by Judith Keim
When he was through, Lettie said, “I need to speak to Cami.” How she wished she could magically transport herself there.
“Nonnee?” Cami’s voice sent tears streaming down Lettie’s cheeks.
“I’m here, sweetheart. Rafe is coming to bring you home.”
“Mama isn’t coming back. Mama’s dead,” said Cami. “I want Mama here.”
“Yes, sweetheart,” crooned Lettie. “We all want Mama here. While you’re waiting for Rafe to pick you up, you listen to our special Teddy bear, the one with the song inside. Remember how we sang to one another? I want you to feel as if I’m right there. All right?”
“Okay,” said Cami, beginning to cry.
Karabo took the phone from Cami and spoke into it. “Don’t worry. I’m not leaving Cami’s side. I’ll be right here with her.”
“Thank you. I appreciate that more than you’ll ever know.”
Lettie hung up the phone with a sigh that came from the heart. Life could be so unfair.
###
Once again, Lettie stood outside the Portland airport, heartbroken.
“You and Scott are set to do the winemaking?” Rafe asked her.
Lettie nodded. Scott Kurey and she had been in charge of winemaking for both her vineyards and his for some time, but Rafe had always been on hand to lend a hand and offer an opinion.
Rafe wrapped his arms around her. “I need to do this. I’ll call and give you as much information as I can, whenever possible. Karabo said she’d help me pack up personal items, and the lawyer has agreed to quickly process legal matters. One of Autumn’s co-workers will go through work papers. It’s the best we can do with just one week’s time.”
Tears stung Lettie’s eyes. She should be the one going to Africa, not Rafe.
“I’ll miss you,” she managed to say before giving Rafe a kiss that told him just that.
As Rafe walked into the terminal, a sob caught in Lettie’s throat. She started forward and stopped. It was too late to make a change. She knew each day of the next week would be her punishment for not being able to conquer her fear of flying.
###
With all the work involved in the processing of the grapes, the days flew by. Nights were another matter. She lay in her empty bed unable to stop thinking of Autumn, reliving moments she wished she could live again. And like so many mothers, she knew she’d do some things differently. She imagined Cami calling for her mother, calling for her, and couldn’t wait to be able to hold her in her arms.
And when Lettie allowed herself a few hours off one afternoon, she drove to a mall to purchase pink pillows and stuffed animals for Cami’s bed. Later, when things were more settled, they’d decide together on what other items might make Cami’s room more comfortable for her.
###
On the afternoon of Cami and Rafe’s arrival, Lettie paced inside the terminal waiting for passengers to disembark from the San Francisco flight. A number of people emerged from the walkway before she saw Rafe walking toward her. Beside him, Cami looked so small, so fragile.
Lettie called out to them and waved.
Clinging to the Teddy bear she and Cami had picked out together, Cami rushed forward into Lettie’s waiting arms.
Fighting tears, Lettie hugged Cami tight while she worked to gain composure.
Rafe came up to them. “How are you?” he asked Lettie, giving her a kiss on the lips.
“Glad you’re here.” Smiling, she saw how fatigue had formed shadowy blotches under his eyes and deepened lines across his brow. “I’ll get you home and you can rest up there.”
“Sounds good.” He turned to Cami. “Babe is going to be happy to see you.”
Cami’s lips curved slightly. “She’s my dog now.”
Lettie and Rafe exchanged looks.
“Sure,” said Lettie. “She loves you, like Rafe and I do.”
Though the ride home wasn’t even an hour, both Rafe and Cami shut their eyes and napped. Lettie kept glancing at the two, drinking in the sight of them.
As she pulled into the driveway at her house, Babe’s barked greeting awakened them. “We’re home!” Lettie announced.
She helped Cami out of her seat and stood by as Babe greeted her with pink-tongued kisses. Cami wrapped her arms around the dog and held on tight. “You’re mine now, Babe.”
As if the dog understood, Babe barked and wagged her tail. When Lettie took Cami’s hand to lead her inside, Babe followed.
