Nobody Can Say It’s You: A Hadley Pell Cozy Mystery

by Green, Jeri

If she remembered correctly the little boy’s and girl’s rooms were out back – near the kitchen, of all places.

  But Hadley wasn’t interested in finding out if the décor had changed in that one-seater water closet. She banged on the door, and the cook opened up.

  “You all right?” the big-bellied cook ask.

  The grease on that guy’s apron looks decades old, Hadley thought.

  “Nothing to eat,” she said, before she could stop herself.

  Hadley flashed a couple of twenties.

  “Just some information.”

  “You a cop?” the gruff grease slinger asked.

  “Do I look like a cop?”

  “You look like a nosy grandmother,” said the cook.

  “Exactly,” said Hadley. My granddaughter was here a little while back.”

  “So,” said the cook. “Lotsa women come here.”

  But his eyes never left the money.

  Hadley added another twenty, making a pretty fan of bills.

  “She ain’t old, padnah,” Hadley said. “As a matter of fact, she looks older than she really is. I’m talkin’ underage. Fifteen, if you catch my drift. Blonde and beautiful.”

  “I don’t know nuthin’,” he said.

  “Look,” said Hadley, “I ain’t out to bust you for sellin’ her a few beers. It’s her boyfriend who’s really scum. You might know him. Dougal Orner.”

  “They was here,” the cook said.

  “Did they ask for anything from you?” Hadley said. “Besides the beers?”

  “You ain’t gonna believe me,” he said.

  “No hard drugs, I hope,” she said.

  “Lord, naw,” he said. “You ain’t gonna believe this, lady. Not in a hundrit yars.”

  “What,” Hadley said, handing over the money.

  He grabbed the twenties in his fat, hairy paw.

  “Garbage bags,” the cook said.

  “Black garbage bags?” said Hadley.

  “You got it,” the cook said, slamming the door in Hadley’s face.

  Chapter Forty

  “Girl,” said Lou Edna, “you was gone so long, I started to call out the stool softener squad.”

  “No need,” said Hadley. “I would use the woods before I used Sadie’s bathroom.”

  “Well,” said Lou Edna, “Did you get lost, Little Red Riding Hood?”

  “No,” said Hadley. “Come on. Let’s get outta here before we contract some ragin’ contagion. You know like the fuzzy filths or the grease cruds.”

  “What’s the matter with you?” asked Lou Edna.

  “I went around back. I talked to the cook,” said Hadley.

  “Oh, tar and feathers!” said Lou Edna. “Now, I’ll never be able to come back here. What ya do that for? That’s like going to the city sanitation department and askin’ ’em if you can dip your toothbrush in their raw sewage soup to wet the bristles a little.”

  “I know,” said Hadley. “And you’re exactly right. That cook’s apron was black with grease, Lou Edna. Tell me you’ve never ordered a hot dog or anything else from back there. I’m not so sure, but I think he had vomit on his T-shirt, too.”

  “Oh, Hadley!” said Lou Edna. “Get me outta here! I need some fresh air!”

  Chapter Forty-One

  Estill took Chandra under her wing. From that moment on, Dougal felt like a fading shadow in the sunset. How could his mother do this to him?

  Like Dara and Dilcie, Estill and Chandra spent hours wandering the mountains.

  “Come with me,” Estill said.

  “Where are we going?” Chandra said.

  “Some place special,” said Estill. “You’ve proven yourself to me, Chandra.”

  Estill and Chandra crossed many property lines. She led the young woman to a beautiful waterfall.

  “It is special,” said Chandra. “I feel it.”

  “Look here,” Estill said, pointing out strange markings on the rocks nearby.

  “What are they?”

  “Watch.”

  She began chanting and a sparkling blue halo appeared around the rocks. Suddenly, a portal appeared.

  “Take my hand,” Estill said.

  Chandra did as she was told.

  Together, they walked through the rocks and stepped across into a strange and magical Other World.

  “It’s fantastic,” said Chandra.

  “Oh, it’s better than that. I get all of my most potent plants here.”

  “I’ve never seen anything like these.”

