kitchen in her pajamas.

  “Merry Christmas!” Abby threw her arms around Autumn.

  Terri embraced the two of them. “Merry Christmas!

  Standing aside, Lettie felt left out until Terri signaled her to join the group.

  The four of them huddled together until, laughing, Autumn said, “Stop it! I can’t breathe!”

  But, for a moment, a serene peace had settled around them—a moment Lettie knew she’d always treasure. And later, when Autumn opened her gifts and saw the ski pants, sweater, hat, and gloves for her trip to Vail, tears of gratitude filled Autumn’s eyes.

  “Thank you so much,” she said with feeling. “I’m so excited to make this trip, and these gifts are perfect.”

  “Your mother arranged everything,” said Terri.

  Autumn turned to Lettie. “Thanks, Mom.”

  “You’re welcome, sweetie,” Lettie said, accepting her quick hug with pleasure.

  ###

  With the inn filling with people who wanted to spend New Year’s Eve in wine country, Lettie didn’t have much time to think about Autumn’s trip except to hope she was having a good time. Her roommate’s father was in the movie industry, and he’d promised both girls a fun time.

  On New Year’s Eve, Lettie was dressing for dinner when her phone rang. Seeing the out-of-town number, she tensed. Only a handful of people had her home number. Her heart pounded as she picked up the phone. “H-hello?” Her voice cracked with worry.

  “Is this Lettie Chandler? Autumn Chandler’s mother?”

  “Yes,” she answered, feeling her heart stop and then lurch onward. Was this another instance of losing someone she loved?

  “I’m sorry to inform you that your daughter has had a skiing accident. She’s here at the Vail Valley Medical Center.”

  “Oh my God! Is she going to be all right?” gasped Lettie.

  “She’s broken her left leg. We’ll need your permission to go ahead with surgery to set it properly as soon as the swelling is under control. Dr. Johnstone is a very capable orthopedic surgeon and doesn’t expect any complications.”

  “Yes, of course, do whatever is necessary. Is it possible for me to speak to Autumn?”

  “She’s pretty drugged at the moment, but we’ll have her call home as soon as possible. And, of course, you can call Dr. Johnstone’s office to speak to them. Mr. Bellinger and his daughter are with her now.”

  “Thank you.” Lettie’s mind spun as she hung up the phone. There was no way she’d let Autumn go through surgery without her. She thought of her past fear of flying and grew sick at the thought of getting on a plane. She called Abby, told her what the situation was, and accepted Abby’s offer to call the airlines for her.

  ###

  At the airport, Lettie swallowed the pill Abby handed her.

  “This will help settle your nerves. It might make you a little sleepy so be careful. Are you sure you don’t want me to come with you?”

  “You’re needed at the inn. I wish we could trade places, but Autumn would never forgive me if I didn’t come.”

  “Maybe the flight will be easier than you think,” Abby said, rubbing her arm.

  Lettie smiled agreeably but knew nothing would make any flight easy for her. The good thing was, she wouldn’t be in the air for long periods of time. That, she knew, she could never do.

  ###

  In a daze from the medication, Lettie stifled a scream and gripped the armrests of her seat as the small plane dipped down and onto the tarmac at the Eagle County Regional Airport. Seeing the land outside, her eyes filled with tears of gratitude. She felt as if she’d crossed several continents to get there when, in fact, she’d flown only from Portland to Denver and to this small airport.

  The flight attendant gave her a smile as Lettie prepared to leave the plane. “You okay now, hon?” the stewardess said to her. “It helps to breathe into the paper bag we supply.”

  “Thanks, but the only thing that’ll help me is feeling my feet on the ground again,” said Lettie.

  ###

  The hotel’s transportation s
ervice delivered her to the Bavarian-style hotel where she was staying. It and the quaint ski village in which the hotel sat were stark reminders of how isolated she’d become at Chandler Hill. At home, a trip by automobile to Portland was a big deal.

  Feeling better now, she checked into the hotel and got her bags settled in her room. Then after washing up from the trip, she headed downstairs to find a ride to see her daughter.