In Cami’s room, Lettie fluffed the pillows and showed her the pink lamb and fuzzy blanket she’d chosen for the bed. “I know your favorite color is pink. When you’re ready, we can fix up your room any way you want. “
Wide-eyed, Cami nodded.
Lettie unpacked Cami’s suitcase, placing her clothes in the bureau or hanging them in the closet. Most of the clothes were suitable for fall, but come winter, she’d need warmer ones.
Lettie had almost finished her task when she noticed a wrapped package tucked into a corner at the bottom of the suitcase. She lifted the small but heavy item out of the suitcase and held it up.
“What’s this?”
“It’s mine,” said Cami, reaching for it. “Karabo told me I could pick one thing of Mama’s to bring with me.”
“May I see it?” asked Lettie taking a seat on the bed. “Why don’t you and I open it together?”
Cami slowly began to unwrap the brown-paper cover. As the wrapping fell away, Lettie saw the object was an elephant carved out of some kind of stone.
“I miss Mama. I want her to come back,” said Cami, breaking into tears.
Her own eyes filling, Lettie pulled Cami onto her lap and rocked her gently. “I miss your Mama too.”
“She’s not supposed to be in heaven! She’s supposed to be with me!” Tears slid down Cami’s cheeks.
“I’m sure Mama would like to be here with you. She loved you very much, and I loved her.”
Babe put her head in Lettie’s lap and whined.
Cami reached out and stroked the dog’s head.
“Let’s try to remember all the good times with Mama. Then it will feel as if she’s with us. I remember when she was a little girl about your age, she tried to make brownies with Abby. They mixed the batter, put them in the oven, and guess what? They burned! Your Mama was so upset! They tried again, and this time they were better.”
“Karabo says Mama isn’t a good cook. That’s why she cooks for us.”
“Guess who does a lot of the cooking here?”
“You?”
Lettie shook her head. “No. Rafe. He likes to work in the kitchen. Maybe you’d like to cook with him.”
“Brownies?” Cami’s eyes rounded. “Can I? Karabo let me help too.”
She climbed off Lettie’s lap and ran out of the room, calling, “Rafe! Rafe!” protective as always, Babe trotted at her heels.
Lettie watched them go, knowing there’d be other times when they’d need to talk about Autumn and her death. Lettie had already started to put together a photo album of pictures of Autumn and the rest of the family for Cami to use at those moments when she missed her mother.
She stood and looked out through the sliding-glass door at the rolling land below. Her gaze automatically swung to the grove of trees that was so special to her. If Rafe approved, Autumn’s ashes would be buried there.
CHAPTER THIRTY
With Cami’s presence, life for Lettie took on a whole new dimension. She tried to time her day around Cami and her activities. It was one of the things she wished she’d done more of with Autumn. She didn’t want Cami resenting the inn as Autumn had.
To her joy, Lettie found her eager to learn about grape growing and making wine. She also loved listening to Lettie and Rafe talk about it at dinner, and when Lettie went to the inn to check on things, Cami loved going with her.
After a rough beginning at school for being the new girl and having a bit of an accent, Cami settled in and made friends. Her favorite was Olivia Sanchez, one of Rafe’s nieces. Let
tie loved the idea because it made it seem as if her granddaughter was part of an extended family.
Dropping Cami off at her friend’s house on the afternoon of her first sleep-over party, Lettie watched the ten-year-old sprint for the house with a sense of satisfaction. Cami was a popular girl who’d made friends through her kindness.
Lettie was heading for the inn when her cell phone rang. She smiled at the sight of Rafe’s name and picked it up.
“Yes?”
“When will you be home? I have a special evening planned for us.”
At the sexy tone of his voice, Lettie immediately changed direction. In their fifties, they both enjoyed a satisfying sex life. With Cami living with them, the spontaneity of the past had been lost to Cami’s schedules and needs. An evening like this, she thought, would bring back a spark to their lovemaking.
