Amber

by Julie Sykes

  ‘Josh and I are meeting up for a swim in the loch before dinner. Want to join us?’ asked Lucy.

  ‘Thanks, but I’m all sweaty. I’d better have a shower. I’ve got to see Mia later. She wants to go over some music with me for the end-of-summer concert. She’s asked me to play a solo.’

  Originally, Mia had asked me to perform the song that I’d first played for her and Lucy at the end-of-summer concert. She couldn’t stop humming it. She said it would be a fantastic piece to include in the programme if I was still here!

  The love song played constantly in my mind too. It haunted and teased me in equal measures. Its name was on the edge of my tongue yet just out of reach. It felt special. I didn’t want to share it, so I pretended to Mia that I couldn’t always remember how to play it. Her disappointment made me feel awful, but not enough to change my mind.

  Holly sniffed delicately. ‘Good idea! You really ought to get a deodorant. I can recommend a good one.’

  Erin laughed and her ginger curls bounced on her shoulders.

  ‘She wasn’t talking to you, dumbo.’ Lucy flapped her hands by her ears. I smiled. Holly’s comments had long stopped hurting me and I’d learned that, unless I wanted to prolong an argument, it was best to ignore them.

  We crossed over the drive and stopped in front of Melody House.

  ‘Are you going back to your room?’

  ‘Nah. My costume’s in here.’ Lucy patted the bag slung from her shoulder. ‘You know where we are if you change your mind.’

  ‘Thanks,’ I waved as she walked away along the tree-lined path that led to the swimming jetty. When I turned back Dan was coming out of the house. He grinned and my heart did a double beat. He started to come towards me but Holly appeared and intercepted him.

  ‘Hi there,’ she called in an over loud voice. ‘How about that trip in your sailing boat like you promised? I’m free now or we could fix another date for it?’

  What? Dan had promised Holly a trip in his boat? But… no, I didn’t want to think about it. I hastily buried the memories of being squeezed up with Dan in his boat, flying across the loch with the wind in our faces. Why shouldn’t Dan go sailing with Holly? It was nothing to do with me. I didn’t wait to hear his answer but started along the path to my cabin. My stomach felt heavy. I covered it with my hand and tried to press the hurt away. It was stupid to feel like this. It wasn’t as if I could have gone sailing with Dan, anyway. I had an appointment to see Mia.

  Nice one, Amber! Keep telling yourself that and you might even believe it. I entered Chopin and stomped up the stairs. The hall was deserted as I kicked open my bedroom door. I quickly grabbed a towel, my wash bag and some clean clothes, then I marched across the corridor to the bathroom. I showered until my skin tingled. As I reached outside the cubicle for my towel, a blast of cool air rushed in. A sudden longing for home and a people drier engulfed me.

  Home – I almost had it. But, like cats in the night, the memory slipped away. I rubbed my body vigorously with the towel as if I could scrub away the frustration building inside me. When I was dressed I opened the bathroom window to blow the condensation away. I gathered up my dirty clothes and went back to my room. The door was ajar. I stopped dead. I’d definitely closed it. Deep inside me something clicked into place. I found myself running through a mental checklist with the speed and efficiency of a computer.

  First rule, assess.

  I leaned forward to listen. A soft rustle came from inside my room. By fine-tuning my senses I detected breathing, short and rapid. The intruder was nervous. I put my wash things on the floor and silently ticked off rule number two.

  Hands free! Don’t carry unnecessary baggage.

  Surprise is deadly.

  That was rule three. On the balls of my feet, I crept to the door. I edged round it and surveyed the room.

  The intruder was Holly Jenkins. No real surprise there, then. I was treated to the sight of her long, sun-browned legs as she bent over to search the bottom drawer of my chest. I would have taken her, but rule four stopped me from doing something I might have regretted.

  Words not weapons!

  ‘Hi Holly, can I help you to find what you’re looking for?’

  Holly stood up and wheeled round so fast that she caught the back of her heel on the open drawer. She winced and I saw hatred flit across her face as she stared back at me.