  The Medical Center, though small, was a busy place. Apparently, winter sports accidents kept a lot of people like Dr. Johnstone busy, Lettie thought as she made her way to the check-in desk.

  After receiving directions to Autumn’s room, Lettie hurried to her.

  When Autumn saw her, she burst into tears. “I told everyone you wouldn’t come.”

  “Aw, honey, why would you say that?” Lettie asked, genuinely hurt.

  Autumn’s tawny eyes remained shiny with tears. “Because it’s New Year’s Eve, and the inn is open. I told them you’d never leave it at a busy time like that. Not for me.”

  “Oh, my dear one,” sighed Lettie. “You judge me so harshly. You’re my daughter, and I love you. Of course, I’m going to be here for you. I came as quickly as I could. Abby helped me.”

  Autumn sniffed. “They have to operate on my leg. I feel like such a dope. Everyone else was going on the big runs while I was on the bunny hill. Even then I screwed up.”

  “It’s not screwing up. These things can happen when you’re learning something new.”

  “Yeah? I bet it would never happen to you.”

  Lettie wrapped her arms around Autumn. “You have no idea how clumsy I can be.”

  “So, you think I’m clumsy?” she wailed.

  Lettie drew a deep breath and told herself to remain calm. “I didn’t say it, nor do I think it.” She put a hand to Autumn’s forehead. “When did you last eat?”

  “I can’t eat. Not until after the surgery.”

  Lettie turned as a distinguished-looking, gray-haired man entered the room. “Hello. You must be Lettie. I’m Tiffany’s father, Lyle Bellinger.”

  Smiling, Lettie shook his hand. “I’m glad to meet you. It was nice of you and your wife to invite Autumn on this trip.”

  Lyle looked uncomfortable and then said, “My wife and I are divorced, though she did agree to the trip.”

  “When we spoke on the phone before Christmas, you made it clear that you would be present for the girls both on the slopes and in the evenings.”

  “Yes, they’re still at an age where that’s important. And until today, everything was going really well.” He indicated Autumn with a tilt of his head. “Such a shame this happened. She was on her way to becoming a very good skier.”

  “I can’t imagine ever skiing again,” said Autumn woefully.

  A tall blonde walked into the room wearing jeans and a thick, white ski sweater. She smiled at Lettie and held out her hand. “Hi, Mrs. Chandler? I’m Tiffany. I’m so sorry about Autumn’s accident.”

  “Thank you. I am too. But I’m happy to meet you. It means so much to me that she has such a nice roommate.”

  “She’s the best,” said Tiffany, smiling at Autumn.

  A man in a white coat entered the room and introduced himself as Dr. Johnstone. Short, a little overweight, and with a baby face, he looked more like a boy than the well-known doctor he was. But when he began to talk about how the surgery would be done to secure the reduction of the tibia with screws, Lettie realized he wasn’t the boy she thought he was.

  “Don’t worry.” His voice was pleasant. “We’ll have your daughter good as new.”

  “How long will it take for her leg to heal?”

  “I’m guessing anywhere from three to six months.” He gave an encouraging smile to Autumn. “With a healthy, young girl like this, she should do well.”

  He handed Lettie a clipboard. “If we can get your signature, we’ll get this show on the road. Right, Autumn?”

  “Yes, if it means I can have something to eat afterwards.” Autumn gave him a sweet smile.

  Everyone, including Lettie, laughed.

  A nurse came in and administered medication into the IV hooked up to Autumn’s arm.

  “Well, we’d better go and give the two of you some privacy. We’ll be in the surgical waiting area,” said Lyle heading out the door.

  Lettie was grateful for the time alone with her daughter.

  Autumn’s eyes began to close.

  Lettie leaned over the bed and whispered in her ear, “I’ll be here waiting for you. I love you.”

  Autumn mumbled something that sounded like “me, too, Mom”, and then Lettie stepped back so the nurse and an aide could lift Autumn on a gurney and roll it out of the room.

