An Orphan's War

by Molly Green

  Johnny opened his mouth to speak but she stopped him.

  ‘What do you think would have happened in the last war if all the women had stayed at home – married or not? They set to immediately. Servants who’d never been out in the world learned to drive and do all sorts of things that were considered men’s work. And spoilt rich girls who’d never lifted a finger equally rolled up their sleeves, and one of the things they did successfully was nursing – even going to the front.’

  ‘Max—’

  ‘I can’t … won’t give up my nursing,’ she flung at him. ‘It’s not fair of you to ask me. If you felt that strongly, you should have made it clear before the wedding – and I may have thought twice about marrying you.’ She ignored his shocked expression. ‘There’s no point in any further discussion. I’m carrying on working and that’s that.’

  ‘Don’t let’s quarrel, Max, especially not tonight of all nights.’

  She hesitated. It was their wedding night, after all. Slowly, she walked towards him, her smile only an echo of his sudden happy grin.

  Jones at the hospital had warned her the wedding night would be painful, but it wasn’t the physical pain that had hurt so much. Maxine had lain awake through the early hours, every muscle tense as she relived what should have been the culmination of their love. But Johnny had been silent throughout and she’d been too embarrassed to say anything. Afterwards, he’d simply kissed her on the forehead, rolled over and gone straight to sleep. Was this normal? Or was it because she’d stuck up for herself and it had clouded any words and gestures of love he might have given? She thought of all the happy times they’d spent together when they were children, but did she really know him now they were both grown up?

  She closed her eyes and an unwelcome thought flashed across her mind. Had she made a terrible mistake? She sighed and turned over, hugging her pillow. Maybe things would look different in the morning.

  Chapter Two

  It was almost a guilty relief that Johnny was to leave so soon after they were married. Maxine was sure this was not a normal response to a new husband, but she couldn’t get out of her mind what Johnny had said. Although he’d not referred to the conversation again, she was sure he was still smarting at her refusal to leave work, and this must be what was affecting their marital relationship. They’d only had three days together but their perfunctory love-making didn’t quite match her dreams of romance.

  Christmas came and went, and then it was 1940. Nothing seemed to happen. Sirens occasionally went off and Maxine, along with others at the hospital, practised making sure the patients were as safe as possible before the staff dived into the basement. And out on the streets, everyone, including babies, were given their gas masks, but it quickly became a bit of a joke. People started to leave their gas masks at home and she read that an American senator called it the Phoney War. Johnny came home on leave in April, telling her and her parents that the British were regularly flying over Germany, but instead of dropping bombs they were merely dropping propaganda leaflets, warning the people not to be taken in by Hitler and his empty promises. Johnny was so full of the chaps on the camp and how they passed their time together, he seemed hardly bothered that she was continuing her training. Or if he was, he didn’t show it.

  Actually he didn’t show an awful lot, Maxine thought. He had a closed look about him these days. A tightening of the tiny muscles around his mouth. Eyes that didn’t twinkle at her like they used to. The army’s changing him, Maxine noticed. Taking him from her. He couldn’t wait to get back with his mates – she was sure of it.

  An idea had begun to form in her mind. If she stayed in Liverpool she would naturally continue to live with her parents until she and Johnny had some time to look for somewhere to rent. But if she transferred to, say, a London hospital, she would gain some independence and be involved in proper war work. Johnny had already told her he wouldn’t be given much leave for the foreseeable future, so she couldn’t see he’d be affected much, one way or the other. At the moment it was only an idea, and she needed to think about it.

  ‘The sooner the real action starts, the sooner it will be over,’ Johnny said, when they came out of the cinema one evening, the second of the two days’ leave he’d been given. ‘It’s a pity we haven’t had a chance to look for our own place, but I’m glad you’re safe with your parents. It’s one thing I don’t have to worry about.’ He stopped her on the pavement and smacked a kiss on her cheek, then looked at her closely. ‘What’s up, Max? You seem rather quiet? Those aren’t tears, are they?’