  ‘I… er, came to give you this music.’ She reached behind and grabbed at a wodge of paper balanced on the top of my chest.

  As she handed the paper to me I kept my hands firmly by my sides. ‘So what are you looking for in my drawers?’

  Holly didn’t hesitate. She even looked me straight in the eye as she replied, ‘The “Morning Mood” score. Mia asked Dan to give you this in return for it; she needs it for another student. He was on his way to see you when he ran into me and...’ Holly paused and a sly smile played on her lips. ‘Well, let’s just say he got a little distracted. He ended up running late. I was coming here anyway and I offered to do the swap for him. I was just looking for the music.’

  She thrust the paper at me again, then dropped it on the bed when I made no move to take it. I was blocking the doorway. Holly drew herself up and said coolly, ‘Excuse me, I’m running late too so I’d best get going.’

  You had to admire her nerve. ‘What about the mobile?’

  ‘Sorry?’

  ‘Does Dan need his mobile phone back too?’

  ‘Oh you mean this?’ She plucked the mobile phone out of her shorts pocket. ‘Is it Dan’s? I thought it was yours.’ A pink flush spread from Holly’s hairline to her face. ‘I remembered there being a fuss about your mobile at the hospital. One of the doctors was asking around for phone chargers to see if he could get your phone working again. I brought mine in, but you’d left by then, so I thought I’d try it now. Once you get your phone working it should be easy enough to find out your identity. Although I have to say, that with your talents, I’m surprised…’ Holly paused significantly. She shrugged and added, ‘But why would you fake memory loss?’

  She tossed the mobile phone onto the bed, shouldered past me and shot off down the corridor. I couldn’t stop shaking. How dare Holly sneak into my room and go through my things. I had a sudden desire to take all my clothes to the laundry and wash everything. It was lucky that I kept my own mobile on me all the time. I patted my pocket and was reassured to feel it there. It would be just typical if Holly had taken it, somehow got it to work and spilled all my secrets. I wasn’t sure if I hated Holly or feared her. I wished fervently that she’d leave me alone and let me work things out for myself. I felt like she was forcing me to face up to a past that I wasn’t completely ready to confront. The checklist that I’d run through when I’d first realised there was an intruder in my room was somewhat… professional. Who, exactly, was I? And more to the point, what the hell was I up to? You could put Holly’s actions down to sheer curiosity. But what would you say about mine?

  It weighed heavily on me that Dan had shared his secrets with me but I hadn’t shared mine back. I justified my secrecy by telling myself that I needed more information about my past before I confessed to anything, especially the weird flashes of memory I kept getting. I was convinced that the flashbacks were of actual events. My recent dream also furthered my conviction that my past was a lot darker than my life now. It had to be a subconscious warning. I wasn’t free to get involved with Dan. Over the next couple of days I avoided being alone with him. It wasn’t difficult. Lucy, Josh, Dan and I spent lots of time together as a group, rehearsing for the big end-of-summer concert, now less than three weeks away.

  On Wednesday morning I woke a little after sunrise. I’d had a rough night and spent most of it worrying. My eyes were gritty and my head throbbed. I rolled over and tried to go back to sleep. Daylight filtered between cracks in the curtains and birdsong floated through the open window. I tossed
and fidgeted until finally I gave up. I threw back the duvet and rolled out of bed. After a quick wash, I got dressed then let myself quietly out of the cabin.

  On impulse I took the path behind it that ran alongside Loch Calness. A clear, bright sky signalled yet another hot day to come, but right now it was just as I liked it. After a while I stopped, slipped my feet out of my pumps and waded into the loch. The water was cold and made my feet and ankles tingle. It was so good that I shivered with delight. The view was almost drinkable. The loch’s outline, following a soft rectangle, was fringed with trees of both the broad leaf and needled variety. Sunlight shone in long, straight rays onto the deep blue, almost flat, surface of the water and made it sparkle in a way that made me think of sapphires. A small bird swam in the shallows and every now and then it gave a joyful screech. I completely understood. The sheer beauty of the morning made me want to cry out too. For a short while it didn’t matter who I was, or wasn’t. To just be here, on this glorious day, was enough. With a happy sigh I continued to walk around the short side of the loch. When I reached the long side I left the path and cut through the trees. I kept going until I reached the double-fronted glass and wood door of the Margaret Becker building. I hadn’t planned to play my flute but now I was here I wanted to.

