Plain Jayne

by Hillary Manton Lodge

  “Know that you’re talented, funny, and a hard worker. You’ve earned my parents’ trust, and that’s not easy. Don’t base your self-worth on what your family has told you over the years.”

  Levi’s speech didn’t help the impending waterworks, and this time I couldn’t hide it. He frowned. “I’m sorry. Did I say something wrong?”

  I shook my head. “No. You said everything right, and it was one of the nicest things someone’s ever said to me. I’m sorry…”

  And the tears fell, despite the fact I’d apologized in advance.

  I slung my laptop bag over my shoulder. “I should go.”

  “Jayne—”

  Levi reached for my arm. The feel of his hand stopped me in my tracks. “Everything will be all right,” he said, and with the utmost care he caught one of my tears with his finger.

  And then, as far as I can tell, I kissed him.

  On the lips.

  It was just a little kiss, more like a brush. At least it started that way. It started as the tiniest nothing, but Levi wrapped his arm around my shoulder and the kiss deepened. I responded; he tasted like cookies and cream and smelled like cedar. My hands dug into his hair

  This is nice, I thought. I had stopped crying, focusing my attention on Levi and that moment until a single thought entered my consciousness.

  Shane.

  I stepped back, ending the kiss and disentangling myself from Levi’s inviting hold.

  I couldn’t make excuses—I had started it. Couldn’t apologize, because a kiss that good shouldn’t be apologized for.

  Levi looked at me, flushed and slightly stunned.

  There was nothing to say. I left as quickly as my feet could move.

  Hormones. I chalked it all up to hormones. If I thought about it, I remembered my monthly happiness should arrive next week, which would at least partially explain my erratic emotions and inexplicable behavior.

  I dug through my bag until I found my phone. I plugged in my headset and then pressed buttons until I found Gemma’s number.

  “How’s Amish country?” she asked when she picked up.

  “Not there yet. Driving. If I get there and I still have reception, I’ll tell you.”

  “You sound upset.”

  “I kissed someone.”

  “Oh.” She paused. “Really?”

  “Yes.”

  “Who? I’m guessing it wasn’t Shane, or it wouldn’t be newsworthy.”

  I winced. “Levi.”

  “The guy who drove your bike back?”

  “That one.”

  “Kim said he was cute.”

  “Gemma!”

  “What?”

  “You’re not supposed to encourage me!” I braked behind a slow truck. Why did trucks drive so slow when I was in crisis?

  “If he was ugly, I wouldn’t know what to say.”

  “It doesn’t matter if he’s ugly or cute, the problem is that he’s not Shane.”

  “True. Are you guys still together?”

  “Yes!”

  “Do you want to be together?”

  “Of course I do!”

  “Then why did you kiss Levi?”

  “I was emotional. He bought me ice cream…”

  “Right. That makes complete sense. I always kiss men after they buy me ice cream.”

  “Gemma!”

  “Our eyes lock over the mocha ripple, and I just can’t help myself.”

  “Be serious.”

  “No,” Gemma said, her voice turning serious, “you need to be serious with yourself. If you really like Levi, then maybe you should do something about it.”

  “But Shane—”

  “Probably doesn’t want to be with someone who’s into someone else.”

  “I’m a horrible person.”

  “Yes, you are.”

  “Thanks.”

  “I’m a horrible person too. That’s the story of being a sinner.”

  “Yeah, I know. I was at that church service too. I got the memo.”

  “You’ll make the right decision. Either way, you need to talk to Shane.” I sighed. “I know.”

  After the crazy afternoon I didn’t feel like a verbal sparring match with Shane. I drove back to the Burkholder farm, parking the car next to the buggy.

  A light drizzle coated my head and shoulders as I crossed the driveway to the small porch. When I opened the front door, I found the family in the living room, gathered around Gideon.

  Gideon looked pale. Martha looked worried.

  “Is everything all right?” I asked.