  ‘No, it’s—’

  ‘Not upset because I’ve got to go back to camp tomorrow, are you?’ Johnny interrupted as though he was too impatient to listen to her. ‘Because if you are, forget it. You don’t have to worry about me.’

  ‘I know I don’t, Johnny. You can take care of yourself. You’ll be busy and that’s why I want to keep busy … and not just wait until you come home.’

  His eyes were on her, as though he was trying to decipher her meaning. ‘Even with me away you can be busy looking for a place to rent. Give you something to think about. And if you really like something, I’ll be happy if you sign up. After all, you’ll be the one in it all day – not me.’

  A spurt of anger leapt in her chest.

  ‘Johnny, you don’t seem to understand. I am going to finish my training and take my finals. And what’s more, I’m thinking of applying to one of the London hospitals to do just that.’

  His face set in a hard expression she’d never seen before. ‘Since when did you decide this?’

  ‘I haven’t made any decision yet, but I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately. Mum has the best intentions but she smothers me. Living at home I’m still her child. She forgets I’m a grown woman.’

  ‘And a married one.’ Johnny’s voice had an edge to it. ‘My wife, in case you’ve forgotten.’

  ‘Please don’t start that again, Johnny. I’m not a simpering female – you should know that by now.’

  ‘Why do you want to leave Liverpool, for heaven’s sake? Your father’s not in the best health. Aren’t you being selfish?’

  ‘He’s all right at the moment. If anything should happen – if he gets worse – I’d come home immediately.’

  Johnny took his time to light a cigarette. He inhaled deeply and blew out a stream of smoke.

  ‘If – and I say “if” – I allow you to carry on working, against all my better judgement, will you forget the idea of London?’

  ‘I told you, Johnny, it’s just a thought.’

  Johnny had refused to discuss her idea of going to London anymore. She knew he wouldn’t understand why she’d want to leave Liverpool as he’d always said he’d never want to live anywhere else in the world. But this was far more serious. His attitude seemed to be that she was a possession rather than a woman with her own brain, and the Johnny she’d known and adored was fading. It was as though being married had cost them their precious friendship. Somehow it made it even more imperative that she take decisions for her own career. And that might mean transferring to London.

  ‘Take care of yourself, Max,’ Johnny shouted from the open window of the train as it began to roll out of the station the next morning.

  ‘You, too,’ she called, swallowing the lump in her throat. In spite of their disagreement, she knew she’d worry herself sick about him until she heard from him.

  She half ran to catch the tram to take her back to the hospital. Her shift would start in an hour so she needed to hurry.

  As the tram trundled along, Maxine peered out of the window, which for once was reasonably clean. Liverpool looked exactly the same as it always did. People rushing to work, shopping, the familiar landmarks of the adjoining historic buildings – the Derby Museum, the Walker Art Gallery and the impressive Central Library – no signs at all that the country was at war.

  Her attention was suddenly caught by a tall RAF officer with a couple of books under his arm, running from the library
towards her tram. There was something about him. A sense of urgency and the determined expression on his face as he drew nearer. She couldn’t help watching him, wondering if he’d manage to catch the tram before it pulled away. Just as he was about to board, the doors shut in his face and Maxine noticed his expression turned to raw annoyance. Before she could look away he gazed directly up at her through the window, his dark eyes holding hers for several long seconds. Her stomach fluttered. She had the strangest feeling that he knew her.

  She felt disappointed for him that he hadn’t quite made it; she refused to acknowledge that she was a trifle disappointed for herself.

  ‘Mum?’

  ‘Is that you, dear?’

  Her mother always asked the same question every evening, as if it was possible she was someone else calling her ‘Mum’.

  Maxine opened the kitchen door where her mother was making supper.

  ‘Ah, there you are. I’m nearly ready.’ She tipped her cheek for her daughter’s kiss. ‘Go and call your father … Oh, there’s a letter for you.’

  Maxine hung up her coat in the hall and picked up the envelope that was propped on the chiffonier behind an empty jug. She glanced at the large sprawling writing. Pearl. Hmm. Her cousin didn’t usually write unless she wanted something. She’d look at it later. For now she’d decided to talk to her parents. Tell them her idea. They needed time to digest this kind of plan.

