Love in La La Land

by Lynn Forth

  ‘My poor darling. My poor, poor darling girl,’ he kept muttering under his breath.

  How long they clung together, Jane didn’t know. But his tenderness helped to ease her distress.

  ‘At first, it was thought it was a cot death. There had to be a post mortem, and it turned out there had been something wrong with his heart. My father blamed himself for not realising, but it was made clear that it was something he couldn’t possibly have known about.’

  ‘What about you?’ Jack asked tenderly. ‘You must have been…’

  ‘Traumatised? I kept hearing that word whispered whenever anyone came near me, but I didn’t know what it meant. Because it was always said in a low voice, I thought it meant I was ill as well. I couldn’t sleep for ages. I was so frightened that I might not wake up…like Gianni.’ Trembling at the memory of those terrified nights, her unseeing eyes gazed into the past.

  ‘Eventually, I asked Dad, and he just kept hugging me and told me it meant I‘d had a nasty shock and we should talk about it together. So, we did, and I can remember really, really crying…and he did, too. Somehow it helped, and he said it had helped him as well. And any time I wanted to cry, I should go to him and we would cry together.

  ‘Poor Dad, because, of course, everyone was crying…all the time. Mum and all my sisters. But I only ever cried with Dad, and I never saw him cry in front of anyone else.’

  ‘He sounds like a strong and very understanding man.’

  Jane nodded, hearing the wistful undertone in Jack’s voice.

  ‘As a family, we got through it. My oldest sister Anastasia was heavily pregnant with her first child, so we soon had all the emotions of that. Mum took a lot of solace in looking after her new grandchild. Soon after, Sylvana had her first, then Rosamunda, and so on. Mum has been totally occupied with her grandchildren ever since. The house is always full of them, nineteen so far…all hale and hearty, so I suppose we have put all the apprehension and awful memories behind us. Till now.’

  Jack hesitated. ‘Has Charlie…?’

  ‘Got the same thing as Gianni? Yes. But Dad says at least they know he’s got it. I think he suggested it to the specialist, so they knew what to look for. And he says medical knowledge and surgical expertise has progressed so much in twenty years, so at least now we have a hope.’

  From the shelter of his arms, she looked up, deep into Jack’s caring dark eyes and realised that she did, in fact, feel a glimmer of hope.

  ‘Thank you for listening to all that, Jack. It has helped me. Voicing my fears has somehow got them out into the open so I can begin dealing with them.’

  Breathing more easily now, she began to pull herself together. ‘I am totally determined what happened to Gianni is not going to happen again. I must start sorting out what’s to be done. What I must do.’

  ‘Is there anything I can do?’

  ‘Oh, thank you, Jack. I don’t think so. I’m not sure what the exact plans are, but I know Dad and Milly are flying out to San Francisco as soon as possible. They are just finalising the arrangements for the special medical flight, and apparently this surgeon will do the operation as soon as they get there.’

  She roused herself, trying to get her head round the implications of the sudden change in plans.

  ‘I must get to San Francisco to be there to meet them.’

  ‘I agree. Leave that to me,’ said Jack, reaching for his mobile phone.

  She responded automatically. ‘Um, no, I’ll be fine. I can sort it.’

  ‘No, you won’t. I can do it. I can get you to ‘Frisco as soon as you are ready to leave.’

  Although preoccupied with her own plans and thoughts, she smiled gratefully. ‘Thank you, Jack. I still can’t understand why you are so kind to me when all I do is push you away.’

  She was rewarded by a smile so protective, so loving, that she was momentarily dazzled by the hope that this man did truly care about her. Folding herself once more against his strong firm body, she clung there breathing again his familiar fresh, lemony aroma.

  If only she could stay there for ever, but slowly she drew herself away with a rueful grimace. ‘I’m so sorry to burden you with all this, but don’t worry, I’ll pull myself together in a moment and start sorting myself out.’

  ‘No, you don’t. I can easily arrange everything. Let me—’ he began again.

  ‘Oh dear.’ Jane sighed, shaking her head. ‘I know you haven’t really seen the competent side of me, but I really am quite a capable person. It’s just that I’m so out of my comfort zone over here. You seem to be perpetually rescuing me, but I mustn’t impose on you any more.’

