An Orphan's War

by Molly Green

  ‘It was Lord Bingham’s personal collection,’ June said when they stood together one evening eyeing the overflowing shelves. ‘We’re safeguarding them for him, but we’ve never heard anything from him since Dr Barnardo’s took over the house just before the war.’

  ‘It’s an impressive collection,’ Maxine said, running her fingers lightly over some of the spines, inhaling the pleasing combination of leather and dust. ‘I’m sure he’ll come back for them after the war.’

  ‘Maybe.’ June didn’t sound convinced. ‘We’ve had some wonderful evenings in the library,’ she went on. ‘It lends itself somehow, especially to musical events, and the children love it. The books are a bit high-brow for me, though.’ She gave what seemed to Maxine an almost embarrassed smile. ‘I usually get my books from Brown’s in town. In fact, it’s where I first met Murray,’ she broke off, beaming. ‘Well, the first time properly.’

  ‘Sounds intriguing. I’d love to hear more.’

  Maxine hoped she had most of the children’s names in her head and was determined to conquer the last few in the next two days. Everyone was very kind to her, enquiring whether she was settling in, and although she responded with a smile and said she was, if she was honest with herself, she was lonely. Pearl was spasmodic in her letter-writing, and although her mother wrote regularly, it was usually moaning about something or other. The only bright bit was the long PS at the bottom which her father added – usually some little anecdote about one of their various visitors to make her smile.

  She couldn’t bear to think of Teddy, but she couldn’t bear not to either. If she dwelt on how she’d given her baby away to strangers, she carried the lump of guilt with her all day. And if she managed to … well, not put him at the back of her mind – she could never do that – but lose herself for a few hours in her new surroundings and get to know the children, she felt guilty that she’d forgotten Teddy already. It was beginning to have an effect on her sleep.

  She would love to make a friend of June, but whenever their conversations became more personal, she had to hold herself firmly in check. It wouldn’t be professional, for one thing, and she was too new for June to cope with any outburst. The last thing she could afford to lose was her job. Since Teddy, she’d cut herself off and felt so awkward every time she visited her parents, she’d made the visits longer apart. Her mother’s face flashed in front of her as she remembered telling them she was going to be working at Dr Barnardo’s.

  ‘You don’t know anything about children,’ her mother had said, and it was like a stab in Maxine’s heart. ‘I’m sure you’ll meet someone one day and have children of your own, but you’ll never meet anyone stuck out in the wilds in an orphanage. No, it will be much better for you to go back to the Infirmary and then I’m sure you’ll meet a nice doctor.’

  Oh, if you only knew, Mum, about nice doctors.

  ‘I’ve made up my mind, Mum.’

  Yes, if she could have a real friend, like Anna, it would be June, Maxine decided, stirring her cocoa in the common room late one evening after she’d been studying for her finals over the last two hours, grateful that Sister Lawson was kindly keeping her informed by letter as to what would be expected of her. She glanced across at June, wondering not for the first time how such a young woman had become the matron of Bingham Hall.

  June caught her eye and smiled. ‘I know what you’re thinking,’ she said. ‘You’re wondering how I’m the matron when I’m so young, aren’t you?’

  ‘Well, yes, I was,’ Maxine admitted. ‘Any matrons I’ve come across in hospitals have always been at least sixty, usually on the plump side, and very, very fierce.’ She smiled back at June. ‘And I’m delighted to say that none of those attributes describes you.’

  ‘I should hope not.’ June laughed. ‘I’ll tell you how it came about one day – when we have time.’

  ‘Sounds like a long story.’ Maxine smiled. ‘But tell me one thing. Are you happy here?’

  ‘Very happy. I came here under sad circumstances and the orphanage has been a great healer. Of course, it’s the children who are the ones who do the healing. Just by getting to know them and helping each child with their problems and pain and seeing an improvement in them helped me tremendously.’ She gave Maxine a steady look. ‘I think you’re in need of some gentle healing too, Maxine. I don’t want to pry, but I think you’ve come to the right place.’