  “That’s because this is the only place where they exist. It’s like a little corner of the original Garden of Eden, Chandra. The soil, the moisture, the sun, and shade. Everything is perfect in this place for extraordinary plants to grow. But you must be careful. Use caution. There are a few that must always stay here. They are just too dangerous to use. I will show them to you.”

  “Whose land are we on?” Chandra asked.

  “Button Dudley’s,” Estill said.

  “Button Dudley’s,” Chandra said.

  And from then on the two began to hatch a plan. They both wanted this place, more than anything else in the world.

  Here were the plants that would allow them to rule the world.

  Chapter Forty-Two

  Floyd Carlisle was feeling sick. The local quack could find nothing wrong with him, but Floyd had a haunting uneasiness there was something wrong. And it was bad.

  “I’m going to get another opinion,” Floyd told Margaret-Dean Angeline.

  “Suit yourself,” Margaret-Dean had said. “But you look fit as a fiddle to me.”

  Floyd looked at himself in the mirror. He wasn’t bad, he thought. On the outside, at least. But what about the part below the skin? Were those bags developing under his eyes?

  He pulled down the lower lid of one eye.

  Gross.

  “You want bacon or sausage or fat back?” Margaret-Dean asked.

  “No breakfast for me. Haven’t got time,” said Floyd. “I’ll pick up something later.”

  Floyd grabbed his briefcase and headed out the door. He had to meet some people who’d drawn up some plans for his resort. Just thinking about what he was going to do made his mouth start watering. All his life, Floyd had felt like a second-class citizen. Well, once he got hold of Dudley’s land, Floyd thought, it would be nothing but first-class. Yep. First-class all the way.

  He’d show the world how much style a redneck hillbilly really had.

  * * *

  Chandra had been busy. Really busy. Estill was always telling her that Chandra’s horses were galloping too quickly to take in the scenery. Whatever that meant. Chandra thought it was Estill’s way of trying to tell her to slow down. Estill wanted her to appreciate the power that she was giving her. That was all well and good, thought Chandra, but Floyd Carlisle’s resort was threatening to destroy Paradise.

  Paradise was the name Chandra gave the enchanting place on Button Dudley’s land. Floyd’s PR campaign for his new resort was already winning the hearts of many in the area. Floyd promised jobs, and folks hurt by the declining coal industry were listening to his every word. Floyd was giving so many a ray of hope.

  Estill said the law was on her side. But couldn’t judges and jurors be bought?

  Of course.

  Chandra wanted to leave nothing to chance.

  She’d already made a huge mistake. Now it was time to make it right.

  She’d driven out to Paradise, collected a few special plants. Then she headed back to Estill’s. She needed to take another look at the Book to make sure she had everything exactly right. She was going to put a curse on Button’s land so Floyd Carlisle would abandon his plans to develop it.

  She popped a couple of pod seeds. She instantly felt their energizing power. The pod seeds were some of the first things Estill had taught Chandra about. Just a couple pod seeds and sleep was an unnecessary thing. She breathed deeply. She felt them working already.

  Good. Good.

  She’d nee
d every minute available. There was so much work to do.

  Chapter Forty-Three

  “Dougal Orner!” Estill yelled, “I’m gonna kill you!”

  Dougal had been hunting for three days. He didn’t have a thing to show for those three days except some very nasty clothes. These he started peeling off as soon as he entered the house. When Estill stepped inside, the whole place smelled like the county dump.

  “You’ve been gone for days,” Estill said, “and not once did I miss this mess.”

  Maybe it was the fact that Dougal had gone for 30 hours without sleep, or the tone of his mother’s voice. Perhaps, it was those morning glory seeds he’d been munching on. Whatever it was, Dougal’s rage threatened to make his head explode.

  Why was she doing this to him? He hadn’t been home 30 minutes.

  “Pick up those nasty clothes, Dougal,” Estill said. “You throw your filthy things around like you think we have a maid or something.”

  “Well,” Dougal screamed, “we did have until you butted in. And now, the maid’s schmoozing with Berth! It’s all your fault. What did you do to poison her against me!”

