by Judith Keim
“Are you asking if you can move in with me permanently?” He already knew she wouldn’t leave Chandler Hill to move in with him, and she’d told him that though she loved him, she wouldn’t marry him or anyone else.
“Yes,” said Rafe, giving her a steady look. “As long as you won’t marry me, the best I can do is to live with you.”
“Oh? I would love it.” She threw her arms around him and hugged him tight. When she pulled away from him, she paused. “You understand my position, don’t you? Marriage would complicate things between us.”
“I wish I didn’t understand, but I do. And I respect you for it. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want us to be together. I’m tired of traveling back and forth from your place to mine. And I don’t give a damn what some of the more conservative people in the valley might think. I want to shack up with you, as some would say.”
Lettie warmed at his earnestness. They’d talked around and around about marriage and where their relationship was going. This sounded like a good solution.
“Come on inside and let’s figure out how we’re going to make this work.”
When they walked into the house together, Lettie heard the sound of frantic yipping and hurried into the kitchen. They’d used Cami’s old baby gates to pen in the dog. The puppy pad they’d put on the floor was in shreds. A puddle of pee pooled nearby.
“Ach! Babe, come. You need to go outside.” The puppy galloped with her as Lettie rushed her outside. “Here. You get busy here. Outside. Understand?”
Babe cocked her head at Lettie’s words and then trotted over to Rafe and wagged her tail.
“Oh no, you don’t. I’m going to tell you the same thing.” He looked over at Lettie. “It’s going to take a while, but she’s a smart pup. We’ll get her trained.”
“We’d better,” grumped Lettie.
Rafe put an arm around her. “Just one happy family.”
Lettie leaned into him. That sounded good.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
For Lettie, having Rafe move in with her was the beginning of several good years. The inn, the vineyards, and their relationship thrived. And though Autumn and she weren’t as communicative as some mothers and daughters were, Autumn dutifully kept them informed of Cami’s growth and activities. Photos of her showed a beautiful little girl with dark eyes and light-red hair. Lettie couldn’t quite define it beyond the chin, but there was a bit more of Rafe in Cami’s features, and that made her happy for him.
Then, after the Y2K new year, Autumn finally agreed to bring Cami for a visit. Lettie could hardly wait to see her. According to email reports from Autumn, Cami was a bright, determined, six-year-old.
On this early-April morning, Lettie stood with Rafe in the Portland airport, her heart starting and stopping in nervous beats at the thought that Cami might not want anything to do with her. Emails, photos, and phone conversations weren’t the same as actually being with someone. And Lettie’s memories were of a little girl who’d clung to her with affection.
Rafe put an arm around her. “Relax. It’ll be okay.”
Lettie forced a smile, but she couldn’t chase her worry away.
Passengers from the San Francisco flight started entering the waiting area. Lettie grabbed hold of Rafe’s hand.
And then suddenly Autumn and Cami were heading toward them.
Autumn smiled and lifted her hand in greeting.
Lettie rushed forward to greet them. As she did, Cami hid behind her mother.
“Welcome home!” Lettie cried, hugging Autumn hard. She glanced over at Cami, who stood back, staring at her wide-eyed.
Lettie knelt before her. “I’m so happy to see you, Cami. Nonnee has missed you terribly. And look! Here’s Rafe. You used to call him ’Afe. And then when we asked you to call him Grandpa you said, ‘No, Rafe’. You probably don’t remember because you were just a toddler when we saw you last, and now you’re a grown-up six-year-old. May I give you a hug hello?”
Cami nodded and allowed Lettie to give her a hug. Though it wasn’t the enthusiastic one she’d wished for, Lettie was glad for even that.
“How are you?” Rafe asked Autumn, beaming at her.
“Anxious to get home. It was a long trip,” said Autumn, returning his smile.
Lettie got to her feet and offered her hand to Cami.
Cami hurried to her mother’s side.