  Supper was quiet, as usual. Her father liked to eat in peace and it was rare for the three of them to have a conversation, let alone a serious discussion, unless Mickey was home. Then he’d talk non-stop and her mother would smile indulgently. Thank goodness Mickey wouldn’t be coming home yet. He’d have plenty to say about her announcement, throwing it in the worst possible light and alarming her mother. Maxine sighed. She would have to wait until she’d helped her mother clear the table and wash up. By then her father would be settled in his favourite armchair, smoking his pipe and listening to the wireless.

  ‘Are you quite well, Maxine?’ Her mother’s voice sounded anxious. ‘You haven’t finished your supper … it’s your favourite.’

  She sent her mother an apologetic smile.

  ‘I think I’m a bit tired, that’s all. It’s been a long day.’ She put another small forkful in her mouth but it stuck in her throat. She swallowed twice to dislodge it and laid her fork down. ‘It’s just that I want to tell you both something, though it’s not absolutely definite yet.’

  Her mother looked across the table, her face suddenly wreathed in smiles. ‘Oh, my dear. How wonderful.’ She turned to Maxine’s father. ‘Isn’t it wonderful, Stan? Our little girl.’

  Her father looked bemused. ‘Let her finish, Edna. She’s—’

  ‘I’m sure it’s definite,’ Maxine’s mother broke in. ‘And I’ve been hoping you wouldn’t keep us waiting too long.’ She sent her daughter a tender look. ‘That’s why you’ve lost your appetite.’

  Whatever was her mother on about? But then the penny dropped. She thought her daughter was going to have a baby.

  ‘You’ll be giving up work now, won’t you?’ her mother went on. ‘I know what it’s like. You’ll need me to look after you.’

  ‘Mum, I’m not expecting, if that’s what you’re thinking.’

  Her mother’s face visibly fell. ‘Well, of course that’s what I thought you meant. What else could it be?’

  ‘Let her tell us herself, Edna. Try not to keep interrupting.’ Her father’s tone was calm.

  ‘I’ve been thinking about going to St Thomas’ hospital in London … it has an excellent reputation … and now Johnny’s joined up, I fancy a change,’ she finished lamely.

  There. She’d said it. Two pairs of wary eyes swivelled towards her.

  ‘You’re leaving us?’ Her mother’s voice rose as she reached in her apron pocket for her handkerchief. She blew loudly into the piece of white cloth. ‘We thought you were so happy at the Royal Infirmary.’ She emphasised the word. ‘That’s what you wanted.’

  No, Mum – it was what you wanted, Maxine thought. I wanted to teach youngsters.

  ‘I’ve loved every minute there,’ she said instead. ‘But I think I’ll be more useful in London. That’s where the Germans will aim. For the docks.’

  ‘Liverpool will catch plenty as well, there’s no doubt of that.’ Her father swayed on the two back legs of his chair. ‘It’s a very important port strategically … our route to America, where we’ll be getting our supplies. A perfect target, I would think.’

  ‘It doesn’t alter what I’d like to do,’ Maxine said quietly. ‘You know I appreciate everything you’ve done for me, but I’d like this to be my decision.’

  Her father nodded. ‘Of course we wouldn’t stand in your way – you’re a married woman.’ He put his knife and fork neatly together on the plate and glanced across to his wife. ‘Very tasty, dear.’

  ‘I suppose you have told Johnny,’ her mother said, intuitive for once.

  ‘I’ve mentioned it.’

  ‘And what did he say?’

  ‘That’s between him and me,’ Maxine said, gently but firmly.

  Her mother looked at her, astonished. But all she said was, ‘When do you plan to go?’ She rose to collect the dirty plates as though she couldn’t wait to get out of the room – didn’t want to hear Maxine’s answer.

  ‘I told you, Mum,’ Maxine said in exasperation, ‘I haven’t planned that far ahead. I don’t even know if there’s a vacancy. I imagine they’re short of nurses, but I wouldn’t leave here until they offered me a job – presumably I’d have to have an interview first.’