  But of course, the building was locked. Disappointment rose inside me. The desire to play my flute was too strong to let me walk away. My eyes flicked to the door as I assessed the locks, a Yale in the middle with a deadbolt beneath. They were so easy to crack it was almost a crime!

  I relaxed my muscles, starting with the ones in my feet and working upwards, until in a matter of seconds I was completely tranquil. I kept my breathing slow and steady as I concentrated on the Yale lock. When I reached out with my mind it was easy to engage it. I held it firmly and forced it to open. The lock was well maintained and obediently clicked back, but I needed to hold it like that while I unlocked the deadbolt. I took a long slow breath then reached out for the second lock. There was that weird tugging sensation, of my mind splitting to work independently, and then I was able to hold the Yale open with the left side while I slid back the deadbolt with the right. I reached for the door handle, pushed it down and the door swung open. Silence greeted me. Silence and a small red light that winked down from a box near the door.

  Check for intruder alarms.

  It was that voice again, and the warning it rapped out almost stopped my heart. How could I have been so stupid! The building was alarmed. I should have dealt with the alarm system before I’d broken in. Now, I was in an impossible position. I had a matter of seconds to silence the alarm before the game was up.

  Eleven

  I didn’t panic. My heartbeat accelerated but my head remained perfectly clear as I worked out what to do. A swift look around revealed a second larger box on the opposite wall. That had to be the alarm’s control panel. I flipped open the cover, using my mind, and revealed a keypad. I hesitated. A part of me thought I could crack the code. But this wasn’t the time to experiment; far quicker to disable the siren. My mind was ahead of me. The plastic casing over the winking red light was already turning as I mentally unscrewed it. On tiptoes I peered inside. It was a simple system and easily disabled by breaking two metal contacts. This time I used my fingers to deftly part the contacts so that it would stop the alarm from sounding. Job done! My mind was still holding the plastic casing in the air. As I let it drop into my hand, the enormity of my actions hit me. I’d broken into a building with the panache of a professional criminal.

  And now, while all I really wanted was to go and play my flute, my brain was busy at work to cover my tracks. I felt like a passenger in my own body. My fingers flew over the alarm’s control panel as they reset it, to prevent it from sounding when I reassembled the siren. It was awesome. And terrifying! I didn’t want to think about how I’d learned these skills. I left the alarm assembled but switched off and went to collect my flute from the instrument cupboard. I took it along the corridor to practice room 4. It was my favourite room as it had a window that looked out over the woods. Sunlight poured through the glass and the room felt stuffy even at this early hour. I propped the door open with a chair, rather than waste time working out how to switch on the air con – even though it probably would have been a walk in the park after the break in! The urge to make music was so strong that my fingers trembled as I took the pieces of flute from its velvet-lined box and assembled them. I lifted the mouthpiece to my lips and the tension drained away. I felt my shoulders relax as I blew over the mouthpiece. A low note resonated around the room. It was almost as good as coming home, and it allowed me to push all thoughts of my criminal tendencies aside. I played a few, perfunctory warm-up exercises then, skipping the scales, began to perform my favourite pieces. Old ones first, followed by all the new tunes I’d learned here at Waterside, including ‘The Sailor’s Hornpipe’. It was fun, but subconsciously I knew I was leading up to one special piece. At last I couldn’t hold out any longer. My fingers quivered as I began to play the love song that was haunting me. The first mellow notes filled the room and I let them carry me away.