  Waving away Jack’s attempt to protest, she said firmly, ‘This is my family, and it’s my responsibility to sort things out.’

  Her frown returned as something else her father had said crossed her mind. ‘You don’t have the NHS over here, so we’ve got to find a way of paying for all of this – the flight, the operation, the medical care.’ She was thinking aloud.

  ‘Dad has just said that they’ll do whatever it costs, but it’s much more than they’ve got in savings. Nonna, the Contessa, has amazingly come up trumps and said she will help with the up-front costs for the flight and stuff. But we all know she’s not as wealthy as she makes out.’ Jane let out a huge sigh. ‘The surgeon apparently has been lovely, and says he won’t want his fees straight away—’

  ‘Let me help.’

  ‘What?’ Jane snapped out of her thoughts at his words.

  ‘I want to help.’

  ‘No, Jack. Why should you? It’s not as if …’ She suddenly looked at him aghast. ‘Oh, I’m not telling you all this because I want…’

  ‘I know, Jane, I know.’ He cupped her face and looked straight into her eyes. ‘Look, I feel as if I know your family from everything you have told me, and I have all the money you need right here and now, so—’

  With fierce determination, she looked resolutely back at him. ‘Jack, I can’t thank you enough for the offer, but the answer is emphatically no. You know how I hate to be beholden.’

  ‘Jane, if you want, it can be a loan. You can pay me back when you can.’

  ‘No, I’m very grateful but I mean it, Jack, absolutely no.’

  ‘Jane, please. You know how much you—’

  ‘No. My pride wouldn’t let me take anything from you.’ Then she continued more thoughtfully. ‘There’s another reason why I won’t accept anything from you…I simply can’t risk it.’

  Surprised by her serious tone, he listened in silence.

  ‘Look how feeling grateful to Scott messed things up between me and him. He promised to help me get my book optioned, so I couldn’t be true to my instincts and just leave when I wanted to. I was stupidly desperate to sell my book. Anyway, he had been so good to me since the hospital, that I felt indebted to him for all his kindness, all that bloomin’ grooming and stuff.’ She turned to face him, needing him to hear. ‘And it’s important you should know that I left behind that dress, those sandals, the jewellery, and everything he bought for me for the party. I have taken nothing.’

  He nodded as if she didn’t need to explain this to him.

  Hesitating uncertainly for a while, she tried to make up her mind whether to tell him what she was really thinking. Then, giving him a long steady look, she plunged ahead. ‘I’m not sure what sort of a relationship you and I have got, Jack, but I do know that I want it to be honest and open…on both sides. And if I accept money from you… Can’t you see, it will complicate things, it will come between you and me. I already feel grateful for all you’ve done, all the “shining knight” rescuing and everything. But accepting money would be just too big a burden. It’s a huge amount, and I’m just not comfortable with that amount of indebtedness. I don’t want it to risk messing up our relationship.’

  She didn’t add that what she felt for him was too important to be compromised in any way, and certainly not by money.

  Jack held her unflinching gaze for a long moment.
He loved her resolute honesty. He didn’t want their relationship to be spoiled or damaged by gratitude, either. And knowing the hoops Jane had jumped through with Scott, he wanted to be sure she wasn’t bound to him by anything other than… Than what?

  Love?

  He couldn’t believe he had thought of the ‘love’ word. It had been lying dormant in his heart and suddenly there it was, fully fledged and shocking in its immediacy.

  It had never been there before.

  But was it true?

  Did he love this fiercely independent woman?

  He sat stunned by this possibility, by this new feeling, this revelation. But what else could account for this tumult of emotion as he looked at her, sitting there, lost in thought, clearly puzzling over her own personal dilemma.

  ‘Dad will probably be able to re-mortgage the house, so they will raise as much as they can that way.’ She frowned as she thought aloud. ‘I’m so angry with myself for getting into debt like I did. Bloody Darren…’ She looked quickly away, obviously regretting what she had revealed. ‘Surely there’s something I can do. I have just got to get my head round it.’