  ‘Hmm.’ Her mother’s lips pulled tight. ‘Let’s hope they don’t allow married women.’

  Maxine made her excuse and left the table as soon as she could and went up to her room. Her unmade bed seemed to reprimand her, but she’d been in such a hurry this morning and hadn’t had time to make it. As she bent to pull the blankets up and plump the pillow, she felt Pearl’s letter sticking out of her skirt pocket. Ripping it open with her fingers, defying her father’s instructions to always use a proper paperknife and make a neat job of it, she pulled out the single sheet.

  18th May, 1940

  Dear Max,

  I haven’t seen you lately, but I expect you’ve been busy at the hospital. I do hope you and Aunt and Uncle are well and that you’re enjoying your nursing. It sounds very romantic, looking after patients and getting them well.

  I have some exciting news! I went for an audition last week to sing and dance in Better Days at the Empire and have got in!!! But rehearsals every day mean I’ll have to give up work. So I wonder if I can ask you for a teensy-weensy favour. Could you lend me some money to tide me over? Maybe £25? I think that would do it. Of course I’d pay you back at the first opportunity. I’m not a star or anything, but I have got quite a good part, though it won’t pay any more than Woolworth’s to begin with, and we don’t get paid until the show opens in six weeks’ time.

  I didn’t really know anyone to ask in the family, but if you don’t have the cash, or are unwilling, I quite understand. But if you can help I’d be very grateful.

  Much love,

  Your cousin Pearl

  XX

  She might have known. And she did have some money tucked away. It was difficult to save anything from her modest wages after giving her mother ten shillings a week for her board, but she made some extra cash by doing sewing for some of the nurses in the evenings and weekends. Twenty-five pounds though would wipe out most of it. She’d need a buffer to pay for her fare to London and a bit over to manage with until she got paid at the end of her first week. That is, if she got an offer.

  No, it was impossible. She might be able to lend her cousin a fiver, but no more. And she wouldn’t trust the post. She’d go and see Pearl tomorrow evening, straight from work.

  Chapter Three

  Maxine took the tram to Bold Street where Pearl lived, still in two minds how much to lend her. Her cousin’s lodgings
consisted of two rooms and a shared bathroom above a fish and chip shop. As she approached the building she noticed four lads huddled together on top of a pile of planks on the shop’s windowsill, poring over a newspaper. She hid a smile. They couldn’t have been more than eight or nine, she thought, but they were intently reading the headlines. They didn’t even look up as she brushed past them and entered the shop. The stale smell of fried dripping immediately filled her nostrils.

  ‘We haven’t seen you for a time, young Maxine,’ Mr Rowe glanced up from his deep-fat frying pan, his face red from the heat and his greying moustache bristling as he beamed at her.

  ‘I’ve been very busy at the hospital and don’t get a lot of time off.’

  ‘How’s that husband of yours?’

  Maxine sighed. ‘I haven’t heard for the past two weeks so can only hope he’s all right.’ She needed to change the subject quickly. ‘Do you know if Pearl’s in?’

  ‘Far as I know.’ He deftly removed some sizzling pieces of fish and laid them out in the warming cabinet. ‘She’s already been in for her lunch.’ He nodded. ‘Go on through, love.’

  Maxine stepped through the back of the shop and climbed a flight of stairs. She could still hear muffled sounds of the traffic inside the building, but even though Pearl’s rooms were in the centre of a noisy commercial district she couldn’t help feeling a twinge of envy. Pearl lived on her own – answerable to no one. She did exactly what she wanted and blow everyone else. She’d been expelled from school for smoking and her parents had had no control over her whatsoever. Maxine believed her aunt and uncle were secretly relieved when their daughter was off their hands. But Pearl hadn’t until now been able to fulfil her dream of going on the stage. Her parents had done their best to persuade her to learn shorthand and typewriting but being in an office was the last thing Pearl was going to do. Instead she’d accepted a job in the haberdashery department of Woolworth’s, much to their shame.