Rafe greeted her at the door holding a tulip glass of bubbly champagne. “Come in, my dear,” he said with an exaggerated leer.
She giggled and accepted the glass of wine. The delicious aroma of garlic and butter met her nose.
“I’m preparing a special shrimp dish for your pleasure. But first, let’s sit in the den with our drinks. It’s been a while since we’ve had the opportunity to have a quiet, late dinner.”
Lettie eagerly followed him into the room that had become their retreat in the house. A fire glowed in the stacked-stone, gas-lit fireplace, flanked by white-painted wooden shelves loaded with books and keepsakes. Lettie took a seat in her usual green-leather chair at one side of the fireplace, and Rafe settled in the same-style chair opposite her.
He lifted his glass. “Here’s to us! Do you realize today is the anniversary of the first day I met you thirty-four years ago?”
She clasped a hand to her chest. “I didn’t know you were such a romantic. My word, it’s been a long time, and so much has happened. I’m glad we’re together.”
He set down his glass on the table beside him and came over to her. Leaning down, he kissed her on the lips.
A familiar tug of desire filled Lettie. He’d always had that effect on her.
When they parted, Rafe’s eyes shone with affection. He got down on one knee in front of her.
Lettie’s heart bumped to a stop. They’d discussed marriage many times and had agreed, for business reasons, it would never happen.
“I need to give you something that shows how I feel about us. Lettie, will you accept this token of love from me?”
He opened a flat, black-velvet box. Inside, nestled against cream silk, was a necklace. At the end of a gold chain, a pendant in the shape of a grape leaf gleamed at her. In the center of the leaf a cluster of diamonds, designed to look like grapes, sparkled.
Tears came to Lettie’s eyes. “It’s gorgeous, Rafe. What a perfect way to show our devotion to one another. Without the love of our land and the grapes, we would never have come together.” She flung her arms around him. “I love you, Rafe, and always will.”
He pulled her down on the carpet with him. In minutes, they had their clothes off and were celebrating in the best way they knew, their bodies working together to bring pleasure to one another.
###
Later, lying together in front of the fire, Lettie stroked Rafe’s strong chest, curling her fingers through the chest hair that was beginning to show signs of gray.
“Mmm, nice. Amazing what you’ve learned in thirty-four years!”
Rafe laughed. “The last ten years with you have been the best of my life.”
“For me too,” said Lettie, filling with love for him. She rose up on her elbows and looked into his handsome face, a face she loved like no other. “Thank you for being such a good man, a good grandfather.”
He gazed at her with love. “You make it so easy.” He sat up. “Now where is that necklace of yours? I want to see it on you right now.”
“Don’t you want to wait until I get dressed?”
He gave her a wicked grin and shook his head. “Nope. I want to see just you and that necklace.” He found the box, lifted the necklace out, and hooked it around her neck. “There!”
She looked down at the pendant nestled against her bare breasts. It was the perfect gift from the perfect man.
By the time Cami returned from her sleep-over the next day, Lettie felt a new sense of commitment between Rafe and her.
###
As Cami grew into her teens, Lettie remembered how difficult Autumn had become and grew tense at the idea of the same disconnect happening between them. But compared to Autumn, Cami was an easy child, willing to listen. And even though Cami didn’t hesitate to disagree with her, she did it in a less-combative way than her mother. There were no crude accusations, no temper tantrums, just a quiet determination to win any argument.
Lettie couldn’t help but wonder who Cami’s father was. There was nothing in all of Autumn’s personal papers to indicate who it might be, and the name of the father on Cami’s birth certificate remained blank. It seemed ironic to Lettie that one small family could have so many unanswered questions.
The matter didn’t become an issue until Cami was involved in a tenth-grade biology project that focused on genes and how they are passed down from one generation to the next.
“Why didn’t my mother ever tell you about my father?” Cami asked, plopping down at the kitchen table and giving Lettie a plaintive look.