  Shaking her head, she seemed to put that question to one side, ‘Anyway, let’s concentrate on what I have to do right now. I suppose the first thing is to cancel my flight back to the UK and arrange to meet them in ‘Frisco.’ Jane reached across the bed for her laptop, brow furrowed, concentrating on the logistics of the next step.

  Still reeling from his own inner turmoil of feelings, Jack had to smile at her absorption. He was determined to assist, no matter what she said.

  ‘Jane, don’t block me out. Let me help in some way.’

  ‘Thanks, Jack. Really, it’s OK. I know what I have to do now.’’ Jane nodded abstractedly, totally oblivious to her half-naked state as she began poring over the screen.

  ‘Jane. Darling, Jane.’ Jack reached for the coverlet and placed it gently round her bare shoulders.

  Distracted, she briefly looked up and thanked him, but he could see she was already immersed in the task in hand.

  Once again, he gently cupped her chin and turned her face to him to get her full attention.

  ‘I’ll leave you now, Jane, because I can see you want to sort things out for yourself. But remember, I am only a phone call away and I fully intend to help you in every way I can. I am definitely coming with you to San Francisco, because I know the place well. Is that agreed?’

  There was a pause, then slowly Jane nodded.

  He bent forward and kissed her gently. ‘And no matter what you say, I will sort the flights for both of us tomorrow. No, I insist. You have enough on your plate and I know I can get a last-minute flight, which you most certainly can’t. So just you cancel yours, and I will be in touch again in the morning to tell you all the details. OK?’

  She nodded again, her eyes tearful with gratitude. Jack couldn’t bear to leave her…but he must. He had a lot to do behind the scenes.

  He grinned. ‘Now, I suggest you put some clothes on as I’m sending up a meal with room service.’

  Jane glanced down and blushed.

  ‘See you tomorrow, my darling.’ He kissed her forehead tenderly and left her focussing on her screen.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Jane had never even seen a Lear jet before, much less flown in one. The chauffeur-driven car had taken them to the very steps of the sleek silver aircraft, where they were greeted by a smart, uniformed pilot and his crew of three, who saluted amiably as they approached.

  ‘We can’t just get on, can we?’ she whispered, hesitating at the steps.

  ‘Sure, we can. Why not?’ Jack grinned.

  ‘Well, what about checkin and security and stuff?’

  ‘That’s OK. It’s an internal flight, don’t forget, and they know me. I’ve flown up to ‘Frisco often. It’s no big deal.’

  Jane’s look conveyed that it might be no big deal for him.

  He was clearly enjoying her excitement as she gazed awestruck round the stylish cabin, with its immaculate ivory décor.

  ‘Oh, my goodness, I never imagined we’d be flying in anything as posh as this.’

  ‘I know, but it is the only way to travel when one is a Hollywood mega-movie-mogul.’

  She laughed and thumped him gently on the arm.

  ‘You Tinseltown-tycoon-types are all the same.’

  Jack raised a sceptical eyebrow.

  ‘Really? And how many tycoons do you know?’

  ‘Oh, you’d be surprised. I’ve sat in some of the best outer offices in this city. I’ve seen them rushing backwards and forwards, busily, importantly, pompously, ostentatiously, pretentiously…uselessly…’

  Grinning, Jack raised his hand to fend off her barrage of wry insults. ‘OK, OK, enough already.’

  Enjoying the resumption of their bantering relationship and pleased to be distracted from worrying about Charlie, Jane ignored the deflecting hand.

  She continued blithely, ‘But you’re right, I’ve never actually spoken to one, a real flesh and blood Tinseltown-tycoon. How could I, humble hack that I am? Speaking of hacks.’ She eyed him wickedly. ‘How come you have managed to reach such dizzy heights…literally?’ she said, eyeing the ground rapidly falling away beneath them.

  ‘Oh, talent will always out,’ he said airily. ‘Once one has penned a few blockbusters, one knows what the cinema audiences want.’

  ‘Um, let me see, would that be sex and…um…violence…and more sex with a little side-serving of blood, gore…and mayhem?’

  ‘You are forgetting the judicious additions of slush, schmaltz, suspense, sultry seductions and, if all else fails, vampires, zombies, spaceships, and aliens.’