  ‘No, no, I’m all right, really I am. Everyone has problems, don’t they?’ Maxine felt her heart beat a little too rapidly.

  June nodded and looked at her watch. ‘Gosh. Twenty to eleven. ‘Where does the time go?’ She stretched her legs and linked her hands behind her head, stifling a yawn. ‘Freddie will wonder what’s happened to me.’

  ‘Who’s Freddie?’

  June smiled. ‘Only the best dog in the world.’

  ‘Ah.’

  ‘Do you like dogs?’ June asked.

  ‘I love all animals. But we never had pets at home. Mum’s rather house-proud and hates the hairs. But I didn’t realise there was a dog here.’

  ‘We have a “no pets” rule,’ June said, ‘but I was very lucky. When I became matron, I had the previous matron’s little cottage, so I could take Freddie with me. We had to hide him in the barn before then. That’s another story.’ She grinned, and her face looked like a naughty schoolgirl. ‘Fran, the gardener’s wife, looks after him in the day, and I’m with him after supper in the cottage, and then I come back to the house last thing to make sure everything’s all right and have a chat with anyone who’s in the common room.’ She looked steadily at Maxine. ‘And I felt you’ve needed a bit of company in the evenings.’

  ‘It’s been wonderful these few days getting to know the children, and Peter is a particular challenge, but when they’re all tucked up in bed …’ she broke off, a little embarrassed.

  ‘That’s when you feel it,’ June finished.

  ‘Yes. All the problems seem to be twice as bad last thing at night and in the early hours.’ As soon as she’d voiced the words she wished she could take them back. It would open up a whole lot of questions that she wasn’t prepared to answer.

  June sent her a sympathetic look. ‘Well, you know where I am if you ever want to talk about anything,’ she said quietly. ‘I remember how I was when I first came here. But Iris, the nurse before you, was so welcoming and so down-to-earth and used to make me laugh. She wouldn’t allow me to be unhappy or lonely. And Bertie helped as well. She’s lovely and has a broad shoulder to cry on.’

  ‘She is a dear, but I hope it doesn’t come to that.’ Maxine pretended to laugh it off but June was getting a bit too near the truth.

  ‘So you think you’ll stay with us?’

  ‘Oh, yes. I’ll definitely stay if you’ll have me.’ Maxine drained her cup. ‘It’s already starting to feel like home and you and the others have been so kind.’ She wanted to add, ‘Except Judith Wright’, but thought better of it.

  ‘I’m glad.’

  The door opened and Athena’s strawberry-blonde head appeared, as usual pinned in a smooth Victory Roll. ‘Oh, sorry, am I intruding?’

  ‘Of course not,’ June said. ‘Come on in. We’ve had our cocoa, but we can stay a few minutes while you make yours.’

  Athena made herself a cup and pulled up a chair. ‘It’s a bit late but I couldn’t sleep.’ She took a sip of her drink. ‘How do you think our new boy’s settling in?’ She directed her question to Maxine.

  ‘It’s very difficult for such a young child to have gone through what he has and behave like a normal child. He hardly speaks, although he understands English perfectly. He did tell me yesterday that his mother used to speak to him in English and make him answer in English, and then he broke down.’ Maxine swallowed hard as she remembered the look of utter despair on the child’s face.

  ‘How are the other children reacting?’ June asked Athena.

  ‘They ignore him,’ Athena said. ‘I try to bring him into the rest of the class but he sit
s there without saying a word.’

  ‘But they don’t realise he’s German,’ June said.

  ‘Oh, no. But because Peter won’t speak or join in, they just leave him to himself. We’re going to have to think of something which piques his interest.’

  ‘I didn’t want to probe on his first few days,’ Maxine said, feeling she should have thought of ways to help Peter by now. ‘He needs to get a bit more used to being here amongst such a lot of strangers.’

