A Soldier's Valentine

by Jenna Mindel

  He nodded. They both heard the jingle of bells, and Zach made a move to leave.

  “I’ll see who it is. Eat your Danish.” Ginger hurried out and spotted Sally standing in the middle of Zach’s retail space. “So, what do you think?”

  Her previous landlord, mentor and friend smiled. “This is lovely, just lovely. He’s done a lot of work. Where is he?”

  “In the back.” Ginger thumbed toward her shop but then she felt Zach’s presence behind her.

  “Morning, Sally.” He stood right next to her and offered his hand to the elderly woman, brushing lightly against Ginger’s arm in the process.

  Did he have to stand so close?

  And Sally smiled as she shook Zach’s hand. “You two get along well, I see.”

  “Uh, yeah.” Zach spoke first. “Would you like the full tour?”

  “I’d love one, yes.” Sally grabbed Ginger’s hand and squeezed. “I’m so glad to see you are well, dear.”

  Ginger squeezed back. Well might be a relative term subject to interpretation considering the roller coaster of emotions she’d been on in the past twenty-four hours. “Thanks, Sally.”

  “And he’s a looker, too,” her dear friend whispered, only it was loud enough for Zach to hear.

  He cocked one eyebrow at her, waiting for a response.

  “Yes.” What else was Ginger supposed to say?

  Zach was indeed handsome, but after last night’s kiss that left her wanting more, and then his teaching her how to work with glass, she was in a bit of a tailspin. His invitation to work for him was tempting. But not all temptations were healthy.

  “Now, tell me how all this works.” Sally pointed to the furnaces and workbench.

  “Ginger can tell you while I wrap something for you.” Zach went to his counter and grabbed a wad of Bubble Wrap.

  Sally glanced at her with wide eyes. “You know all this?”

  Ginger felt her face heat, and she glared at Zach’s back. “Some. He showed me a few things about making glass...”

  She didn’t admit that it was last night. Instead she launched into a quick explanation of the process. Gathering the hot glass from the main furnace, rolling it on that tabletop called a marver to pick up colored chips, back in to gather more glass, then blow or shape.

  Sally’s smile grew wider. “I see. You seem to like this glasswork.”

  Ginger’s cheeks blazed even hotter. Sally saw too much, and the more Ginger tried to hide her feelings, the more they rose to the surface. “I guess I do.”

  “Sally, come pick out a vase to take.” Zach opened the annealing oven where the vases they’d made stood proud and pretty.

  Ginger was never so glad for Zach’s interruption.

  “Oh, my.” Sally inched closer and pointed. “I’ll take that blue one. Blue’s my favorite color, you know.”

  “Nice. I’m partial to red, these days.” Zach gave her a wink.

  And Ginger wanted to disappear. Captain Zach certainly knew how to flirt when he wanted to. And she didn’t want him flirting with her in front of Sally. The woman already had ideas in her head about them and might spread that around town. But then, hadn’t he made a show of it at the chamber meeting?

  Something she’d wanted for real?

  She clenched and unclenched her fists while Zach gently wrapped the vase and slipped it into a bag and handed it over to Sally. The bells on his entrance door jingled again as a couple of customers ambled inside, stamping their boots and brushing off snow that fell in fat flakes.

  Sally patted Zach’s hand. “Thank you. I’ll let you get back to work. Ginger, shall we have tea?”

  Ginger nodded, glad to escape but afraid of what Sally might think. “Of course. And I have your favorite doughnuts, too.”

  “Oh, good.”

  “Don’t forget to show Sally the vase you made,” Zach said.

  “Will do.” Ginger couldn’t get back to her side fast enough. “What kind of tea would you like? I have this spicy new chai blend.”

  “No, no, plain black tea, please. But show me this vase first.”

  Ginger grabbed the vase she’d made with Zach. She had purchased a bundle of red, pink and white carnations from the florist after picking up doughnuts at the bakery. “Right here.”

  “Oh, Ginger, that’s beautiful.”

  “A little lopsided, but Zach said it was a decent effort.”

  “Honey, he cares for you.”

  Ginger coughed. “What?”

  Sally touched the twisted vase of red, pink and clear glass. “Why else would he show you how to do this?”

  Because he wants me to work for him. Ginger shrugged. “Because I asked him to.”

  Sally nodded with a knowing smile. “Well, it’s good to know you’re in good hands here.”

  He raised the rent. But Ginger wouldn’t tell Sally that, either. She’d only worry. “Yup. Good hands.”

  “Now show me this new tea. Is it selling?”

  “So far, but I bought it for Valentine’s Day. I hope to sell gift baskets.”

  “And what about your window? Do you have any ideas for the contest?”

  “I’m working on it.” But Ginger was stumped.

  “Maybe Zach will help.”

  “Yes.” She handed Sally a cup of plain tea and the honeypot. Ginger didn’t tell her about their window deal. Sally might blab to her friend June, and Ginger really didn’t want the whole town to know that.

  Sally patted Ginger’s hand. “You always make up such nice displays. You’ll do fine.”

  “Thanks.”