  ‘Of course, that’s obviously the formula you use for your more discerning audiences.’

  ‘You are beginning to sound almost Hollywood in your cynicism, Miss Jones.’

  ‘I’m a fast learner, and I’ve had a good teacher.’

  It was true, Jack thought guiltily. He’d hardly had a good word to say about the place. Was it because he had realised from their very first meeting that behind Jane’s confident exterior lay a trusting soul…and his first instinct had been to alert her to the dangers such innocence would attract?

  She had obviously learned well, but he hoped she had retained her inner integrity.

  Her sense of fun was clearly intact.

  He turned and watched her fine-boned profile as she gazed in fascination at the Californian coastline out of the plane’s window. Her awe and enjoyment of the flight was wonderful to behold; not a trace of the blasé nonchalance he was used to. He smiled as he remembered her shining eyes, and how she had embarrassed herself by squeaking in excitement as she boarded the neat little aircraft. And how, although she had refused the proffered glass of champagne, she had gazed wide-eyed at the array of canapés and, having tasted one or two, had half-guiltily demolished a small trayful.

  In the intervening hours since he’d left her hotel room yesterday, he had made every effort to banish the unbidden ‘love’ word from his mind. The implications of that emotion were far too great for him to contemplate. He would just admit to himself that he was attracted to her and enjoyed her company, her teasing, her wit, and her intelligence. And her lack of subterfuge. When those candid blue eyes turned to him, he knew they were telling him how she truly felt.

  And they were failing to hide just how attracted she was to him. Which was a responsibility. In the past, the moment he thought someone was really falling for him, he had always shied away and, as sensitively and speedily as possible, terminated the relationship.

  So, why wasn’t he instinctively pulling away now?

  By electing to go and meet her family, and help her through a difficult crisis, he was doing just the opposite.

  ‘A penny for your thoughts…or do you say a dollar in America?’ Jane was gazing at him with those irresistible blue eyes of hers, puzzling over the depth of his introspection.

  He grinned. ‘Let me tell y
ou, my little minx, my thoughts are worth a great deal more than a mere dollar.’

  ‘Oops, of course, oh mighty sir. Methinks I had forgotten how mega a movie mogul you are.’

  ‘My dearest damsel, you are forgiven for your temerity, but in future, try to remember your place.’

  Jane mockingly tugged her forelock.

  Smiling, she turned back to gaze out of the window at the sun-drenched vista of a cobalt sea and wave-lapped, white-fringed sand. Jane became lost in thoughts of her own.

  She felt so guilty that the depth of her feelings about Jack kept obtruding into her anxiety about Charlie. She was longing to be with her family again; her grounded, no-nonsense family.

  Part of her was hoping that contact with them, and the dreadful reality of Charlie’s illness, would help her to put these last few days into perspective. To finally pierce the Hollywood bubble so she could really see its tawdry superficiality. Had she, in spite of herself, been seduced by its gloss?

  Perhaps her attraction to Jack was just part of that. She had almost allowed herself to be literally seduced by him. Glancing across at the relaxed figure with his long legs stretched out before him, his broad shoulders encased in his soft blue shirt, she felt a familiar surge of desire. How she longed to run her fingers through his tousled dark hair, unbutton his shirt, and feel the hard muscularity of his tanned, toned chest. She knew without a doubt she would, even now, eagerly succumb to him. But as there was obviously no future in their relationship, a clear cold dowsing of Yorkshire good sense was perhaps just what she needed.

  Didn’t want, but needed.

  Was he just a holiday romance, after all? She had read that they could blossom erotically, yet fade quickly once on home soil. Although every fibre of her being told her this wasn’t so, she had to acknowledge the possibility.

  Her feelings must not overwhelm her rationality. It would be so dangerous if they took control.

  Was it similar to what had happened with Darren? Arriving in London, hooking up with her old university friend, Hermione, moving in a fast social set, she had felt totally adrift from her roots. Had that made her more uncertain of her ground, more susceptible to lose her head? If the bright lights of London had blinded her, how much more had the even brighter lights of La-La-Land completely disorientated her?