Patience, Lettie reminded herself. As she accompanied the others to the baggage claim area, she kept a watchful eye on Cami. She walked beside her mother, gazing around with interest. Lettie remembered that same curiosity in Cami as a toddler and drew a satisfied breath. She would use Chandler Hill to connect with Cami again.
While they waited for the bags, Lettie turned to her daughter. “You look wonderful! Even better in person than the pictures show you.” At twenty-nine, Autumn was a striking woman. The sun had burned her long limbs a pleasant brown and exposed the red tones in her dark hair. Her dark-brown eyes snapped with intelligence.
“You look good too, Mom,” said Autumn. “Living with Rafe must suit you. You seem so happy.”
“Thanks.” Lettie shot a quick look at Rafe standing nearby. They had a good life, and maybe because they both enjoyed the land, they were content to live and work at home together. Once, to please Rafe, she’d tried counseling for her fear of flying. But rather than help her, it only intensified her deep-rooted anxiety of being caught in the sky with no option to save herself. A control issue, the counselor had suggested, offering further counseling sessions—sessions Lettie turned down.
“How about you? Are you seeing anyone special?” Lettie asked. “You never say anything about it in your emails, and our phone calls are usually rushed.”
Autumn shrugged. “I’m friends with a few co-workers, but I haven’t found any man I’m willing to marry.”
When the luggage belt began to move, Rafe waved her over to help identify the bags, leaving Lettie with Cami.
“I wonder if you’ll remember the vineyards,” Lettie said. “I used to carry you on my back and walk with you through the rows of grapevines. You loved it.”
Cami looked up at her. “I did?”
“Yes. And now we have a dog to go with us. Her name is Babe. Remember me sending you pictures of her?”
Cami studied her. “I like dogs.”
“Do you have a dog at home?”
“No,” Cami shook her head. “Mama doesn’t want one.”
Autumn rolled a large suitcase over to them. “What doesn’t Mama want?”
“A dog,” said Lettie.
“Cami, I’ve told you that with my long hours and my traveling for the job, it doesn’t make sense to have a dog. Maybe later, when you’re a little older.”
“Who stays with Cami when you’re gone?” Lettie asked. There was so much she didn’t know about their everyday life.
“We have a housekeeper who will stay over. She’s great,” Autumn replied.
“Her name is Karabo,” said Cami.
“Cami gets along really well with her, which is a big relief to me.”
Rafe walked up to them rolling a second large suitcase behind him. “I think we’re set. Ready to go?”
They loaded the bags into Lettie’s new Lexus RX and headed out. “That old Volvo wagon finally quit on me, so I had to replace it earlier this year,” Lettie explained to Autumn.
“I’d forgotten how green everything looks,” Autumn commented. “And the trees are so tall.”
“Oregon’s rain will do that,” said Lettie. “It’s good for the crops though. Bud break has just happened.”
“South Africa is making some good wines now,” Autumn said. “It’s fascinating.”
“Yes, I’ve read about it. I’m so happy you’re taking an interest in it.” The idea pleased Lettie. Though Rafe had warned her against it, she kept hoping Autumn’s dedication to her job was only until she could take over the winery.
“I’m interested in South African wines as a consumer, not as someo
ne involved in the actual process of making it. I’m sorry, Mom. I know it’s a disappointment to you, but I haven’t changed my mind about it.”
“I understand,” Lettie said, not understanding at all. Didn’t Autumn realize what an opportunity awaited her? She quickly changed the subject. “You’ll be staying with us at my house. We’ve added a guest wing since you’ve last seen it, so you’ll have all the privacy you want.”
“Sounds great. This will be a nice break for the two of us. Right, Cami?”
From the backseat, Cami glanced at Lettie shyly and nodded.
By the time Rafe pulled the car into the driveway, Lettie was feeling better about things. Though Autumn wasn’t ready to take on family responsibilities, she might one day.
As they got out of the car, Babe bounded toward them.
“It’s Babe!” Cami cried, embracing the dog. She laughed when the yellow lab licked her hand.