  It was my best performance ever. The notes lifted me so high I felt I was flying. Colours and images swirled around me until I was satiated with happiness. I didn’t want the music to end. When I reached the final bars I started again, without so much as drawing breath or resting for a beat. By the end of my second rendition I was exhausted. I wanted to play on but physically I couldn’t take any more. The last note carried me back down to earth and, as it faded away, I bowed my head to savour the moment. I was too fuelled with adrenalin to stay still for long. My mind lifted the flute and sent it winging through the air. I made it spin above its velvet-lined case like a dancer. I twirled with it, balancing on one foot, until eventually I was too dizzy to carry on. I stopped spinning, then stilled the flute. I used my mind to ease the pieces carefully apart, making each piece turn a graceful somersault as I put it away.

  A slow clap sounded from the doorway. The final piece of the flute clattered into the box as I spun round.

  ‘V-e-r-r-y g-o-o-d,’ drawled Holly. ‘Very good indeed.’

  My chest was so tight that I couldn’t speak. I wanted to look away but it was impossible. Holly relished every second of my discomfort. The silence stretched between us until eventually she said, ‘Who are you? Or should I say, what exactly are you?’

  ‘A genius!’ Dan’s blonde head suddenly appeared behind Holly’s. He stepped around her and came into the room.

  ‘That was amazing. I only heard the end but it was brilliant.’

  ‘Thanks,’ I whispered.

  Dan didn’t seem to notice the tension in the room. The look he gave me was so intense it made me shiver. Holly’s blue eyes narrowed. My legs turned woolly with dread. One word from her could destroy my new happiness. I reached out to steady myself. Dan caught hold of my arm. ‘Are you okay?’

  ‘Yes, just dizzy, from playing.’

  ‘I’m not surprised. Come and sit down,’ Dan steered me towards a chair. ‘Would you like a glass of water?’

  ‘No, thanks. I’m fine, really.’

  Holly cleared her throat. ‘I’m so glad I came here early and heard you play. You were brilliant. It makes me wonder what other talents you might be hiding, Amber.’ There was a definite edge to her voice.

  I stared at the floor and wished I’d told Dan the truth. He was going to hate me, not just for my weirdness but for the secrets I had kept from him.

  Holly shot me a knowing smile. ‘Finally I’ve got what I came for. Now I’d best be off. I promised to call my dad. He loves to know what I’ve been up to. I must remember to tell him all about you, Amber! See you at breakfast.’

  ‘Yes.’ My voice came out in a croak. ‘See you later.’

  Holly sent me one last, triumphant look before she left. I stood up slowly. Why had she held back and not told Dan about me? What wa
s her plan? Not knowing felt even worse than if she had said something.

  ‘I’d better go too,’ I said.

  ‘Must you?’ Dan stepped closer. ‘I’ve been trying to get you alone for days. Anyone would think you’ve been avoiding me.’

  ‘Why would I do that?’ My words sounded hollow.

  ‘Oh, I don’t know. Maybe you thought that you were cramping my style?’ Dan paused. ‘I could have done with your company. Holly’s been driving me mad. She’s worse than a second shadow.’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘Really.’

  Dan leaned towards me. We were so close that our noses were almost touching. A tingle raced up my spine. Was he going to kiss me? He bent his head and I half closed my eyes. His lips stopped a millimetre from mine. There was a beat when neither of us breathed. A shadow crossed his face and slowly he drew back. He lifted his hand and pushed a strand of hair away from my face. His fingers brushed softly against my cheek.

  My face burned with longing. I wanted to grab his hand and keep it there. But I had no right to. Not until I’d told him the truth. I opened my mouth to begin. Then a strange thought came to me. Who was I hiding from? What if my past was so terrible that the accident had given me the perfect opportunity to hide? The words died on my lips. I stared at Dan and was suddenly unable to speak.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ he whispered. ‘I’m rushing things.’ He made it sound like a statement, but his eyes were asking a question.

  I remained silent. What could I say? Disappointment flickered across his face; he stepped back creating a distance between us. As if the past moments were of no significance, he asked casually, ‘How did you get in? Did Mum lend you a key?’

  I wanted to be honest with him. I really did. But the stakes were too high. ‘The building was open.’

  ‘That’s not possible. I locked up last night. I remember setting the alarm.’