  ‘I think that’s very wise,’ June said. ‘When I first came here I saw a little girl, not four years old, in Bertie’s kitchen. She was curled up in a corner with her fingers stuck in her mouth, and she wouldn’t speak. Bertie said the child had come to the home several weeks before but was dumb – not born dumb, but her house had been bombed and her mother, father and brother were burned alive.’ June shuddered. ‘She’d been staying at her grandmother’s or else she would have died in the fire too. It took time for her to trust me and it took a puppy—’ she broke off, smiling, ‘Freddie, who I’ve just been telling you about, Maxine, to help her begin to talk and act like a normal little girl again. But it was a very slow process.’

  ‘Is she still here?’ Maxine asked, blinking back the tears that threatened at June’s story. Any story, sad or happy, these days, caught her unawares and made her want to cry.

  ‘Yes,’ June smiled. ‘It’s Lizzie.’

  ‘Lizzie?’ Maxine was astonished. She was the last child who would have sprung to mind.

  ‘And now she’s the most precocious of all the girls here,’ Athena said, grinning. ‘More so than some of the boys.’

  ‘She is, isn’t she?’ June said proudly. ‘She’s a completely different child. You should have seen her when she first came here, Maxine. She was in a bad state, but all she needed was lots of love and patience and understanding. And it will be the same with Peter … I’m sure of it.’ She looked at her watch. ‘Gosh, it’s nearly midnight. Let’s call it a day. We’ve got a full one tomorrow with the air-raid practice.’

  Chapter Nineteen

  Maxine felt better after the conversation with June and Athena, especially with June’s story about Lizzie. It gave her hope that Peter would, over time, begin to heal and join in with the others.

  The next morning, she stopped June on her way to her office.

  ‘June, may I have a few moments?’

  ‘Of course, Maxine. Come on in.’

  ‘Peter has hardly any clothes,’ Maxine began, ‘and I wondered if there is an allowance for him and enough coupons so we could buy him a few things. He needs some underwear and trousers, at least one shirt and a pullover … oh, and new shoes.’

  ‘Yes, of course,’ June said immediately.

  ‘Is there a separate ration book for each child?’

  ‘Yes, though Peter’s hasn’t come through yet, but I always have some spare coupons.’ She unlocked her desk drawer and brought out an envelope. She quickly counted a few coupons and made a note in a red book.’ She looked up. ‘How much money do you think you’ll need?’

  ‘I’m not sure.’ She’d never bought any children’s clothes. She swallowed hard. Teddy. She should be making him his first little romper suit, and buying his first soft baby shoes.

  ‘I can give you five pounds. Do you think that will be sufficient?’

  ‘I’m sure it will,’ Maxine said gratefully. ‘I’ll try to bring back some change. Is it all right if I take him into town this morning as it’s a Saturday?’

  ‘I’ve left Peter under your care.’ June looked at her and smiled. ‘Please do what you think best for him, but I’m always here if you need to discuss anything. Two heads in this case might well be better than one!’

  Maxine’s feet were lighter as she ran up the stairs to fetch her jacket.

  A flicker of interest actually crossed Peter’s face when Maxine told him they were going into Liverpool to buy him some clothes.

  ‘Are we going with Harold?’ he asked.

  She blinked, surprised that Peter was already acquainted with Harold, the chauffeur. The boy must be used to this kind of service, Maxine thought, wondering what his life had been like before he and his mother came to England. She looked down at him and made a vow to do everything in her power to help him. Goodness knew, she was well aware of how difficult it was to shake off the misery, even for only an hour or two a day. But she’d try. And this outing would at least give him a change of scenery.

  ‘No, Peter. I think that being taken in the motorcar is only for emergencies or if Mr Harold is going to town anyway.’

  ‘Oh.’ Peter looked up at her. ‘Must we walk?’

  ‘No, no.’ Maxine smiled at him. ‘That would take far too long. But we’ll walk down the drive and catch the bus straight into Liverpool. And then we’ll have some fun choosing some new clothes. And I’m going to buy you an ice cream. Would you like that?’

  ‘I don’t like the English ice cream,’ he said, his mouth turning down at the corners.