  Left alone, Lettie walked over to the window and looked out at the snow-covered mountains. Then, on impulse, she checked Autumn’s chart which had mistakenly been left on a bedside table when the nurse had helped place Autumn onto a gurney. Looking through data like weight, height, blood pressure, her eyes came to rest on blood type. Type O positive. Lettie frowned. She was Type A positive, and Kenton’s army medical records had indicated he was Type AB.

  Lettie thought back to her high school biology class and felt her legs go weak. She’d done a paper on blood types. A positive and AB positive could not produce an O positive child. She tried to recall if she’d seen Autumn’s blood type before but couldn’t remember any such times or any reason for doing so. Autumn had always been a healthy child.

  Her heart pounding, Lettie picked up the chart again. There it was. O positive.

  The room spun around her.

  Oh my God!

  In their two encounters, had she and Rafe produced a baby? If Kenton was not Autumn’s father, it had to be Rafe.

  Lettie raced into the bathroom, feeling as if her whole world was spinning out of control in nauseating circles.

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  Lettie felt as if she was moving in slow-motion as she went through the next several days of overseeing her daughter’s recovery, waiting for her to be ready for the flights home. Lettie wondered if it would be easier to drive, but Dr. Johnstone suggested Autumn would be more comfortable in the long run by getting her home as quickly as possible.

  Once more, with the help of the medicine Abby had given her, Lettie managed to make herself board the flights for home. The airline aided them with Autumn’s care.

  But back inside the Portland airport, the fear that had frozen Lettie’s insides erupted in a queasiness she could no longer control. She made a running dash to the ladies’ room, where she rid herself of everything she’d eaten.

  When she returned to Autumn’s side, she gave her mother a worried look. “Are you okay?”

  Lettie shook her head. “I won’t be until I’m home again.”

  ###

  As Abby drove them up the hill to the inn, the sight of it made Lettie’s stomach relax. Then she thought of the grove of trees and Kenton and felt sick again. She turned to Autumn, checking as she had so many times for characteristics that might have come from Rafe. Her eyes were a tawny brown, not blue like hers or Kenton’s. Lettie had never been concerned about it before because she had no idea what her parents looked like and how it might affect her child.

  Autumn’s hair was dark brown with streaks of natural red making her a genuine auburn beauty. Now, Lettie noticed that her facial features had a bit of Rafe in them—his straight nose, the broad brow, the cleft in his chin were shared with his daughter.

  Lettie gazed out the window wondering how she could have missed all the signs when it seemed so obvious now. Holding in a sob, she blinked back the tears that stung her eyes. She needed time to sort out her feelings before talking to anyone else about it.

  They moved Autumn into a ground-floor room at the inn, so she could receive all the attention she needed and wanted. With Lettie gone from the house all day, it made the most sense. And truthfully, Lettie was glad to have moments alone while she wrestled with what she should do about the n
ew information she had discovered about Autumn’s real father.

  Lettie managed to hold herself together until it was time for Autumn to return to school.

  Standing in the driveway while Abby helped Autumn into the car, Lettie clutched her hands. She hadn’t mentioned anything to her about Rafe being her father. The idea was still so new, so shocking that she couldn’t bring herself to do it.

  “You don’t mind that Abby and Terri will accompany you?” Lettie asked her. “They’re anxious to see their old friend still teaching at the school.”

  Autumn shrugged. “It doesn’t really matter. I just want to leave the inn. I don’t know how you can stand it here. There’s nothing to do.”

  “I’m hoping someday you’ll run the inn,” said Lettie, and stopped as a sharp pain went through her. Would it be right for her to inherit the inn?

  Autumn gave her a worried look. “Are you all right?”

  Lettie knew she wasn’t all right at all and might not feel that way ever again. She gave Autumn one last embrace. “’Bye, sweetie. Talk to you soon. Say hi to Tiffany for me.”

  As the car moved away, Lettie stood in the driveway for a long time watching Abby’s station wagon until it was little more than a speck of blue traveling through the valley. She couldn’t hold back her tears. Autumn, who was so precious to her, seemed a symbol of how foolish, how naïve she’d been at an age not much older than her daughter now. She’d never been given the time to tell Kenton that she was pregnant—something that had bothered her in the past, but now seemed a gift of sorts because she hadn’t deceived him in any way.