  “He’s having trouble breathing,” Sara answered.

  All my senses jumped to alertness. “Has this happened before?”

  Martha shook her head.

  “Gideon?” I asked. “Does your chest feel tight?”

  He shook his head. “It feels like Shoe is sitting on it.”

  “Same difference.” I looked at Martha. “We need to get him to a hospital. Now.”

  Chapter 15

  They say cell phones are best for emergencies, right? Ireached for mine and flipped it open. No service. “Why! Of all times—where is the phone?”

  Martha looked at me blankly. “The phone?”

  “We need to call an ambulance, Martha. Gideon needs medical assistance.”

  Gideon shook his head. “I’m certain…I’m certain it will pass.”

  Martha ignored her husband. “Couldn’t you just drive him in your car?”

  “They have access to equipment I don’t keep in my trunk. Where is the phone?”

  “In the shed,” Amos said, speaking up for the first time. “I’ll take you there.”

  I followed him out the door, around the house, and behind the barn. I felt as though I should pray. Hadn’t prayed for a while. Was I still allowed? Would God laugh at me?

  For the sake of Gideon’s life, I took the chance and asked for guidance and protection for the Burkholder family.

  The shed sat adjacent to the barn, looking more like a place for an out-house than a place to chat, which is probably why they didn’t. I lifted the receiver, relieved to hear a dial tone in my ear.

  Amos started walking back to the house. “Don’t go!” I said, as I dialed 9-1-1. “I need the address, and they may ask me things I don’t know.”

  He stayed, and it was a good thing. He gave me the street address, as well as Gideon’s age. The operator advised giving Gideon a tablet of aspirin to chew. I looked at Amos. “Does your family keep any aspirin?”

  He shook his head.

  “I have some in my bags—”

  Amos’ expression turned bewildered. I spoke again into the receiver, asking if it was necessary that I stay on the line.

  The operator asked a couple more questions about Gideon’s general health before clearing me to end the call. After hanging up, I strode back to the house, trying to remember where in my bags I’d packed the aspirin.

  “Why does he need aspirin?” Amos asked. “He doesn’t have a headache.”

  “Aspirin also thins the blood,” I said, not slowing. “I think your dad is having a heart attack, which means his blood is blocked and can’t get to his heart properly. Aspirin makes it easier for blood to reach the heart.”

  I quickly found a plastic bag of miscellaneous vitamins and painkillers in my room and fished out an aspirin. I took it downstairs and gave it to Gideon, telling him the 9-1-1 operator said to chew it.

  He must have started feeling worse, because he took the aspirin without an argument.

  The EMTs arrived in a blaze of flashing lights; Elizabeth began to whimper. Sara pulled her up into her arms and spoke softly to her in Dutch. We watched as the EMTs loaded Gideon onto a stretcher and fitted an oxygen mask over his face. After the ambulance doors closed, the driver told Martha she could follow them to the hospital.

  She turned to me. “Could you drive me?’

  Amos stepped forward. “Us. Could you drive us?”

  “Of course,” I said, pulling my ke
ys from my pocket.

  Following the ambulance was easy at first, but after a while—and several red lights I couldn’t run through—it disappeared into the darkness.

  I realized I had no idea where the hospital was. “Martha?” I asked. “Do you know how to get to the ER?”

  She nodded and proceeded to give me directions via landmarks.

  I really hate when women do this. Men give street names, direction, mileage, and everything short of GPS coordinates. Women tell you to turn left at the second garden gnome. But Martha’s husband was heading toward the hospital, fighting for his life, so I told my irritated self to hush up.

  As I had this conversation with myself, Amos interrupted. “Take Queen and turn left on Elm.”

  I thanked him.

  I pulled into the ER parking lot and performed what was not likely to be the best parking job of my life.

  Inside, the administrative staff informed us that Gideon was having tests done and we would be informed when we could see him, and that we could take a seat and the coffee dispensers were around the corner to the right.