  But Ginger wasn’t so sure. A romantic theme was much tougher than a Christmas display. At least, for her. She’d always feared falling for someone. Afraid she’d give up control in her life. Afraid she’d find nothing but heartache and rejection.

  Digging deep for a window display contest dredged up all those fears because Ginger was afraid to showcase her girlish dreams. Because some dreams never came true.

  * * *

  By the end of the day, Ginger wanted to give up on window ideas and settle for the usual hearts and arrows. Walking to the front of her shop, she stared at the expanse of glass. People bundled in their winter best walked by outside as snowflakes swirled in the fading light of day.

  She glanced at the vase she’d made with Zach, now filled with that cheerful bouquet of carnations. She’d stared at that flower-filled vase all day. If she went to work for Zach, would she really learn the whole art of glassblowing? Or would he keep her tied to the cash register and waiting on customers?

  Thinking of those flowers, so perfect for Valentine’s Day, Ginger wanted that simple perfection for her window. And Zach’s. But how? What decorations would suit them both?

  “What do you see out there?” Zach’s deep voice rumbled from behind her.

  He’d been busy today, and that meant she’d been busy, too, helping with his customers. His offer to work for him nagged like a sore tooth, throbbing with interest. She couldn’t muster the courage to ask if he was serious. Asking meant she’d considered it.

  Working for Zach might be an easy way out of her financial struggles, but it was also the quitter’s way out. She’d trade one set of headaches for another. What if Zach’s nightmares took over until he couldn’t function? Was that possible? He’d planted the thoughts about going “postal,” and that worry had taken root even if it never bloomed.

  Nope, Ginger knew what to expect with her own set of problems.

  She let out a frustrated sigh. “That’s the trouble, I can’t see anything good. Not good enough to win, anyway.”

  He stood next to her, arms folded, and stared out on to Main Street, as well. “Bring out what’s in your heart.”

  Ginger laughed, but it sounded bitter even
to her ears. “Nothing romantic in there.”

  “Come on.” He looked at her.

  She recalled their brief kiss. Looking back, it wasn’t much of a romantic kiss. Not really. He’d kissed her to shut her up, and she’d only started to kiss him back when he ended it.

  Yup, Captain Zach was a regular Prince Charming.

  And that was wish-filled thinking.

  Just like this newfound desire to make glass. With him.

  Ginger placed her hands on her hips and faced him. “Okay, smarty-pants, what’s in your heart?”

  Zach gave her that half smile. “Icicles and Novocain.”

  She searched his face. Sure, he joked, but the sad thing was maybe he was right. She imagined that he’d had to numb his feelings pretty good to do what he’d had to while deployed. Once frozen, did emotions ever really thaw?

  “Then it’s no wonder you’re no help.”

  He shrugged. “Don’t worry. You know what this town will want to see.”

  “Yeah, maybe.”

  “Hey, I gotta run out to my parents’ place. See you tomorrow.”

  “Sure thing.” Ginger gave him a wave, but her attention remained fixed on the window. She had only a week to figure it out.

  * * *

  Sunday morning, Zach entered the sanctuary of Ginger’s church with his brother Matthew, Annie and her baby. He and Matthew found seats in the back, and Zach stood closest to the side aisle where he wouldn’t be boxed in. He could view the entire room, including all the exits. The church was medium-sized and old, with long wooden pews and tall clear windows topped with stained glass. Nice. Definitely not too formal.

  He spotted Ginger on the platform wearing a soft-looking dress that was neither brown nor gray but a mix of both. It kissed her curves as well as the top of those high-heeled boots.

  She saw him and smiled.

  His pulse picked up speed.

  She stood between a woman and a man, and they sang while a small band played a simple chorus. He knew the words and joined in but stopped when the baby started to fuss.

  Annie made her way by him and then headed for the nursery.

  He gave his brother a curious look.

  Matthew leaned and whispered, “He’s hungry again.”

  Zach chuckled. The kid was a tank. One that ran through fuel like water.

  Matthew and Annie had been late picking him up, and that was a good thing. With the song service already started, he didn’t have to mill around in the foyer and meet a bunch of people. Ginger would have been the one introducing him, too, and that would have looked too much as if they were together.

  Which shouldn’t matter because he’d found himself considering that more times than not. The past couple of days she’d helped him way more than he’d expected. Not only waiting on his customers, but after hours she’d helped with the hot work. She’d held some large custom pieces while he made adjustments.

  Eager to learn the basics, Friday night she’d assisted him in making dozens of small glass hearts and replicas of her vase in preparation for Valentine’s Day.

  He’d incorporated the odd twist she’d accidentally created into the center of some larger heart ornaments. Ginger had been surprised by that, as if she still didn’t believe that he liked the effect. He’d already told her he didn’t bother with words that were not true. What he hadn’t said was that she wasted her talent in a dying tea shop.

  Another song ended. It had been a contemplative tune and Ginger opened her eyes and stared right at him. Through him. He didn’t look away. Keeping a friendly distance was getting tougher. They saw each other every day during business hours, and now that bled into after-hours work, as well. Friends would never cut it.

  He didn’t want to be her friend.