  “I didn’t have to do anything,” Estill said. “You did it all yourself, Dougal.”

  That was all it took. Dougal sailed into his mother like a hornet out of the nest. Estill was hurt and shocked. She was going to have a very nice shiner.

  “Okay,” she said, “it’s time you got a little comeuppance, mister.”

  Dougal felt his body being lifted off the floor.

  “Put me down,” he whined. “Mama! How do I get down from here?”

  “You’re a big boy,” Estill said. “You figure it out.”

  His mother left the room. Dougal floated up into the air. His backside was stuck to the ceiling for nearly 12 hours.

  Chapter Forty-Four

  “Hey, how’s Skip?” Hadley asked.

  Maury and Hadley and Beanie were volunteering at the wildlife shelter. Maury and Hadley were teaming up to clean out cages. Beanie was in charge of filling water bowls.

  “He’s okay, I guess,” said Maury. “He always says ‘fine’ when I ask him. I guess if he told me the truth, he’d have to kill me.”

  “Don’t worry, Maury. He’s a good kid,” said Hadley.

  “Umm,” said Maury.

  “Did you see the article on Button Dudley?” Hadley asked.

  “Wasn’t that somethin’?” said Maury.

  “They think Button got a hold of some kind of hallucinogenic plant while foraging in the woods,” said Hadley.

  “I don’t see how that could happen, Hadley,” Maury said. “Button knew those woods like the back of his hand. He’d been foraging for food since he was a little boy.”

  “Well,” Hadley said, “he was old. His eyesight wasn’t what it used to be, I’m sure. And we don’t know how his mind was. If he was suffering from dementia or anything.”

  “You’re right,” said Maury. “He kept so to himself.”

  “A private man,” said Hadley. “We got a lot of folks like that around here. Nothing wrong with loving your privacy, I guess, until something goes wrong with you. Then, it becomes hard for anyone to know. Can’t get you help if nobody knows you need it.”

  “I know,” said Maury.

  * * *

  Hadley had finished up. Maury had volunteered to help with the feeding. Ruth would take her home. Hadley went off to find Beanie. She hadn’t seen him in for awhile. She wondered what he was doing.

  Beanie was squatted near a cage. He looked like he was making strange movements with his mouth.

  “Beanie,” Hadley said, “what gives?”

  “What do you mean?” Beanie asked, looking over his shoulder.

  “I mean you’ve been there in one position long enough for your feet to go to sleep and fall off,” said Hadley.

  “My feet will fall off if they get too sleepy?” Beanie asked.

  “No,” Hadley said. “It just a figure of speech.”

  “I’m practicin’,” Beanie said.

  “Practicing what?” asked Hadley. “How to stare holes in a wire cage?”

  “No, silly,” said Beanie. “Smilin’.”

  “Beanie, what are you talking about?”

  “You told me that I was a grumpy Gus this morning, remember?”

  “Well, you came out of the house with a scowl on your face a mile wide. I guess it was reasonable to assume that you got up on the wrong side of the bed.”

  “I got up on the same side of the bed I always do, Hadley,” Beanie said. “I didn’t want to tell you.”

  “Tell me what?” she asked.

  “I dunno, Hadley,” Beanie said. “I didn’t want to tell you I’d flubbed up.”

  “What are you talking about, Bean?” asked Hadley. “Did you blow up the washer at the Laundromat?”

  “Naw,” Beanie said. “Nuthin’ like that.”

  Beanie stood up. He really did look uncomfortable, Hadley thought.

  “What is it?” she asked. “I’m starting to break out in hives from the anticipation, Bean.”

  “Hot water,” Beanie said.

  “Okay. You’re in hot water. Why?” Hadley asked.

  “No,” Beanie said. “Well, yes and no. See, I guess you could say I’m in hot water, because I forgot to push the right button.”

  “And,” Hadley said.

  “You remember how you told me I needed to organize my wash. Get it in these little piles. Lights and darks and all that.”

  “Yes.”