Lettie shook her head. “I don’t know. She made certain no one else knew anything about him because she said it would hurt others. After she died, I went through her personal papers. There wasn’t any mention of him.”
“They met before Mom moved from Zaire to South Africa, right?”
“Yes.” Lettie brushed the worried wrinkles from Cami’s brow with the tips of her fingers. “It’s hard not knowing about your parents. I don’t know anything about either one of mine. Can you imagine being dumped off at a foster home with no records, nothing? I sometimes resented my mother for what happened to me, but then I didn’t know what was going on in her life. Maybe she did me the greatest favor she could.”
Cami’s eyes glistened with tears. “I love you, Nonnee.”
Lettie drew her into an embrace. “And I love you, Camilla Chandler, with all my heart.”
They held onto each other until Cami’s cell phone rang, and the moment was lost.
###
Lettie and Cami remained close. And when she chose to go away to college to study viticulture and then to live in Europe for a few years, studying winemaking there, Lettie was content to let Cami go because she’d promised to eventually come home for good.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
With Cami away, and Babe now gone, Lettie and Rafe settled into a quieter existence. Their wines were becoming sought after. Rafe took particular pride in participating in various wine shows and contests. He even traveled to France on business and spent two glorious weeks with Cami in the Côtes du Rhône wine region of France.
During this time, Lettie made a decision on her own to take her new financial manager’s advice to invest in a start-up company in international sales. Things were going well at both the winery and the inn. Lettie wanted to leave Cami plenty of money to run things when she could convince her to come home and take over the operation. It would, she decided, be a secret surprise, proving once and for all that her life at Chandler Hill was not only a big success, but a tribute to Kenton and Rex Chandler’s generosity.
As a part of her slowing down, Lettie brought in a new manager to oversee the inn. A graduate of the Hotel School at Cornell, he was an eager young man who said he was genuinely interested in learning all he could about the wine industry. With him on site, she enjoyed having more time to herself for reading and other projects. She even added vines to a block of land, hoping to add something new to their wines.
The fact that she wasn’t feeling well was something she tended to ignore. At sixty-five, she was still agile, active, and involved in life and work. She was determined not to let the aging process get h
er down.
When she couldn’t ignore the changes in her body, she made a doctor’s appointment for a day when Rafe would be at a wine show in California.
###
Dr. Simonson’s empathy when he told her she had just a few months to live did nothing to stem the shock that went through her in waves of horror. She had no intention of dying this young.
She drove home in a stupor. Surely such a diagnosis belonged to someone else, someone who’d lived longer, she told herself. She wasn’t ready to give up. There was so much more for her to do. She’d recently helped design a new label for wines coming from a new section of grapes that she was calling the Camilla Block.
Still shivering from the news, she entered the empty house. Rafe was in San Francisco and wouldn’t be home for another two days. Alone in her kitchen, she allowed herself the relief of tears. The hot trail of them down her cheeks did nothing to lessen the pain of her new reality.
She picked up the phone and called her best friend.
Paloma arrived within twenty minutes. “¡Ay, Dio mio! What is it, Lettie?” She grabbed hold of Lettie’s hand and gazed deeply into her eyes, studying her.
Tears filled Lettie’s eyes.
“No,” Paloma whispered. “I know you’ve been sick, but not this.”
“It’s true,” said Lettie. “I talked to the doctor today. It isn’t good. Six months or less is all I have.”
“No!” cried Paloma. “It is too soon.”
Sighing, Lettie wondered why her life had always seemed to proceed on a time schedule labeled “Too Soon”. She’d been born too soon, had her family too soon, and was now dying too soon.
Crying softly, Paloma wrapped her arms around Lettie. “I’ll be here to help you. I love you, Lettie.”
“I love you too.” Lettie laid her head on Paloma’s shoulder. “I’ll need you to help with Rafe and Cami. They don’t know yet. It isn’t something you tell someone over the phone.”
“It’s a beautiful day. Go sit on the deck, and I’ll bring us some tea. We can talk there.”