  I stepped back. “That was a lot of hurry up and wait.”

  Martha frowned. “Hurry up and what?”

  “Don’t worry about it. Do either of you want coffee?”

  Amos nodded, and I offered to go and discover exactly how awful the hospital coffee was.

  Martha sagged against her son. “I need to sit down,” she said.

  “You both sit down,” I said. “I’ll find the coffee.”

  I followed the instructions and walked around the corner to the right. But the farther I walked the more I knew I needed to make a phone call.

  I needed to call Levi. He deserved to know his father was in the hospital.

  I passed the coffee station, not pulling out my phone until I’d walked down the hallway and found a second seating area.

  “Levi?” I said when he picked up.

  Oh, this was awkward…

  “Jayne? Are you all right? I’m sorry things got…out of hand—”

  “Your dad’s in the hospital,” I interrupted. “He had a heart attack.”

  “Is…is he okay?”

  “They’re running tests. We don’t know anything.”

  “Where are you?”

  “Past the coffee machines.”

  “At the hospital?”

  “Yes. Your mom and Amos are here.”

  “I’ll be over in ten minutes.”

  My eyes slid shut. I knew he would, but it didn’t make my life any easier.

  Just as he’d said, Levi rushed in like a windstorm ten minutes later. “Have they told you anything?” he asked, giving his mom a hug.

  She melted into him. “Tests. We know nothing but tests.”

  He gave her a squeeze and strode to the front desk. “I need to know how my father is doing.”

  “Name of patient?” The receptionist looked peeved. But then, maybe her face was just stuck that way.

  “Gideon Burkholder.”

  “He’s having tests.”

  “I know he’s having tests. I want to know if he’s stable or if he isn’t.”

  “I’ll need you to wait, sir.” She stood and disappeared behind a door.

  Levi sighed. “I should call Rebecca.”

  I frowned. “Who’s Rebecca?”

  “My sister. She and her husband live in Washington.” He reached for his cell phone. “She may not even answer. The phone is twenty feet from the house.”

  “Older? Younger?”

  “Younger. She’s between me and Amos.” He winced. “Come on, Bex, pick up. You could hear when any of us were in trouble. I don’t think your hearing’s changed.” He stood, leaning against the desk, head bent, clearly focused on the steady ring of the other line.

  After several moments he straightened so fast you’d think the receptionist had returned and zapped him. “Karl? It’s Levi—please don’t hang up. My father’s in the hospital, and I thought Rebecca would want to know. Thank you. I—” Levi sighed and closed the phone. “I should have had Amos call.”

  “Karl won’t talk to you?”

  “No. Rebecca will, but Karl…he’s just trying to protect his family.”

  “You did the right thing, letting her know.”

  “She has my number if she wants to call.” He shook his head as if trying to clear it.

  The receptionist chose that moment to return. “Your father is in stable but critical condition.”

  I tilted my head closer. “What does that mean?”

  The receptionist’s voice softened. “It means he’s not out of the woods just yet.”

  I finally went to get Amos his coffee. Retreated to the coffee is more like it. Now that I had—I shuddered to admit it—kissed Levi, a part of me worried that if I were in too close of a proximity to him, I might do it again.

  And that would be bad.

  First, because I was still in a relationship with Shane.

  Second, because we were in the hospital waiting to see if his father would live through the night. Not wildly appropriate timing.

  Around eleven, a person clad in hospital scrubs came and found us. I managed to tag along, pretending to be family. No one asked. I didn’t tell.

  A doctor met us in the hallway. “You’re Gideon’s family?”

  Again, I said nothing as Martha, Levi, and Amos nodded.

  “He’s currently stable,” the doctor said, “but he’ll need surgery. I put a call into the cardio unit in Corvallis, but they’re full. I recommend transport to OHSU. He needs a good cardiothoracic surgeon.”

  “Wait. What is this ‘OHSU’?” Martha’s face tightened in confusion.