After Babe greeted all of them with wags and kisses, she stayed at Cami’s side as they got the luggage and carry-ons inside.
“Welcome,” Lettie cried, leading her guests to the guest wing.
Standing in the middle of one of the guest rooms, Autumn said, “Very pretty. I love the openness.”
“Thanks.” A sliding door led to a small deck off the room. But it was the view overlooking the rolling hills that gave the room a sense of space.
They stood together on it looking out.
Autumn placed a hand on Lettie’s shoulder. “You’ve really made this house special. It’s hidden away from the inn, giving privacy to everyone here.”
“The changes have been good. Wait until you see what we’ve done at the inn. We’ve recently done an upgrade to the rooms, as well as the common areas. It’s a nice improvement.” Lettie gave Autumn an impulsive hug. “I’m so glad you’re here.”
Autumn smiled. “Me too.”
Lettie drew Cami to their sides. “You too, little one.”
Cami looked up at her with somber eyes, then her lips curved, sending a surge of love through Lettie.
###
Lettie spent every spare moment she could with her family. As the days went on, Autumn left Lettie and Cami to do things on her own. The bond between them deepened as they walked the hills, swam in the pool at the inn, and shared treats and stories. Babe shadowed them whenever she could.
Watching Cami run through the rows of vines with the dog one day was like seeing a dream of hers come alive, thought Lettie with satisfaction. There was something so right about it—as if the land she loved was enfolding Cami in its embrace.
And when Rafe, Lettie, and Cami were together, the look of pride and joy on Rafe’s face was equally satisfying. It seemed only fair for him to be able to enjoy the child and grandchild he thought he’d never have.
Sitting in the living room, reading books together, Lettie held her breath as Cami asked Rafe, “If you’re my Grandpa and Nonnee is my grandmother, why don’t you have the same name? Nonnee is a Chandler like me. Your name is Lopez.”
“It’s not so much the name that matters, but the love we share,” Rafe said smoothly. “Because my name is different from yours doesn’t mean I don’t love you. In fact, I think I love you more because of it. Right, Nonnee?”
Lettie smiled her agreement. “You’re a very, very special granddaughter to both of us. We love you so much.”
“Okay.” Cami studied him and turned to Lettie. “Can we go to the inn now?”
Rafe and Lettie laughed together. Oh, to be six, Lettie thought, wishing life was that simple.
###
Too soon it was time for Autumn and Cami to leave. As they packed their bags, Lettie worked hard to hold her emotions in check. She and her daughter had spent enough time together that the edges that had previously existed between them seemed to have disappeared. And Cami? Lettie loved her. Both she and Rafe did.
After a quiet trip into Portland, Lettie stood outside the airport terminal wishing she could be like the other passengers about to take a flight. But she was as landlocked as a sparrow with clipped wings.
Autumn hugged her. “Thanks for such a nice visit, Mom. We’ll try to make it back here much sooner next time.”
Lettie wrapped her arms around her daughter and rocked her back and forth, unwilling to let her go. “Thank you for coming and bringing Cami with you. It means so much to us.”
“I’m glad I got to know Rafe better. He loves you.”
“And we love you.” Lettie forced herself to step away. “Have a safe flight. Please let us know that you got home safely.”
“’Bye, Nonnee,” said Cami. She held onto the stuffed bear that contained a recording Lettie and Cami had made together at one of the stores outside Portland.
Tears stung Lettie’s eyes as she embraced the girl she loved like no other. “Remember to write to me and Rafe. And we’ll send you emails in return.”
As agreed, Autumn and Cami entered the terminal on their own. Autumn didn’t like emotional scenes, and Lettie knew the longer they lingered, the more emotional she would be.
###
The next few months were difficult. Lettie, still missing her family, turned to the business of growing grapes, making wine, and keeping a careful eye on the inn. Well-established as the place to go in the valley, the inn continued to be busy with small groups, weddings, and more and more themed weekends involving wine tastings, musical concerts, and even mystery dinners.
Receiving emails from Cami was the highlight of any day. And when Autumn and Cami called on the phone, it was even better.