  “Well, I did just that, Hadley,” Beanie said. “I got all my skivvies and washed them all in one load. I even went into the men’s room and took off the pair I was wearing. I didn’t come out of there naked, though. I ain’t stupid. I had my jeans on, just no skivvies under them. Anyway, like I said, I put them all in the machine and let ’er rip.

  “I forgot to push the cold button. So, I’m in real deep hot water, Hadley.

  “Somebody before me must have been washin’ a really dirty load. That water musta been boilin’ hot. My skivvies shrunk so much, they’d fit a baby.

  “I didn’t get up on the wrong side of the bed, Hadley. I just ain’t myself in this pair of baby drawers. They pinch ’n’ hurt somethin’ terrible. I can hardly walk.

  “I was squatted down in front of this possum cage. I heard them rip. I’m real glad they did. It seems to relieve me some. But I was practicing my smilin’ with this possum so you wouldn’t be mad at me.”

  “Beanie,” Hadley said, “Come on. We’ll finish up here, and I’ll drive you over to the store to buy you a whole new set of skivvies.”

  “But what about Maury?” Beanie asked.

  “She catching a ride home with Ruth,” said Hadley.

  Hadley,” Beanie said, “are you sure about this? Skivvies ain’t cheap. They’re gonna cost over $20! That’s a lot of dough.”

  “Don’t you have a birthday coming up,” Hadley asked.

  “Well, sure,” said Beanie. “It comes up about once’t a year.”

  “Happy birthday,” Hadley said.

  “But I just had it last month,” said Beanie.

  “Happy next birthday,” said Hadley.

  “Really?” said Beanie.

  “Really,” said Hadley. “There’s no way I’m gonna stand around and watch you limp and grimace for another 11 months. The dough I spend today goes a long way to making you happy, Bean. Eleven months of happy into over $20 is just pocket change.”

  “If you say so, Hadley,” said Beanie.

  “I say so.

  Chapter Forty-Five

  Thy release and rest I give to thee, dear one. Come not hither down to earth again. For thy everlasting peace I pledge my soul. Amen.

  The sin-eater.

  Some say he roams these hills no more.

  Some say that in this modern age, there is no need for one who pawns his soul for others’ sins.

  Some say.

  There once was a man who lived far back in the
woods. Shunned by all, he was only summoned when death visited the mountains.

  The somber line of folks march to the graveyard. The body of the loved one goes with them, laid flat across the bier.

  She looks at peace. Her Sunday dress and hat. Her boots polished to a shiny black. Her hand lay still across her breast. She looks at peace.

  But is she?

  Is it just a ruse she plays? She lays so still. Too still to be alive.

  Her body’s cold and waxy. A bluish tint about her lips.

  But is this just a ruse?

  Her soul has not departed. It is here with us in this desolate place, this graveyard full of stones that mark the ones who’ve preceded us to the great unknown beyond this mortal life.

  She is here. Just as much as if she still inhabited the flesh and bones that now lie here before us all.

  I feel her. Her spirit. She is looking over our shoulders. Making sure that we do this right and proper.

  She is here to oversee her body laid to rest.

  The torches flicker in the mist. The night is heavy and bleak, a mirror’s reflection of our souls. We do not speak. We do not smile. This is not the time for such.

  She is laid upon the mound of dirt that will soon lie over her.

  A cloth is spread across her stomach below her folded hands. A wooden plate holds a piece of bread. It is set upon the cloth. A wooden cup is placed near the plate. The table has been spread.

  We turn our backs. I shut my eyes. I do not wish to see what is to come.

  But my ears are open. Opened wide. And I cannot help but hear his heavy steps.

  For he is coming.

  He is coming.

  He is here.

  The sin-eater is here. I cannot help but hear him. He is so close by. He stops. I know that he is at the body. I hear him grunt. He must be kneeling down, as I’ve been told they do.

  I hear him eat the bread. He chews and slaps his lips. He slurps the wine in great gulps. He belches.

  I hear speak and know that he is almost done.

  “Thy release and rest I give to thee, dear one. Come not hither down to earth again. For thy everlasting peace I pledge my soul. Amen.”