  But romance came with a high price. He’d have to let himself feel, and that made him vulnerable—to disappointment, to anger and loss. He didn’t want to pursue her only to lose her in the end because he could share only so much of himself, could feel only so much. There were times when he wanted silence, times when he sat staring at nothing. Was it fair to pursue a woman so full of life, when deep down, he believed he shouldn’t be alive?

  Zach made it through the next couple of worship songs that were simple choruses he knew well. He had sung many over the years at various church services. But when the next song started, he didn’t recognize the tune. It started out fine, referencing all the reasons to bless the Lord’s name.

  But then the haunting melody took over and the band stopped playing, leaving only the piano until that guy stopped playing, too. The voices of everyone in that sanctuary blended together and the volume rose. The purity of sound and genuine emotion hit him hard. A combination of worship and need, nothing was held back. Nothing numbed or ignored.

  And God was right there in the midst of such terrible honesty.

  Zach felt the hot stab of conviction. His conscience tore at his heart, slicing that organ to shreds. Ginger’s voice, along with those of the other two singers, was lost in the gathering of sound and spirit lit with cleansing fire. He didn’t want to listen. Didn’t want to feel the tugging on his heart to open up.

  He jiggled his leg and clutched the edge of the pew in front of him. Jesus.

  Zach begged for calm but found none. Iron sharpened iron and God wasn’t knocking lightly. Like after waking from a nightmare, Zach’s breathing came hard, so he sat down. If he could shut down, maybe block it all out, he’d be fine, but it took everything he had to keep his butt in the pew.

  He leaned forward. Resting his elbows on his knees, Zach closed his eyes and prayed. Hard.

  But it hurt. This wrestling within his soul.

  Gripping his hands together, he felt something like tearing within him and nearly cried out. The door to his heart had grown rusted shut, and it felt as if God used a crowbar to get in there. Gritting his teeth until his jaw ached, Zach started to shake. All over and uncontrollably.

  He felt his brother’s hand on his shoulder.

  Matthew squeezed hard. “It’s okay, man.”

  But it wasn’t.

  Might never be.

  Zach was going to lose it.

  He stood, grateful the other parishioners had remained standing and were too lost in the song to notice him. But just before he hit the aisle, he connected with a pair of wide brown eyes.

  Ginger looked scared.

  He was scared, too. Horrified that he might crumble into a bawling mess. That was a place no soldier wanted to go. Especially in public.

  He got out of there as quickly and quietly as he could. Once outside, he booked it across the parking lot, into the field beyond, and fell to his knees. He slammed his bare fists into a frozen chunk of piled snow. Two more times, he punched the icy snowbank until the cold burned his knuckles and the crunchy crust scraped his skin.

  Spent, he hung his head and cried.

  * * *

  After watching Zach hightail it out of church, tears poured down Ginger’s face. She thought she’d heard something from outside, a sound so raw and painful it had made her cry. Was that Zach? Or the swirling crows cawing in the trees beyond the window? Those sorrowful bird calls tugged at her heart, too. As if something or someone had died.

  The song ended and she glanced at Matthew, but his head was down. No doubt, praying for his brother.

  Would Zach come back?

  What should she do if he did? Even worse, what if he didn’t? Should she sit in her usual spot or go outside and try to help? What had happened and what could she really do about it?

  Her pastor grabbed the microphone and gave announcements, signaling the end of the worship service.

  Stepping off the platform, Ginger spotted Annie slipping into the pew next to Matthew while she cradled her sleeping infant. He whispered so
mething in her ear, and Annie looked deeply concerned.

  Oh, no. Maybe Zach had flipped out.

  Ginger sat down in her normal front side pew and grabbed her purse. She mopped her face with a couple of tissues and prayed, but her sorrow turned into fear when Zach still hadn’t returned by the time the offering had been taken. Was Zach dealing with a flashback or something?

  Would he hurt himself?

  She suddenly felt sick.

  And then reason took over. Okay, Zach might be short-tempered, but she didn’t believe he was a violent man. But by greeting time, Ginger could stand it no longer. She popped up and quickly headed for the back of the church. She’d run outside if she had to.

  Suddenly, Zach entered through the push doors from the foyer. He looked calm enough, but his hair was damp, as if maybe he’d washed his face in a hurry.

  Ginger stopped and stared.

  He looked back for what seemed like minutes when it couldn’t be more than a few seconds. His eyes looked a little red, but he gave her one of his half smiles.

  Her knees threatened to give out in relief. Her eyes burned with another round of tears threatening to fall, and she went to him.

  “Don’t,” he warned.

  She sniffed and nodded. This might be the place, but it wasn’t the time. Not for Zach.

  The pastor was at the podium again, asking them all to return to their seats for a quick hymn before the message.

  Zach headed for his place at the back pew.

  And Ginger stood frozen, watching him slap Matthew’s back as if nothing out of the ordinary had taken place. As though he hadn’t left church as if the building was on fire. Helpless, she stood still, her feet refusing to move.

  He looked up and caught her gaze. His blue eyes were fierce and focused. Whatever had happened, Zach was back in control. He scooted over in the pew, causing Matthew and Annie to do the same. He patted the spot next to him. He’d made room for her and expected her to obey his simple command to sit.