  ‘Ah. That makes it difficult as we can’t go to Germany just for ice cream,’ Maxine chuckled, but Peter, she noticed, didn’t even smile.

  ‘Can we sit at the front?’ he asked when the bus arrived.

  Before Maxine could answer he’d bounded ahead, but unfortunately the conductor didn’t give her enough time to get to her seat before he rang the bell. The driver started off with a mighty jerk, throwing her off balance. She managed to grab the rail as she tipped forward, but scraped her shin on someone’s basket left in the aisle.

  ‘Steady on, Miss,’ the conductor called.

  Bit late for that, she thought, annoyed when she noticed she’d torn her only pair of stockings as she sat down beside Peter. Blast. It was in such an obvious place. Well, she couldn’t do anything about it – she was here for Peter, not shopping for herself.

  The boy gave her a quick glance but didn’t say anything and stared resolutely ahead through the grime-splattered glass.

  Liverpool was quieter than she’d expected for a Saturday. She decided to take Peter to Morrows on Dale Street. The store was more expensive than Lewis’s department store, but that iconic building had been bombed almost to a shell the previous year. Maxine swallowed as she saw more devastation than when she’d last been in town, just before she’d taken up her new post. At Bingham Hall she would hear bombs falling in the distance, but they were usually far enough away for the children not to be frightened.

  She took Peter’s hand but immediately he pulled it away.

  ‘Peter,’ she said, looking down at the child who was expressionless. ‘I’m responsible for you. If you had an accident I would be the one in trouble, not you. So please—’

  ‘I won’t run away,’ Peter said. ‘I’m not a baby. I don’t need you to hold my hand.’

  His words took her by surprise. It was probably the longest speech he’d made since his arrival. She saw in his expression he was challenging her. All right. She would challenge him.

  ‘So long as you promise to keep by my side and watch out for the traffic.’ She gave him a long look. ‘Do you promise?’

  ‘Ja … yes, I promise.’

  ‘Good.’ She paused. ‘Peter, it might be best not to say any German words to anyone. You understand why, don’t you?’

  He gazed up at her and nodded. She had to turn away. She couldn’t bear to see such fear in a child’s eyes. In her mind she saw Teddy in a few years’ time. His adoptive mother telling him his real mother didn’t want him. Had given him away to strangers. Her eyes brimmed and she swallowed hard. When would this nightmare ease? But it was Peter who needed her now.

  They turned down a side street into Hackins Hey. In spite of its narrow space, the street boasted some imposing old buildings jostled together, many of them housing half-empty shops. Maxine slowed her pace, keeping an eye on Peter, who didn’t seem to be interested in anything, kicking a pebble along, his hands in his pockets and his mouth turned down. She glanced in the windows as they picked their way through
the debris, but there was little to catch her attention.

  She stopped, Peter almost bumping into her, as she stood, disorientated. Many streets now were unrecognisable with the buildings razed to the ground. Which way now? They walked on, and round the next corner she was relieved to see they were at the junction of Dale Street and Georges Road where the department store squarely faced them. It wasn’t a particularly attractive building, but the window display showed a reasonable variety of men’s, women’s and children’s clothes. She should get everything Peter needed here.

  She opened the door and they stepped inside. Immediately, a smartly dressed woman approached them.

  ‘May I direct you to the right department?’ A saleslady’s smile flashed across her face.

  ‘We’re looking for children’s items,’ Maxine said.

  ‘Upstairs. First floor.’ She pointed to a wrought-iron curved stairway.

  Where was everyone? Maxine wondered as they reached the first floor. There were only a dozen people by the looks of it. Maybe it was too early.

  She approached a saleslady at the nearest counter who beamed at them. This one was not much older than herself, with dark hair rolled back off her face, and wearing bright red lipstick.

  ‘Good morning, Madam. What can I do for you?’

  ‘I need to buy some clothes for this young man.’ Maxine glanced down at Peter who was looking anywhere but at the lady behind the counter.

  ‘What exactly are you looking for, Madam?’

  ‘Um, some short trousers, and shirts … a pullover … oh, and school shoes.’