  The doctor took a breath. “It’s the Oregon Health and Science University, ma’am.”

  “It’s a school?”

  “It’s a teaching hospital.”

  “What kind of surgery?” Levi interrupted.

  “Your father has severe coronary artery disease. That means there has been a significant buildup of plaque inside three of his arteries, blocking blood to his heart. I recommend a procedure called a coronary artery bypass graft, in which veins from his leg would be grafted to repair the damaged ones. It’s a kind of bypass procedure.”

  Levi shoved his hands in his pockets. “His chances without it?”

  “Difficult to speculate, but likely very poor. Medications can buy him time, but his chances of a second heart attack are greatly increased.”

  Martha’s face showed her anguish. “Is he comfortable?”

  The doctor nodded. “He is.”

  “Can we see him?”

  “Yes. He’s resting now, but it’s fine if he wakes up.”

  We all filed into the room.

  Gideon looked so small in the hospital bed. I’d heard people say that of their loved ones when they were unwell, but I had never witnessed it to be so true.

  Levi patted his mother on the back. “I’ll be outside,” he said.

  I followed a moment later.

  “Why did you leave?”

  Levi snorted. “Did you hear the doctor? He’s still at risk for a second attack. Heaven knows that if he woke up and saw me in the room, it could happen right here.”

  “He might want to see you. Near-death experiences change people. Things could be different.”

  He gave a rueful smile. “They might. But I want him to be healthy before I find out.”

  “Does your mom have the money for the surgery? It can’t be cheap.”

  “The Amish take care of their own. My parents have savings, and if that’s not enough, the community chips in. They’ll be fine.”

  “That’s nice.”

  “It is.”

  Martha stepped out a few minutes later. “He’ll be taken in an ambulance to the hospital in Portland. Tonight.” She wrung her hands. “I want to go with him, but…”

  “You can stay with me,” I said, a little surprised even as I offered. “My apartment isn’t that far from the OHSU ca
mpus.”

  “Amos needs to help maintain the farm,” she said, clearly thinking out loud. “My mother can come and stay with the younger ones for a few days.”

  “Did the doctor say how long his recovery time would be?” Levi asked.

  Martha shrugged. “Three days? Five? They don’t know exactly.”

  “Amos needs to get back, and you need to pack some clothes. We’ll drive to the house and go from there.” Levi pulled his keys from his pocket. “Would Sara want to go with you to Portland?”

  Martha considered it. “Yes, I’m sure she would.”

  I frowned. “Won’t Ida need Sara’s help with the children?”

  “My mother can handle the younger ones just fine. Naomi is nearby if she needs anything.”

  I wondered at Levi’s suggestion of taking Sara to Portland. Was he trying to encourage Sara to leave by giving her a taste of outside life?

  Martha took a deep breath. “I will say goodbye to Gideon and then we’ll go back to the house.”

  Her eyes looked watery, but her face was stoic. She knew as well as we did that if Gideon didn’t pull through the surgery, this could be the last time she saw him. I felt myself tear up too. I couldn’t comprehend what that must have been like for her. To be married to someone for as long as she’d been married to Gideon, and then to have everything change so quickly.

  A light squeeze on my arm redirected my thoughts. “How many people can your apartment hold?”

  I looked up at Levi, trying to figure out where his question led. “It’s only two bedrooms, but it’s fairly spacious. I was planning on giving Martha and Sara my room and taking the couch.”

  “I was just wondering,” he said. “I’d like to be there too, but I can always find a room somewhere.”

  An argument raged inside my head. Being with Levi could be…dangerous. Having him stay in my apartment could be…more dangerous. A part of me enjoyed having him near, hearing his opinion on things, having someone else around to be strong and practical. I worried I’d enjoy it too much.

  On the other hand, I did have room, and Martha and Sara would be there as well.

  His father was in the hospital. And it would only be a few days, max. Surely he couldn’t stay away from the shop for very long.