They’d just completed the harvesting of grapes in October when Lettie realized she hadn’t heard from Autumn in a while. In her office, she picked up the phone to call her.
After several rings, a voice said, “Hello?”
“Karabo? Is that you? It’s Lettie Chandler calling for Autumn. Is she there?”
A sob came over the phone. “Oh, God! You don’t know?”
Lettie’s blood turned to ice in her veins. “Know what?”
“Oh, I’m so sorry. Autumn was hit by a car and killed this morning.” Karabo began to cry in earnest.
The room spun around so fast Lettie thought she might be sick. Gripping the edge of her desk, she tried to hang onto the thought that was too terrible to bear. Karabo must be talking about someone else, she told herself. Autumn was young and beautiful and healthy.
“No,” said Lettie firmly. “I need to talk to her. Please get her for me.”
The sobs through the phone became even louder. “Mrs. Chandler, I’m with Cami now, but I think it’s best if you come here. She needs to be with you.”
Lettie dropped the phone, ran into the adjacent bathroom, and threw up. After emptying her stomach, she stood on shaky legs and washed her face with a cold cloth. Her strong, fiercely independent daughter was gone. And though Cami needed her, she couldn’t deal with the thought of flying to Africa. For that, she would never be able to forgive herself.
She stumbled back to her desk and picked up the receiver. “Karabo, are you still there?”
The buzzing line was her answer.
Lettie grabbed her car keys and purse and ran to her private parking spot at the inn. Rafe! I have to get to Rafe!
She was halfway to his house before she realized she could’ve just called him. She kept driving, aware she needed him, not a voice at the other end of the phone.
As she drove through the entrance to his property, she saw his truck parked alongside the road to his house, pulled up beside it, and slammed on her brakes. Climbing out of the car, she called his name.
He looked up with surprise.
Sobbing now, she started running toward him.
He hurried to meet her. “Lettie! What’s wrong?”
“It’s Autumn. She was killed by a car. Just found out she’s dead,” she sobbed between gulps reaching for the oxygen that had escaped her lungs.
Rafe steadied her and looked at her with alarm. “Breathe. Now tell me everything.
”
“I don’t know much except what I already told you. Karabo said I need to come for Cami.”
“I’ll do that,” said Rafe. “It’s something I feel I should do as her grandfather.” He took hold of her arm. “C’mon. Let’s go find out exactly what’s going on. I’ll drive.”
They both got in her car. Lettie sank against the cushions of the passenger seat feeling as helpless as she’d been as a child trying to make her future bright.
Rafe reached over and patted her knee. “Steady. We’ll get through this together. Our daughter was precious to both of us, and so is Cami. We’ll do right by both of them.”
Lettie thought she’d never loved him more. He was her rock, her strength.
###
They made the call to South Africa together. Lettie spoke to Karabo and then turned the phone over to Rafe, who put it on speaker. His face flushed, his eyes awash with tears, he asked the hard questions for which they needed answers.
Lettie sorted the information in her mind. Autumn had been jogging along the road outside of town when a car veered out of control on a curve and instantly killed her. Her body was at the morgue and would be held until Lettie made arrangements to have it buried or cremated. As for Cami, she knew her mother was not coming home, but needed Rafe or Lettie to come to her as soon as possible.
Rafe was given the number of a lawyer, and after thanking Karabo, he said, “I’ll call you with my flight information as soon as possible.”
He hung up and covered his face with his hands. When he looked up, grief had distorted his features into lines of sadness.
Lettie went to him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. They clung tightly to one another, shaking with emotion as their tears blended.
“I should have called more often, made a better effort to be in touch, been a more loving mother,” said Lettie, regret eating away at her insides.
“Don’t do that,” said Rafe softly. “Let’s remember the good times.” His look was so full of sadness, her heart twisted.
They worked to find the quickest, easiest flights to and from Johannesburg. As soon as the arrangements were made, Rafe called Karabo and gave her the flight information.
